February 1, 2016

Well, it's not a new chapter.

Hahaha. I have updated the cover for the story after so long. Because of a contest, I have had to fully dye my hair orange and yesterday, I got a haircut that I had been dying to get for a couple of months now but couldn't because of the same contest. But yeah, my hair went from tickling my ass to barely covering my boobs, to give you an idea. Honestly, I like my hair waaaayyy shorter. Anyway, the pic I used for this cover is a selfie I did a couple hours ago. Fun fact, the only editing done to the picture is adding the text. Yes, that is basically a raw image with text slapped above it. When I took the pic, it was on timer (because I'm usually shy when it comes to asking people to take a picture of me or because they take shit pictures of me) so I had to focus it and run into position for that perfect "Tumblr-y" but I had screwed up the focus because my pet rabbit decided to chew on my sneakers and tickle me so the pic came out the way it did and I actually liked it, so now it's the new cover. 

If y'all want real-time updates on Chris Ramirez or if you want to know how the author of Chris Ramirez goes about her daily life and comes up with some of the crazy shit that Chris does, then follow her on twitter: @unlawfullyjoii. (Third person bc I am awesome) No really tho, I'm like a really funny/punny person and I'm really awesome like you wouldn't believe some of the things that happen to me sometimes. I'm not fishing for followers, I just don't want people to miss out on my weird adventures. OKAY. BYE. ENJOY THE NEW COVER BC I KNOW I DO. <3

-Lulu

 

January 8, 2016

My deepest apologies.

For a while now, I've been dealing with a lot of really shitty things. To put it simply, my boyfriend broke up with me ("It's because I don't want to hurt you more than I already have") told me that we should be friends and then basically treat me even more like crap. And that's all before 2015 ended, hunnies. (He broke up with me on the day I saw Mockingjay Part Two. Asshole, right? It was November 20, seven days after his birthday.) Eh. Fuck him. I've talked about it with a certain friend and he told me that we both should focus our attention on making an old lady club for puppy lovers, since they're better than human beings. Anyway, I'm doing by best to give him hell, probably my lowest was writing "Black nigga" on his schoolbook that I had found outside my teacher's office while I was getting a couple of documents for the class.

Again, I apologize for the huge delay of this chapter, it's just that everything has been going so fast and I barely have time to breathe nowadays. When he broke up with me, I went into a depressive phase and couldn't get my shit together until yesterday. During the phase, I did do a little writing but they were kind of sad and confusing. This chapter of Chris is a little weird but eehh. It's the best I can do. Maybe I'll be better next chapter. I'm sorry.

-Louie

August 12, 2015

I CAN'T SLEEP!

I'm supposed to be asleep but I'm not. It's three in the morning and my midterms are today and I have not studied as well as I should.

Anyway, Chapter 16 is up and I don't know why I suddenly jumped out of bed while watching a movie called Enough Said which is about a woman in her mid-30’s or 40’s who finds a man whose about the same age and basically, I learned about how I should be more sensitive to my boyfriend’s feelings when I lovingly insult him.

Haha. Unfortunately, it made me miss him more. ‘Cause unlike me, he studies and he wants to have good grades and to top the Nursing Board Exam in four years so he can go to a good Med school and what that means is that I won’t see or hear much from him until Monday next week because he’s going to be drowning in school books. 

Next, I woke Percy, my editor up and and told him I finished the chapter and he gave it a quick read and sent me the new cover for CRTC. Okay, so once you read the 16th chapter, you're going to understand the cover. The cover is a personal selfie I took during a trip to the tailor so I could get my instructor uniform made and the sunlight hit my hair the right way which is why it;s kind of orange-y and cute and was totally not planned at all. So Percy saw it and told me it would make a great new cover so I didn't argue and yeah. New cover, yay! I think that's all. I'll update as soon as I'm coherent enough. ;_;

-Louie

July 23, 2015

So. I'm not single anymore. Hurray to that.

Anyway, Chapter fifteen is up with the title, 'The Karaoke King' which is so fucking fantastic and probably a better chapter than the one before it because it involves drinking and doesn't rely on movie references as much as the last chapter did. I hope you like it. :3

-Louie

 

June 13, 2015  

It's the day after Independence Day.

I apologize if any of you think that chapter fourteen was probably not worth the long wait and I am totally fine with that. Honestly, I feel like it's a really crap chapter and I would love to rewrite a bit of it. Especially the part with the Gayle Forman books because that was like the separation point where I stopped writing. Again, I'm sorry but that doesn't mean you're all not getting away with the two reviews per chapter rule. Muahahaha. I'm sorry. I'm still not going to update until the quota has been filled. :P

Also, I'd love to tell you all that I've been extremely single for almost two months now and I feel totally fine so if any of my silent readers out there are going through a break-up, I just want to say it gets infinitely better once you realize that sometimes that other person didn't really mean as much as you thought they did. I mean, after I broke up with him (Putting that out there for clarity. I broke up with him. Not the other way around, just in case any of my internet friends see this.)  I scored highest for my college interview, received recognition as a freshman student to be watched (in a good way.), got recommended as an APEC ambassador, I also got elected as Chairperson of my class (And because of that, I am now an ex-officio member of the student organization for my major), Auditor for my Curriculum, Director for Professional Development for my University's Rotaract club, and a really good student. But that's just me. If you wanna mope around and show your ex that you're a sorry little creature that can't stand back up, then fine with me. It's your life. 

But with jackass exes, you just want to show them that you're probably the best thing that ever happened to them and probably something that they'll wish they didn't force to become the villain in the break-up. Like really. 

And the reason as to why I just said what I said was because that's the theme of my new story which is still in the works and currently untitled. Basically, it's just me pouring out my feelings into a story and giving back to my ex by making him a vile creature in it. :D 

Besiiiiiideees, there's this guy who's been interested in me for a very long time and has only just become a man and is now making his feelings known. What's funny is that he used to be the butt of my friendzone jokes. He's studying to be a nurse and his department building is on the other side of the campus and yet he's always made time to see me. The creepy little bugger. So now, if I ever decide to run for University Student Council, I'm going to get a lot of votes from the Nursing and Political Science department. But that's four years from now. :P

I'm getting way off topic. Chapter fifteen is currently being written and from what I've written so far, it's probably be going to be a cooling down chapter because now, we get Markus back! Yay! Markus! Oh how we all miss him!

-Louie ;)

 

 

June 8, 2015

There, I did it.

Chapter Fourteen is up and readable. Y'all should be glad I'm in such a good mood after the University Orientation at school! I got insanely productive the moment my father set up my computer and booted it up. At the moment, my laptop had to be replaced because of a factory defect which meant that publishing was delayed by a lot. I'm sorry for that. 

But either way, enjoy the humorous shit I pulled out of my ass and posted on the internet. (I mean that in the nicest way possible.)

-Louie

June 3, 2015

Please don't kill me.

I know I've been really quiet these past two months but you cannot blame me in anyway. Y'alls can blame my father for taking my computer for "updating and upgrading" purposes when I went away for training and you can also blame Red Cross and my university for my inactivity and inability to write new stories. That organization has kept me on my toes for most of the summer and let me tell you I lost a lotta weight (which I gained back, thankfully.) and gained a lot of Facebook friend requests and I got really popular over the summer. And don't get me started on university. Trust me.

Also, I'd like to inform all of you that someone has finally reviewed/commented for you all and you may all now expect the chapter to be published as soon as my computer is fixed. WAIT. WHAT!?! Yes, that's right. Despite the fact that the review is finally there, there is still the small factor of my computer having stayed at my father's apartment for the entire summer and thus rendering me unable to finish the next chapter. 

And hey, more good news! Your girl just got her schedule for the semester and it's looking pretty spacious. Aside from my tutoring kids every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and my club activities, I will have a helluva lot of time to crunch up on some stories. But don't get your pretty little heads in a tizzy. I've made a goal for myself in college and that is to graduate with honors and my family expects me to do just that so I HAVE to actually start studying this year. *sob*

-Louie ;)

 

March 27, 2015

ONE MORE DAY UNTIL GRADUATION!!!!

Alright ninnies, so far, I've gotten to 1,279 words into chapter fourteen and yeah. I'm honestly waiting for that one review. So because I'm such a lenient bastard who just realized (like while typing this) that graduation is tomorrow and that the feeling of it is sinking in, I'm going to strike a deal with you. ANY review you write for ANY of my stories will count as a review for CRTC. So if y'all are tired of waiting for a goddamn new Chris Ramirez chapter but too lazy to comment (and want to read something that's not as gut-bustingly funny but still adorable,) you should read my newest story, Muffin Strangers.

Muffin Strangers is the new name of Strangers Over Coffee and, according to the people who have read it, it's some sort of cutesy break-up/revenge/romance story. Again, it's about this 25 year-old accountant Adam and is told in the perspective of (surprise! surprise!) a girl! A girl whose name isn't used until five pages in! Isn't that great? Yeah. Anyway, YA GIRL IS LEAVING THE HALLS OF HIGH SCHOOL AND HEADING FOR THE HALLS THAT TEACH THE PHILIPPINE CONSTITUTION IN EXTREMELY DETAILED DEPTH AND THE POLITICAL HISTORY OF THE COUNTRY SHE LIVES IN! DOESN'T THAT SOUND EXCITING!?!

Also, Percy finally conceded on asking for my help and my opinion on colors and fixed the color problem with the cover! :3

-Louie <3

 

 

March 15, 2015

Well well well. 

Percy finally got around to making a new cover as well as making a placeholder cover for my upcoming new story/possible new series called Strangers Over Coffee. It's a cute story about two break-upees and them getting over their exes and it's kind of different from Chris Ramirez because first of all, the girl is a little bit more normal and the guy is like, seven years older than her and is a boring old accountant. So yeah. I'll probably post it on either March 18 (because that's how old the girl is) or March 25 (because that's how old the guy is.) So, if you guys are a little bit tired of the usual Chrissy Ramirez-y stuff, you can kick back with a little bit of loving from Adam Vibrante. :3 (Fun Fact: Adam is Filipino! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH)

Next order of business, starting today, Chris Ramirez: Suddenly Mommy will be no more. Today shall mark the birth of the new title, Chris Ramirez: Teenage Crazy. Anyway, the new cover is still a little off in terms of colors but Percy is working on it and with both our graduations coming up in thirteen days, we're both a little cray cray busy with grad practices and college stuff to deal with plus he's a little behind with a lot of his class projects because the dink thought he could do all of them in one night. XD

So yeah. I'm still waiting for that one comment before I publish the next chapter.

Love you!

-Louie (/ﾟДﾟ)/

 

 

February 28, 2015 (Evening)

So while I was editing a story I'd discovered something that would most likely make a lot of you hate me.

I'm changing the name of series. I know, I said that I wasn't going to change it but the plot is just getting too Chris-like and doesn't mention Chris' metamorphosis into a mom of sorts! A few minutes ago, I had discovered a text file for all of the chapter titles of the series so far, plus the plot and the characters and at the bottom of the file was a note that suggested two new names for the series. Chris Ramirez: Teenage Crazy and Chris Ramirez: The Eagle Dream (because America= Eagles).

And because Eagle Dream just makes me sound like some crazy Rome-obsessed writer or Falcon LoverXxx (whatshisface), the new name for the series is Chris Ramirez: Teenage Crazy. 

If any of you have noticed that the series summary has changed a few times over the past few months, let me explain. 

As the story developed, the chapters just seemed to have a mind of its own and so did my writing. I drifted farther and farther from my original plot and ultimately ended up with a plot conflict. And like what it said in my update a few weeks ago, I had the struggle of either changing the title or the entire story plot. And I did change the story plot. But I also wrote down those two name suggestions just in case I fell into a situation like this. And the latest chapter drifted even farther from the title and I decided to finally just change the title. So now, we can all be dapper friends and say goodbye to CRSM and hello to CRTC. 

I know it doesn't have the same ring to it and you're all welcome to continue calling it CRSM.

I also cannot change the title until Percy makes the new cover with the new title so... yeah... 

Kbye.

-Louie ¯\(°_o)/¯

February 28, 2015 (Morning)

Tis the last day of the month!

Only 29 more days until I graduate high school! Woohoo! Oh I'm not updating because of a new chapter alert! I'm updating because Percy got to editing a new cover for CRSM! If any of you are wondering, the picture that was used is mine and was taken at the top of the ferris wheel and the feet in the picture are my own. It was taken two days ago, when the school carnival started and one of my good friends asked me to ride the ferris wheel with him because he wanted to conquer his fear of them. Twas probably the best ride ever. His second ride on the ferris wheel however... almost made me puke! Seriously! You try being on a ferris wheel for twenty minutes with the speed and direction changing every few seconds! And let's not forget about the German cheese franks waffle I ate beforehand! My friend took a video of the experience and might post it. Eh. 

Anyway, Percy says that the cover may be temporary because he's still trying to figure out how to get the colors right. To him, the colors of the title still need a little work so... yeah. Watch out for a better cover, although I doubt it. Percy's just a little perfection prat. 

-Louie

 

February 20, 2015

Xin nian kuai le da jia!

It's Chinese New Year so despite the fact that Chinese new year doesn't mean a new CRSM chapter, it does mean that all you readers better get to making yourselves known because Markus and I have officially decided to not publish the next chapter until two comments are made for chapter 13. So if you want more Chris action, better get to typin! And you don't even have to do much work! You already have Tib writing one comment so it's not going to be that bad, right?

Also, guys! It's not like Chris is my only story! If your cup of tea is romance and humor and go ahead and drink up a bit of Kain Delo's specially formulated bullshit. ;) 

I honestly recommend Breakfast, Fortune Cookie Monday, Patricke and The Windowsill.

I think that's all. 

-Louie

 

February 14, 2015 (12:05 am)

Happy Valentine day!

Just so you know, Chapter thirteen is up. Like, just now. XD I just finished writing it and stuff so yeah, there are probably going to be a few errors but I'll beta as soon as possible. Anyway, a little backstory for the chapter:

While I was typing it up (a few hours ago), a friend of mine was getting harassed by this other girl who is now dating her ex. So being the valiant best acca-bitch friend ever, I helped my ho out on Twitter. But yeah, if you want to look for anyone to thank for a new chapter, it's the beeyotch that harassed my friend on Twitter because without that Twitter interference, I probably would not have been able to type out the chapter.

To get you guys giggling like idiots, let me share with you something that happened last year during Valentines day.

THE DUDE I LIKED GAVE ME MY FIRST ROSE EVER A YEAR AGO TODAY. AT THAT POINT WE WERE JUST FRIENDS AND WE NEVER DID WORK OUT BUT EH. HE WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED AS THE FIRST GUY WHO GAVE ME A ROSE. DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE GAVE IT TO ME AS A FRIEND. LIKE HONESTLY, I WAS BLUSHING AND SHIT LIKE THAT AND MY FRIEND (FROM EARLIER) WAS SQUEALING AND LET ME TELL YOU SON, THAT GIRL NEVER SQUEALS.

Message to all ye singles who be lookin': Feareth not. You'll get there soon. But for now, eat some pizza! Live a little! Don't change yourself for anyone but you, okay? Because that never ever works. Be you. So if you want the entire box of pizza to eat, including the box, then go right ahead. Fuck the person who thinks you're disgusting. If they like you, they fucking like you, okay? So for now, eat up and #ChrisRamirez.

Anyway, now, a year later, I'm happily dating someone who I believe is perfect for me. Eight months and going strong, baby. #SS

-Louie

 

February 3, 2015

I'm ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVEEEEEEEEE

Wassup guys? So I know what you're thinking, "It this going to be like last time and I had to wait four months to get another chapter?" Just so we're clear, it's not. You only have half a month to a month of wait for a chapter or two! That's right! I finally got out of my effed up depression phase and wrote a really random and really Chris plot outline today while my Economics teacher was giving us the silent treatment for being bad students! And then I rewrote the plot outline in Chinese class and wrote one excerpt for the chapter (Those who have read it actually enjoyed it and have asked for my account on a certain other website to read the entire story!) I also wrote a haiku conversation that involves Chris and dreaded math. 

If you didn't know already, I like to make Haikus when I don't have anything to answer in math class. I've gotten really good at haiku-ing. XD 

Also, a review in the last chapter made me think about the pretty little plot in my head and made me realize that my title was completely irrelevant to the story. So, while my classmates in Chinese were writing in their chok bun po, I was debating on whether I was going to change the title or the story plot. In the end, I decided to change the plot because CRSM is always going to be CRSM to you, the readers and to me. So, I've made a lot of important decisions regarding the story and the plot and I promise we'll get to the drama soon. Just bear with me. Who knows, with all the humor going on, the drama might have been happening in the background without you noticing. ;)

-Louie

 

January 9, 2015

Click the link, you know you want to. Trust me, it's Chris Ramirez related. XD 

http://kaintayonangdelmonte.tumblr.com/post/107600080775/i-legit-had-no-idea-you-could-actually-make-this

Anyway, I have some really bad news for you all. I have two months of school to go before I graduate and I might not be able to write the next chapter for a while. Because I live in the Philippines, the next two months will be cramped with so many celebrations you would cry along with me if you knew what I was about to go through starting next week. There's Dinagyang, Kasadyahan, Chinese New Year, the National Achievement Test, prom, Red Cross duties, yearbook club pictorials (this is important because I'm in a lot of clubs. XD) , NAT reviews, CAT and a bunch of other shit and I don't think I can cope with it all. XD But hey, because I got my grades up by a lot, that means I don't get my techy stuff taken away and that means there might actually be a CRSM^13 soon. Just, idk. 

-Louie

 

December 27, 2014

Wassupp? Merry not Christmas anymore! Chapter 12 has been up for a few days naoo and I have to go to the dentist. XD

-Louie

 

December 21, 2014

Hey there! As promised, here is a link to a scan of what I wanted to happen in Chapter Eleven. I know. XD Enjoooooyy.

http://kaintayonangdelmonte.tumblr.com/post/105770129475/oh-look-its-the-plot-for-chapter-11-and-12

-Louie

December 9, 2014

So, the next chapter is up.

-Louie

 

November 16, 2014

Okay, so I'm 600 words into How to America and well, hopefully it's going to be worth the wait for you guys because for the first time ever, I've outlined the plot of this chapter AND the next one. Like really, all I have to do now is type everything out while occasionally glancing at the paper just so I'm nsync (lol) with what I wrote and stuff. Be prepared to hear a few Filipino jokes here and there.

I've also decided to make a blog of random oneshots of people in the Chris Ramirez world just being themselves. The blog with mainly be composed of stories that I write while I'm at school (because that's where I make a lot of my better stories. XD). The thing is, I'm such a lazy person who hates typing so most of the stories will be scans. Yes, you people will get to see my handwriting. (My really effed up handwriting) But I won't be posting a link to the blog until it has at least three stories in it. XD Watch out for it and #ChrisRamirez

​-Louie

 

November 9, 2014

Heyyyy there!

So my cover maker friend and I have finally gotten around to changing the cover for #ChrisRamirez as well as for Fortune Cookie Monday. As you can see, the covers for all of my stories are now actual pictures. Pictures that I take and Percy modifies.  Percy's been getting into a new phase of his where he's like, "LET ME USE THE COOL PICTURES YOU TAKE, BIATCH." And I'm like, "K." Anyway, let me explain how the covermaking process went.

Yesterday, I was in the province visiting my goddaughter (Yes, I have one of those) and I had a massive headache so I decided to stay in the car and text people. 

Percy: Dude, we need a picture for the new cover.
Me: I don't have my camera with me, man. I just brought my crappola phone.
Percy: I don't care. You're in the province, take a picture, I'll play around with it to make it look better.
Me: K

And then I went ahead and took several pictures of me making the peace sign showing the scenery. (In the cover, you can see a black chicken in the background. Hahahaha) That picture was taken from inside the car, while I was sitting on the edge because my brain was hurting too much from the blasted heat. Anyway, when I sent him the picture, he was like, "Okay, do you want me to use the same fonts and stuff?" And I was like, "Yeah. K" And the rest is history. Whereas with the Fortune Cookie Monday cover, practically no editing was made. I took it with my grandfathers phone, which is waaay better than mine, and had this feature on it to make the picture look cool. Really, all Percy did was put gradient stuff and the title. Hahaha. Kbye

-Louie

November 6, 2014

Hi guys!

I apologize for the delay of the next chapter. Semestral break is over. As in completely O.V.E.R and it's back to the classroom and learning derivatives and parabolas I can't ever use with the degree I'm going to get. Hahaha. The next chapter is called "How to America" and it's basically going to bring back another character we haven't seen in a looooooong time. It's not going to be Gabrielle, that's for sure. Here's a hint: It's not Markus. It's possibly someone a lot of you ship Chris with. The name has letters in it. And you know this person's last name. :3 I think that's it for that.

Updates are going to start slowing down again. Christmas break comes right after my exams and I'm supposed to be able to juggle schoolwork with practice for a character impersonation contest that I signed up for. Haha. Wish me luck. I'll be impersonating one of my favorite characters ever! And get this, she's based on an actual person! It's the one, THE ONLY, THE AMAZING MARIA FROM THE SOUND OF MUSIC! Awwwyyyeeeeaaaah biatches. I'm going to be singing songs from one of the most iconic movies ever! (Despite the fact that I can't hit the notes like Maria because I suck. Hahaha)

Yeah. Anyway, please stick around for Chapter HOW TO AMERICA.

-Louie

October 27, 2014

Hallo! 

Chapter ten is up!

-Louie

October 26, 2014

Hi guys!

I'm sorry it took so long for me to update CRSM and I would like to blame school for that! (Refer to Chapter nine's A/N) XD Anyway, for those of you who would like to know about story updates and other weird things can follow the hashtag #ChrisRamirez on Twitter. I would use hyperlinks so you guys won't have that much of a hard time looking for it but SparkaTale doesn't have that option like Fictionpress. XD

Anyway, all tweets with the hashtag #ChrisRamirez from the user @louiedeweirdo are official tweets from my personal account. I'm also going to try and use another hashtag for when I'm working on my other stories. Possibly something cool like #Louiestro (Maestro Louie because daymmm son. It's sounded cool when I thought of it in the shower. XD)

Anyway, I was thinking of using this as an updates thread. 

I have decided. This will be an updates thread. 'Tis official!

-Louie

ambassador,

2: Meet Chris

"Alright, we all know how irresponsible you students are." I smiled. This Miss Ribe seems like a pretty cool woman. Get yourself together, Chris. Open the damn door.

"Which is why I would like you all to-" It's now or never. My fingers grasped the door and turned the knob.

"Who's this?" Miss Ribe chirped again as all eyes turned on me.

"I'm uhh... I'm errr... I'm... Chris Ramirez. The uhh... new student from A-As-Asia." I drawled out. Dude, you could seriously have done better than that.

