She sat with a heavy sigh into the taxi cab. The car shifted as the driver placed her luggage into the trunk, shutting it closed.
"Off to the airport I assume?" He asked. He looked into the rear view mirror at her just as she nodded in approval, followed by another sigh. It was just past eleven A.M. and traffic for lunch hour had yet to begin but it was the holiday season, i.e. traffic was horrific. She watched all the buildings, people, cars, and trees blur together as they drove by. Soft sounds of Indie music played through her ear phones which drowned out whatever elevator music played inside the cab, but her mind wasn't with the present time. She thought into the future. It was exactly 5 months after her graduating from college and she wished going home to Montana was for a welcomed home coming. Of some sorts it would be, but with plenty of awkward silence and she unsure of how to greet her hardened father and...
The brisk wind rushed into the back and she looked up meeting the face of her cab driver. She removed one in-ear and apologized wondering how long it was since they arrived. He nodded, rolling her suitcase close to her. She handed him her tab plus a sufficient tip, he thanked her with a toothy smile and tip of his hat.
She nodded back, turning away.
"Smile." He called out to her. She looked back.
He shrugged, "whatever is plaguing your young mind, always smile." Tears glimmered in the corners of her eyes, they shared a second long stare before he nodded at her once more. 

Families clamored all around the counters, checking themselves and their luggage in. Babies wailed and little children ran around in excitement while their parents looked miserable. She followed the line for United Airlines, keeping only one ear occupied with music. The service agent looked tired but braved through a trying smile to her, "Here you are Miss Ludd, you'll head up the escalator, after security check you'll turn right to terminal A, gate 23. Have a wonderful holiday." 
She wanted so badly for that to be true. After settling in a seat near her gate; she had a good hour to wait until they began seating the plane, her mind raced back to her previous thoughts before the cab driver opened her car door. Helena, Montana was a place she lived. Never her home. Boredom is what everyone called it. But she knew differently. She wanted out of that ranch, away from Helena, one less person that populated Montana altogether. Sarah, her mother, with a pained heart let her daughter go with no burden of despise towards her. It hurt her more that her daughter felt so closed in. Her brothers disapproved but what could they say? Their little sister was always the wild one. Not in the way of running a pack of wild horses, venturing alone in the woods that was their back yard, she had not an ounce of love for the country life. It wasn't rich of freedom for her. She wanted freedom of the city, far away from the country.
 
"Squirt." Andrew, her oldest brother would say, rubbing his hand roughly atop her head. Bradley stood close to her dad, Gregory, who looked at her as if she wore the Scarlett, "A." His eyes were full of disdain and hurt all at once. Samuel, her youngest brother, just hugged her, told her to not stay away forever. Old family friends sent her with well wishes.
"I'll miss you, promise you'll keep in touch, maybe visit when you have a break?" Her best friend, Nina asked. She looked at her, their eyes matching the same tearful emotion. She only hugged her, knowing this would be the last time she would see Nina. At least for a while, she couldn't keep that promise. She wouldn't go back. Montana was not home.

Her phone buzzed, she pulled it out of her pocket and saw her family's name glow across the screen. She slid her finger across the green tab, "Hey squirt." Andrew answered before she could greet him. Her first smile of the day splayed across her face.
"Hi." Her voice was soft, it'd been months since they last spoke.
"Now I thought this move to California was supposed to liven you up!" He teased; his accent thick. Yet his words tugged at her heart. Though true, guilt consumed her as of recently. She kept in contact with phone calls, emails, some letters, but never visited. Unintentional, but soon it became apart of her routine.
After that, she became so consumed with school, everything sort of fell away. She only kept regular to once a week phone calls with her mom. When her mother stopped calling, she was far into studying, going out with friends, she never realized the abnormality until receiving a call from her youngest brother.
"Mama's sick." 
That was a two weeks ago. She asked him to keep her informed. He called a week later, "It's not good Sophia, you gotta' come home, quick." 

