Good God, was she horrible. Revolting. We wanted nothing more than to be away from Her. Her very appearance made us gasp in disgusted shock and feel nauseous. But that nausea reminded Us vaguely of something… It was small, whatever it was… It was so incredibly familiar, felt like home and every day life and yet We could not for the lives of our children pin point what that little bit of feeling was…It was important, extremely important some…how….

God she was ugly. Haggard. Terrible. Animal. Wild. Uncivilized. Vicious. Murderous. She seemed the lowest possible thing to exist, past the animals with their undignified and mindless ways and past viruses and disease, which killed so many innocents and obliterated so much. She was worse, whatever she was. Not human. Far from human, though she held the vague appearance of one. Which We found to be extremely and deeply insulting to our moral. For no human was as a wretched beast as She.

She appeared human, but all was twisted, broken and bent about her demeanor, entirely changing the…nature…about her. It was…strange. We didn’t know how to explain what it was that made her so wrong. She appeared human, but everything about her certainly wasn’t. This made no sense and We could barely comprehend it. She was human…but her….essence…was not. And yet that thought was swarmed with doubt. It was mind blowing in a confusing sense since her existence was a paradox. Humanity was the brightest light, past all sunlight that the Earth had ever seen. The only quality that ever surrounded Our actions and works and lives was…GOOD. We wanted nothing more than to improve this world with our beautiful minds. To put up our beautiful structures, create inventions that were a blessing to our lives, and place ourselves as the most intelligent with our incredibly intricate systems. Economy, government, art…. We did nothing but good and it was a blessing to this greatly plain planet.

It was infuriating to not know what was so dreadful about her! We did not accept unknowing about anything. Anything! It was our right to know all we wished to know! Why wasn’t the answer clear to us?

This provided concentration, and We looked closer. Although, I felt She presented herself to us a little… It was a peculiar tug on the mind.

As I saw her true form, it’s appearance and essence was nearly ungraspable and I didn’t want to. We did not want to look this lowly beast in the face, for She was sickening in every possible way. The most maniacal, insane, vehement, malevolent, despaired, pathetic….THING….imaginable, but oh, so worse. We wanted but to erase all memory of the monster’s face and go on in our lives, even if it meant removing everything we ever had in our memory. The bearing weight of the beast’s appearance and aura was overpowering and it crushed us faster than we could look away. But we couldn’t look away. Something yanked us to look at Her. We COULDN’T look away. 

What is that feeling underneath?

Look closer.

Look closer.

Taste the putrid scent and flesh.

Let its eyes swallow yours and shred open your soul.

It beckoned. The beast beckoned. But it wasn’t a matter of will. It happened and the fear of it was larger than the weight of the planet. As this beast raped our very core with its insanely giddy fingers, it didn’t just force us into it. We were….our consciousness was excruciating! Dear God, and all else that was Holy and Pure, make this pain stop, dear GOD, we’re going to die-!

A voice overrode the anguish.

It was the beast.
She was speaking to Us.

The voice….it was the loudest and haunted voice…but it was no voice….it wasn’t sound….it strangled all else out…it strangled us and was not sound…but it was so seething…!

“Do you realize what I am?” it grated.

“Whatever are you?” we frantically asked. The answer seemed to be being pulled out of us by force. But what we responded was correct. We couldn’t help but feel demeaned at the audacity this abomination had to try to force us. 

“Don’t feel so mighty, you little one…Really you shouldn’t. I’m IN your mind, you beseeching fool.”

We were too stricken to respond and stand for ourselves. The voice was growing more integrated within our core…it was slipping itself inside….violating and impregnating our soul with its filth. It seemed to become so intimate with us it was licking our Face.

“What are you?”

“You already know. Too ashamed to let it penetrate through the feeble wall you’ve made. Escapism does not last forever…it slips away and the truth is forced into your every thought….”

It already overwhelmed everything we knew.

We screamed out to infinity in our denial to listen any longer/hear more.

“GO AWAY!”

“NO.”

“PLEASE, GOD, SAVE US-!”

“YOU HAVE NO GOD. NO GOD WILL EVER SHOW FOR YOU.”

“WHY ARE YOU CAUSING DESTRUCTION!”

“I’M SHOWING YOU WHAT YOU REALLY ARE.”

It boomed, enveloping us in every energy wave, breaking apart every atom and the fabric of our very thought.

“NO, WHAT DO YOU-!”

“I. AM. YOU. I AM. YOU.”

Horror. But not knowing why. Confusion. Horror, more. Pain is growing. Anguish is returning. Coupling and crippling.

“You are lying. You ARE a lie!"

The voice echoed and ricocheted off of the walls of Our very universe and the focal point was Us. The Good. Why, why, why…It hurt everything....

“I AM HUMANITY. THIS IS WHAT YOU TRULY LOOK LIKE. THIS IS YOUR TRUE FORM. THIS DISGUSTING, WRETCHED, GROVELING, OBLITERATING PIECE OF FILTH IS WHAT YOU’VE BECOME….And when all is said and done, All you know will be over.”
It was part of us now. This beast. It was inside Us.

A feeble, vain cry, a last attempt of averting Our eyes. “…A way back…!”

A cruelly sneering, eternal seal. “….There is no way back.”

That little murmur of a feeling under it all. It became another, permanent part of Our racial memory, and our future.

It was awareness. It was self recognition.