"Ahh yes, alright then. Drag your ass to an empty chair at the back so I can continue my class." Woohoo for pricky teachers. Wow. Not that many chairs.

I made my way over to the chair beside this loner dude and sat down.

"Wait, if you're from Asia, why don't you look Chinese or something?" Said this guy from the first row as he looked at me. Hot dang. He's got some nice eyebrows. Oh god. That's sexy as hell.

"Well, I'm from the uhh, Philippines. Which is in South East Asia. I err, not everyone who lives in Asia have squinty eyes b-but, I d-did study Chinese for about two years while I was there." I flushed out. Why the fudge are his eyebrows for fudging enticing?

"As I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted, I would like you all to pair up, that includes you, Markus," Miss Ribe pointed to the boy beside me. Wow, cool name. "now that our class is an even number, and collect a baby from the box at the back to take care of."

Ahh yes. The old taking care of the baby project. How better could this day get? My first day in a non-Asian school and I'm finally getting to do one of the things I've only dreamed about.

"Since none of you are doing anything, I might as well group you myself." And with a click of her pen, Miss Ribe started pairing us up.

"Simmons and Paulson." Groans ensued. I wondered why...

"Why do you teachers keep pairing the both of them up? It's unfair. You pair up the smartest girl with the hottest guy like they're canon like, all the time. It's annoying." Whined a girl that looks a lot like a clown with her stupid makeup.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did she just say ‘hottest guy’? Seriously? Damn. He is hot.

Laughter filled the classroom. Did I say that out loud? Way to go, idiot.

I look at Markus beside me and even he was laughing beneath his hoodie.

"Alright then," giggled Miss Ribe. "To appease all of you, I'm pairing up Ramirez and Paulson."

Aaaaaand cue the groans. Damnit.

"Shut your yapping. Ramirez, Paulson get your doll."

I scurried to the other side of the room where the box and my partner was.

"Hey. So, for the record, I'm not interested in you, umm, Paulson." I said. Way to break the ice.

"Ok? Hi I'm Jason Paulson. Resident hottie and Minecrafter." He extended his hand and I shook it.

"Wait. You play Minecraft? My god. This day has gone from good to weird to great."

"I'm guessing you're a player of said game too?" He chuckled. Wow dude. Those are some seriously great chords.

"Definitely. I used to play it with my friend a lot before I moved here." And then it hit me. I missed my buddies back in the old country.

My feels. They hurt so bad.

"Hey, cool. So what other games do you play?" Jason asked.

"Well, I'm not the one for COD, that's for sure. I prefer games like Skyrim and Diablo and and Starcraft. Yeah, Starcraft." Staaaaaaaaaarrrcraaaaaaaaft. It's been a long time since I played. Well I guess I'll be busy after class.

"I have no idea what Starcraft is, in all honesty. But I do know Skyrim and a little bit of Diablo. Which installment are you familiar with? I'm staying true to the second one."

"I have to say, I'm quite a fan of the second installment myself."

"Well Chris, looks like you've met your first friend here at Greene Academy. The strictest school in the universe.

"I doubt that. My old school was way stricter. Our skirts were longer and you have to be like, the hall monitor during break times and stuff once a week."

"That's rough." He doesn't even know the half of it.

As I was reminiscing my life in old country, flashes of my old friends, my old house...

"So, which one of these are we gonna pick?" He asked, snapping me out of my previously said reverie.

"Hey, this one looks cool." He added, picking up a, baby alive. What the hell.

"Yeah, it looks like the one I bought four years ago..."

"For a relative?" Jason asked.

"Nah. I bought one for myself. Don't give me that look. It was cool at the time and it did earn me popularity points." I snapped back teasingly.

"Okay then, you're pretty weird. So yeah, we'll be taking this baby alive. I'll hold on to her for now, you go ahead and continue your great first day." And with that, I was staring at his back as he went back to his seat with jocks.

Typical. Duh! Chris, how could you not realize that guys as hot as that sit with the jocks? And you call yourself observant.

So as I returned to my seat, my phone started to vibrate.

It was a message from my aunt. Geez. Way to motivate not texting in class.

"Your -ehem- friend sent you a message on Facebook, I'll send it as soon as you reply to this text. I'm not even going to bother asking why... You just... owe me. A lot. -_-"

What friend? Oh holey shit. Oh right. I forgot all about Gabrielle and it only took me thirty minutes to do so. What kind of best friend am I? Seriously.

I unlocked my phone and replied to my aunts message. Four seconds later, my phone vibrated again.

"Hey there, stupid. I was just thinking about you. ;) So, I was thinking, maybe the next time you come by my house, maybe just maybe you... could... FUDGING REMEMBER TO BRING PIZZA, ALRIGHT? Ya hear me from all the way over there? Yes, that's right. Don't ever bother talking to me without a pizza box on hand. AND IT BETTER BE GREENWHICH.

Oh and Xlawsteu is doing great, in case you're wondering. Why did you even name your dog Xlawsteu anyway? Nobody is ever going to take him seriously. And one more thing, I got a message from HIM! He finally replied to me. And guess what? He's willing to meet up! He so seriously believes it's me he's going to meet and not you. So, he said the park, tomorrow at six am. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, BITCH!?

It fudging means you two are finally going to be together. So don't blow it, okay? And don't say anything that may remotely creep him out. P.S., he goes to your school. ;) XOXO"

My heart, oh god. Calm the fudge down, drummer boy. I'm only meeting a guy who's been ignoring my entire existence since he moved. Oh god. Oh God. Shit. Now that psyched me out. Whoa there, princess, get your brain back to class.

As I looked back up at the board, I see Jason looking at me and I avert his gaze by looking at the pretty landscape outside the window when I see, "Markus" staring at me intensely with his brown eyes that I had just noticed. Oh wow. Another fail.

I turned my head towards Markus and look at him, as if asking why he was looking at me.

He looked towards Miss Ribe and threw me a piece of paper, which landed on my desk. On the top was my name, "Christy-Anne Q. Ramirez." How the heifer does this guy know my name, my full fudging name!?

I unfolded the paper and started to read.

"Do not be alarmed. My sister is your aunt’s co-worker. She, your aunt, called this morning, asking for me to show you around. She mailed my sister your schedule. We have the first four classes together, including study hall and two classes in the afternoon. Meaning I'll be with you most of the day. Which also means that it would probably mean social suicide on the first day. If you don't want to be stuck with a guy like me for a guide then, it's alright. I'm used to being alone. You can go ask someone else. I'm pretty sure you'll fit in. Well, that's all I have to say."

I looked at the guy beside me. Is he for real? I may want to hang out with popular people but that doesn't mean I'd ever pass up the opportunity to learn the ropes from a lurker. Heh. That's funny. Markus is a torivor from the Beyond. That's cool, I guess.

I took my pen from my back and started to write at the back of the paper.

"Dude. Chill. As much as I would like to hang out with bimbo's and jocks, I would gladly get to know the school more. So, I guess that means we'll have to socialize a lot. I hope you don't mind my huge ass mouth and pitchy voice since I tend to blab a lot. And I also would like to apologize in advance if I ever creep you out with my weirdness and stuff. See you after class. :3"

And with that, I flung him back the letter.

3: Library Call

Two seconds before classes ended, I started to stare at Markus. He seemed so silent; I've been thinking that he might be mute the whole class. Well that's a first. I smile, remembering how there was no one like that back at my old school. Or the schools before that...

When the bell did ring, I shot straight out of my chair and right in front of Markus, my back to Jason and the doll.

"Alright Markus, let's get this show on the road!" I said. Such a wonderful way to shock a lurker and make him drop his expensive looking phone.

"Oh my dude. I am so sorry. Did he survive the crash?"

Markus looked at me and grinned. I never thought lurkers could grin...

"It's alright, really. I'm getting a new one next week anyway." He replied. Picking up the phone and pocketing it. Oh. MY. GLOB. If Jason had amazing vocal chords, Markus has the most sultry voice I've ever heard. What. the. hell.

"So, shall we?" He said as he stood up and extended his hand towards the door.

"We shall." I grin back at him and lead the way until I get to the other side of the door and see a load of people running and walking around to their next class.

"Markus? A little help here?" I said as I turned back towards my guide.

"Thought you could handle the intensity." He replied, grinning again. Gahd. That grin is so beautiful.

Markus then went in front of me and started walking, but after about twenty steps, we got yielded by this dude in a tie and shirt. He must be the principalio. Meh. I love mixing English with Italian and Tagalog. Brian, if my memory serves me right, calls it... "ItLog" or something. Oh Brian, I miss you so much, buddy.

"Ah, Miss Ramirez," The dude said, totally ignoring my obvious companion. "I see you've met mister Markus. Well then. I guess my assistance won't be needed." He turned to Lurky and looked him in the eye. "Markus, you're excused from the rest of your days classes to show miss Ramirez around the school and teach her the school rules and ropes. Alright?"

From the corner of my eye I see Markus gulping and nodding. "As you were..." Scary dude said as he sauntered off after handing us permits to roam the hallways.

"And, badum tss you're stuck with me whether you like it or not." Markus stated as the bell rang, signifying the start of the next class.

"Yep. And the first thing I want you to show me is the school library, Lurky." Markus looked at me like I was some alien. HOLY SHIRE. I just called him...

"Before I take you there, why did you just call me Lurky?" Markus asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Well you know... p-people... you're uhh... s-silent and umm... I t-thought like maybe... you w-were a t-torivor from t-the Bey-Beyond..." I stammered out.

"You mean like in that book by Brandon Mull? That's hilarious but I'll go with that. Because I'm not much of a talker as you are much of a stutterer? Alrighty, to the library we go. And for the record, if this were Beyonders, I'd be Rachel and you'd be... I'll think about who you are while we walk."

Holey shite, this ain't no library, this is the fudging Repository of Learning, and Maumet isn't even around to spoil the fun. I know where I'm spending my free time...

"So tell me Chris, do you really speak Chinese?" Markus asked. No Bilbo, Sherlock.

"Do you really want a demonstration, Inspector?" I answer, hoping to the high heavens he's say no.

"On second thought, no. I might as well tell you the library has wifi. It's pretty rare that the principal hands out a pass to skip class so, I might as well use this opportunity to finish my math homework." He eyed like a puppy asking for treats.

"Nu-uh, Rachel. I may be Asian but that doesn't mean I'm good at math. I had to get a tutor for the goddamn subject. Handle it yourself, I have a skype call to make."

I pulled out my headphones and tablet and connected myself to the beautifully fast internet connection and checked to see which of my gaming buddies were online. I sent a message to one of them named Peter, asking to connect me to their skype call, if they were having another group discussion. Luckily, about two minutes later, I get a call.

"Hey there stupid. How's it going?" Asked Peter, how I miss his voice.

"Doing good, hustler. How's the fort holding up?" I replied.

"Well, your boyfriend seems to be alright cheating on you." Peter said, I heard 'ooh's' in the background. It must be Fix and Xi. Funny ass names, I know.

"Pete, for the last time, Brian is not my boyfriend. He's my former classmate, ultimate best ala friendo and nothing else. You hear me?" I sighed. Sometimes, I wish Dinah were still around. That girl could steal the limelight from me just by breathing.

"Whatever you say, Stupid." Fix added.

"So, how's your first day at that weird ass new school, Chrissy?" Brian said, joining the call.

"Bri, the people here are cool. I'm actually supposed to be toured around right now but my guide forgot to do his Algebra assignment." I looked around and saw that no one was in the section of the library I was in and casually removed the headphones.

"Why not do it for him, Stupid. Your step mom didn't hire expensive professors to teach you advanced everything for nothing, you know. And the least you can do for the guy is do his homework since he's missing class because of you." Ahhh Brian, such a brilliantly kind hearted man that I sometimes regret ever befriending.

"Are you aware that he can hear you?" I answered back.

"How can we when you're the only person in the whole chat who's cam is off? It's been six months since we last saw your face anywhere. You can't possibly have turned any uglier." Xi remarked, scoffing as he did.

"Trust me, I'm ugly alright."

"She's not. I'm looking at her right now. The guys from our first class said she was hot." Markus said. I so seriously want to throttle him at the moment.

"Why did you say that?" I asked him.

"Do my homework and I'll shut up, Sweetheart." No way. Did he seriously just pull a Haymitch Abernathy on me? It Is On, Muthafudge hater.

Amused sounds came from my tablet as the guys were all excited to hear what happens next.

"If I do your homework, will you promise me that you won't ever tell them about what I look like?" I whispered to his ear.

"Sure, now go answer some problems, Asian." I really want to throttle him now. God, kill me.

He took the tablet from my hands and started introducing himself to the guys while I slaved away solving for X and Y. How in hell does he find this in any way hard? These are all waaaay too easy.

Well, I guess this is why Asians are all supposed to excel in America, right?

"C'mon dude. Turn on the camera. She won't mind one bit. We haven't seen our little girl since she was a wee lass six months ago." Peter insisted. Markus might as well cave in and show the guys how much I've lost weight since the last time they saw me.

"There. Your homework is done. Now, I would really like to talk to my bitches please." I pleaded.

"You hear that, men? She called us her bitches. Get the fuck out, Chrissy. We're having a manly discussion here." Brian said. Sometimes, I wish he were Female...

"Shut up, Brian. Don't make me tell..." I threatened.

"You wouldn't." Brian gasped.

"She got you good, Bri." Said Peter.

"Lol, you're a dead man, Brian." Added Xi.

"I might as well plan your funeral..." Exclaimed Fix. Daym these guys are good.

"Am I missing anything?" Markus said, his face filled with confusion.

"Yes, yes you are, Markus. Now please be a dear and show me around the school, yes?" I said sweetly. Sometimes, I wonder...

"So soon?" Asked Xi.

"Yep. You, my little epicly awesome dears have school tomorrow and it's like, eleven over there. Bri. Your curfew is at nine, correct?" I didn't even give them a chance to answer, I ended the call and packed my stuff.

4: Marvin Troupe

"Alright, Ramirez. Spill. Why don't you want your friends to know what you look like?" Markus asked as we walked out the library.

Why does he have to catch on fast? "It's none of your business."I snapped back. Geez, is silence not an obvious gesture of discomfort in this country?

"Fine, I'll wait for you to trust me enough. But until then, I guess I should probably assume that you had plastic surgery before you moved here." Markus shrugged, leading me to the greenery I could only assume was a courtyard.

"Assume what you like. All I'm saying is that I'm far too poor to afford plastic surgery that either way my grandfather would disapprove of." I reply. Damn this reminds me of... him.

Markus stared at me as if he was going to devour my body and invade my soul. That is way el creepo right there, no doubt about it.

"Fine. Before I moved here, I was a little fat, alright? I had chubby cheeks that made people think I was a kid, and my and arms thighs were all flabby but for some reason, I never had a problem with my stomach. Anyway, here's a picture." I said, opening my bag and showing him a picture of me six months ago, a week after I moved in with my aunt.

"Hot diggity. Are you sure this is you? Because you totally look like..." Markus drawled, suddenly staring off in the distance. A hurrah for the dum dum please.

"Like who, Lurky?" Is it possible for him to be... but why would he undergo a name change? That's impossible.

It took him a while to answer. Around the same time it took use to get to the courtyard, which was a bit far. Dang the dude must've been thinking deep thoughts. If only I could read them...

"And over here, we have the courtyard, where most kids eat lunch and just chill."

"Did it seriously take you ten minutes to make that up, Genius? We may not have stuff like that back at my old school but I sure saw them in movies." I reply almost snarkily. Way to be mean, stupid.

"Alright then, since you know what this is, then maybe I should show you the best hiding places where you can spy on the populars." He said, motioning for me to come closer.

"We need to get those populars a new name. How about Marvin? It's inconspicuous and I love that name." I said, following him to one of the cool-looking mahogany trees.

"True. So, from this tree, I call him Yokai by the way, you can easily listen in on a lot of conversations if you climb the right height and ease up the right way." Markus blabbed as he put down his awesome-looking backpack.

Within seconds he was up and out of sight in the large tree. I so need to learn how to do that.

I walked around the tree and still no Markus. Did he teleport. Geez, thanks for leaving me behind, Lurky.

"Hey Ramirez, your ass, I need it up here with beside mine. And could you throw my bag up? Lunch is about to start for the Paulson crew and they're gonna have it right here." Dear god. He was not kidding when he meant well hidden. If he didn't want to be seen, he couldn't. That's genius!

I scurried up as fast as I could to where he was sitting after I threw his bag up and no sooner than I had plunked my sexy posterior on one of the sturdy branches, the lunch bell rang

"Just in time, Ramirez, just in time..." he murmured, looking at the ground. What the hell are you thinking about, Lurky?

"So, when they get here, you're gonna want to be quiet. You'll most likely be the subject today." Markus pointed out.

Five minutes later, Jason Paulson and a few other people parked their keisters under the tree.

"Have you guys seen the new kid?" A skanky-looking girl asked.

Am I supposed to be happy that they all know me or scared that they might criticise me? Let's go with the former. It seems much less of a possibility.

"She seems nice and and it doesn't hurt that she's got a great ass." Jason, my fake baby daddy, chirped in.

I have a great ass? I looked over at Markus and saw that he was silently laughing his ass off. What a geezer.

"I'm with you on that note, Jace." His friend said while high fiving Jason.

If I wasn't supposed to be hiding from these people I'd probably be punching the daylights out of them.

"Oh please, that bitch must've got plastic surgery. There is no way an ass like that could be natural." A girl with heavy makeup said.

Markus must have known I wanted to drop-kick that whore because next thing I knew, his hands were around my waist and stopping me from falling.

He breathed into my ear and spoke, "Whoa there, Princess. Take a deep breathe. I don't need anyone knowing my hideout."

My heart skipped a beat. This is too movie-esque to be true.

"Ohmigosh. Guess what Jan texted me!" The girl said again, looking up from her phone.

Not even waiting for a reply, she continued. "Apparently, Ethan is gay. And he's going to ask Josh out. We have to be there for poor Josh, you guys. We can't let that gay idiot taint our friend!"

The Marvin troupe then collected their things and went off to "support" their "poor" friend.

Markus let out a sigh and jumped down as soon as they were out of sight.

"That... was close." He said. No duh genius.

"So let's go on with the tour. All they even talked about was my ass. Geezus." I said.

Soon enough, we had ended up laughing our butt cheeks off on the school roof.

"So you just sat there while your friend spilled spirit of ammonia on that poor kids wound?"

I just nodded. "I didn't know what she was doing and Kyle was busy crushing ice for the ice pack!" I defended.

"You just suck at first aid, man. How were you even president of your schools Red Cross club?" Oh god. Don't even get me started.

"Well, we decided on a democratic approach and I knew most of the student body. So yeah, they voted for me." I shrugged. Hey, it's true!

Markus was about to say something when his phone rang. He excused himself and I was all alone in the panoramic rooftop overlooking the beautiful town with the wind whipping my face.

The view was exhilarating

When he came back, we continued the tour of the school and when we were finished, it was last period and we were waiting for his ride, talking about the books we've read in the past.

"No way! You've read I am Number Four too!?!" He exclaims, his eyes widening and his pouty lips forming an 'o' in shock.

I shrugged. What can I say? James Frey made me want to be an alien. "I have to admit, I finished the entire series. PLUS novellas." I reply, hoping he isn't one of those people who reads the book right before the movie premieres.

"Me too! Damnit, Chris, you are one hardcore girl! It's a miracle you aren't one of those stuck-up girls who read books to impress people. Or impress people in general."

Before I could reply, the simultaneous honks from two different cars signified the end of our conversation. Recognizing the sound, I knew it was my aunt and quite possibly, Markus' sister's car. I looked Markus beside me but only to be greeted by an empty space of where he used to be. I raise my head to the cars again and realize he's walking towards it.

God, I'm such a bird-brain. How did I not hear him stand up?

I shake my head and follow him, running to catch up. When we reached the cars, my aunt walks out and so does Markus' sister.

"Oh my stars! So this is your niece, Shelley. She seems absolutely terrific! She even got Markus to smile!" His sister said, squealing as she did. She turned her head towards Markus, "Oh don't think I didn't see that, buddy. I saw, I definitely did!"

I turned to my aunt and she dismissed my glance, proceeding to say her goodbye to her friend as I walked over to Markus who was already inside the car with the seatbelt in place and nodded.

I leaned down to level myself with him, the car window lowered so we could talk. "We're gonna be here a while. If you're tired you can go ahead and wait for your aunt in the car. These two," he points towards my aunt and his sister, "aren't finishing anytime soon."

I nod, turn my back on him and straighten myself, realizing how tired I really am. It's not like I ran a movie marathon, so why the hell am I so tired!?!

Before I could walk away, Markus grabbed my already sweaty palms and pulled me so close that his lips were almost kissing my ear.

"Oh and, by the way, you do have a great ass. Just saying." He whispered, making me fall in love with his vocal chords even more. Gah. I cannot even describe how hot his voice makes me. It's just ah.

And before I could react, his lips touch my cheek and I am released from his grasp to stagger towards my aunts Forrester.

5: Blood Orange Day

The blaring sounds of “I’m not your Boyfriend, Baby” of 3OH!3 blared from my phone dock started to play and as usual, by the chorus, my eyes fluttered open and stared at the ceiling to gather my bearings while the song played, as was tradition.

Fifteen minutes after, I was dressed in what my old school would call distasteful. A red pleated skirt that ended an inch above my knees with matching mainstream gray knee-high socks, a too-white polo shirt with sleeves up until my wrists or as Peter would call it, the perfect way to hide evidences of cutting, a black and yellow-striped necktie that looks like it could be the next bumblebee sticking out of the ugly sweater vest that looked like a skinned mole and a maroon blazer that looked like it was made and preserved from ancient history.

Back in the Philippines, we had short-sleeved white polo shirts with a breast pocket on the right side with the school logo stitched to it with the shirt tucked under the long blue skirt that ended four inches below the knee with white ankle-length socks to compliment the year-round summer weather. The perks of living in a tropical country, I tell you. The nonperks, I must confess are having to witness people wearing skimpy outfits whenever the sun was out, which was basically every day. Especially the people who don’t exactly have the “body” to pull off the clothes. Yech.

Again my alarm blared, telling silly ole me that I had ten minutes to get to the park where I was supposed to meet HIM. I don’t even know why I agreed to move in with my aunt. This is ridiculous. Why do I even bother sometimes? A tiny voice in my head is telling me I bother with it because fuck everything else that goes with common as fuck knowledge. I’m not over him yet.

A screech from downstairs rudely interrupts my soliloquy and I am reminded of my pre-arranged engagement before school, to which I grab my bag and race down the stairs for. The moment my foot touched the landing or rather landed on it, my aunt poked her head from the kitchen and asked if I wanted anything before I left, knowing that I needed about three minutes to get to the meeting place.

