I couldn’t describe it.

It was a feeling that was bitter, cold, and everything that fell in between.

The feeling that weighed on my chest and sunk into my stomach floated around uselessly, endlessly, and painfully.

I let one tear slip.

Then two.

Then three.

After that it didn’t end. They fell, and they didn’t stop. I didn’t want them too.

I stood up, my legs quivering beneath me. I let in a shaky breath that was led by a fit of sobs. I felt dizzy. Angel must have noticed; she placed a hand on my shoulder, steadying me. I partially leaned against it. She was warm, always so warm. From her soft, wavy blonde almost white hair that fell to her shoulders, to her beautiful chocolate brown eyes. Her lips were a soft shade of peach, and her skin was flawlessly pale; it glowed. But today was different. There wasn’t that spark. Her vibe was dimmer than usual.

Yet again, so was mine.

“Arron?” She spoke softly, leaning towards my ear. I didn’t respond. “We need to go.”

“I don’t want to.” I responded coldly; as coldly as I could have towards her.

“You can’t stay here forever.”

“Yes I can.”

“Arron?”

I didn’t respond.

She sighed. “I didn’t want to, but… I’m leaving you here,” Angel was a bit hesitant. She was partially turned towards her car that was parked behind us, but only daring to go any further. Her leg was stuck out as if she were going to take a step. She was serious.

I shuffled a bit, a deep shiver rattling my body. “I’ll walk home. No need to drive me.”

I could feel her eyes on my back. They were trying to read my thoughts. After a moment, I heard her sigh again. “Only if you want…”

I didn’t move as I felt her wrap her arms around my waist, hugging me deeply and sorrowfully.

“Goodbye, Angel.”

“Goodbye, Arron…” She whispered sadly, moving away slowly.

I watched from the corner of my eye as she unlocked the door of her jet black mustang, climbing into the front seat and slipping the key in to the ignition. Before she backed out of the Church’s parking lot, she spared me a pitying glance and backed away.

Angel loved me. Not quite the way I loved her, either.

It was that kind of love that never allowed me to get close to her as much as I wanted to.

I only loved one person like that.

May.

She, to me, was the definition of beauty. She was the opposite of Angel; Her hair was black, about as black as Angel’s car, and it reached down to her waist. She would cut it herself, bangs and all; she hated when people touched it. Her skin didn’t glow, it wasn’t flawless, but it was tan and wholesome. And the most surprising feature graced upon her must have been her eyes. They were a cold blue, ice blue, and they stood out imperfectly against her tanned skin…  I could tell when she looked in the mirror she didn’t like what she saw. Most of the time, I feel like I took what she saw in herself away from her. But she couldn’t have been anything more to me than what she already was.

I decided I would sit since I knew I would be there for a while. Feeling the damp grass against my legs, I fixed them so I was sitting pretzel style and stared up into the darkening sky. It threatened to rain.

Today, March 22nd, 2016, was the day I would always remember along with my mothers’ and my own birthday; the day I met May…; my graduation; and a week ago, the day May died.

Today, I felt as if I could lie next to her grave and fade away with her.

Today was the day I lost a part of my heart that I would never get back.