And this is where she found herself today. Fear, anxiety, sadness, happiness all at once. Her brain wasn't sure which to feel first. It was months at a time that she spoke with her mother and siblings, Bradley finally got over whatever grudge he held against her, calling her to see how she was weeks after her move. But it was 7 years that Sophia had last seen any of them.
"Sophie?" Her brother sang.
"Sorry, what was that?"
He laughed, "where'd you go?"
"Away." She chimed, trying to make her tone engaging.
There was a silence before he spoke again. Confirming what time he should be there to pick her up from the airport.
"I'll see you soon, bye." 
"Hey," Andrew stopped her before she could hang up, "we love you, okay? Mom loves you. Dad." "They're boarding now Andy, I gotta go." She lied, hanging up the phone.
The land below was simple. Becoming greener the farther they flew away from California and all its buildings. A stewardess followed another, pushing along a cart, offering drinks. Sophia asked for water, returning her attention to the view outside. Her eyes stayed glued to the changing sky. Blues turned into dusty purples which changed to bright oranges and pinks. The sun sank lower and lower until they flew amongst the stars. Sophia did miss that about living on the ranch. When she was six, the whole family, their family friends, best friend, everyone, went out to the open field in front of their house and stargazed. Parents told stories, memories, the kids listened until their eyelids could not bare anymore.
Sophia jolted awake just as the plane's wheels bounced roughly against the landing pavement. She rubbed her eyes, yawned, and waited out the time until they could depart from the plane. Her legs felt weak as she made her way out of the terminal and into the airport. It was nearing 9:30 P.M. but she didn't feel heavy jet lag as it was only an hour difference. 
The crowd was light as she made her way through it and down the escalator. Everyone in her family was tall, though she took after her mother's tallest at 5' 5". Andrew didn't need the sign that read, "Sophia from California," he held so proudly above his head. His smile was her favorite. White toothed, and spread from ear to ear. She melted into his hard embrace, the smell of old spice and dad's tobacco lingered on his shirt. But she breathed it in. His low voice vibrated in his chest.

"Let me look at ya." He said. He pushed her back at arm's length, giving her a once over before shrugging.
"Not too bad." He baited.
She playfully took a shot at his arm.
"Come here." He pulled her in once more, kissing the top of her head. "You look beautiful."

"I thought Samuel would come." She treaded lightly on those words as they drove away from the civilization towards the ranch. She looked to Andrew just as he shook his head, his finger resting on his lips in a thinking manner.
"He wanted to but couldn't leave mom's side Soph."
Sophia nodded, biting her lip as tears threatened to escape. "Bradley?"
Andrew laughed, "can't leave his girl's side."
"What?"
"Engaged." He answered with a smile. Sophia tried to not feel hurt.
"When?"
"A month ago now." 
Sophia nodded; the last time she spoke to him was during the summer. The drive would be an hour, they were twenty minutes in. Talk was light, easy, nothing heavy. Although she found herself fighting back tears.
"Mama had a good day today, we told her you were comin', she lit up like a Christmas tree." Andrew said. Sophia smiled, the last tear finally giving way, falling down her cheek and into her lap.
"I should have called-" Her voice was thick with grief.
"Don't do that Sophia, not now." Andrew said, saying so as lightly as possible.
Sophia nodded, wiping away tears only to be replaced with fresh ones.

The rest of the drive was silent, too many questions to ask but not enough gull to answer from either side. Not yet. Andrew held her hand as they drove the last ten miles to the ranch. Everything came rushing back as they drove down the same dirt road that took Sophia away. Lights shined from the living room window, only one light barely glowed above the barn doors. She took a deep breath in, Andrew squeezed her hand.
"She sleeps in the living room now, stairs have gotten too hard for her, Bradley lives with Meg now but they come every morning," Andrew briefed her as they took her suitcase out from the back, "Tony, Emily, and Sky still live in the back house which they've fixed up real nice."
"Daddy?" Sophia almost caught herself off guard. Andrew stopped and looked at her before answering.
They walked slow to the door, "what he always does. Samuel stays by her all day, almost 24/7, he finally turns up around nine when dad stays with mom."
"Do you and Samuel still live at home?" She asked.
Andrew shook his head, "I live about 20 miles up, Sammy lives in town with his buddy. He's just stayin' here, well." Andrew wasn't sure how to finish his words, both knew why, it wasn't necessary to explain

They stepped onto the porch, the light came on, and Sophia could see the same muted blue paint of the house. She looked to the living room window, framed with white shudders, behind it was her mother. Sophia gasped. It'd been four years since she'd seen any of them in person. Mom's hair was always long, just like she remembered, only gray hair began growing over her brunette tresses. She could see dad's leg near the bed. An empty stool on the opposite side let her know Samuel was up in bed already. 
Andrew opened the door and she could see her dad's leg shift in the window. Her heart raced, Andrew pressed a gentle hand to her back, allowing her to enter first. She stepped in, keeping her eyes averted to the ground.
"Sophia." Her mom's voice was weak, but always with a tender welcome.
 