She shrugged and threw me my lunch money, making me love her even more. Her utter disregard for my health was probably a sign of bad guardianship but it was also a sign of trust. Just because as I was starting my elementary years, I never ate breakfast because I was always late for school and the habit stuck up until now, even though I am almost always, except when I over-estimate time, early.

Walking out the door, I felt the chill of the morning air and gods was it hellishly cold. Wait. That makes no sense. Hell is supposedly like a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, hot place so why in hell should ‘hellishly cold’ make any se- oof.

I probably should pay more attention to my steps rather than sentences falling apart on themselves for being counterproductive. Shit. I broke Mrs. Gardenia’s garden gnome. Oh god. She is going to kill me.

I pick up the now broken supposedly guardian of the garden and protector of petunias and hurriedly and unceremoniously dump it into the trash bin. Hopefully the garbage trucks notice the gnome before Mrs. Gardenia.

With that out of the way, I check my phone and realize I only have four minutes to get to the park and start to run. Damn the fact that I’m going be all sweaty when I meet HIM. Wait. I don’t. Actually, I don’t have to meet him at precisely six. That’d be creepy. Using a leisurely pace would be acceptable. He is the guy in this. Having decided this, I slow down and take really dainty steps.

Everything was fine up until this rude-ass biker yelled at me to get out of the way. Like any sane person, I pushed myself to the not street side of the sidewalk and hoped for the best. Well I’d never! If I died because I was trampled over by a bike I would never hear the end of it. Pretty sure I'd float up to heaven with bike tracks all over me. This was a sidewalk if I moved out of the way I’d be run over by a car, damnit. What's up with him? I guess he forgot to take his dino vitamins after breakfast. 

When I got to the park, the first thing I see is red. Every. Single. Person here was wearing red or something closely related to red. Like Blood Orange. Geez. When did everyone decide to color-coordinate their outfits? Hello? This isn't a Radio Rebel moment, people. This is real life. And in real life, all of you have just made my life a zillion times harder. To Tartarus' man area with you all! How the hell am I supposed to find HIM now? Gah.

I collapse on the nearest bench, letting my bag sit on my lap and tucking my head into it, not caring if it ruins the bangs I oh-so-carefully straightened to perfection and screamed. The bag better have muffled my scream or we'd have a problem, ladies and mentlegen.

After the third one, I felt a tap on my shoulder. "If you're here to mug me, you're not doing a good job, man." I say, raising my head to face the shoulder tapper, secretly wishing it was my Fairy godmother.

"Gabr- Chris!?" The voice replied. My eyes shot open and I looked at the speaker. Oh shiiiiit. I hastily took out my phone as the guy looked in shock. Yep, it's HIM alright. Cheeks that make you think of chipmunks, hair that looked too perfect and the school uniform. Did I mention that he looked hot in the uniform? No? Well he does. And boy is he smoking.

"Hey there Will! Old buddy of mine. How's it hanging?" I ask, hopefully pulling him back to earth. Hopefully.

"Y-you set me up! You and Gabrielle set me up! God. What is wrong with you?" Will countered, sounding pretty mad as he walked away.

Dear glaze nuts. Why is he mad? Shit.

I run after him when I realize I have no idea how to get to school.

As soon as about a meter near him, "I can hear you, Chris! Stop following me!" Will yelled, not bothering to face me.

I wince. I needed him. God. Suck up your gut, Chris. You need this guy. "I-I don't know how to get to school. I-I was ho-hoping you and I could walk together." I confessed, staring at the cobblestone path in embarrassment.

I didn't realize he stopped power walking until my head slammed into his hard chest. "What is that chest made of? Cement? I could've gotten a concussion, you know."

Nothing could have prepared me for his laughter. It's been years since I heard him talk and yet it seems like nothing has changed in his laughter. My cheeks blushed deeply. What was so funny that made him forget about being angry with me? Is a squirrel hitching a ride on my backpack? Please not this again.

When he recovered, his handsome smile disappeared and his scowl came back from vacation. "You haven't changed a bit, Chris."

I stared at him, pursing my lips which in turn made my cheeks puff up in an annoyed way. Like that one time when my former English Teacher and Extemporaneous speaking coach asked me how I could make a stand when I couldn't stand, taking a petty jab at my mere 49 inches of height.

"I'm sorry I got mad. I... got into a fight with one of my friends before coming here to meet with you or should I say Gabrielle. I thought I was coming here to meet my good friend and her present for me. Not my second grade sort-of girlfriend." He explained. Well, that made sense, I guess. But it's still unacceptable what he did.

"What about not accepting my facebook requests?" I pried, still trying to look annoyed and apparently failing.

"It was weird. The last time we talked it was about high school musical, Chris. It was in second grade. It would have felt weird if you were randomly part of my life again."

"I can live with that. Now about your present, well... It's in my bag but it kinda got messed up when I got here. I'll give it to you when we get to school." His agreeing nod made me think that we were friends again as we started to walk to school in silence.

Halfway there, Will stopped walking for some reason and started to look around for something. I wonder if he needs to piss. 

"Shit." He muttered under his breath as he retreated to a nearby tree. Curious and confused, I followed him. This better be good, Will. I am missing time to ask a certain Lurky why he kissed me on the cheek, yesterday.

Great. I reminded myself about it. Gatsby gods, why!?! Why in hell did he kiss me? 

Before the gods could answer, Will was pulling me behind the tree with him. "What's the big deal, man!?!" I asked, tearing my arm off him.

He buried his face into his right hand and took a deep breath. Is he having problems breathing? Shit. Shit. Is he going to faint? Fuck. I forgot my kit at home. Oh my god. Will, don't faint. I can't carry you. "See that girl with the prada bag?" He said after about a minute of intense breathing exercise that was long enough to make me have a heart attack from panicking.

I peeked from the tree to see three girls in prada bags, two were wearing the school uniform and the other one was wearing a dress that was too short for church. "Which one? I see three fine ass ladies and I have no idea which one you hooked up with." I joked.

"The one who's most likely to hook up with me, Chris." He deadpanned, returning to his former activity, breathing.

"Did you get her pregnant, Will? That's disgusting. Oh my god. I can't even look at you right now. Will, what the fuck?"

He looked at me with these really judging eyes and lightly slapped my cheek. The one not kissed by Lurky, by the way. "No Chris. I just hooked up with her and she... god. It'd just be so embarrassing if I walked to school with you, Chris. Shit travels fast and from the text I got, you seem to be the talk of the town with your," he hesitates, staring at me like he's afraid I'm going to kill him and puts his hands up to form quotation marks, "great ass." He finishes. 

My pursed lips reformed to make another 'o' shape as I took in what was just spoken. No offense America, but why the hell are your teenagers talking about me and my butt?

Before I could even fathom what else Will was talking about with his sexy mouth, I hear a distinguishable shuffle of shoes and a drop of a familiar phone. "Chris? What are you doing making out with a Marvin?" Markus' voice asked, making me turn away from Will to stare right at the single cananga odorata he was holding in his right hand. 

I tilted my head at him, confused and then I realized that Will was pinning me to the tree and his face was inches away from mine.

6: Somewhat Attractive

I push Will away from me, all flustered like I just did the do and turned to face Markus. "H-hey there, Lurky! I-it's not what you think. W-Will was hiding from another Marvin. Right Will?" I turned to the chicken puss in question and the bastard looked like he would during a calculus exam. Befuddled.

I stared at him a bit more and tapped his shoulder. "Well it was nice seeing you, Will." You useless asshole. So much for being my soul mate. 

I hesitantly linked my arms with Markus and pulled him towards school to leave Will alone to do his thing. 

"So..." he started, still clutching the flower. Poor thing, suffering in the hands of a torivor. 

"So..." I mimicked, completely at a loss for words. 

Sweet lip balm, I just met the guy and now I'm basically dragging him to school after he mistook the tree-thing with Will AND I have no guts to ask him about the incident from yesterday. What is wrong with me?

After about five minutes of purely pregnant silence, I decide to break the ice. "Who are the flowers for?" I perused, making sure to shove my face in front of his like I was all up in his business, which I was.

His eyes darted from the ground to me in a split as he tried to hide the odorata behind his pants. When he knew he couldn't deny it, he sighed loudly and smiled at me sadly. "It was for you. Your aunt mentioned that they reminded you of home so I thought it would be a nice welcoming gift." I raised my brow and he sighed again. "And I was hoping if you'd like to get know know more abo- You know what? Fuck the rules. I don't wanna get friendzoned again. I'll just say it. I like you. You're a pretty cool girl. You read the same books I do, you have weird friends and you're somewhat attractive." He confessed. Mother of mothballs, what!?

I dig the first two but that last one? Oh he is not getting away with this. "I am not somewhat attractive, you donut! I am plenty attractive, mind you. And from what a little birdie told me, people have been calling my ass great." 

His face contorted with shock and then amusement. It is on like donkey kong, Markus. Yeah, that's it Mark, laugh. Laugh until I tackle you to the ground and rip your beautiful lips from your face.

"What's so funny?" I asked. It's too early in the morning for this, damnit. 

Markus shrugged and probably took my outburst as a positive response because he's tugging my bag off of me to shoulder along with his backpack.

My cheeks redden as he did so. I don't believe any guy has done that for me. I can't stand to look at him and his cheeky smile. Oh my god. I turn to my left and gaze at the platanus occidentalis in their glory. The reddish brown wood looked amazing, fitting with the chilly morning air and the slightly comfortable silence the both of us have fallen into. The thin bark plates looking like a beautiful abstract painting, with the sun shining just enough light for a beautiful ambience, that one would buy for about a bajillion dollars or something.
 

We passed houses on our way to the school, houses with well-tended gardens. I could tell, because the flowers were all in bloom and the bushes were lush and the grass was greener than me after riding a rollercoaster. The way Markus took the lead, makes me assume he knew I had no idea where to go The blush on my cheeks reddening even more as this thought comes to me. I guess I was lost in thought for a moment too long because the next instant, we were nearing the school's great iron-wrought fence and it's wide arch bearing the school's name and motto came into view.

Greene Academy
"Aim not to make greatness but to have goodness"

As I was lost in my own world, I didn't realize that he'd stopped walking or that nobody was loitering around the school yet. His fingers enclosed mine to halt me from going any further. I turned to face him but the only thing I saw was the ylang ylang flower from earlier. It smelled as beautiful as I remembered it. As beautiful as when I first discovered it when I was biking with Brian and he made me crash into one. I still haven't punched him for that one. Damn.

I smiled at him and took it. Smelling it a bit more, breathing in it's beautiful scent. Then I took my bag from him and led him to the courtyard. Once there, I motioned for him to climb up the tree from yesterday, which he did, hoisting up both our bags in the process. When we were both settled in, I spoke, finally knowing what to say about everything.

"Look, I like you too, man but I met you yesterday. I don't want you to take this the wrong way. I just want to get to know a guy before I go into anything serious. Remember the skype call I had yesterday?" I could see him nodding. Good he's actually listening. "Remember Brian? Well a few months before I left, he met this girl named Edana, weird ass name, I know, and the day after he met this gi-" Before I could even continue my sentence, Lurky's surprisingly soft hands covered my painstakingly applied Born Lippy™ Raspberry flavored lip balm. Does he know how sticky my not pointing finger felt after applying the thing numerous times just to get that natural glossy look? Not that my lips aren't already glossy without it.

But then I notice that he was looking at the couple right underneath the tree, staring at each other with lustful eyes. Oh my gods. Are they going to do the do!?! They better not!

Apparently, aside from us in the tree and the couple underneath, nobody must have arrived yet, which explains why they're making out in the open. I wonder if they're secretly dating and this was an everyday thing. I guess I'll have to ask Mar-

Eww. I get that they want to make out and that this is the only time they get to do it but this is just wrong. I mean, come on! The guy's chest is blocking the girl's making it really hard to breathe and it looks like he's trying to eat the girls face off while he's trying to tear off her butt and the girl is fighting back by rumpling his blazer and running her hand through his hair like she's deciding which side looks better without hair.

I tell Markus this and he silently laughed. He laughed as hard as a person trying to not get caught could and he almost falls off. Like, he had to grab onto my shoulder and the tree to not fall off. 

After a few more minutes of them making out, I feel like I want to puke. I wanna stop looking at them making saliva together but I can't look away. It's like an accident. No matter how crapped up and life scarring the scene might look like, you can't walk away from it without something to pull you away. Like your mom. Like an accident, disgusting people disgustingly making out is like a magnet. You cannot stop looking until something else catches your attention or if another thing is pulling you into another direction. Again, like yo mama trying to pull you away from the accident to grab another bowl of chicken from that Chinese restaurant down the road because she said she wanted thirds.

I didn't notice that I had zoned out until Markus was tugging at my shoes from underneath. I guess the couple had had enough kissey faces to last the day and left while I was thinking about chicken. 

Markus nodded at me and stretched out his arms, kind of like saying I should jump into his arms. Wait. He's still doing the thing. Is he serious? I have to jump into his arms? But I'm heavy as hell. Why would he want to do that?

Fine. Let's do this! I jumped into his open arms and landed with a thud. Did he get overwhelmed and crashed to the ground like my old Vaoi laptop? Well at least he broke my fall. I open my eyes and realize he's still standing and that he was looking right at me.

"That... was crazy." I manage to utter before he set me down.

As soon as my foot touched the ground I knew they were trembling too much to be of use and Markus seemed to know too because he caught me just in time. His arms made contact with my waist and mine hugged his neck to help steady myself. I let go of him as soon as I was able to and instantly missed his warmth around my waist.

Before we could get any word out, the warning bell rang out and we had to head to Home Ec class. That was when we realized that there were other people around. Sure, they were minding their own goddamn business but what would happen if they knew the new Asian kid with the great ass and the weird odd kid in Home ec had the hots for each other? Chaos, that's what.

7: No Homo

The classroom seemed too far away and the warning bell only rings if we have a minute left to get to class apparently because when we get there, Miss Ribe was sitting seductively on her desk with her legs crossed like a stripper on a pole and looking at us like we were expired meat.

"Chairs, now." She ordered, making us scramble for our chairs at the back of the room.

"Now that all of you ling-a-dings are here, I want everyone to go to your partners. Heterogeneous partners on the left and homo on the right." Before I could stop myself, I started laughing along with the rest of the class when the words were uttered. I might as well say that Miss Ribe laughed along, quite pleased we found her joke funny.

When we were calmed down and paired up, she made an announcement that was too good to be true. "Hey idiots, guess what!? I got all of you out of class for the rest of the morning to learn how to properly care for babies."

Cue cheers and yells from the student body and Miss Ribe showing us what lies beneath the fat rolls that are her arms. Oh god. Am I dead? I see a light! OH MY GOD. NO. NO. NO. NO. THAT SHOULD NOT BE ON A WOMANLY BODY. THAT IS NOT THE LIGHT! NO. NO.

When she lowered her arms, which again, was horrific, her mouth opened to utter more words. Now I'm scared. "So first things first, I want this to be really easy for all of you ninnies. Decide amongst yourselves who you want to be the mother and the father. Homo partners, that means you!"

I looked across the room to see Markus with his partner, Dallas, who apparently wanted to become the mother because he was already wearing the apron Miss Ribe was passing around. 

"Hey, can you be the mom? I doubt I can live it down if it were me." Jason asked, tapping me on the shoulder.

"Do you even have to ask? Give me the apron, honey." I mock-flirted, taking the apron from him and tying it to my waist.

Miss Ribe must think she had a pretty voice because moments after that, she opened her mouth. Again. For the fourth time today. Words. Out of her mouth. Ick.

"I know I'm supposed to tell you what not to do when handling a baby and not make you play dress up but this just seems like a really great idea." She said. 

A slight tingle in my left ear made me jump and I realized Jason was leaning down to whisper something into my ear. "That's Miss Ribe talk for 'I can't have a baby so I'm making all of you suffer by making you learn how to take care of a baby in excruciating detail because I am teacher and you are not.'" I nod. It seems as though I had misjudged Miss Ribe.

It makes me wonder if she was married and was found to be infertile or single because she was infertile, but if that were so, is she single because she's infertile or was she infertile and then her husband dumped her for a fertile woman who could give him a soccer team of babies because he found out? Hmm, I guess I'll never know.

Next she ordered all of us to perform a series of regular baby procedures that were dull as heck. The only thing saving me from utter boredom was my baby daddy purposely slipping up and making little things seem really, really, really, really, really hard. Every once in a while I glance over at Markus and Dallas and I see how awkward it was for all the homo partners to handle the weird dolls.

By the time class was finally dismissed, I ran out of the room as fast as my legs could carry me and the baby alive doll Jason and I had named Carrie and waited for Markus to catch up at the lockers. When he did show up, took him a long time to do it too, he was carrying his doll with him in an awkward manner. He was carrying the poor thing by its foot and looking at it disgustingly. It took him a while to notice me with all the staring at the doll but when he did, I think he lit up just by a bit and showed me his grin.

Somehow, his grin brings me back to the good old days back in the Philippines when I didn't have to deal with the shock that is American culture. When all I had to deal with was the culture I was born into and the constant fear of pimples. Not caring about what a Twinkie™â€‹ or a Sour Patch Kid™ was or not having to worry about the new iPhone or shortages in lip balm. I miss the pure unadultered chaos that came with living in a third world country. But somehow, this, this grin makes all of that go away.

I nodded at him and he nodded back, our grins matched, it was like the whole world continued to revolve and we were left in a time lapse. We stood like that, for a long moment, the conversations slowly melted and went away, the people all walked in different directions and we were alone. I knew this was my chance. I just felt it. I took his unoccupied hand in mine and made him carry Carrie and walked away.

His footsteps shuffled behind mine and followed me to the libra- Repository of Learning where I have decided to spend my lunch period. Researching about American culture. And if Salicylic acid and resorcinol combined with zinc oxide and precipitated sulfur would become an addictive substance if used as an ointment like the one I use for pimples and my underarms constantly. But nobody needs to know that, just so I'm clear.

"Hey," I said, calling his attention, "are you gonna go grab some lunch because I'm not."

He slowly placed the dolls on the nearby table and looked at me like I said I was going to bomb America after marrying one of my kind. Heh. That's a good one, Chris. Racist, but good.

Markus shook his head. "I stopped by your house on the way to school. Your aunt told me you didn't want breakfast, earlier." He recounted. Shit. Am I supposed to be in some kind of trouble?

He folded his arms and grinned mischievously before his mouth opened to talk again. What's with everyone wanting to talk today? This is crazy!

"I'm not going to let you sit here in the library and not eat, Chris. And besides, you didn't eat lunch yesterday." But, the salicylic acid! The smell of books! How can I abandon them when they're beckoning to me!?

"I'm not even going to bother waiting for you to reply." He said as he pulled out a set of books from the bottom-most shelf, slid the dolls behind the untouched books and replaced the ones he took out. How did he know the back of the shelves were unoccupied? Oh right. He's a lurker, he's supposed to know secret shit around the school.

As I was busy admiring the secret hiding spot, I had no idea Markus was already carrying his bag and mine until I felt a tug on my arm, pulling me away from the shelves and into the open corridor.

"Where are we going?" I asked him, realizing that we weren't heading to the cafeteria. 

"The school allows students to leave the grounds as long as we get passes from the office." He informed.

Fifty three steps later, I counted, we were in the office asking for passes. When we got them, I asked Markus again where we were going and he just shrugged.

"Bloody Frodo, Markus!" I yelled, making him jump just as he passed the school gate.

He turned to look at me with his furrowed brows in confusion. This, is going to be fun.

"What?" He yelled back with such intensity and confidence I couldn't have thought could ever come from him. 

"Where are we going?" I asked, still keeping up with the charade that I was made as fuck.

He groaned loudly and hung his head up, which I have to say is not a bold move with the sun out and all. The boy is going to blind himself. Don't go into the light, man. Markus, come back to me!

"You'll know when we get there!" He finally said, picking up his pace to a slight jog. I wonder where he's taking me. Wait. I have to check my phone for messages from my aunt!

"Get back here, lurker!" I said as I raced after him.

8: British Moondust

I chased Markus until he stopped in front of this quaint-looking restaurant the looked deserted. It looked more like a British cottage surrounded by a white picket fence with tables and a storefront, really. The front had an arched trellis supporting climbing white with purple bordered dianthus caryophyllus with a wooden sign that said "Moondust." The cottage was full of flower bushes and trees to add effect. 

Markus saw me gazing at the place and gently brought me out of my dazed state, opened the picket fence door and led me to a marble table with cast-iron chairs as I admired the dashing scenery.

I feel as though Tinkerbell, Clank, Bobble Terrence and the rest of Pixie Hollow could just pop in at any moment here and it wouldn't be shocking at all because look at this place! It's absolutely dreamy. Like it isn't actually... real.

Shit. What if this is a dream? Oh my god. I'm dreaming. Wake up before Mogs come out of the cottage with pikens on hand! Am I one of the Garde? Is Markus my Cêpan? That would be so awkward! What if I have a Xitharis in my pocket? Hmm, damn. Too bad. Wait. I have to wake up! What if I'm in class sleeping away while my fake baby daddy takes pictures of me sleeping? After a few seconds of intense deliberation, I decided to lightly slap myself awake.

It took me a few moments and reddened cheeks to realize I wasn't dreaming. That this "Moondust" place is real and that... Markus is ordering food for me!?! What the hell! Everybody knows not to order for me unless it's my regular! Is Markus trying to get himself killed? Because it looks like he does and he wants it to happen as soon as possible because nobody, nobody ever orders for me.

When the waitress left, I looked at my companion with my eyes glaring daggers and lips curled into an annoyed pout of which I assume people would call 'cute' like a grumpy cat meme or Godzilla. If anyone wondered what happened to Markus after home ec, he dieded.

He seemed to have sensed my want to break his bones, cut up his skin like fillet mignon castrate him and cauterize everything because he's started to explain himself. "Before you decide it's a great and golly day to kill a man I want you to know I ordered something I overheard your aunt said you liked to eat back in the Philippines. I did my research and this place makes them."

I tilt my head to the side and furrow my brows. What kind of food is he talking about? Knowing my aunt it'd be something sugary. I hope it's not oatmeal cookies. For some mundane reason, she assumes I love those along with raisins, the LT in a BLT and the TL in Tomato, Lettuce and Cheese. Gross-uck-roo. I think I'm turning green from all of this. Ew.

Once again I found myself staring into his very soul, questioning the epitome of his existence and racking his mind for answers to his entire being. Markus seemed to understand I mean a game of Staring and willingly obliged. Our eyes meet and suddenly our gazes felt like wands emitting sparks of green and white, trying to outdo each other at keeping our antagonistic eyelids from shutting out the world momentarily and making us lose hope in humanity for a few seconds. We were at wits end, nothing could stop me from being him. Absolutely nothing except the waitress putting our food on the majestic marble table and then leaving us to argue over who won the non-bloody battle and who should be left to mourn the loss of proverbial nonsense.

