Sick, Sad, And Angry

He came one day and sat down on the bench besides you. You were young, only five or six. You were probably five because it was your first day of kindergarten, and you were turning six the summer vacation before first grade. Your age doesn't matter. What does matter is that you were alone. At least you understood why. Mommy was really sick, and the doctors had sent her home because they wanted her to be comfortable. Hospital beds were uncomfortable, and the smell was really icky. You come see how home was much better, but you never understood why Daddy cried so much. He never left her side, and your older brother, affectionately nicknamed Bubbie, complained that one of those days, he was going to get fired. So, you were alone because Mommy was sick, Daddy was sad, and Bubbie was angry. You didn't mind honestly; you understood. But for some reason, he sat next to you. He asked why you were all by yourself, so you explained. He seemed a little startled, but then, he asked if you wanted to pet his dog. Its fur was soft, and you wanted to pet it forever instead of getting on the bus. He urged you to get on it anyway.

When you got home that night, you didn't say anything about him. You told Daddy and Bubbie about play time with the blocks and your teacher, who smiled all day long. Then, in a whisper, you told Mommy. You imagined her smiling.

The next day, he sat next to you again. You told him all about yesterday's happenings, and he smiled. He even wanted more details. You were confused again. Mommy, of course, would have smiled because that's what mothers are supposed to do, but she had slept through your entire day's story. Daddy had mostly ignored you, choosing to stare longingly at Mommy's bedroom door. Bubbie had called you stupid and a moron before he stormed off. He was always storming off and causing a ruckus. So, you grinned back and went into further detail because Mommy was sick, Daddy was sad, and Bubbie was angry. Last night, you hadn't minded truthfully, but it was nice for someone to listen. Then, when the bus came, you leaped up and hugged him. He seemed surprised but hugged you back nonetheless.

The rest of year went much the same way. At home, you were mostly ignored and pushed to the side, so that the rest of your family could mourn the future in peace. But in the morning, you could recount tales of brave kindergarteners and say not-nice things about the kids who were mean to you the day before. It was all about you.

Then, one afternoon, the ambulance came. Mommy was still sick, so you figured it was coming to pick her up for another visit to the hospital. You could barely remember, but it had come with the hurried men in white after Mommy collapsed one day. She was making apple pie. But when the hurried men in white come in and went immediately for Daddy, you were confused. Daddy was sad, but he wasn't sick. The hurried men in white must've been confused. "Where are you taking Daddy? Daddy's supposed to be with Mommy. Give him back," you sobbed. Bubbie shushed you and hugged you like he did. You and him hugged all the time every morning in fact, but you and Bubbie never did. You tore yourself from Bubbie's chest and ran to the bench. Surprisingly, he was there with his dog. He looked up from the grass, and you ran straight into his arms. You cried and hugged him. He was always there to listen, he reminded you kindly, and you poured out your heart. Then, you buried your head into his dog's fur, and he told you that you should go back. You nodded and went home.

Another ambulance came two weeks later for Mommy. She slept a lot, but when you tried to shake her awake, she didn't open her eyes. She was supposed to wake up for Daddy's funeral, but she didn't. Two weeks, she had a funeral of her own.

Bubbie was old enough, so they, the big intimidating man in a black cloak, made him your legal guardian. Subdued, he moved you and him away from the death. You turned six the summer before first grade, but it was like you were five because you were by yourself at the bus stop. No one knew who you were, and you didn't know who they were either. Everything was new again. You sat on the nearest bench and turn. You didn't expect to see him sitting there with his dog, but he was. "Why are you all alone?"