All of it started when I had just turned twelve; April 5th, 2000. A wonderful day, my father decided it was about time I joined the family business; a circus. Oh how happy I was, I had been eager to join in on the fun. My dad even gave me my own hat and a cowhide whip; best part, he made it himself; talented right?

 

                I was ecstatic and very excited. Everything was going great, that is until two years later; July 20th, 2002 age fourteen. Depression set in…I’ve always wondered where mother had went, why did she leave father and I? Were we…are we not good enough? My mind wandered, deliberating this fact; trying to make sense out of the whole thing. But sadly I couldn’t come up with a rational conclusion; my own result being she just abandoned us.

                Slowly the days passed, months; eventually my fifteenth birthday rolled around the corner. My depression had only got worse and eventually it began affecting my daily routines; organizing costumes and cleaning up the ring. Sooner or later my dad was going to notice; and I was right. Just a few days before my birthday he confronted me; demanding to know what was wrong. In a nice and caring way of course; I didn’t know what to tell him…it seemed like everything was wrong. But I started from the beginning. I told him I had been thinking about mom, and that I had tried desperately to figure out the reason behind her leaving us. Dad avoided the whole subject, he quickly changed the subject and told me; ‘I’ll set up a special surprise for your birthday. Just you wait, you’ll love it’. So I nodded and gave him a nice…fake smile. He knew it wasn’t legit, but he decided that it would be best to let that one slide.

                I anticipated something fantastic, the thought…thoughts of what my dad had planned flooded my mind. It put a genuine smile on my face.

                Finally, the day had come; April 5th, 2003. My fifteenth birthday. I thankfully was able to sleep in that day, usually my father would wake me up early to start on my chores; but this time he decided I needed a break, deserved a break. I woke up around noon that day, only to be greeted by my father and the circus troupe. They started to sing ‘happy birthday’ to me while one of the troupe members brought out a cake. The already decent smile on my face grew; cake! They got me a cake! This tickled me pink, my cheeks turned a light red from the slight embarrassment I felt; not knowing what to say.

                A few hours later, after we all sat down and enjoyed some cake; dad took me off to the side where we kept props and such. He pointed to animals, there was a full grown male and female tiger, an elephant and of course some monkeys! Dad spoke in an announcer’s voice, like he did when we put on a show ‘choose one and we can go interact with them!’ he knew I loved animals. I couldn’t help but give him a wide grin; eagerly I pointed towards the tigers. Dad of course walked me over to the tigers enclosure and unlocked the iron gate; slowly he cracked it open and stepped in first. He wasn’t worried about anything bad happening, the tamer knew what he was doing and he trusted the skills he had. I stepped in after my father and he closed the gate, keeping it unlocked just in case.

                I stood next to him and eyed the wild cats, they were gorgeous. Dad smiled and watched the male pace back and forth, he wasn’t showing any sign of aggression. Though I was happy, but I could’ve been happier. The female was locked in her cage at the time so I begged to let her out. Dad wasn’t so sure of this but hell, it was my birthday and he wanted to see me smile so he smiled and nodded; telling me to go ahead and let her out. So I did; I walked over to a small latch and opening that was covered with some heavy duty tin. I unlatched it and lifted the tin. The tigress slowly came out; I reached out and ran my hand along her back as she walked past me. She was soft.

                Once both tigers were out I quickly went back to my fathers side and waited for him to say something, I didn’t want to do anything wrong and get yelled at. Especially on my birthday. I glanced up at my dad and gave him a cheesy smile; He chuckled while giving my hair a nice ruffle, messing it up of course. My bangs had fallen in front of my eyes, I gave a small laugh and closed my eyes, during this moment my dad decided to walk over to the tigress. Which was normally okay, seeing as she was the SWEETEST tiger we have ever seen; but he didn’t think of the male.

                While I moved my hair out of my eyes…I didn’t see the male tiger stalking behind my father before it was too late. A small gasp left my lips as the big cat pounced, attacking my father and knocking him to the ground. I wasn’t sure if the tiger was just going to play…or tended on hurting my dad, I wanted to call for help; but I couldn’t find my voice, I was silent. Watching, waiting…the tiger emitted a threatening noise, I knew then what was to come.