As I yelled out, "You lose!" to my companion, he simultaneously shouts "I win!" which turned into a vicious re-contest of Staring. It was going well with me in the lead and then the freaking waitress comes back with our drinks and scurries away from my neck-wringing grasp. Once again. I'll get you next time, lady!

"We might as well eat, Chris." Markus suggested. Yeah, he's probably right. I looked down at my plate and I swear to Charms Candy Sour Balls that what I saw should not be there. Two waffles each folded into a sandwich and a brown-ish milkshake with brownie crumbs donning the top with a candy-stripped straw.

I looked over at Markus' side of the table and saw he had a similar meal, only his waffles weren't folded into a sandwich and they had whipped cream on them and his milkshake seemed like vanilla with candy sprinkles on top. Yech. I'm not really one for whipped cream with that one incident with my retainer and all but sure, if that's your cup of tea, man, fine.

I picked up a tissue and snatched one of the waffle sandwiches like a hungry bandit and took a bite. My mouth was instantly greeted by the taste of peanut butter and chocolate and then the waffle. The crispness complimented the beautiful harmony of the chunky peanut butter and the erotic chocolate as it danced in my mouth, like a complicated tango it wowed my taste buds. Oh buttsnaps the food porn is killing me. Another bite brought me into a flurry of ecstasy and I felt a tingle of thirst creeping into my throat. It is time to taste the mysterious milkshake!

I raised the glass, connected the straw to my lips and sipped. It's a bit salty, somewhat sweet, and great crepes suzette! It's a Salted caramel milkshake! I stirred the concoction with my brightly colored straw and discovered more brownie crumbs floating inside of the shake. Diabetes here I come! I put down the glass of absolute heaven and tried more of the delectable sandwich from gods themselves. 

Minutes into my found haven I looked up from my slice of pure bliss to see Markus looking right at me with his usual lopsided grin, his left hand delicately holding onto a fancy fork and his right holding a knife of similar quality. I rolled my eyes at him when he noticed me looking back at him. Fine, he doesn't get killed today. Back to the food.

We ate in covalent silence for about thirty seconds before I realized he was about to open his beautiful mouth to utter more beautiful lips in his greatly distracting voice when a not-handsome but equally distracting gruff voice broke through the silence from the left side of the cottage that seemed to be a room. "Marie! The baguettes! Hurry up!" Markus and I were both also equally shocked when the voice yelled. 

A shrilly voice from the other side of the cottage that seemed to be the kitchen replied, in an equally urgent voice. "I need six eggs!" Making the birds on the roof tweet violently and fly away. To the milkshake! What? I can't just sit here and listen to these faceless voices argue without a drink! 

"Too many! We won't last a week with you breaking all the eggs!"

"It can't be helped that our customers deserve the best, Gaston!"

"Just make the baguettes, Marie!"

"Fine!" Marie said with such finality that we, including the birds, thought it was over and we started to go back into our ruts of normalcy.

"And Marie!" Gaston yelled again with so much intensity this time that I'm pretty sure I've gone deaf in some way. 

Marie's shrill voice pierced our ears as she replied and the birds flew away, never to return, like my hearing. "What now!?"

"I love you!" Cue inner squeals of delight.

As Marie yelled back the affectionate words, I sensed finality in her words. Like somehow, she was finally going to start making those baguettes and jump in delight that Gaston had told her those three words. Judging from the seconds of silence before her reply, I feel as though this might be the first time he had said those three words to her.

While my mind drifted off to thoughts of what Marie looked like, I realized that Markus wasn't done eating even though I had finished my aphrodisiac-like meal long ago. I sipped my salted caramel milkshake until I knew that I was entering the point of slurpy wurpy, sippy wippy with my delightful drink.I gazed down on how many sips I had left, intending to drink to the last drop, and saw a baked brownie on the bed of the glass.

Oh my fracker noodle! To the mumblesense of quirtdrench! Apathy of gnocchi! Kami-sama! Sempai! Onee-chan! Daisuke! Yukito-sama! Oh pag-ibig na ito! Pwes! Hindi na ako magdusa pa! Someone thought it was a clever idea to put a brownie on the bed of a milkshake! Absolutely fucking ridiculatastic!

I looked around the tablet for a spoon and found none. Fuck. The waitress that served us didn't seem to be in an earshot. Again, fuck. Freakity, nickety, hickety, shlicketity.  There is no spoon for me to use to as a spoon to break that delicious brownie into two pieces to eat. Great. Somebody press the red butten. We might as well prepare for the end of the world! And then I realize that Markus was using a fork.

Forget how many diseases I could get by using that fork! This is a national emergency! Wait! I'm not yet a citizen of this country! This is an international emergency! I need that fork! 

I looked at my day old friend who looked at me with my required tool enfolded in his middle finger and the one next to that while the rest of his fingers raised, looking at me alarmingly. Before he could react, I snatched the fork from him and let out a "sorry!" and scooped up the slightly soggy-but not too soggy- brownie and dropped it onto my plate and returned his fork, sheepishly grinning at him as I picked up another tissue and supposedly ate the brownie with lady-like grace. 

9: Beardly Knocks

As we finished up lunch, which I made Markus pay for without delay, we were suddenly running back to school with lost finesse from all the sugar compacted into our figures. Hurrying to get to the next class that we were going to be late for in... six minutes. Gah. I blame Lurky for all of this. It's his fault we're gonna be late! I swear! If I had a gun and four bullets and was stuck in a room with Hitler and Janet Lim-Napoles and him, I'd kill all three of them but use two bullets on Markus. One on the chest that I'm sure isn't well-chiseled and his legs that are so goddamn scrawny! He isn't even that tall for yackama's sake!

When we did get to school, I stopped for a few moments and used a column for support before making another mad dash to the library to get Carrie. Earlier, Lurky realized I was the faster runner and asked me to go on ahead and get the dolls while he made his own mad dash to the lockers to get our books. Apparently, my sneaky aunt had given him my locker combination and he'd memorized it before I did!

I took a quick glance at him behind me and entered the school in the opposite direction he was headed, muttering a quick goodbye. I looked around me as a ran and noticed how there were no students in sight. None. Nada. No siree. Nu uh. I am in so much trouble. I have never been late to a class in my life! I've been late to a number of things in my life, like my birth, but Chris Ramirez is never, I repeat, never, late for class. Realizing this, I felt tears making an appearance. Damnit. I'll cry later. I wiped them away and continued to run.

I slid into the library, my shoes making a sweeping sound on the marble floor. No librarian, good. I sneaked into the section Markus and I were last in and took out the dolls and ran out as fast as my full stomach could possibly go. Which was still fast, of course.

My arms ached from the dead weight I was carrying, their eyes opening and closing creepily. Oh my god. I thank my friends for putting a stop to my selective pediophobia before I left to avoid another... accident. 

My legs reacted faster than my stupid brain did as I rounded a corner and slammed straight into a lanky wall of meat and sugar that I only assumed was Markus. Or was. I was running too fast to know. Curse me.

From my place on the floor, I clutched my head and looked at my companion, who indeed, was Markus. When we had both recovered, I picked up his doll and took mine from his, and traded. I swear our hands lingered for a few moments longer than necessary before breaking away to check our dolls for damages. Good, none so far. Hopefully, it'll be with Jason when it dies a fast death one can compare to the death of King Stefan. 

I looked at Markus and he looked at me, his mouth poised into a strange shape, like he was popping the 'p' in response to a yes or no question. Which by the way is really annoying and hot depending on whose popping, just so you know.

"I checked the schedule and turns out, we have like, an hour left of study period."

I swear I blinked a mile a minute. We... "So you're saying that we ran all that way just to get back to a thing called study period that I have no idea about!?" Oh god. Oh god. Really? All that running was for nothing? N.O.T.H.I.N.G!?! Geez. I could have used that time to savor the taste of the milkshake until it faded away! That was such a waste.

Markus looked confused for a moment and then he remembered I wasn't born in America. "Right. Well, if you would follow me, then."

And then cue the awkward silence. I followed Markus through the empty halls until we came upon a nondescript door, much like all of the other doors at the school. Boring, really.

Markus knocked on the door and a voice on the other side replied, "Begin sequence."

And then the knock-a-thon began. 

Markus started it with two knocks and someone on the other side replied with five. I'm not even sure if anyone can consider these things knocks because I'm pretty sure knocking means using you knuckles. Not your knees, palms and elbows.

So there I stood, with my body leaning on the wall, my arms crossed and my mind wandering around with no idea what the hell was happening as Markus and the person on the other side continued to knockity-knock-knock for a long time.

And then after the bazillionth knock, the door clicked open and out came this kid wearing a fabulous-looking Gandalf beard and elf hat came out and gave Markus a cheek-to-cheek greeting. Wait. Those seem familiar. What did we call those back in Filo world, again? Gah. Curse my memory!

As I was arguing with myself, the two men, more like lovers after the greeting, looked at me and after I had decided to acknowledge their presence, the bearded one talked. I wonder if that thing is itchy...

"Welcome Newbie! Tis I, the wonderful-" I wonder what else he was going to say before a bag was shoved onto my head for me to wear as a hat. Not very fashion-forward, guys. It was a smelly bag too! While I was being escorted into the room, I noticed that with a little bit of squinting, a name had been written on the bags inside, where I was currently in, with a black marker. And it seems as though the owner stopped halfway through writing a 'W' because it looks like a 'V' with a long ponytail. It makes you think of Angelina Jolie on a regular day with the kids. I wonder if she wears sweatpants...

Soon as they stopped pushing me with what I assume was a stick, the bag was removed from my head and I faced beard-dude, Markus, and four other people in a scary straight line in the middle of neatly arranged chairs. Strange. I stared at Markus and he looked at me with eyes that seemed to say 'calm down.' Well that isn't exactly comforting, now is it? Don't tell me this is a movie cliché where the main character gets initiated into a secret geek organization and then get into trouble with said group. 

"Welcome Newbie!" Beard guy says, raising his arms in exaggerated movement. And then he breaks character. "Sorry about earlier. We forgot to do the first ritual." He apologized. He cleared his throat and straightened his tie and with a hand scratching his gray beard, he continued. "Tis I! The great Techvin of Gron." He pointed to Markus beside him and spoke again. "Smawt has elected you fit to enter our hallow coven. We welcome, you, of course, but you must pass the test of Cesson."

I assume Cesson is the girl with the detachable elf ears because she stepped up and nodded at me with a scary ass grin. "The test is simple. When you were taken into this place, a bag was placed on your head. The bag belongs to one of us and you must find out who." She said. 

Well how the dicknoodle am I supposed to do that. Oh right. Typical cliché. She gives me clues, and I have to decipher the fuck out of the clues. Ridiculous as much as soap athletes foot and tinea flava. Let's get this shit over with, then. Bring forth the fucking clues that I assume are confusing as fuck!

"But, I will provide you the bag. You may inspect it as much as you wish. You have the entire period while we go on with regular activities." And with that I was left to stand while they pulled out a box of cards.

As I was looking at them with weird fascination, I hadn't noticed Markus behind me up until his hands held onto my shoulders with so much intensity that my knees shook. Great way to manhandle a girl into hating you into oblivion, idiot. When he released me from his grip, my shoulders were aching. He grinned at me and I noticed that a purple bag was sandwiched between his balls.

He blushed and just stood there. After about thirty seconds, I realized that I was supposed to take the bag from him. What kind of sick group is this? Ew.

"You have to. These guys might not look like much but wait until you meet them. Bend down and take it from the straps." Markus whispered hurriedly. I nodded and took the bag by the straps and tugged it off of his dingdong and backed away.

"The owner isn't who you think he is. Trust me." Apparently, Cesson heard him because seconds later she was pulling him by the ear towards the other people. 

"No talking to the newbie, Mar-Smawt! You know it's forbidden!" She hissed.

Might as well do this. I looked around the room for a good place to sit and saw that there was a bookshelf right beside the big windows and went right to it. It's more comfortable than I thought!

Right. The bag. I opened the sad looking thing and the first thing I looked for was the V from earlier. There it was, in all of its ponytail glory.

--

Late update, I know. I'm on a vacation. Sorry. XD Comments and reviews are appreciated!

10: Ovens

"Wake up, you bird-brained idiot!" yelled my aunt as she shook me awake from my hazy dream.

My eyes open to half of my sleeping mask, my teal-colored walls, the highly motivational poster of a half-naked Channing Tatum stared back at me with his beautifully scary eyes. And then my aunt came into view. "Oh god! Get it away from me!" I ungratefully yelled as I peeled off the mask from my face, revealing my aunt even more and the bowl of soup, which I assume is chicken, in her hands being placed on the trunk at the edge of my bed.

With my butt parked comfortably, I deduced that the ponytailed 'V' was actually a 'W' because exhibit A has claimed that there is no ponytailed 'V' in the history of the language of the human world and exhibit B asserts that there is an 'O' before the questioned letter, thus giving me the conclusion that it is indeed a 'W'. Quite possibly, the owner of the bag is someone named Owen or Owens because the only word that comes to mind when one thinks of 'OV' is oven, which is something that one would be less likely to write on a bag.

Now, how do I get this guy to reveal himself? I looked at the group of typical weird teenagers who gave me this weird as hell task and... nothing. Oh my god. Somebody get me Sherlock Holmes, I have no idea how the frickle frack I'm supposed to figure out who this bag belongs to. Gods. I can't exactly wait for someone to screw up whatevertheirfahkingweirdnamesare and reveal to me who Owen or Owens is. Wait. That's it! I yell out their names and whoever winces is Owen Owens!

With that brilliant plan, I walked over to the group huddled over whatever the pimpletube they were huddled over and made myself look like I was solely interested in the-thing-they-are-huddled-over-that-I-know-nothing-about and not trying to get them to reveal Owen Owens even though I clearly am.

Beso! That's what we call a cheek-to-cheek greeting! "I am an absolute idiot." I murmured.

Cesson's head shot straight up and she glared at me, returning to the thing shortly after. What's her problem? Trunk got her elephant?

I observed them more, drawing closer with each passing moment. I better be right about this. I inhaled as much air as my lungs could hold, exhaled the same amount out, inhaled a bit more, exhaled...

Get on with it, you idiot.

"Your ass isn't going to get parked at school today, you lucky little shit. I guess I should thank you. That means RnR for me, thank you God! I don't have to sit in a room infested with dandruff and stale, very stale and cold air because my insanely awesome niece yelled in the middle of the night and made me check her temperature at two in the morning and called me a 'Chicken Crapper' in her groggy state! Halleluyah!" My aunt said, sitting on my bedside. 

Hmm, now that she mentioned it, I vaguely remember a pill being shoved down my throat with water in my sleep. Hurray!

"Hey Owen!" Two heads looked up from within the circle. Wouldn't you know it. It just so happened to be Cesson and the boy beside her, also wearing detachable ears. Goddamnit. There are two Owenses. Why the hell are there two of them? Ugh. Damnit!

Shit. One shit. Two shit. Eight shit. Sixty-nine shit. I'm shit. The two Owenses approached me and I could feel my armpits literally just sweating. Really. I shit you not. I feel like I'm sweating enough buckets to replenish the thirst of all during The Great Depression. Please don't kill me. PLEASE. I'm too young and fabulous to die. Think of all the fabulous things I have yet to do! If I die, no one will be able to bring back the chopsticks trend. Please! 

The Owenses looked at me weirdly. "Did I say that out loud?" I asked them. Please, tell me I didn't just say that out loud. They both nodded. 

"Could you call Markus and tell him I can't go to class?" I asked my aunt.

She simply shrugged and sat on the edge of my bed. "He's sick too." She neared me and poked my forehead so hard I flinched. "This is what you two idiots get for not telling us neither of you had an umbrella and decided to walk home in the rain."

So you think it's my fault Cesson took my phone and 'accidentally' forgot to give it back.

My inner dick told me that it was. Bastard.

"Call my teacher then. It's your responsibility." She rolled her eyes and told me she already did before walking out of the room.

I decided to start on the soup so I crawled out of the covers, reaching for it. Aaaaaaaaaannd, It's too far. Fuck. I need longer arms. I need boy. boy will help. There is always boy in movie. In book too. There should be boy somewhere. Boy, come out of place.

When I was sure boy wouldn't come, I used the bed rails to pull me towards the hot concoction of water and a lot of other things I was supposed to eat. Damn. I think I need boy now. Boy. Please. Reveal yourself to me! 

I felt the movie theater audience inside my head roll their eyes as I called out pathetically to a boy who was just as imaginary as they were. I also felt myself roll my eyes as my fingers touched the special spoon my grandmother had sent over to remind me of my 'special' childhood. Memories of playdates with fictional friends crept into the crevices of my brain as my skin kissed the the flat surface of the spoon that held my engraved childhood nickname. 'Petey' it said. Now that I think about it, Petey sounds more like a boys name than a girls name.

My lips curled into a pout as I put the soup in my mouth, tasting the chicken and taking in it's taste like I'm smelling expensive perfume. Not the disgusting-smelling ones, excuse you. Absolute heaven. Aunt Shell may be a lot of things a guardian shouldn't be but the woman can cook up a storm. It almost makes me wish I was the man she was going to marry someday, just so I can wake up to food like this everyday until I die of tragic prostate cancer in my mid-thirties.

I soon finished the soup and snuggled back into bed. I was asleep before coherent thought could interrupt and tell me I could use my sick day to play Skyrim for a bit. So much for that.

I woke up at noon. The bowl was gone and my phone was miraculously on my side table. I reached for it and typed in the password and prayed for the best. Hopefully, Cesson kept her grubby suspicion to herself and didn't read any of my messages to Will. Those are too private to even. And don't even get me started on how freaking fucked up my conversations with Brian are. God. Now THAT, I could call fucking embarrassing.

Nothing seemed to be out of place but then again how was I supposed to know? It's a fucking phone, not a goddamn diary locked with a fingerprint scanner and guest log book...

Sometimes, I fuck my self up in the head so hard I cease to make any sense. God. Fuck that. 

I decided to call Markus and ask him what was going on in his life because you know, why not?

"You don't sound too good, Chris..." He said. I rolled my eyes and made a face, forgetting that he couldn't see me doing that. 

"No shit, Markus you babbling butt-mouthed baboon."

I heard him sigh from the other end. Yeesh. "Not like that you idiot." 

"You're the goddamn idiot Markus! I'm fuck- wait. What?"

"There's something bothering you, isn't there?" 

I didn't even bother replying. 

"Goddamnit! I give up. Techvon or whatever your name is, I give up." I put the purple bag of mysticism on one of the desks and marched to the door. The tiny drill sergeant in my head telling me which foot to use next.

I heard footsteps following me but I kept marching. Whoever that is will have to face the wrath of my elbow if they touch my shoulder. Or any part of my body, really. 

Whoops. Too late. 

I look back and see that it was the quiet, unimportant-to-the-plot boy. The kind you'd find in every anime ever made. Like really. He has glasses and I bet he could do that anime trick where the dude in glasses pushes them back up his nose and the light gets reflected on them and you can't see the dude's eyes. Like wow, I would pay big money to see that in real life.

I should probably mention that the guy is like totally kawaii! Like, not in a 'holy shit he's sexy I wanna fuck him' way but in the way Syaoran Li is in Card Captor Sakura.

"I'm not sorry, by the way." I said as I turned and walked out the door.

--

Oh my god. I am so sorry this chapter took so long. XD I was so caught up with making my senior year awesome and I think it's working. XD As we speak, I'm supposed to be studying for an entrance exam tomorrow for a college that my grandparents want me to get into but the problem is, the debate society there holds three people from my most recent debate and I don't know if I'm ready to face them. I looked at them like I was about to claw their eyes out, I swear. I kind of slammed the Philippine constitution and a huge ass childrens dictionary on the table twice and gave them a mini-heart attack not even a minute into my speech. XD Hahaha. I'm a vicious Whip, I can tell you that.

If you've been following me on Twitter (@louiedeweirdo), then you probably already know all of this. XD

11: Pizza is Bæ

"Goddamnit Chris! Wake up and answer your fucking phone." I heard my aunt yell from the next room. 

I blinked my eyes and realized I fell asleep after ignoring Markus' text. 

I prodded around my bed for my phone and quickly found it, pressing the 'accept' button and putting it against my left ear. Because that's where it should be, according to leading experts in this field.

"What?" I asked the person, not bothering to check who it was, given that they'd disturbed my slumber. 

A cheeky voice replied to me. A voice I knew all too well. A voice I didn't exactly expect to hear. "Heyyyyyy Chrissy, mah bæ! How you holdin up?"

I'm pretty sure I practically squealed out his name. "Brian! Ohmigosh. B to the R to the I to the A to the N! Oh my god. I miss you, man! How many did you do this month? I want to know! TELL ME EVERYTHING!"

He laughed that Brian laugh of his and I started tearing up a bit. He's like one of the few people who understood me and was completely chill when it came to my random outbursts. He was me and I was him. My brother from another mother. His sister from another mother. I miss him. "Nothing much has happened, here. When you left it felt like you took the fun with you. Here we are, a few months shy of graduating and you're over there, with three years of high school."

I felt the first tear fall. My bros are graduating. And I'll be left in the dust. Permanently. 

No. I can't cry. I wanted this. I wanted to prove to myself that I could face Will, and I did. Well, not really. I have to ride this all out. I'll be okay. 

"Hahaha. No shit, Bri. But you know what I heard?" Oh god. I blinked back the tears and grinned through the curtain they formed. I've been waiting a while to pull this joke out. And if I succeed from this far away, I will honest-to-goodness, party. I will party till I can't party no more.

But I'm sick. So, I guess it's no party for me. Nay!

"What?" He replied. Okay. Here goes nothing.

"It's for all graduating students, it's good news apparently. Laoshi Wang Fu Fen told me before I left." I could practically hear him lick his lips in anticipation. He's sucked into it. Oh my god. I cannot even. This is going to be epic!

I delayed for a few more seconds, keeping him hanging. He spoke the same moment I opened my mouth. "Oh my god, Chris. Tell me!" 

"She told me that you guys wouldn't have Chinese class next year." Of course they wouldn't! They're graduating. Unless they choose to remain at the school for college, they wouldn't have to take Chinese class anymore.

"What? Why?" I laughed and waited for him to get the joke.

I remember telling a lot of people this before I left. Most of them didn't get it and I once doubled over from laughing too hard. He waited for my laughter to be reduced to ridiculous fits of giggles that I think lasted about two minutes exactly. Yes, it was THAT funny. 

"Fuck you Chris. You're a fucking sadist, you piece of shit you." I giggled even harder. So hard I think I snorted from it and goddamnit, I'm pretty sure that's what got Brian to giggle along with me. 

We stayed like that for a good five minutes. Whenever either of us stopped laughing, the other one would say Wang Fu and we just kept going for it. Like hardcore porno sex, y'know?

"I haven't laughed like that in ages, man. How do you do it?" He asked me.

I shrugged and then realized he couldn't see me. God. I am an idiot.  "I don't really know man. I guess it's in my blood."

"Alright well, whatever is in your blood, it's fucking awesome."

The conversation went like that the rest of the call. Easy jokes, unequaled laughter, petty jabs and a little bit of us. It was like I wasn't miles away but right beside him at the gas station convenience store near my house drinking blue lemonade and just hanging out like buddies.

It hurt my heart to say goodbye. 

When the call ended, I slammed the phone on the bed and screamed into my pillow. I laid there for a while, getting my thoughts together, hoping I could understand them somehow. I felt exhausted, like I'd just had a tiring day of being physically active. No. Not sex. I didn't mean it THAT way. Yeesh. Perv.

I snapped out of my state of nonbeing and made myself leave my comfortable, sexy, alluring bed.

I then crawled out of my room, and down the hall to my aunts room, slowly opening and closing the door so she doesn't hear me.

Her room was basically the same size as mine with the same color walls. Although, instead of the highly motivational posted of Channing Tatum taped to the wall, she had painted an assortment of trees in black paint. A trunk on one side of the room that was filled with photo albums from a long time ago, a queen-sized minimalist bed with red covers and satin black pillows, a closet full of clothes that were obviously normcore, a sycamore desk that held more paperwork than the United Nations, and a black shelf full of books. I suppose it does sort of seem like a weird and creepy room but I've somehow gotten used to it over time. Honestly, the woman couldn't hurt a fly.

Said the girl who got sat on in the head and farted on by the same person as a kid. 

She was snoring really loudly and sleeping on her side, as usual. I laughed to myself so she doesn't hear me. Silence is essential for this task. It is absolutely required to stay silent for this entire mission to be a success.

Honestly, is she a woman or is she a horde of bees attacking the bear who stole their honey? Wait. Is she the bees or the bear? Or maybe she's a chirping bird that got a worm stuck in her throat. Hold up. Wouldn't that mean that the bird was shrieking rather than chirping? I mean, what bird wouldn't shriek if it got some weird ass wriggling worm stuck in it's throat. It's still moving. It's wriggling. In your throat. It's alive. It's not getting anywhere. It's just there. Being a dick. Why on earth would you be chirping if something like that happened to you? For sure, I'd probably shitting myself if that were me.

The thought made me laugh and I heard my aunt stop snoring. 

Oh shit. Oh shit. Shit. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttt.

"Pleasedon'tkillme.Iwasjustgoingtoaskyouif-" But then she continued snoring.

I took a deep breath and crawled a little bit nearer to her bed. When I reached the foot of the bed, I stuck out my had an rummaged around her mattress to find the sharp-looking-but-not-really-sharp-because-it's-made-of-some-sort-of-soft-cushy-thingies knife that I kept there just incase I needed it for something like this.

Once I got the thing, I continued on until I reached the side of the bed that she wasn't on. 

I climbed up as noisily as I could and laid down beside her, waiting for her to feel the shifting of the bed. Grinning to myself.

And then five minutes passed of me rolling around. Still no feeling.

Any second now...

Ten minutes...

Really woman?

Finally, I rolled my eyes and propped myself on her side, the knife on my right arm, which was raised rather than propped up on her body. And then I shook her awake and heard a scream that hurt me more than the screaming conversation of Gaston and Marie.

When she finally finished, she was breathing hard and I could barely hear her. "Geez woman."

She moaned and asked me what I wanted, in the wording of, "Tell me what you want."

She even added, "What you really want."

I grinned and answered, "What I really, really, really want?"

Her head hit the pillow again, face forward, I must announce. "Chris, I don't have time for your games. Just tell me."

I left the bed and took out her wallet and her phone from her sexy Bamboo leather Gucci and gave them to her.

"I want to order pizza." I said, puffing up my cheeks and kneeling infront of her.

She looked at me from her elevated bed status and asked why.

"We're having a girls night. It's only like, midnight. You don't have work tomorrow and I'm still pretty sick. Plus, I just really want pizza. A girls night is just an added bonus."

She rolled her eyes at me but dialed the numbers of our favorite pizza places. Yes. Plural. We like eating different pizzas at the same time. This is Us.

I squee'd and made my way back to my room and got out my blanket and pillow and made a mad dash downstairs to prepare the living room.

While my aunt made the calls, I fluffed up the pillows and pushed the living room couch to the back of the room and took out the mattress we kept in the under the stairs and threw my stuff on the mattress and ran back upstairs for my stuffed elephant and threw that on the mattress as well. Then I went back to Aunt Shelley's room and snatched her blanket and her pillows, because she always uses three pillows for girls night, and brought those to the mattress too.

Five minutes later, we were on the couch with our hair in ponytails and watching Mean Girls 2, like we always do when we have a girls night.

Watch Mean Girls 2 and criticize everything in it and then pop in Mean Girls and applaud at it's awesomeness. And then we watch something else that we haven't seen in a while and keep doing that until dawn and sleep on the mattress until some time in the afternoon.

When the pizzas came, the delivery boys were both glaring at each other and my aunt paid one and I paid for the other, plus tip of couse, and we closed the door and continued on with the movie.

"This is delicious." Aunt Shelley exclaimed, acting like a complete sugoi Japanese fangirl.

I rolled my eyes. "You say that every time!"

She stuck her tongue out at me and bit into her pizza again. 

When she was busy glaring at Regina George and her room, I took a bite of her pizza and my own. It was heaven in my mouth.

ABSOLUTELY HEAVEN!

That was basically how we did things for the rest of the night.

At probably around two in the afternoon the next day, my phone rang.

--

Dedicated to the two people that have been following this story since the beginning and have become my friends throughout the entire time! Tiburon McGovern and Pam Grijaldo. And to the person who's been behind the scenes helping me out with a lot of things, Revenge Roman. 

12: The Beaches

I blinked as I heard the mental message my aunt gave me that said, "Answer the fucking phone. I'm too sleepy to even right now."

It went on, and on, and on, and on, until I'd successfully found it in the rubble of tissues and pizza boxes and by that point, Aunt Shelley had already made her way upstairs, probably emulating a hangover from all the diet sodas and pizza and then the lechon, oh right, I don't live there anymore, the roasted pig leftovers from the last time we felt like having a girls night.

"Yeah? It's Chris." I answered, not bothering to check who it was that was calling me and not caring because who in their right minds would call me?

I could hear breathing on the other side of the line. Oh noes! Don't tell me it's one of those '7 Days' things. Or worse! It might be a telemarketer preparing to dive into a long speech about why I should buy their fish pen. I don't need a fish pen in my life! And even more, I don't need a freaky nutter calling me in the afternoon!

"Achievement get! How's life?" Oh my god. That voice. I'd know it anywhere!

I practically yelled into my phone. "JASON! What's uuuupppp?" I replied, instantly losing my drowsy morning, afternoon really, voice and perking up.

I heard him chuckle, possibly because of the shift in my voice. Hahaha. "Well, I was just driving around and celebrating the first anniversary of my provisional driver’s license and then remembered that you had the doll."

What doll?

...

Shit.

My palms started to sweat and so did my armpits. Oh god. How in the freaking ginger-butter did I forget about the doll? Oh my god. It's probably still at school. I am so dead. I am Chris Ramirez, minced meat.

"O-oh... yeah! Yeah! She's totally with me alright! She's lying under my bed, playing hide and seek!" Under my bed, your ass, Chris!

Jason licked his lips, I know, I heard him do it. I have the eyes of a bat.

"Meet me at the Starbucks near the park in around thirty minutes, I'll teach you how to America." It sounded so ridiculous that I laughed until he ended the call, three seconds later.

When he did, I realized he wasn't kidding and I almost dropped my phone when I thought about it properly. I was going to meet Jason Paulson at Starbucks in thirty-no, twenty-nine minutes and I was still in my pajamas. I made a mad dash to my room and hurriedly pulled out random clothes and threw them onto my bed before heading to the bathroom and taking a bath.

When I got back to my room, both my body and my hair were wearing matching towels. Think of sempai and kohai wearing matching shirts, it's that kawaii. But one of them has to change. And it certainly ain't the one that's wrapped around my body. And then I got a closer look at what I pulled out of the closet. A white shirt that said President at the back and the Philippine Red Cross logo in front plus pink shorts and blue knee-high socks.

The shirt brought back so many memories. Like the one time Brian biked to my house, accidentally fell off and scraped both his knees a day before an important swimming meet. Or another time during sportsweek when Brian was walking towards me at the First Aid area, tripped and scraped his elbow. Or the time we had a class outing to some farm and he wore board shorts and scraped his lower calf on a stray tree branch. Ahh Brian, the Scrape Man. Has a nice ring to it, too!

I hurriedly put the clothes on and blow dried my hair, since I only had about twenty minutes left and my hair normally took an hour to dry. When my hair was dry, I checked the time again. I only had nine minutes left and Starbucks was a five-minute walk. I hurriedly grabbed my favorite messenger bag and dumped out all of its contents and sorted out what I wanted to bring and what had to stay at home.

Lipbalm, coming. Asthma spray, coming. Hairbrush and other hair essentials, coming. Yo mama, coming. Handkerchief, coming. A pack of gum, coming. Triangular bandage for emergencies, coming. Wallet, coming. Phone, coming. Percy Jackson's Greek Gods, definitely staying. I don't want my baby to get hurt. For all I know, Jason could be a super fan who might get jealous that I got one before publishing date and will take it from me forcefully, tie me to a tree and then burn the tree and dance around my fiery grave as he thanked the gods for their blessing. Nope. Totally staying.

 And of course, I’m not forgetting the DSC-RX1r to record memories Jason and I might make during this ‘trip’.

Once I got all of my stuff sorted out, I had two minutes left until I was late. Great. Absolutely great.

I put on my gold-sequined sneakers and ran out the door, yelling to Aunt Shelley that I was going out, to which I received a loud battle cry that I assumed meant, 'Okay! Don't forget curfew!'

As I ran, I fished out my phone and dialed Jason's phone number.

"Hey, it's Chris, I'm running a little late. Well, technically, I'm running. But yeah, you get the point anyway-"

"Are you wearing yellow sneakers and carrying a brown bag?" He asked me. My brows furrowed. How the hell does he know that.

"Yeah, why?"

"Stop running for a second and look for a car behind you." I did as I was told and yup, there was an black Nissan Navara with Jason behind the wheel.

I waited for him to pull over and when he did I crossed my arms and waited even more until he opened the front passenger door. I climbed in and frowned at him. Something about him felt off but I couldn't put my finger around it.

"What?" He asked me.

"Just drive."

He shrugged it off and drove.

I looked around the car. Honestly, if I looked any harder, I would have seen the billions of germs crawling everywhere, including my nose. Not one inch of normal teenage Mcdonald's drive-thru trash anywhere. Not even Wendy's. It was clean. Wow. Jason, my man. You're cleaner than my aunt! And she's twenty-five!

I must have been snooping for more than a minute because Jason asked me what I was looking for.

"I'm not sure, man." He again shrugged and kept driving. Where the hell were we going anyway?

I had nothing better to do so I looked out the window and imagined a small, Irish man in leprechaun attire chasing us, jumping over garden gnomes and flamingos. He looked so cute with his ginger beard and his little bottle of beer. Awww, I’d tap that if it weren’t so… ick.

I might have giggled out loud and Jason might have heard me because the next thing that came out of his mouth was, “What?”

I grinned at him and winked, “Oh nothing… just a random thought about cute little leprechauns.”

“You are officially the weirdest girl I’ve ever met, Chris.”

I winked again and waited for him to say something else because I ran out of things to say after the leprechauns and I can’t be bothered with thinking because thinking is something I’d rather not do right now. Like, really.

I waited and waited for what I think was a full minute before I got tired of waiting. “Where are we even going?”

“We’re going to the very epitome of American life, Chris! Starbucks!” He exclaimed.

I have never seen a white boy get so excited about Starbucks. Not since a Krispy Kreme store opened up back in my old city. A very long line, all for what? A box or two of donuts just for the heck of saying ‘Yeah, I bought a box from Krispy Kreme the day it opened. I know right? I’m so awesome.’

Well, there was also this one time when Aunt Shelley’s nephew (cough, white boy, cough) visited the Philippines and wanted coffee and made me take him there! The nerve of the dude! He had no idea how far the nearest Starbucks was from the house. And he made me pay for the fare on the way to the place and he didn’t even buy me anything. Greedy little shit.

Anyway…

I just realized what was off about Jason! His eyes! They’re brown! But in class, they’d always been green! Jason, man! What the actual fuck!

“Are you wearing contacts?” I asked him, blurting out the question so awkwardly he had to ask me to say it again.

He sheepishly grinned and nodded. “Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve got astigmatism and wearing glasses would be social suicide, or at least that’s what Amber says. ”

“Is Amber a Marvin?”

I was totally not supposed to let that slip. Markus, forgive me!

“Is Amber a what?” Great job, Chris. Really great job.

“Nothing, nothing. Marvin is what we call a girl in my dialect. We spell it was M-A-R-B-E-N. Haha. Sorry, I tend to mix up my English with my mother tongue.” I responded. Hopefully, he doesn’t realize that a girl in my dialect is actually Babayi. Oh please don’t tell me he understands. Oh please no, that would be embarrassing and oh my god, I’d have to explain what a Marvin was and that would mean betraying Markus’ trust and I really don’t want to happen.

I.AM.PANICKING.

It took him about two seconds to answer. In those two seconds, I think my heart stopped.

“She’s obviously a girl, Chris. Who the hell would name their son Amber?” Phew. Dodged a bullet.

I rolled my eyes at him. “I know a guy named Ashley and a girl named Josh, Jason. People in the world who like to name their children names for the opposite gender do exist.” I replied. Hopefully he doesn’t have any other questions.

Jason didn’t talk and started to completely immerse himself in driving and that was how we rolled until we got to the closest Starbucks. Which was apparently, the one near the park with the Markus-Will incident. Yeah, that one.

We got out of his truck and entered the establishment. He asked me what I wanted and I told him to surprise me.

He came back with two caramel Frappuccino’s, which I didn’t question since he paid for mine, and we got back on the road.

“Where are we going now, Jason?”

“Somewhere. Just be patient.” He replied as he started the car.

“And just so you know, this is not a date. This a lesson on pop culture.” He added.

Oh please. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, Jason.”

Jason kept driving until we ran out of commercial buildings to look at. He kept driving with Ed Sheeran’s beautiful, sexy, voice lulling me to sleep. I woke up mere seconds before Jason was about to shake me awake.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked him, gesturing to his hand on my thigh.

Oh it wasn’t that high up but it still gave me tingles.

Tingles make me cringe.

As soon as he noticed and took his hand off my thigh, I hopped out of the car and closed it so Jason could lock the thing and I can find out where the hell he brought me.

I looked to my right and saw water. And sand. And water. And the horizon. And more sand. And a little bit more water. And I probably shouldn’t forget about the wet sand. It was just one of those things that made you wish you brought a camera with you.

Luckily, I brought my RX1r, then, huh?

I pulled out the camera and started running around the beach taking really cool pictures of the view. I could hear Jason trying to keep up with me and totally failing because I kept moving up and down the beach continuously until I was satisfied.

When he finally caught up, I had taken thirty amazeballs pictures of the beach. He huffed and puffed beside me, trying to catch his breath while I looked through the pictures, relishing how great they looked. Without Jason noticing, I took two- make that three pictures of him with his hands on his knees. Huffing and puffing.

I know, I know. He’s hot and all and I already said he was but damn son, these pictures just make me think ‘Wow, this guy is Adonis.’

When he finally stopped breathing like he was having an asthma attack, he asked me if I was going to take any more pictures. I shook my head to say no and he patted me on the back before sitting down on the sand. I had nothing better to do so I followed in suit.

“I didn’t have this in mind, you know, when I decided to bring you here.”

“Really now?”

“Yeah. I’d imagined that I’d find dirt on you that I could tell Amber and the guys but the moment I saw you in your pink shorts and blue socks I thought to myself, ‘This girl has gone through too much.’ And I just completely agreed with myself. I don’t know, Chris. I feel like I can tell you anything.”

Uhh, ouch? I felt a little pang when he spoke. But I could feel like it was the truth. I had no idea if it was but I just really felt like he was pouring his heart out.

I knew that it was entirely his turn to speak and also entirely my turn to listen, and I was okay with that for some reason. And I’m almost always never okay with being deprived of the time to talk! What is up with me and the way I react to Americans!?! Why the hell am I okay with that!?!

“The moment you entered Miss Ribe’s class and told us about yourself, I just felt like I wanted to be your friend. I was instantly attracted to you. But not in that way, Chris. Definitely not. I’m no dick man. Like, I know I have one but, you get me, right?”

I snorted. I had to, he was being funny and letting it all out.

He continued, “Anyway, I wanted to be your friend and out of pure curiosity, I followed you home on your first day. That’s how you found me and Janice driving down your street earlier. And I saw you with that jackass Will on your second day. I don’t get what you’re doing with him. It’s not my problem but yeah, I saw everything from afar. And I saw how much fun you have every time you’re with Markus and it got me to realize that I’ve never been like that with Amber and the guys.”

I put my hands up and decided to speak up. “We call them Marvin. The whole lot of them. You included. ‘Amber and the guys’ is a really bad name, man.”

He scoffed and shook his hair to get the strands out of his face. Oh god, that was cute.

“Yeah, okay. But the point is, Chris, that I think I can trust you more than I can trust them.”

I chewed on my lip nervously and chose my next words carefully, “So, you’re saying that you want me to be your friend?”

He nodded.

“Okay. Now as your friend, my first order of business is why the fuck were you even with the Marvin’s if you hated them so much?”

“I don’t hate them, Chrissy, I just don’t trust them.”

“Which brings me back to my question, why are you friends with them?”

He sighed and stayed silent for a bit. Probably assessing himself and his relationship to the Marvin’s. When he was done, he simply said, “They’re my ticket to places.”

I understood then and there what he meant. Being popular meant being well-known, which meant that if you were popular in a good way, you obviously get a lot more opportunities that’ll help you in a lot of ways. That, I learned the hard way.

I threw my arms around him and gave him a big hug. I felt him melt into it as he buried his face on my shoulder. I soon felt my shirt soaking in the tears.

One hundred percent cotton for the win, bitches.

I rubbed his back as felt his frustration seep into me. It reminded me of Brian so much it hurt. Now that I think about it, Jason is basically the American equivalent of Brian. They’re both jocks, both popular with the ladies, popular in general and are apparently both bothered and tired of having to live with the rules of society. The likeness made me feel something for Jason that I felt for Brian before. Respect.

We stayed like that for a while; just until Jason felt comfortable and lifted his face from my wet shoulder.

Hopefully, he didn’t get snot on it. The shirt has too many memories already!

“You know what I think?” I told him, patting an arm around him like a pedophilic dinosaur named Barney.

His brown eyes glistened with more tears has he wiped them away. Again, cute. Wait, color are his actual eyes then? Brown or green? I’m confused!

“This calls for a picture!” He shook his head and smiled. In Chris language that means ‘yes’ so that means I’m taking a picture with Jason.

I took the camera from its comfortable place on the sand and propped it on one of the flat rocks near us and set a timer on it.

“But I’m not beautiful right now, Chris!” He complained, shaking me.

The camera made the shuttering sound. Oops?

I took the camera from the rock and set up the timer again. Ugh. Annoying Jason is annoying, man!

“I don’t care, Jason. We’re taking numerous pictures together for the rest of the day because you’re my friend now.”

And the camera made the shuttering sound. Again! Jason, you’re really starting to tick me off, man!

“But I don’t see you taking pictures with Markus!”

I set it up again and faced him, “That’s because Markus doesn’t really like taking pictures, you freaking stalker, you!”

I stopped talking just in time for the shuttering sound.

I removed the camera from its spot and took a look at the pictures.

The first one was funny. His arms looked like they were carrying a huge, heavy stack of books and I looked like I was grinding something with my teeth.

The second one was of me in the process of forming the word ‘now’ and Jason’s tears weren’t all that visible.

And the third one looked like Jason was kissing my cheek. Oh god. I’m feeling the good and bad butterflies in my stomach right now. Oh god. Please not right now.

I felt Jason stand up and walk away so I followed his lead while I looked at the pictures from earlier again, just because I felt like it.

I ran up to him and pulled him back and made him take a picture of us both with the sun setting behind us, it was very cute and he looked more like an  older brother in the picture. Hahahaha.

When we got to the car, he said, “We’re going to the labyrinth.”

“The what?”

--
Oh my god. I am so sorry this took so perpetually long. I've been swamped with getting my grades up after a recession in my report card. Haha. Yes, I brought back Jason. Yes, I gave you a reason to ship them. Yes, I totally went out of my way for this chapter. *cough* 3,267 bitches. Chapter twelve may take a while though. But only because it's Christmas season and during vacation I have a special gift from my Chinese teacher to use. Xiao kai's to fill out and whatnot. Woohoo Chinese classes. Halleluyah!

Yes, I also changed the title from 'How to America' to 'The Beaches' because damn son, this chapter totally didn't work out the way I wanted it to! I'll link you guys to the plot outline I wrote for both this chapter and the next in the next update

13: Hail The Almighty Hedge!

One minute, I’m enjoying the beautiful view of the beach with my friend Jason and then the next, I’m being taken to god knows where by said friend. Somebody help me!

I have no idea what the hell the Labyrinth is! Is it a drug-selling area? Is it a nightclub? Is it a whorehouse? The new name of Disneyland? Oh my god, what if this is just a ploy the Marvins formulated to humiliate me? I am so going to tattle on them if they do. Amen to my teachers for teaching me how to be very persuasive!

“Jason, where the fuck are you taking me?”       

He grinned at me maliciously and replied, ‘somewhere.’

I don’t know about anyone else but when someone grins maliciously in a horror movie, you don’t sit in the car with the guy and be all chipper and happy like you were on drugs, mmkay? You fucking run like an assistant to get your boss’ coffee, or better yet, like a motherfucking dog chasing the mailman. Yeah that’s right, imagine a mailman in front of you and start running. Don’t ever look back. Nope. Don’t even dare.

We pulled up next to a hedge. Weird. I followed Jason's lead like a game of 'Follow the Leader.' But then I realized that Jason was just simply following the path the hedge was on. I guess the hedge reigned supreme!

"Bow down to the almighty hedge, you foolish weaklings! Praise the hedge! Love the hedge! Become the hedge!" I yelled, particularly aiming my message to a certain person whose real eye color still remains a mystery.