This tiger definitely wasn’t going to play…my eyes widened when the scene in front of me changed. This act of horror; the male tigers claws, sharp and deadly, had started to tear into my fathers face, shredding it to the point that he wasn’t recognizable anymore. Like knives through soft butter. Sadly his eyes suffered the most damage; his left eye had been pierced by one of the tigers giant nails. It was carelessly ripped out, blood gushing from the empty socket; my eyes watered at the sight. I wanted to scream, cry for help but I found myself, frozen in place. As if my feet had been glued to the ground. I didn’t want to see this! I wanted to look away! But I couldn’t…of course my father didn’t go down without a fight. He desperately fought back, trying to punch the tiger off him; he kicked his legs and let out a blood curdling scream. I quickly covered my ears and closed my eyes. I had enough! Thankfully…the scream alarmed the troupe and they came running, all of them gasped and cried out to my father who continued to howl in pain. The group quickly pulled me out of the enclosure, to keep me safe. I cried out for my father, finally my vocal chords allowed me to call out to him. My father called back to me. It being the last time I would EVER hear my name…

The tiger was enraged by these actions; quickly it leaned its head lower, grasping my fathers neck with its massive teeth. My fathers eyes would have widened if they could’ve; tears flowed down my cheeks as I continued to cry out. This couldn’t be happening! No! No! No! My fathers wails of torment got louder before abruptly coming to a halt. I froze, staring as the tiger finally let go of his neck. It was then the tamer decided to rush in and forced the bloodied animal into its cage, along with the female who had already run into hers.

My bottom lip trembled as I ran into the arena, sliding on my knees to stop by my dad’s side. He wasn’t moving…’Dad…?’ my voice cracked, I couldn’t take it. As soon as I got no reply I folded over and buried my face against his blood red chest. The troupe couldn’t stand the site. They immediately called the authorities; they also couldn’t stand the sight of a child clung to his deceased father. One of the men walked up behind me and picked me up, forcing me to stand. My eyes widened and I let out what was like a screech of terror; I couldn’t leave my father. He was all I had left! No! No! I won’t leave him! I screamed as loud as I could and struggled, trying to get free from the mans grip. But I couldn’t. I was drug to my room, held captive…

Eventually the authorities came by, I was confined to my so called room, a few members of the troupe sat with me. The men took the body and a few animal control men took the tiger. Surely it would be killed. But I currently sat on the bed, my knees hugged tightly against my chest. Rocking back and forth, my eyes wide as the scene played over…and over…and over again. I’d have short bursts of crying. The group tried to console me. But how could they do that…I just watched my father get mauled to death. All the blood…I could still hear his cries for help. Quickly I hid my face and wept…I don’t want to remember this.

It had been a few days since the incident; my mind had slipped from that cruel reality. Psychogenic amnesia had overcome me, the memory of my father being killed…the memory of it being my fault. I shouldn’t of picked the tigers…I shouldn’t of let the female out. I should’ve paid better attention…but now. All of it was gone; my mind changing the events. My father wasn’t killed. He simply left. Just like mom did. How could he! He was all I had left. He was the only family member I knew and held dear to my heart. I wouldn’t forgive him.

It has been several years since my father abandoned me and the circus; I had forgotten my own name; the troupe never called me by my name, fearing it would trigger a flashback. The troupe had stayed with me, taking care of me until my eighteenth birthday. I was an official adult and could run the circus on my own. I asked them to stay at least one more year, they couldn’t say no. So they took up the offer and stayed. But on my nineteenth birthday they packed up and left. Leaving me to take care of the circus and hire a new act. Which wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be; I set up an ad in the newspaper and I got several replies to it; it was only two months later, after the old troupe had left. May 10th , 2007; I had my very own group. A troupe that consisted of; a female acrobat named Christa, a male tight rope walker named Christopher, a set of twin contortionists; a female and male promptly named Sierra and Samuel, a male animal tamer named Aaron, and a male magician named Ron; and of course. The female tiger.

They were all so young, Christa being the youngest at age 14. Over the next three years I had grew close to this group; they grew close to me too. We became like a big happy family, sharing meals together in the ring, joking around with one another. After a few months they decided to give me a nick name, No Name. Or NN for short, that was fine by me seeing as I had forgotten my real name. As well as the new name I grew to love this troupe, love them like family, my own flesh and blood. I trusted them; and they betrayed me…nearly got me killed. Endangered my life with a joke, as they called it; this was no joke, jokes are funny, this. This was NOT funny.