He covered his ears and jumped. "What the fuck Chris!?" He yelled back.

Revenge time, buddy. I smirked as I took a picture of him in mid-sentence, uttering 'fu-'. When the picture came out it was so funny because Jason looked like he was about to take a shit right then and there.

I laughed so hard I almost dropped my camera. Aunt Shelley would have totally murdered me if I did. Total murder package that includes cauterization of my skin, cooking of my innards into human dinuguan and gutting of my nonexistent man stick.

Jason childishly glared at me, stuck his tongue out at me and said I was ‘Evil’. I guess I can call this mission a success. If the rest of my time with Jason’ll be like this, oh my god, my cheeks would probably hurt so much!

I stuck my tongue out as well, to mimic his childishness before deciding to follow the hedge-I mean Supreme Leader Hedge.

Mid-step, I felt my phone buzz. I pulled it out to see what the hell was disturbing my awesome afternoon with Jason.

It was a text message from Nadine, a friend I had met when I first moved here. Someone who just so happened to live in the fancy house with the fancy pool, right beside Mrs. Gardenia and her gnome-infested house.

“Hey there bby girl! ssup? Prbly nt much. saw u gettin picked up by a car, earlier. & I just noticd you aren’t back yet. R u ok?”

Awww, sweet old Naddy decided to check up on me.

Oh wait. Shit. I totally forgot it was her birthday! Oh my god. I totally forgot! I stopped walking for a minute to text her back.

“Honey, totally spaced out. I’m too busy spending time with that cute guy I told you about. Haha. We cool, he’s taking me to some place called the ‘Labyrinth’. Ever heard of it? Also, I’m not going to forget about tonight, girl. Totally going to celebrate your birthday with kid-friendly booze! :*”

I continued walking after I sent the text, totally oblivious to the fact that Jason had just read the text messages.

“Who’s Naddy boo bear?” I heard him ask.

Well that stopped me on my tracks.

“She’s a neighbor.” I shrugged, hoping he’d totally not bring up the fact that I’d called him cute.

He nodded as if saying ‘Aight, I feel ya, nigga. Ya don’t hafta tell me right away.’ And then went on his way, taking away my position as leader and walking about five steps in front of me as I irresponsibly replied to Nadine’s message.

“Oh. Cool. Anywy, brng the dude to the ge-2gethr he mite knw sme pple.”  The text had said.

I quickly punched in a reply, which was the classic ‘k’, and then pocketed my phone and caught up to Jason.

He was already gone from my view so I just followed the bend of the hedge hoping he did the same. He did and I followed him and decided to jump-scare him again.

Like a badass, I sneakily crept behind him and waited for the right moment.

“MEGATRON!” I yelled in my loudest voice. Which was really loud considering the fact that I whisper as loud as normal people talk.

He jumped right out of the sidewalk and onto the street, a couple of inches away from where the sidewalk ended, almost hitting a parked car.

Holy shit. If he hit that car, who knew what could have happened? Would he have to go to juvy or something? I hope not! He’d hate me for that.

I looked at his shocked face and laughed. “Oh my god, you look like a total idiot, man!” I told him.

His face was still warped to look like Elphaba minus the green skin color and the pointy nose.

It was the truth and everyone always said that ‘The truth sets you free.’

Jason glared at me once before deciding to go on with his life and finally get to the entrance of the place he called ‘The Labyrinth’.

Oh wait. WE’RE HERE? FINALLY? The great and powerful wiz-hedge had all along led to the mysterious labyrinth? Thanks. Thanks a lot, life. No really. Thank –fucking- you.

I felt my phone buzz again so while Jason was busy doing business at the entrance of the Labyrinth, I read the text.

“Wait. Dude. He’s takn u to The Labyrinth? No shitty way, man. that place is just famous 4 been a hotspot for guys to tke advantage of grls! B creful, man.”

What? Naddy, are you sure? Are you really sure? Are you really, really, really sure?

Oh my god. She’s right. This could totally be a prank from the Marvin. Oh god. Oh god. I can’t bail now! I guess I’ll just have to be extra cautious. Like a ninja of love whooo fell from aaaabooooooveeeee.

Goddamnit.

This is so not the time for Phineas and Ferb songs to bust into my life. Goooo awaaaay, Isabella! I don’t need you in my life.

“Hey Chris, let’s get this party started!” Jason told me, his hand landing on my shoulder, interrupting my thoughts and making me jump.

I gulped and meekly nodded as he led the way into the labyrinth.

We passed the entrance and went inside the cheesy labyrinth entrance that closed as soon as your entire body stepped inside it.

I blinked. Everything was green. It was like stepping into a George of the Jungle movie. What the fuck is this? An episode of Brandy and Mr. Whiskers?

“What did you just say?” Shit.

“Nothing… nothing…” I looked at the three intersections and asked Jason which one we were going to choose.

“I don’t know. I’ve never really been here before and I thought it’d be easy so I didn’t buy the map they offered.”

I moved my right hand and gave Jason one of my signature looks of ‘Are you fucking kidding me’ and used the hand to slap myself, grinning masochistically.

“You are a disgrace to humankind, Jason. When somebody offers a map to a labyrinth, you fucking take it.”

He shrugged. I rolled my eyes at him and made it my decision to pick the best way to go.

“How about we keep picking right until it leads us to the right direction?” I suggested.

He nodded like a distracted puppy and we made our way to the right intersection and kept following that direction until we heard rustling in the bushes.

I tugged on the sleeves of Jason’s preppy nautical sweater and whispered into his ear, “If I die here, I am going to find you in hell and murder you again just for the hell of it, you butternut.”

He laughed nervously and made a gesture that we were going to investigate. It was then that I realized that the sun was completely gone and the beautiful moon was finally out and showing the world that it was more fabulous than the sun because it had very sparkly glitter surrounding it.

My heartbeats started going faster as I hid behind Jason during our approach towards the noise.

What we saw was something beyond comprehendible. My fingers slowly turned on the camera I was holding and as I took a picture I yelled, “Get a fucking room, you horndogs!”

The thing that lay in front of our now-scarred eyes was a couple, mid-make out, about to do it, in the bushes. Or, in the middle of being about to do it, as they stared at us and we stared at them. Thankfully, they were only undressed, where they needed to be undressed to do the do.

Oh doody.

I grabbed the shoulder of my shocked companion and pulled him away from the scene and right back on track.

When he snapped out of his reverie, he opened his mouth. “Before you say anything, I just want you to know I was just as shocked. Let’s get this over with before we meet another couple.”

His mouth closed faster than a guillotine.

After about twenty more minutes of aimlessly wandering around the ‘jungle’, we finally found the middle of the labyrinth.

Right in the center of it was a marble table with a bowl full of small letter ‘Y’s inside it.

Jason told me we only had to bring one but I thought about taking another one as a souvenir.

“Nobody’s going to know, man.”

He shook his head and rolled his eyes but otherwise did nothing to stop me.

He opted to take the blue Y and I opted for the purple one.

I took a picture of the table and then convinced Jason to take a selfie with me and our cute Y’s.

After that, we made our way out of the labyrinth and halfway there, I decided to tell him about my old school.

“Y’know, I used to have this classmate that told the worst pick-up lines ever but still managed to get everyone to laugh.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. One time, he did a really bad one on me to stop the teacher from going through with a pop quiz. ‘Are you shoelaces?’ He asked me, and I replied going, ‘Why?’ and he goes, ‘Because I love you.’ And for no reason at all, we ended up laughing. All twenty-seven of us students plus the Filipino teacher. And by the way, I totally failed that quiz, anyway. I didn’t study for it. Haha. Taga-Ilog is disappointed.”

“You Filipinos are weird, Chris! I don’t know what’s weirder, your sense of humor and jokes or the food you people eat in that country! I mean, seriously! Barbequed chicken intestines? Mangoes being dipped in salt, vinegar and soy sauce? Disgusting man! Absolutely digusting!” He informed me.

You can’t blame us for being original, Jason.

“Hey, at least we have an original concept of culture, Jace! Americans wouldn’t even exist if it weren’t for Pilgrim fathers! Who were British by the way!”

He feigned being hurt, his arm flew to his chest and his face contorted in shock, like a total drama queen.

“Your words hurt, Chris. They hurt me where Urinary Tract Infection hurts!”

END OF CHAPTER 12

Well that ends chapter twelve guys! But because it’s Christmas, I’ll put in a bit of what happens after the labyrinth and Jason drives her home.. :3 (This will not be included in Chapter thirteen, btw.)

Jason ended up going with me to Nadine’s dinner party, insisting that it would be rude to decline her invitation.

Aunt Shelley was there as well and we had a lot of fun, especially after the adults decided to retire to the living room and the teenagers decided to move the party to the backyard.

After about two hours of that, I saw Jason off.

“I had fun, Ramirez.” He told me.

“So did I, Paulson.” I replied.

“Hey, before I forget, the doll is with me.” He confessed, smiling sheepishly.

My eyes went wide. Are you kidding me?

I playfully punched him in the gut. “Keep her for a while, please?” I begged.

He shrugged.

I gave him a bear hug and then said goodbye.

And then he kissed my cheek and left me on the sidewalk, blushing like an idiot.

The cold breeze and the warmth from his kiss canceled each other out as I stared straight into the living room of Mrs. Shapiro’s house, where I could see her and her husband dancing. Weird.

14: Mission: Carrie

I folded my arms to my chest and glared at Jason, my left eyebrow raised at him. "Ring the doorbell, you dingdong."

He grinned at me sheepishly. "You wanna ditch the second after I ring it?" He said, winking mischievously.

My mind forced me to process his suggestion. I was still pissed at him for insisting that he was also invited to Nadine's party. The ass just wants to show off in front of people who he knew weren't from school.

The idea made me chew my lip, stopping it from forming a smile but hopelessly failing. My hesitation was enough of an answer for the Butternut as his finger reached for the doorbell.

With all the quiet 'tude we were giving off, you'd think we were on a recon mission with nerf guns, about to gun down a drug cartel meeting.

Jason rang the doorbell and ran to the nearest bush and body-slammed the grass. At the same time, I took the liberty of taking a picture of him diving.

My eyes opened. I raised my head from my shoulder to reorient myself to the environment that I was in.

I was in a classroom and the board was filled with triangles. And by the looks of it, class was over. Squinting a little bit, I saw the blurry figure of my teacher. I yawned and rubbed my tired eyes, waiting for my perfect vision to return completely. Probably not the greatest idea ever to walk around like a person with astigmatism.

Standing up from my chair, I mumbled a groggy goodbye to Mrs. Cordon and walked out the door. Yawning once more with my arms stretching towards the heavens, raising my sweater a little over my unexposed navel. Luckily, I wasn't wearing any of my regular clothes but rather, my school uniform. Which was cool but made from insanely thin material. Making me feel like a fucking eskimo wifey whose husband was warming up their guest with a cuddle. Cold and lonely.

"Pssssst!"

I blinked and looked around. Being one of the only few in the hallway, I thought that the whisper was for me.

"Psssssst!" I looked around a bit more and found nil.

Another whisper and I knew it was for me. I just didn't know who and how.

The entire day has been weird. Who the fuck wants to mess with me at this hour? Immediately, I got my answer as a hand from nowhere reached out and grabbed the closest thing of mine that it could tug and pull into the crevices of whatever cave it came from. That thing turned out to be my arm.

One thing I could get about my kidnapper was that he had a strong arm.

He dragged me to the neighboring classroom and that was where he spoke.

"Chris, it's Butternut."

The voice of the hand that grabbed me sounded familiar. And the moment he said Butternut, I knew who it was.

I punched my kidnapper's shoulder and stomped on his foot. "You stupid bitch. What do you want, Jason?"

His lips formed a grim line.

Oh my god.

Am I getting pranked?

Am I on some new reality show like Clean House? Is this the 'Big Reveal' ?

Is this the end of Christy-Anne Q. Ramirez? Is this how I am going to die? Such a fate I am destined to have!

Jason inhaled like he was hyperventilating, sucking in all the air in the atmosphere and exhaled like an assistant who ran out of breath from fetching the boss's mid-morning snack. Such great acting to make it seem like he had done something extremely wrong. I applaud him for it.

Great job on the acting and all but can you just drive your wooden stake through my heart and get on with the 'Jason Perfection' show?

"Look, I'm sorry," He breathed like a bitch.

"Let's-Let's start with that." His lips quivered and his hands were buried in his pockets, where I believe those wooden stakes were possibly hiding.

Hold up! I'm not a vampire. So why the fuck would I be worried about a wooden stake? Riiiiight, wooden stakes are fatal because stupid humans have soft, mushy skin that can be easily penetrated. I wish we evolved into something cooler! Like turtles, but faster!

I raised my eyebrows at him. I was going to be late for Trigonometry if he doesn't hurry this shit up. I felt like I was on a loop of an escalator that never ends and keeps heading up, right now. Get on with it, you fucking Butternut!

"Well, when I got home, my mom made me drive my brother to his friend's house for a sleepover so I threw Carrie in my room and drove him. And when I got home, my sister asked me to look for my old Tom Sawyer costume so by the end of the day, I was basically dead tired and-"

"The point, get to it, dick." I ordered. The sharpness of my tone made him jump. Good. He deserved that.

"I lost Carrie."

My entire life flashed before my eyes. If Jason really did lose Carrie, then I'm fucked in the ass in Home Economics. Fucked like a poor bitch in a puppy mill.

Jason and I were both shaking like Chihuahuas. For two very different reasons.

I cannot fail any class or get anything below a B. I just can't. My life would be ruined if that happened. And it's not even the Asian side of me that's talking. It's the me that has to get into a top college that is.

Trying to keep myself calm, I spoke to Jason with gritted teeth. "What did you just say?"

He gulped down a good deal of saliva that was enough to keep a village quenched for a year and thirteen days.

"I lost Carrie but she's just probably in my room somewhere. We could go check after class." He asserted, still a little shaky.

He better be fucking sure Carrie is at his house or there is hell to pay.

True to his word, Jason took me to his seven bedroomed, one attic, eight bathroom house after class to look for the missing doll. If I wasn't being an Asian fart, I would have accepted Rosa, their house maid, on her offer of peanut butter snickerdoodles and ice-cold milk.

I made Jason take me to his room the moment we got to his sort-of big driveway. Big mistake. The snickerdoodles smelled beautiful. Hell, even if I was lactose intolerant, I would have gladly stunk up one of Jason's clean bathrooms because they smelled like the breath of an angel who just had a jar of cookie butter for lunch. Like, not even a quarter of the jar. The entire thing. Plus the freaking glass container, sticker and lid.

The moment I entered Jason's room, I knew what the problem was.

"I don't understand how you can possibly lose the doll in a room this small, Butternut!" I sarcastically remarked. But of course, it was the understatement of the century.

Jason may have been living in the attic, which I at first envisioned as similar to the creepy attic Caesar slept in, in that movie about apes rising with the planet and screwing shit up for the humans, but shit, this was hands down the most tricked out attic that I had ever seen.

Jason's attic room was thrice the size of my room and could fit two elephants more than mine. Trust me, his room is that big because I can fit one adult elephant and a baby elephant in my room. No lie. I did the measurements. This guy was loaded.

Said guy snorted as he gathered a pile of dirty laundry to throw into the hamper beside his oak desk.

There were two blue and green-patterned pillows on his windowsill. Right beside the-OH MY GOD.

A motherfucking bookshelf with the motherfucking first edition covers of Harry Potter.

I ran to it as fast as I could, completely forgetting the task on hand. Fuck the doll, I've got Potter shit to do. I touched the spine of the first book and ran my finger through the rest, reveling in the beauty of it.

"Hey, these look unused!" I told Jason, pointing to the bound set of paper and inked words of perfection.

Jason glanced at where I was pointing and then shrugged. "My mom got it for me a couple of years ago hoping I'd be like Henry Christian but I'm not much of a reader."

My eyebrows furrowed. What?

"Henry Christian? Who the hell is Henry Christian and why the fuck is his name sounding so sassy right now?"

Jason smiled slightly at my question and walked over to the bookshelf and pulled out a picture from behind a stack of books on the top shelf.

In the picture were two boys, one older than the other, and a baby. The older one was holding the baby in the pink blanket. Jason pointed to the smaller boy, the one who had a sweater vest on.

"That's Henry Christian. He's my younger brother. Smart as fuck and a little eccentric but he's not gay, just so you know."

Henry Christian was a cute little boy in the picture but Jason as a little boy was obviously cuter. With his really geeky glasses and cute green robot shirt, he was a total chick magnet.

I slapped the real Jason's cheek playfully and stuck my tongue out at him. No fucking way am I going to admit to him being cute. No fucking way. Nu- "You were an adorable shit as a kid!" I exclaimed, giving him a once-over.

"What the fuck did puberty do to you, man?" I added, slapping him again. God I wish I could pinch his cheeks.

He smiled and laughed. Puberty jokes always hit the right spot.

One look at his face tempted me and made me want to pinch his cheeks lovingly like a girlfriend. So the next thing I did was, of course, pinch his cheeks lovingly. And then I realized that I needed to pinch harder to make it look more like a friend thing rather than a lovingly creepy I-want-to-be-your-girlfriend-and-bear-your-babies thing.

"Ouch Chris! That hurts! Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Let go." He deadpanned.

I grinned at him but otherwise did what he asked. Mission failure, aborted. I was still in the game.

Replacing my fingers was an angry red mark. We soon returned to search for Carrie.

Before we had even gotten halfway done with Jason's room, he suggested he go look around the other rooms in the house. Because that meant less time looking, I consented.

I was just looking inside Jason's closet and was about to open the last drawer, which I assumed contained underwear because all the other ones didn't have underwear in them, when Jason yelled out from a door away.

"Chris! I found our baby!" I blinked once. Twice. Did he just say 'our baby' because I think he just did. Okay wow. I haven't even gotten first base and now we have a kid together. Talk about taking things too fast.

When I got to Jason, he was standing outside a door painted pink with badly glued frills and a whiteboard three feet above the ground, nailed to it. The name Erin was written on the whiteboard with pink and purple markers as hearts surrounded the name.

Completely ignoring the out-of-place door, I turned back to Jason and asked where the doll was.

He cleared his throat and looked at the ground while I pondered as to where the hell the school's property went.

"My sister Erin, she… she has Carrie." I looked at him annoyingly. Is that it?

"Then go get her." I ordered him.

"She uh… wants to have," he fake-coughed. It must have been as bad as the door. I think I know where this was going and I'm not sure if I like it. "a tea party and discuss ownership of the doll." He finished.

That's… that's ridiculous!

"Let me go talk to her. She might see reason!" I confidently stated, rolling up my school sleeves, opening the door to Jason's sister's room.

Jason held me back, holding my arm and blocking my destination. I stared at him defiantly and he let me go. I gave him a huff and put one foot in front of the other.

This was it.

Years in the academy.

All leading up to this moment.

The second I entered the room, I was blinded.

It took three seconds for my eyes to adjust to all the hues of pink decorating the room. It took another three seconds to find the doll-stealing kid with her horrendously pink wand and tutu.

I strode towards her, my chest puffed out like a noble knight with my decoden rainbow-colored phone in my hand for a Jedi-like sword.

"Hello there, Erin! I'm Chris and that doll you're holding is mine." I greeted, putting on my cheeriest, fakest smile ever.

If my old pageant coach were here to see me now, he'd be proud of me. And annoyed at the same time because I was slouching.

The cute little thing called Jason's little sister smiled at me and melted my heart instantly. I don't understand how Jason couldn't get the doll back from this little angel.

Then little Erin opened her mouth.

"I don't think so, Jason's girlfriend." She giggled, pushing away Carrie's nylon hair from her face. Not even bothering to glance up at me. Geez.

A nerve on my neck felt like it popped. What did she just call me?

"I'm not Jason's girlfriend, little girl. But I am his partner for a school project, and we need that dolly you're holding for the project. So please give her back." I half-begged, half-seethed at the girl, kneeling in front of the short table where she was sitting.

"Play dress up and have tea with me and then we'll talk, Cuh-reese." I swear, you could hear a pin drop with the silence I emitted the moment she said that.

She's how old again?

I stood up and glared at her and marched out of the room deflated.

Jason was leaning on the wall opposite to the door.

"Well?" he inquired, a smug smile on his face.

I glared at him with more intensity than with my glare with his sister and mumbled, "Dress up and tea."

His smug smile grew even more as he pulled me away from the door and down the stairs.

"Let's go get the costumes, then."

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO Y'ALL. CHRIS AND I GIVE ZERO FUCKS ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP. ALL WE CARE ABOUT IS THAT YOU HAD A FUN TIME READING THE CHAPTER BECAUSE MARKUS HAS REQUESTED THAT THE NEXT CHAPTER BE RELEASED THE MOMENT TWO REVIEWS FOR THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN MADE.

Yeah so, no Chapter Fourteen until I get two reviews for Chapter Thirteen. Well, unless I feel like it, really. So yeah. Tell your friends about CRSM because da drama about to start. Everything is going to change in the next chapter. MUAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Heyyyy, hoo! Wassup!? So I totally just finished this now. I know, I know, I'm weird. It's a cute little Valentines gift, aint it? Uhuh. It's all Jason and Chris, I know. I promise we'll get back to Markus soon, guys. And also, the trouble has begun! Is Chris going to get Carrie back? Is Jason going to be wearing a costume also? And who knew Jason had an eccentric younger brother named Henry Christian and a sassy shit for a younger sister named Erin, right? Yeah, so comment and all that. I promise I'll get with the next chapter as soon as I can. I swear! I'm graduating in forty something days anyway, so… :P

Also, check out this weird conversation I had with my guy when he read the part where Jason tells Chris he lost the doll.

[8:38:46 PM] Boyfriend: For that chap

[8:38:57 PM] Kain: lol.

[8:39:47 PM] Boyfriend: It looks good Love, I particularly like Chris' reaction to Jason

[8:40:08 PM] Kain: what

[8:40:33 PM] Boyfriend: When he tells he lost the Baby XD

[8:40:47 PM] Kain: goddamnit

[8:40:57 PM] Kain: don't refer to it as the baby.

[8:41:03 PM] Kain: IT'S NOT THEIR BABY

[8:41:05 PM] Boyfriend: XD

[8:41:07 PM] Kain: IT'S A FUCKING DOLL.

15: Mission: Carrie; The Retrieval

“Tell me you’re not enjoying this!” I begged as Jason pulled out numerous articles of clothing from the trunk in their “costume room.”

His parents were apparently really into performing and urged their kids to follow in their footsteps, going as far as giving their children an entire wing of their house dedicated to hone their acting, singing and dancing skills and they were allowed to use it whenever and for whatever reason. They even had a dance studio complete with ballet bars and mirrors and apparently, Jason used to take ballet lessons until he was nine. Holy hell.

Mr. and Mrs. Paulson were both part of the entertainment biz, Jason told me. His mom was the scriptwriter of some old famous cartoon from back when we were six. I think it was called Lonely with Eighteen Cats or something. And his dad was a producer. What he produced, Jason didn’t say. I wonder if the dude produces really successful porn. With Jason for a son, you never know.

“I’m sorry Chris, but I am! I am enjoying this so much I’m actually waiting for the moment we’re in costume so you can take a picture of it.” he bellowed back, showing me a sparkly pink dress that ended mid-thigh. Or, at least, his mid-thigh. No fucking way am I wearing that! I am no Barbie Princess, biatch.

I gave him the finger.

“Erin’s a little d-bag, I know but when she says something, she means it, man. There was even this one time when she worked together with Henry Christian and took my phone and threatened to get him to send mom the flirty text messages I sent to a girl I met at Starbucks if I didn’t bring the both of them to see the local play of The Phantom of The Opera. I was grounded for a month when I said no.”

I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms. Oh really now?

He shook his head and smiled, “If it makes you feel any better, I have to wear a costume too. I’m the only normal kid in this family. I swear.” No, that did not make me feel better. No way in hell.

Well, maybe a little bit. I mean, Jason in a tight-ass costume? Give me that shit! Never mind, I’ll take seven!

To mock him, I muttered what he said in a pitchy voice that reminded me of the girl from Hannah Montana who had a “nasal problem” or whatever. God, I hated her.

The next costume Jason held up was a Dorothy-ish, Wizard of Oz dress and it was probably the best one out of the entire lot.

“This will do, let’s go.”

Jason took the words right out of my mouth.

He ran out of the room and pulled me along with him, taking me back to his room, which I think is in another wing of the house.

When we got to his room, we were both winded but even so, he pushed me into his bathroom.

 “Change. Bathroom. Go.”

I rolled my eyes and did my best to not collapse from exhaustion. My body was made for eating tacos and chili dogs, not running.

Five minutes later, I was wearing the white dress and the blue checkered apron. It was a bit tight on my boobage area but it was okay everywhere else. Hopefully, I don’t get breast cancer.

“Jason, I’m coming out. If you’re not decent yet then you better hope I’m a lesbian.” I yelled as I opened the door that led back to his huge room.

Luckily, he was dressed. Dressed in a tux, minus the coat, no less.

He was fumbling with the belt buckle of his pants and I was about to go ahead and tell him that his fly was open but eh. His blue boxers were kinda cute to look at.

“Hey Butternut, when you’re done, we’re taking a selfie and posting it on Instagram for the entire world to see that you’re having fun with this bitch.” I told him, reaching for my backpack on his desk and feeling around the deep crevices to find my phone until I felt its curves.

I pulled it out and asked him where we could take the selfie.

He walked over to a huge cloth poster of Tony Bennett and folded it up, revealing a mirror that was a smidge smaller than the poster.

“This is a fucking house of secrets, Butternut! Seriously! Who has mirror hidden under a Tony Bennett poster? More importantly, who has a cloth poster of Tony Bennett? That’s weird.” I told him.

Jason pulled out his own phone and put an arm around me, taking a picture of me looking disgustingly at him.

“That’s a really cute picture of you, Chris! Like, really!”

I scoffed and told him it was my turn. I pulled out my phone and told him to do the sassiest pose he could muster.

The pose he did was probably the weirdest thing I had ever seen. It was the cheeky ‘Teehee’ facial expression from White Chicks. Whereas I opted for one of my legs raised and my left hand covering my open, shocked, mouth.

“Oh my god! We are so posting these right now!” I squealed at him as I opened up the Instagram application on my phone.

“Hey, what’s your name on Insta?” He asked me.

“It’s ChrisChrisVoodoo. Yours?” I replied, looking through my notifications.

“JasonMcBronuts.”

I looked for his name and followed him.

“Bitch follow me back.” I ordered him.

“Done and done. Tag me.”

I sat on Jason’s bed and captioned the picture: “Baby Daddy and I lost the baby while we were playing dress up. #whoops #JasonsCrib #DorothyAndDouchebag”

In the same moment I posted the picture, I got a notification. I was honestly excited to find out what Jason’s caption was.

“My waifuu lost the baby and is blaming me for it! #MarriedLifeSux #StaySingle”

I raised my head and looked at Jason who was still standing in front of the mirror. I waited for him to look at me with remorse for my caption.

Thankfully, the moment didn’t come.

My eyes darted back to his bookshelf and then focused on a particularly blue-colored, worn hardcover. It looked familiar so I walked towards it like it hypnotized me and picked it up.

It was a first edition copy of If I Stay by Gayle Forman. And it was signed by Gail Forman.

I started to laugh hysterically as I stared at the book in my hands. It made me question Jason’s manliness. Who in their right minds would have a copy of this book if they were the kind of people who had books in their bookshelf that they didn’t read. With all of the books you could have used as placeholders in your life to make it seem like you were some jock who could read, you had to choose the book that was a symbol of eternal twenty-first century love that had me almost crying by the end of it while I tried to contemplate on whether or not I finished my Chinese xiao kai the week before.

Jason walked over to me as I continued to silently make fun of his choice of display books.

He snatched the hardcover from my hands and carefully put it back into its place on the bookshelf and mockingly glared at me.

“What?” I asked him, sounding like a gurgling lion as I tried to contain my laughter.

“I read that one, mind you. It’s probably the only book you’ll find on that shelf that I’ve actually read so stop laughing.”

It made me laugh even more. Jason? Reading a Forman? No fucking way is he serious!

“ARE YOU TWO DONE?”

Jason and I looked at each and sighed. It was Showtime.

We walked out of the room with our heads held high and marched like soldiers on the battlefield to Erin’s room.

In my head I imagined I was the actual Dorothy walking on the red carpeted ground to the Wizard’s to get myself the ruby red-lipped baby Alive so that I could live a full and happy life with a good grade in Home Economics and Jason was the cowardly lion in a handsome tux about to face the fear that was called ‘pissing off my younger sister and potentially getting my mom to take away my car’.

Jason basically kicked the door open and walked straight to Erin, who was sitting on her bed and innocently flipping through a picture book.

“We’re here, Erin.” He told her, slowly pulling the book away from her.

Erin made a motion for us to step back to assess our costumes.

“This is perfect! Well, let’s get the tea on!” She ordered, clapping her hands together like the Red Queen would to request for a pig belly to rest her feet on.

While we set up the tea table, the intercom whirred to life with a message for the dictator in horrifying pink.

“Erin,” The voice sounded pretty posh and British. “Phineas and Ferb is on and the viewing room is ready for you.”

In a flash, Erin was at the door and yelling that tea time would have to be delayed because nothing was more important than Phineas telling Ferb to do something and taking half the credit for it.

Jason and I looked at each other for a moment to process everything that had just happened and nodded before separating into different corners of the room to look for Carrie.

I picked up Erin’s pillows incase the little snot hid my baby under the mountain of fluffy feathers but she was not there. I took a step back to view the entire four-poster bed and had an idea. Looking over at Jason who was randomly picking through Erin’s toy boxes, I took one breath before taking off my shoes and slowly, very slowly, really slowly, super slowly climbed up to the canopy, hoping that Erin had thrown the doll up there.

“What are you doing, Christy-Anne Q. Ramirez?”

Jason’s voice was enough for me to lose my hold on the canopy and fall on Jason. To put it simply, my fat, beautiful posterior landed on top of Jason’s thighs and we stayed like that for quite some time because neither of us could process what had happened.

And then I felt something rise up all of a sudden. Oh sweet mother of Nutella. Why me? Why now?

I was too embarrassed to even open my eyes and face Jason. It was he who had decided to swallow the weird moment and to shrug it off.

“When I prayed to God, I asked him to get girls to fall for me. Not on me.” He remarked.

I shook my head and gave a nervous laugh before turning my back to him and deciding I had to give the canopy another go.

“By the way, strawberry underwear? Don’t you think that’s a little too middle school for you, Chris?”

I took another look at him and basically wanted to use the Force to give him the finger. But since I wasn’t some Jedi or Master Yoda, I just gave him the regular old finger before returning to my climb.

Once at the top, it was pretty easy to spot the Carrie. I yelled for Jason that I had found her and then took her in my arms, told Jason to catch me and then fell into his strong, jock-y arms.

In his arms, our eyes met. Jason was wearing his contacts again so my brown eyes met his green ones and I felt a blush creep up on my face.

When Jason let me down, we stood face-to-face for a bit before I told him I had to go. He nodded and we silently walked back to his room and I changed back into my school uniform and asked him to take me to a karaoke place for my aunt’s promotion celebration.

 

--

Hi there! So finally, on this eighth day of June, I have finally finished typing the fourteenth chapter after a two-month break. I wrote the first 1,300 or so words before graduation and the rest today. By the gods, I am on a roll today. Ugh.

I just started my first day of university and it was basically orientations this and that the whole day and it was weirdly fun because I’d already previously met some of my classmates (bc we’re one class in my course) and then met a couple new classmates and tomorrow, I get to finally meet everyone!

Now, for all of you, I have to say that you’re going to be so glad to hear that my class schedule is basically heaven compared to all of the other class schedules out there right now. All of my high school friends are jealous. My classes are so easy too! Another thing you’re all going to like is the fact that I have only decided to enter four clubs this year, two of which are my clubs by default. Rotaracts and Red Cross (Because I was elected as an officer for Rotaracts bc everyone already knew me and Red Cross because duuuuuh, I HAVE TO.) I also have to decide between joining one of two debate orgs and one of two publications.

Nyah.

16: The Karaoke King

Aunt Shelley greeted me at the entrance of the karaoke place carrying a lime green backpack and it looked very out of place with her businesswoman attire as she waved good bye to Jason, who awkwardly waved back and drove away as fast as he could.

The ride over was probably the most awkward thing I had ever experienced. It beat the time I accidentally kissed my Brian on the forehead in front of all our friends. Like, the second after I did it, we both yelled ‘what the fuck!?’ and I couldn’t face him for a week because I was embarrassed. He got even though. The dumb dick made sure to kiss my cheek the moment he saw me, which was when I was flirting with the hot Hawaiian transfer student who had asked how to join the Red Cross.

Needless to say, the guy never approached me again. But he’s apparently going places with his volunteering at the organization after I was gone.

“So, who was the hot guy in the car, Chris?” Aunt Shelley asked me. Oh god. Not now.

“He’s my Home Ec partner and I was at his house looking for our project because his sister held it hostage and the only way we could get it back was to play Tea Party with her, which didn’t happen by the way because Phineas and Ferb, which is her favorite show apparently, was on. But I did have to wear a costume so there’s that. We got the doll back and I probably won’t ever go back to his house because it reminds me of Tita Rosalie’s house and you know how much I hate her house because of all the richy rich thingies, right? Anyway, where’s everybody?”

My aunt blinked at my answer and then walked inside since this kind of thing was totally normal for her. We practically grew up with each other before she moved away and losing a doll was baby stuff for us. It could never compare to the time we went on a vacation to Boracay before she left and I got way over my head when we were crossing a bridge and pushed past Aunt Shelley so I could go first but then I fell off the said bridge and scratched my ass on the on the way down and now I have a scar on my right butt cheek and it has served me well in my quest to avoid being used as my family’s beauty pageant guinea pig.

Aunt Shelley handed me the bag she was carrying and told me my regular clothes were inside. She then proceeded to take my school backpack and tell me where the bathroom and their room number so I could change and then catch up with her there.

I shrugged as I walked in the other direction as to where she was headed and then suddenly wondered why she was more… responsible than usual. I guessed she wanted to look mature in front of her coworkers and maybe her boss might be there, which would make sense since this was her promotion party where everyone celebrates her promotion from Associate Manager to Head of the Department.

When I got to the bathroom, my thoughts went back to the awkward moment I had with Jason.

He was cute and probably even more so in that moment that we had but I don’t feel like I have any feelings for him just yet. I mean, we’ve spent so much time together but I’ve spent more time with Brian and I’ve never felt for him in any way despite the fact that he was insanely hot and had girls asking him to be their boyfriend.

As I opened the bag, I blinked at the faded denim polo shirt accompanied with my large plain white v-neck, and my favorite pair of pants with the two buttons and the one zipper and the huge pockets that can actually fit my L300 phone and the psychedelic Converse Mamita got me for Christmas. It seemed like a very odd choice of clothing for Aunt Shelley to pick out for me since she always urged me to wear shorts since they all look really good on me. She must have some really high up guests if she’s making me wear pants.

When I was finished, I neatly folded my school uniform and stuffed it into the bag carefully as to not ruin the fold because the boss lady wasn’t going to be very happy if she got home to find my uniform crumpled into a heap inside the bag because it was very disrespectful to do that back in the Philippines.

Which is a country we don’t live in anymore, Aunt Shelley!

I racked my mind for the room number they were in as I left the bathroom. And when I got to the intersection where Aunt Shelley and I parted, I walked a little slower to check the room numbers but then realized that there was a new corridor opening for every group of five rooms that I passed and there were a couple of people aimlessly walking around and I grinned.

It was the perfect time to play ding dong ditch.

Everyone in the rooms must either be having some semblance of fun or covert sadness while belting out awful tunes that Atlantis could hear from wherever it was, which made it a perfect place to knock on doors and run like hell. Much better than a hospital where you’d end up getting ding dong ditched back by some weird, bald kid who just stares at you for an entire minute before you close the door on his face and then never see him again.

Discreetly, I raised my hand to start my crazed knock-tirade and braced my body for the run I was going to have.

I knocked on doors as I ran past them and then slowed down when I had gotten to another intersection and ducked inside.

Out of the ten doors I had knocked on, only two were opened. Possibly because all of the other rooms were busy singing or getting drunk or getting laid or not getting laid and sitting in a corner contemplating why they rented an entire room for karaoke just for themselves to sing their heart out because they had no friends or loved ones to sing with them.

I pouted at the result of my epic fail and then walked up to the room that I thought they were in and burst in, cursing myself for not double checking because it might not be the right room and I might have just disturbed the people inside like a douchebag.

When I surveyed the room, I was glad to find a dozen faces staring at me and realizing that three of them were very familiar, namely Markus, his sister and my Aunt. I smiled at everyone and greeted them and worked my way over to where Markus was sitting so I could pat him in the back and ask him to get up and get me a drink.

He rolled his eyes at me and called me an ‘asshole’ but otherwise complied.

“You know, you have a pair of arms and legs and you can’t even be bothered to get yourself a soda?” He asked me when he got back, carrying two cans of Coke Zero with him.

I took one of the cans from him and grinned. He knew I preferred Zero to regular Coke. Props to him.  

“Well, I’d do it myself but God created you for a reason and that reason is to get up and get me a soda while I sat here and took your spot.”

He shook his head and smiled at me, pushing me aside so he could take a seat as well as we watched the adults mingle and have fun with each other.

After five minutes of people watching, Markus and I got so visibly bored that his sister noticed and handed us both a shot of what they called Sex on the Beach, which was basically vodka and gin mixed with orange, kiwi and lemon juice. Without hesitation, the three of us raised our shot glasses and downed the drink.

After the shot reached my stomach, I realized it was my first taste of alcohol and I felt a little guilty because I’d promised Brian that the first shot I’d ever take would be with him but given the circumstances, that couldn’t have happened because I was a teenager in high school and I was bound to drink at least once in my life and it just had to happen now and without my dear old pal with me to experience the moment.

Markus’ sister smiled at us and patted me on the back as she whispered into our ears, “This is going to get a little too graphic for you youngins so being the responsible adult that I am, I have elected to get you two your own room so that you can do whatever you want within reason. You can even invite a few of your other friends if they want to join in.”

Lurky and I nodded in acknowledgement and asked her what the room number was and she told us it was the room right in front of this one. She had also said that because it was a Friday, we were allowed to order one bottle of whatever alcoholic to share and that she was going to check up on us periodically.

As soon as she left, Markus and I shot straight out of the room and into the other one and decided to order a tower of Sex on the Beach because it was the only alcoholic either of us had really tasted.

Markus decided he was going to sing first and he thought Breakeven was a good way to start the fun.

And boy did it start the fun.

The dude didn’t just know how to sing. He knew how to groove in time to the music while still maintaining his composure in song. Markus was swaying his body in a way sexy belly dancers would have hated him for. Lucky for him it was just lazy old me who had to endure watching him twisting his body. Gosh it’s so weird seeing a geek pop and lock like that fat chick in High School Musical.

I had nothing against Markus strutting his stuff but his geekiness just made it so shocking that he knew how to perform like that. If it was Jason singing, I would not be surprised because that guy could basically do anything, but Markus? Wow, with him it’s like an alien just landed on our planet and asked where the nearest Starbucks was and if their coffee tasted as good as the blastenbois concoction they had on Mars.

The next song he sung was Somebody Out There by Rocket to the Moon and it was my favorite song so obviously, I grabbed the extra mic and joined Markus in belting out the tunes.

I related to the song as much as I related to other girls undergoing period cramps. This song was probably the banner of all the single people and should stay as such until a better song came along. Which is not likely, if you ask me.

By the time our tower had gotten to us, we were in the middle of singing Lady GaGa’s Paparazzi and dancing like it was nobody’s business and we were having so much fun pretending we were both Mother Monster that the dude came in to find Markus on top of the table and arching his back so his head was basically two feet away from the ground and I was doing ridiculous jazz hands.

The guy literally looked at us like we were crazy and asked Markus to get off of the table so he could put the large tower on top of the table before running out of the room muttering ‘Crazy, privileged, teenagers’.

We took two glasses and filled them to the brim with sex on the beach and took a selfie with the drinks and Markus and instagrammed it using the Lomo filter to make it look more dramatic than it actually was. That is, if you count my Yao Ming face and Markus’ ‘Bottoms Up!’ pose as dramatic.

I captioned the picture, “Letting it Go!” and placed my phone on the table so I could get back to insulting Markus’ singing voice.

When the song ended, Markus turned to me and asked, “Do you think we should text someone to hang out with us? This is getting kind of weird for you, isn’t it?”

I shook my head. “Nah, it’s not, actually. Nowadays, I’ve been hanging around Jason and it’s gotten a little boring hanging out with him and I do have to make time for the dude who introduced me to Moondust and showed me a bunch of different places to hide!” I replied, patting him on the back.

He rolled his eyes at me and proceeded to pick another song to belt out to and I saw that he was going to pick a One Direction song so I did the most natural thing that came to mind. Switch it to a random song that wasn’t One direction. He glared at me for two seconds before our eyes were directed back to the TV screen because the song was about to start and I had to laugh because it was Start of Something New from High School Musical and it was a duet and it was also the one song that had started my friendship with Will. As well as the second-grade relationship I had with him.

Markus started singing Troy’s part and I fumbled around to look for the other microphone that seemed to have rolled away from the table when the Tower dude came in. I found it just in time for Gabriella’s part of the song and Markus went along with it.

All of a sudden we switched places and he was Gabriella and I was Troy and it was like he and I had that spark that I used to share with Will when we sung this song for the first time and it cemented our friendship.

I saw Markus in a way I used to see Brian before he and I became best friends.

Markus and I were singing and dancing so closely together that I felt a blush creeping up on my face.

It was then that I had realized that I had liked Markus as more than a friend.

My mind flashed back to the time Markus put his hand on my waist to stop me from falling on top of the Marvin Troupe and to the time he gave me an ylang-ylang flower.

I shook away those thoughts and kept singing, acting like nothing was wrong and I was fine until Markus ended the song by putting his hand on my waist and pulling me close and singing the final words with his eyes trained on me.

Oh fucking butter carbohydrates. Diyos ko! Wag namang ganyan! Hindi ito makakaya nang puso ko!

I could feel my heart ramming against my chest, threatening to come out with force.

The door opened from behind us and in a split second, I was lying on the dirty, carpeted floor with my butt feeling like it was injected with numbing anesthetics before a butt operation. While I was making sense of the weird position I was in, my head turned towards the door to see Markus’ sister walking inside.

She took one look at me on the floor and Markus in his feet-spread-apart-‘what the hell did I do’- awkward-jazz-hands and told me my aunt needed me in the other room.

“Shelley says she has to talk to you right this minute.” Markus’ sister said, her smile looking a little vile.

I picked myself up from the floor and dusted off the dirt from my pants as I looked at Markus’ sister, AKA Melanie Colbert-Brady to her coworkers, AKA Mel to people close to her, AKA *Ate Mel to me and Temil to both Markus and I after I called her Temil on accident that one time.

Aunt Shelley was waiting for me outside the karaoke room but she wasn’t alone. Nope. She was with some guy in a heavy trench coat that was absolutely wet. Aunt Shelley seemed to be blushing as she leaned on the wall opposite to the other wall connected to the door of the karaoke room that opened to Markus daringly singing Dancing Queen with his sister, thinking that I had already closed the door and didn’t see him hit the table with his hips as he tried to sway in time with the music. Idiot.

I tapped Aunt Shelley’s shoulder and asked her what she wanted to talk about. The look on her face was so preposterously nervous but excited, in the same way anyone would be before bungee jumping fifty feet off a cliff in a banana costume so you could win a million dollars on some weird Japanese game show. She looked so nervously excited that I thought she was going to have some sort of seizure in thirty seconds.

We stared at each other in those thirty seconds, unsure of what to make of anything. She was absolutely blank and I was thinking about whether or not to ready myself for when my own fucking aunt decides to pass out from all the nervous energy in her aura like strong radioactive bombs.

“Oh, so this is Chris, huh Marie?” Remarked Mr. Trench Coat, pointing a finger at me.

My jaw almost dropped. Are you fucking kidding me? Excuse me Mr. Trench Coat but did you just call my aunt, Marie? Wow. Nobody ever calls her by her second name. That’s weird.

I looked at my aunt and saw her nodding excitedly like she was adamant to get me sold to a brothel for a good price like Baby Doll in Sucker Punch and I could feel my face twisting into my usual ‘What the fuck is going on. Somebody talk to me’ face.

Mr. Trench Coat and Aunt Shelley shared a knowing look while I stood in between the both of them.

And the both of them kept sharing the look. And sharing the look. And sharing the look.

I checked my watch to see how long they were looking at each other and let me tell you, my imaginary audience that I assume is there because I believe that I am a girl in a movie right now, that these two have been looking at each other for a while before I realized that there was definitely something going on between them.

Like a partnership. At work. That’s totally platonic.

And then that idea came crashing down as soon as my aunt opened her mouth.

“Chris, meet Chris.”

Holy shit. What?

--

*Ate Mel (Translation) In the Philippines, Ate (Ah-teh) means big sister and is a term used for older females or female strangers that require your attention.