August 2nd, 2010. It had been a long day, a day that contained three different shows; I was slightly agitated and was a little rude towards the group. I guess they took it a bit too harshly, I figure this because while I was sorting through the days earnings, setting aside what would be paid to them. They snuck up behind me; they grabbed my shoulders and forearm; yanking me out of the chair I had been sitting in. They tugged me away from my desk and drug me all the way to the tiger’s exhibit. I was confused, they were all smiling when they unlocked the gate and threw me in; locking the gate after I was inside. With the tiger…it was supposed to be locked in its cage.

They thought it was funny, oh how loud the laughter was…they didn’t expect anything bad to happen. The tiger was usually calm and avoided “the whip”, she was a sweet tiger after all, very tame. But of course the worst happened I panicked, being back in the enclosure triggered a horrific flashback. The image of my fathers mangled face, missing eye, blood seeping through the fresh wounds. His mouth full of blood. I could hear his terrified pain filled screams, his cry out to me…his only son. Who just stood there and watched…who could have saved him…but didn’t.

I panicked, fearing the same would happen to me; I cried out, begging them to let me out as I turned my back on the tiger and ran for the gate. I frantically tried to get the gate open, trying to yank off the lock…what a stupid attempt. There was no getting out on my own; they refused to let me out. I was so frightened…my fathers cries continued to ring throughout my head. Oh, but it only got worse…I could hear the tiger right behind me. A snarl could be heard, in this moment, I looked at the troupe with pleading eyes. They looked worried and began to open the gate, having to unlock it first…the lock was jammed. It was then the tiger lunged towards me, knocking me against the iron gate. I began to panic even more, the images beginning to race through my mind.

I started thrashing around, trying to get out from under the tiger. Once I began struggling it just triggered the tiger’s instincts; the tiger attacked, its teeth sliced into the flesh that covered my back; blood flowed from the fresh wounds and the wound from the impact with the gate had pinched the skin between my skull and the metal. I yelled out in terror, it was happening, all over again, but this time I was the victim…

By the time I had lost a good amount of blood, the troupe finally got the gate unlocked and opened. Aaron immediately got the animal off my back as the twins helped by dragging me out of the enclosure.

They tended to my wounds by putting pressure on the worst ones. Thankfully…with so much luck no real harm was done. I couldn’t believe they did that to me…I still can’t believe it. But it’s true. It’s a big fat fact. I couldn’t forgive them, I wouldn’t forgive them! Losing my father and now this! Something in my mind snapped, I began laughing as my body started to feel the pain; my eyes wide as I continued to laugh aloud. My laughter only grew in sound as the memories of my father began to fade away. The troupe…my so called family; the ones I grew to trust! They would pay, they would all pay…

 

A maniacal laugh echoed through the dense forest, the poor, poor group of six; chained together, bounded to each other with no hope of escape. All, at my mercy…HA, as if I would have mercy on these heartless bastards; Christa was in tears, her two front teeth missing; blood streamed down her chin. Poor thing looked absolutely wonderful.

“Oh no, what’s this? Tears? Are you upset? In pain? What a pitiful sight you are, Christa.” I glared down at the poor woman as a took a step closer.

Christa couldn’t help but ball even more, she was gasping for air as she continued to cry; She really was a pitiful sight. I couldn’t stand it, the sound of her crying was delightful but it was getting annoying.

“Stop that. It’s annoying.” I barked at her, which was NOT going to help at all. But really, I didn’t want her to stop. The sound of her crying was the best sound, almost as good as the screams that would escape her throat when I ripped her teeth out.

 

                “P-Pleas stop…” Christa begged, I enjoyed that; but I wasn’t going to stop until I was happy.

 

                A devious grin spread across my lips as I looked over at Ron, my wonderful magician. Digging through my pocket I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself when I felt a little rectangular box; pulling it out I flipped the lid open and scanned the contents.

“Aha!” I exclaimed when I found exactly what I was looking for.

 

                My smile faded as I pulled out what looked to be a needle, but one end was fatter with a flat top. It reminded me of a cone; I looked around and tapped my chin. No hammer in site. So I had the wonderful idea to use my fist instead! My smiled returned as I took a few steps to my right; to stand right in front of Ron. He was refusing to look at me…I didn’t like that. Not one bit. Ron knew I didn’t like it when they avoided looking at me. So I did the completely sane thing and stepped closer; forcing him to look up at me with my knee. I gave him a disappointing look before forcing his chin between my legs; keeping him from moving his head around.

 

“Since you don’t want to look at me I could always fix it to were you wouldn’t have to see me at all.” I spoke softly, a goofy smile pasted on my features.

 

                Ron tightly closed his eyes which is exactly what I wanted; positioning the “needle” above his left eye, dead center. I raised my fist before slamming it down on the pointed object, driving the rusted “needle” deep into Ron’s vitreous cavity of his eye. Piercing his pupil; I laughed as Ron let out a pain cry. Stepping away from him, I let him struggle in pain; trying to decide if it should be pulled out or not. A streak of blood ran down Ron’s cheek.

 

“Ooo~ That looks like it’s painful. Still feel like avoiding looking at me?”

 

                I knelt down in front of him as he quickly shook his head ‘no’ I smiled of course and nodded.

 

“Good…” speaking low I gave Ron a small wink, using my left eye.

 

                Ron frowned and wiggled his arms, trying to set them free so he could get the object out of his eye. I couldn’t help but snicker at his sad attempt to free himself. With him taken care of I turned my attention to the twins, oh what a lovely pair they were, always had each other. I didn’t like that. But I wouldn’t rip them apart, instead. I’d stake them together.

 

                Whistling a small tune as I walked around them; walking past one of the poles that held the tent up. It had a few extra stakes at the base of the pole. I bent over and grabbed one, making sure it was plenty sharp. But of course it was! I sharpened all of my stakes.  It was much easier to place them in the ground that way. A wide crooked smile on my face appeared when I walked over to a bench to grab a nice pig hammer. I then returned to the twins and knelt down in front of them.

 

“Let me see your hands. Your right and your left.” I spoke lightly, like I wasn’t planning anything horrible, but they knew better.

 

                The twins shook their heads ‘no’. This put a frown on my face, so I sat the hammer and stake aside before roughly pulling their arm(s) free, popping Sierra’s arm out of socket, she cringed and bit her lip, not wanting to give me the pleasure of her wonderful pain soaked cries. But I knew I’d get her to scream for me, I knew this would work. Harshly, I forced her hand on top of her brothers and moved my foot over their fingers, I applied as much weight as I could to that side and smiled as I twisted my foot.

 

“You’ve always been together, always had each other while me. Me? I had NO ONE! No one at all! They all left me! But you all won’t. I won’t let you…” I scowled at them.

 

                The twins simply whimpered and tried to free their hand, but they were too slow. As soon as I saw them moving their hand(s) I drove the sharp, rusted stake through both of their hands. The stake broke through the bottom of Samuel’s hand and pierced through the soil beneath them. Both gave a high-pitched shout of agony; this was pleasing…

 

“Ah! Listen to that! Isn’t it beautiful!?” I gave a hysterical laugh before standing back up and stepping away from the two.

         Now, what to do with the other three…I rubbed my chin before shrugging it off. The other three looked horrified and the one sitting next to Ron, Aaron. Couldn’t even look at the poor fellow, it only made me chuckle to see them all in such a horrible position.

 

“The rest of you are safe, for tonight…” with that said I got a good hold on the stake that was holding Sierra’s and Samuel’s hand(s) together and ripped it away. The both howled out in pain but were thankful that it was pulled out. Ron could take the needle out of his eye later on tonight.

 

“Alright, all of you, stand up. It’s time for bed.” I didn’t feel like giving them time to get up on their own, so I grabbed a handful of Christa’s hair and yanked her up, forcing the others to stand up along with her. I then gave her a rough push.

 

“Walk.”

 

                They wasted no time as they began to walk towards their room. Which happened to be the same exact cage they had thrown me in that one fateful day; though the tiger was long gone. I smiled happily as I walked ahead of them and unlocked the cage, opening it for them. Once they were all inside I did the nice thing and un chained them before exiting the cage and locking the gate. Christopher ran to the gate and tried to open it…just like I did.

 

“Ah ah~” wiggling my index finger I pouted. “You won’t get free, in fact…” I paused; standing back up and taking a few steps away. I raised my arms and spoke loudly “None of you will get free!” a maniacal laugh rumbled throughout the circus tent “You’re all stuck with me! For the rest of your pathetic lives!” I laughed harder, my eyes wide as tears threatened to escape.

 

                I told you they would pay…