Hey there! Forget the other review. I’ve been holding on to this baby for so fucking long that I’ve decided it’s time to finally let it out of the bag. Idk. July 23, aka today, just turned very significant. First, I accidentally bumped into my best friend for the first time since graduation. Thing is, I wanted to see her today and was supposed to until we realized that her exams finished the same time my classes started since we both go to different universities and are majoring in very different courses. Next, I wrote the first part of Chapter 16 in Psychology class today and got really inspired to publish this and then lastly, I sort of had a long walk and talk with the guy who has been technically courting me for like, a month now and he sort of talked me into becoming his girlfriend today so there’s also that. So, if you want to thank anyone for the new chapter, thank him and my friend Ann.

Cya

17: Drink n' Dye

“What? Wait. What?” I yelled as my eyes focused on my aunt, absolutely perplexed at what she had just said.

Aunt Shelley placed her hand on the guy’s chest and nodded, speaking again after clearing her throat and uttering the most sickening words I had ever heard out of her mouth so far.

“Christ, meet Christopher Wendell, more commonly known as Chris, also known as my boyfriend.” It felt like God decreed a drought be set inside my mouth as it dried of all the saliva my virgin mouth had to offer.

No way am I believing that Aunt Shelley had a boyfriend. Really! There were two unbelievable things in my Aunt’s shocking, newsworthy, statement. Number one was that she had a boyfriend. The woman barely had time to paint her nails! Plus, she’s gushed about a million hot guys that she worked with since I started living with her. How could she have so many crushes and be in a relationship?

The second thing was even worse. Her boyfriend’s name is Chris! Uhh, hello? I’m Chris! The fact that we’re both Chris is like the biggest cliché ever. Really! Like, if this were some stupid book written by some teenager who thought she knew how to write and I was the main character, then it wouldn’t be that good of a book because two characters having the same name is lazy writing.

Oh God. I just realized something! Jason’s brother, his name’s Henry Christian, right? Well, Henry Christian. Christian. CHRIS! Jesus Proverbial Christ! Goddamnit!

You know it’s hopeless if even God’s son is named Chris. Chris with a ‘t’ but still, Chris. Gosh. This is really, really, really, really, lazy writing.

Anyway, I stared at my Aunt in shock for about a good minute as she waited for me to analyze what she had just said. The first word that came out of my mouth was “Why?”

Aunt Shelley scoffed and patted me on the back, detaching herself from He-Chris not Me-Chris.

“I know what you’re thinking. How do I differentiate the two of you when I have to text one of you? Well, I named you Chrissy on my phone and he’s just plain old Chris!” She exclaimed.

Oh god. Somebody shoot me in the face and use my jaw as a crown and my teeth as the jewels! She does not understand. At all. This is so fucked up.

I nodded dumbly at her, too busy fighting my inner thoughts to say anything as I stood there staring into the distance. Like a deer in the headlights.

All of a sudden, the door opened and out came Temil, all flustered and red. All of my attention then went to her, my face twisting into a questioning look at her to which she replied with a shrug.

She then noticed the fact that my Aunt, her boyfriend and I were standing awkwardly beside each other so she grabbed the both of them and dragged them back to the adult’s party and winked at me. I shot her another look but she was already closing the door so I dawdled back to my own party. With Markus. And Markus. And his imaginary friends.

Basically, it was a party of two. And from the look of things inside the room the moment I opened the door, Markus was the life of the shindig.

He was doing the Air Guitar and did not notice me come in because the music was so loud. So I took my chances and made a run for my phone on the table and pressed ‘record’. Trust me, I did not regret a thing. The dude didn’t even notice me behind him while he did the nae nae dance move while simultaneously singing. It took three songs for him to realize I was back in the room.

I have decided that Karaoke was the best thing that humankind has ever invented. And the Karaoke bars? Pure genius. I’ve got enough blackmail material to basically fuck with Markus’ life forever.

Markus stormed over to me and I hurriedly locked my phone and threw it into my tucked-in shirt and gave him a smug smile.

It was all slow motion inside my head. He reached for my phone and tackled me to the ground. For a moment, I thought he got drunk enough to think I was his favorite hamburger lathered with his favorite condiment, soy sauce. But no. He was actually drunk enough to tackle me to the ground and tickle the fuck out of me.

As a really ticklish person, I can attest to the fact that I was so mad at myself for being so goddamn ticklish. I laughing so fucking hard I could breathe. Like, I could barely make the ‘AHAHAHAHAHAHA’ sound. The only thing coming out of my mouth was a lot of deep breathing like I was having an asthma attack.

When I finally pushed Markus off me, I glared at him and walked to the table and took a shot while he started another song. It was Hey Soul Sister. In a flash I had taken another shot and stolen the mic from Markus and sand my pretty little heart out.

Soon he and I were both back to jamming and drinking shots.

Shot after shot after shot.

Hey Soul Sister was like the turning point of the evening. And I was so happy that I got to spend it with the dude I finally realized was my new Will. The dude that I knew was the high school version of elementary love life.

After a couple more shots, we were sharing the mic and I took out my phone from inside my shirt and snapped a couple selfies with Markus before confessing to him that I wanted to dye my hair red like a ginger.

“Well, why don’t you dye it?” He replied.

In the drunken haze, I considered his idea and nodded wistfully to it.

He pulled me to the door and I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks. I was hoping that it meant that I had too much to drink.

I asked him where we were going, pulling him back.

“To a salon to get your hair dyed. It’s no big deal, I have to get a haircut too. It’s a win-win situation.” He explained.

Even in my drunken state I knew that it was sort of late at night and it wasn’t likely that a salon was still open so I told Markus.

“Mel knows a place. She goes there tons of times after a failed date to get her nails done.”

I blinked.

“Nails?”

Markus nodded haphazardly. “Yeah, nails. C’mon! Let’s go!”

He pulled me to the other room and walked straight up to his sister and asked her if he could borrow her car.

“Where are you two headed?” She asked us, her eyebrow raised.

I straightened up a bit and so did Markus as he answered his sister’s question. “Chris wants to go to the salon you go to. She wants to get her hair dyed and I want a haircut.”

As he said this, I realized that he was still holding my hand. I was glad that my cheeks were already red because if they weren’t, I’d have blushed redder so red that they’d have to make a porno lit called Forty-nine Gradients of Tomato Red.

“You’re both too wasted to go on your own so I’m driving you over there.” She said.

Markus and I nodded at her suggestion and smiled as she walked over to my Aunt to tell her where I was going. When she told us to wait for her at the parking lot while she took a whiz, Markus and I raced over to the lot with so much excitement.

Once there, I felt the cool air kiss my cheeks and I was suddenly aware of the cold. Of course Aunt Shelley had to pick the shirt that was so not good for the cold weather. The good news was that it sobered me up a bit, and probably Markus too.

I tugged on Markus’ hand that was still entwined with mine and pouted at him as my other hand pulled on his gray hoodie.

He rolled his eyes at me, shrugged it off and handed it to me. I dutifully put it on and was then bombarded by the scent of what seemed like my favorite cologne, Green Meadows and the musky scent of Hugo Boss. I smiled at the smell. It was comforting and familiar.

When Temil caught up to us, she made no indication that she noticed me wearing her brother’s hoodie. Or that her brother was wearing a pink t-shirt with Patrick Star in the front smiling cutely. All she did was hop into the car and start driving.

On the way to the salon, Markus’ hand left mine and I pulled my poor, cold, hand inside the long-armed hoodie, keeping it from the cold. The car ride sobered me up a little bit more and I got a sense of clarity of my, well Markus’ decision for me to impulsively dye my hair the color of a soulless human being, also known as a Weasley.

Then it dawned me. Temil told my Aunt that she was taking me to some 24/7 salon to dye my hair. I don’t know what my Aunt was high on. I mean, yeah, sure, I’d tried temporarily dying it orange for a contest but we’re talking about permanent orange, here. It was a decision that you really shouldn’t make while intoxicated.

The car suddenly stopped and I found myself automatically walking into the salon and letting Temil tell the hairdresser what I wanted as I stood there beside her, looking absolutely tipsy and weird and I think the lady at the counter saw that.

While the Rhonda, my hairdresser, led me to a chair beside Markus, I heard the counter lady ask Temil if she was serious about letting us go through with our hair makeovers while intoxicated and she said the most fucked up, logical thing and adult should do while raising a child.

“I’m teaching them a little lesson in responsibility. You know, taking responsibility for your own decisions and her guardian is all for it even though she knows that red is way better color to with than orange but you know, their decision, their responsibility. Anyway, I’m going to go back to the uhh, karaoke because everyone is probably at some level, really drunk. So, I’m going back there and chaperoning and I’ll be back for them in four hours, I guess.”

After that, my head started spinning, probably from the smell of the chemicals and from just being really tired and I passed out. No memory of what happened until the next morning when I woke up in my own bed, smelling like I had just made the worst decision in my entire teenage life.

The moment I opened my eyes, I just jumped out of bed and ran to the mirror and saw orange.

Fred and George Weasley orange. Attached to my head. And I didn’t look half bad. I mean, I looked like Merida because just got out of bed but I liked it.

“I can go to Hogwarts now.” I whispered to myself.

Next thing I did was walk downstairs and saw my Aunt nursing a cup of coffee in her usual tacky, purple mug on the kitchen counter with her laptop in front of her.

She threw a glance my way and smirked, “Not bad,” she exclaimed, placing her mug on the table to give me a thumbs up, which I dutifully returned.

“What happened?” I asked her, sitting on the chair in front of her and closing the laptop so she was forced to answer my question.

“Well, when Mel got back she waited two hours before she reminded everyone that they had lives and stopped the party and offered to drive everyone too intoxicated, home. Including Chris and I, before picking you and Markus up. When we got to the salon, you were still on the chair, snoring and drooling and so was Markus. But we got him to wake up. You? Not so much.” Aunt Shelley remarked, shrugging.

I gave her a gentle push and snorted. So mean!

“Hey! Anyway, because we couldn’t get you to wake up, I asked Chris to carry you to the car but then Markus stepped in and said he’d do it because he knew you were going to feel weird about another Chris carrying you. So he carried you from the salon to the car and then from the car to your room and then they left.”

My heart fluttered as she recalled the events for the night and I couldn’t stop my cheeks from flaring up red.

Holy shit. I’m a tomato.

--

Hey guys! So it’s basically three in the morning and my first midterm exam is at one in the afternoon and let me tell you I am so not prepared to take a long-ass departmentalized test about Filipino 101. Like, I did study for like, two hours but still nothing. What’s worse is that I ate so much chocolate and a pack of sour gummi bears and washed all that junk down with an “Absolute Zero” Monster Energy drink. And that explains why I’m still awake right now. Hahahaha. Kill me.

The first two hours that I couldn’t sleep was because I was watching a movie called From the Rough and it’s basically about a men’s golf club and Tom Felton was in it and I said, “I’m not sleeping anytime soon because of the drink so I might as well spend my time fangirling over Tom." 

18: A Pouring Day

The next decision I made was less exciting than the last one. After a meal of toast, bacon and red rice, I called Markus. He picked up after the fourth attempt. The alcohol must have done him in.

"It's too early in the morning for you to be ringing me up, Ramirez!" He exclaimed as he answered the call.

"Do I sound like I give a fuck about your hangover, Mister… uhhh… What's your last name, again? I can't remember."

From the other side of the call, I could hear Markus snickering like a mad hyena from Lion King. Beast. Wait, that's wrong. Hyenas are hardly beasts, even Timon and Pumbaa were able to outsmart them in the movie. They are so not worthy of being called beasts. More like wussies. Yeah. Markus is a wussy.

"No, actually.You don't sound sympathetic at all. You don't hear a lot of people saying my last name because it's a goddamn mouthful. Mel and I have a habit of omitting the last name unless it's absolutely necessary."

Of course Americans have complexities when it comes to their goddamn names. Not like Filipinos who have names varying from one syllable to like, a billion!

"I asked for your goddamn last name, not the background of why you don't use it often!" I snapped playfully.

I could feel Markus shaking his head as he sighed. "Hey, how's the new hair feeling? Last night it looked like it could glow in the dark. Orangey-red is so killer, bro!"

I felt a pang in my heart when I heard the title. 'Bro' was something you'd call your 'friend'. Now that I'm a hundred percent sober, I can assess my feelings and could almost remember what happened before Hey Soul Sister.

Markus. Sweet smiles, cute dimples, witty remarks, brown eyes that were so soft it was impossible not to look at them and think, 'Why is this boy not being hoarded by dere dere fangirls like Jason is?'

Shaking the thought out of my head, I ended the call mid-conversation and fired a text saying sorry but that I was having a girly emergency that required napkins. And not the ones you used at the dinner table unless you were really stupid.

The most logical thing to do was to change out of my pajamas into some basketball shorts and an old white shirt that Brian also had, that was two sizes too big, and then brush the heck out of my hair to make it look more human and less Molly Weasley.

While I was brushing my hair, I heard the rain start to pour and it got louder by the time my hair was tied into the simplest braid I could do, granted I could only do one kind of braid and even then, it looked like absolute bullshit.

I admired my hair in the mirror. It fit me very well. Reddish-orange was something I could rock. I couldn't wait for school on Monday to be able to show the world the new Christy-Ann Q. Ramirez.

If I really was in a movie, I finally knew what kind of movie it was. A super cliché movie about some chick who moves to a new town and gets a makeover from a friend to impress the guy of the movie. Unfortunately, I didn't want the guy. I wanted the friend who gave me a makeover. I wanted that guy. And hoped he wanted me back.

While I was stuck in my daydream of Markus and me galloping into the sunset on a noble, white steed, I heard Aunt Shelley call me downstairs. I took one last admiring look at myself in the mirror before running downstairs to see what she wanted from me.

On the third to the last step, I felt myself slip and my butt ended up bouncing down the rest of the stairs and my house slippers flying from my feet and landing perfectly beside a pair of Converse looking like I just took them off. When I reached the end of the stairs, my eyes were closed and I felt someone rush to my aid.

I could feel the blood rushing to my ears and face as a pair of arms helped me up and positioned my arms on their shoulders and placed their own hands around my waist. Slowly, I opened my eyes, hoping it wasn't a robber that helped me recover from my plight. That would be downright awkward. 

Needless to say, seeing Markus' twinkling hazelnut eyes was shocking. I was thankful that the bounce down the stairs already made my face look like a tomato because if it wasn't red before, it sure as hell was red now.

Markus and I stayed in the position we were in until Temil found us and said she and aunt Shell were going to go out to buy pizza and tacos and possibly some aspirin.

When Markus and I broke apart, I felt pain in the middle of my buttcheeks and tried clenching it to see if it would hurt less if I did. Fuck. Bad idea. It hurt like shit. Goddamnit. Why the fuck did I have to bounce down the stairs like a goddamn ball!?

When it became clear that I couldn't support my body, being the failure that I was, Markus helped me sit on the stairs, careful not to harm my buttocks because they were extremely fragile.

"I'm not supposed to show you this yet but I feel like this is the right time for it." Markus declared.

Suddenly I was aware of the fact that the boy I liked was in my house and we were alone. My mind circled around a lot of different scenarios that could happen while our guardians were away but none of them included Markus pulling out a bundled pack of Ovalteenies from his ginormous hoodie pocket. Ever since coming to this rice-forsaken country I had yet to find the little round pills of compressed Ovaltine goodness that had singlehandedly made my childhood less sucky.

My pain went away instantly as my attention was fully drawn to the little plumps of perfection.

Just to tease me, Markus raised the pack above his head, knowing that I was too short to reach it. Damn westerners and their superior height. I glared at him and my lips pursed. Everyone back in the Philippines knew better than to step between me and my Ovalteenies. 

My mouth watered as I stared at the chocolate heaven in my crush's left hand. I could hear Markus stifling a laugh at how ridiculous I probably looked and despite just realizing that I had a crush on him, I didn't give a shit at that moment. Ovalteenies are a gift from God and nothing, not even a boy, can beat the love I have for Ovalteenies.No height difference is going to keep me away from my first love. 

I waited for the right moment to strike. As fast as Markus could have said "Fuck me", the pack disappeared from his hand and popped up in my hoodie pocket as I ran for dear life out into the rain, grinning wildly as my left hand held onto my delicious prize inside my pocket while my right hand flailed weirdly in the wind. I took one look behind me and saw Markus in hot pursuit, motivating me to run faster-.

"Umph!" I screeched as I landed on the wet grass on my knees like I was praying to the high heavens for the rain to turn into chocolate milk and never stop until human civilization was wiped out of existence and I was the only one left to consume the milk until I died of happiness and asthma.

Whoever put a goddamn rock in the middle of the front yard is going to pay! I could have made it out like a bandit with my chocolatey loot!

I made an effort to stand up and just as I had gained proper balance, Markus hollered "Gotcha!" as he enveloped me into a wet hug with both his arms wrapped around my upper body like a koala.

I could feel my face turn into a bright tomato as I registered what he was doing and I inwardly thanked the heavenly beings above for making it dark enough to hide my blushing. There was one word that could describe what I was feeling and it was the same word I hated using back in the Philippines.

I felt kilig. There were excited butterflies in my stomach fluttering about as my heartbeat started getting faster and I felt a lump form in my mouth, and my lips curled into a smile that I tried to hide with a grimace. Westerners don't have a proper word for kilig. It felt like I was given a shot of norepinephrine and it made me feel all giddy and girly inside. I could literally hear the fat lady sing joyous opera in my head.

Our faces were so close to each other that I could feel his cold breath on my nose. His eyes were trained on me so I did the same. Blood kept rushing to my cheeks, and a kiss felt appropriate in this scene and I wanted it to happen so I went for it. I closed my eyes, stood on the tip of my toes and felt my lips land on his cheek as a truck passed by the front lawn, successfully making us even wetter under the still-pounding rainy sky.

"We should get back inside." Markus mumbled, his arms moving away from me.

No way is it going to end like this. Not on my watch, mister.

"Not until you catch me, Lurky!" I squealed, running away from me. C'mon Lurky, take the bait and tell me you still like me.

From behind me, I heard footsteps, making me grin. He took the bait. I slowed down a bit so Markus could catch up to me, hopefully in the way I wanted him to.

"I've got you now, Annie!" He cheered as he tackled me to the ground.

My eyes closed as we descended to the cold grass at a very slow speed. It was as if time stopped. I felt Markus shift our positions just before I felt my head land on his chest with a satisfying 'mmph!'

I opened my eyes and looked at Markus, grinning wildly as rain pelted us with its cold tears. My arms moved to hold my weight as I positioned my body above Markus'. Before I could inch closer to kiss him properly, his lips hastily crashed into mine.

When we broke apart for air, I moved to sit beside him and enjoy the rain as it continued to pelt us. Markus's legs touched mine as we stared into my neighbor's open curtains. The moment was too perfect to ruin and I think Markus thought the same thing. I wanted to stay like that forever but I knew we had to move back inside soon or risk getting sick and dying.

"It's Brady." Markus mumbled.

"Huh?"

Markus faced me and grinned lopsidedly. "My last name is Colbert-Brady on my birth certificate but I prefer Brady. Everyone prefers calling me Markus because it's easier that way." Oh.

I was about to reply to his statement when I hear my Aunts Forester honking up a storm. Markus and I jumped from our places on the ground and ran towards them, Markus grabbing the paper bags of tacos while I grabbed the boxes of pizza from Temil's arms as she exited the car.

Wordlessly, we entered the house and Aunt Shelley handed both of us a towel and told me to get changed and to bring Markus one of my old large shirts and a hoodie. I nodded, doing what I was told like an emotionless robot.

I didn't know what to think. That whole scene in the backyard was the most cliché moment I had ever had in my entire life so far and it was also the first time I'd ever been so intimate with a guy. Well, other than the awkward thing at Jason's house. Heh. That was weird.

Ten minutes later, Markus and I sat together with our guardians in the kitchen, silently eating and probably still understanding what had happened in the rain. It wasn't until Aunt Shelley's eyes widened like she'd just discovered how to disprove Einstein's theory of relativity and dropped her fucking taco like it was nothing that our individual bubbles were popped. I looked sympathetically at the taco as she pointed to Markus and asked him where the 'goods' were.

Unless they were talking about drugs, I was pretty sure they were talking about Ovalteenies.

Ouch. I can feel my butt hurting for some reason. Probably from the thing on the stairs.

Markus nervously glanced at me and Aunt Shell's head snapped into my direction that I was scared she might have hurt herself.

"Where is it?" She asked in a hushed tone that sounded a lot like a teasing Bellatrix Lestrange that made the hairs on my neck stand up. Creepy.

I struggled to find words. Someone save me.

"I-it's in my room. It was in my hoodie jacket and I left it there when I-" The woman with the scary voice cut me off.

"Go get it." Was all Aunt Shelley said.

I nodded and ran up to my room and get the Ovalteenies on my desk. Even before I stepped into my room, I heard my phone beep with a notification. So I checked on it, leaving on the same desk that served as the resting place for my beautiful chocolate.

And unknown number had sent me a picture.

My heart started to beat faster than a little drummer boy as I opened it.

Whoever this person was, they happened to get a picture of Markus and I almost kissing.

Another notification.

"I hope you're ready for this to hit the internet."

And another.

"You're not as great as you think you are if you're desperate enough to make the first move on the school's biohazard."

Another.

"Try not to overstep your limit, Ramirez."

I dropped my phone from shock and confusion. Who was this and what did they have against Markus?

From the floor, my phone beeped to life again.

"Walk away from people that don't belong to you"

The text was accompanied by a picture of me and Jason on the beach while I was taking a picture of him on his knees.

I shook my head and picked up my stupid phone, placing it on the desk and taking the Ovalteenies with me on my descent down the stairs. I was vaguely aware of the pain in my ass as I plopped back down on my chair in the kitchen and handed my Aunt the Ovalteenies. As I did this, she looked at me with her crazy eyes and asked me something in Filipino.

"Kinilig ka ba sa ginawa ng lalaking katabi mo?" Uh. No. Well, maybe. Oh my god yes. I was extremely kilig over it, Aunt Shelley! Too bad I wouldn't tell you that.

But I knew she wouldn't stop until I told her the truth. Or the partial truth. So I grinned at her and replied, "Baka nga, ate."

Maybe. She settled with a maybe and went back to her food.

Whoever sent me those messages will have to wait. I value food over drama.

I felt like I knew whoever sent it was just a girl who was jealous of how close I'd become to Jason but I don't understand why they'd Markus. I don't really feel scared or intimidated but it makes me wonder why they'd include Markus. He's pretty much invisible, so why him? And why did they call Markus a 'biohazard'?

--

I apologize for the errors. I finished writing this yesterday and I'm sorta rushing to leave the house right now for an important class.Hahahah. I'll edit this once I get home. 

UPDATE: I have just gotten home and I've edited this so if there are any other errors left then, leave a comment so I can fix it. :)