Sarah was pale, but her cheeks carried the slightest color of pink. She was gravely thin. Her teeth were almost gray, Sophia assumed from the nausea. Her dad nodded to Andrew, she could feel his eyes bore into her avoiding ones. Sarah smiled brightly, looking to Gregory. Only then did Sophia finally meet his eyes. They were older, yet still held disappointment. 
"Hi dad." Sophia was mad, but her voice conveyed otherwise. It was weak and ashamed.
"Sir." He answered back, low and angry. "Hello, sir." He repeated, raising from his seat. He kissed Sarah before heading to the stairs. Sophia watched him all the way up, he was tall, as to be expected, lean, gray hair and a heavy beard. Still the handsome father she adored so deeply.
Sophia blinked away tears, stiffened her lip, "Sir." Her voice broke. He ignored her as he made his way up.
Andrew rubbed her shoulder with his free hand, kissing her head, "I'll put these in your room." Sophia nodded, yet surprised that she still had a room in the house. Much to the dismay of her father perhaps.
Andrew disappeared upstairs and Sophia finally broke down. Her mother held her arms open, accepting her crying daughter in for a long embrace. She smoothed her hair as she cried reminding her none of this was her fault. She only cared that she had her now.
It was a long moment until Sophia could settle beside her mom, her eyes reddened but free of tears. She held her mom's arm around hers and locked her fingers around Sarah's. 

"Is it everything you imagined?" Sarah asked, rubbing her thumb up and down Sophia's hand. Sophia raised her head from where it laid against her mom's shoulder, wondering if she really wanted to know. Sarah smiled, nodding for her to continue.

"It's what I needed."
They kept their eyes locked onto each other, silent. Tears formed in her mother's eyes and Sophia wanted to take back her words immediately.
"Then I'm happy for you my love."
"Honest?"
Sarah laid a gentle hand against her cheek, smiled, "Cross my heart."
From the top of the landing, Gregory listened, his heart was hardened towards his baby, he hated it, but he felt betrayed. What could he have done, really? 

"She needs rest, go on up, surely you need it too." He said, causing both to jump slightly.
Sophia kissed her mom goodnight, only sharing a glance with her father as she passed him. He grabbed her wrist, stopping her. She stepped back, her scared eyes looked up to his. Beneath the anger, she saw his sadness and it made her anger soften. If only he could see her own. Could they work past this? She could apologize, and with well intentions, but would he accept it? Would he accept her?
He looked intent on saying something, but his grip loosened, his lips moved with doubt. Sophia could swear she saw his eyes glisten before he turned away. She sighed, biting her lip.
The house remained the same in style with a few updates through out. Maybe most would think people who lived on a ranch bathed in steels tubs and churned their own butter. Maybe some do. But they lived as the civilized do, just away from it. Minus a television and the century's limitless amount of DVD'S or cell phones. She walked down the carpeted hall way, the wood creaking below her feet. She looked to the small opening beneath Samuel's closed door to his old bedroom. The light was off. At the end of the hallway to her left, across from her parent's bedroom, was Sophia's safe haven. She escaped in there. It wasn't until she was earning her own money did her dad allow her to have her own phone or laptop. Not that she could enjoy them often since he kept her busy with the horses, family rides, trips to the creek. Although it wasn't much to complain about, it was fun when it wasn't chores, but she hungered for difference. 
Her room was untouched. Exactly how she left it. 
"Bring back memories?" Andrew asked.
She looked back as he leaned against the doorway. She smiled.

"I'm headin' home."
"Do you have to leave?" She asked, wrapping her arms around him. He laughed, squeezing her back.
"I'll be by for lunch." He said.

Sophia rested under her quilt, handmade by her grandmother. The wind howled outside. It was going to be the first snow for her since she'd left. It was her favorite season. It was well after three in the morning but sleep deprived her. She slipped on her robe and a pair of slipper boots. Just as her eyes looked outside the window of her bedroom, snowflakes danced their way down. White blankets covered the window sill, the fields below, and the numerous trees. She tiptoed her way over to their small library where there were sliding glass doors that lead to a balcony. She unlocked the door and was met with the soft but below ten wind. It was silent. Not even a whisper. She stepped onto the pillow-y mound that covered the deck, wrapping her arms around herself. Memories flooded her mind as she closed her eyes. Much to her surprise but yet not, she remembered she was four. It was the first time she could recall seeing snow. Feeling snow.
It was still dark out when her dad's soft voice woke her. Her eyes met his blue ones. He smiled, leaning down to kiss her cheek.
"You could sleep through an earthquake." He laughed softly. Sophia blinked her big eyes.
"Snow." He whispered.
He held her hand as she got out of bed, walking her to the window. He picked her up and pointed to the snowflakes that fell, some sticking to the glass. She marveled at the icy beauty. She could feel her dad's smile as he planted another kiss to her cheek.
"Your first snow."

"Sophie?" Samuel's voice whispered, startling her.
He walked to the opening of the door, rubbing his arms. She shook off her boots, stepping in. She opened her arms to him and he welcomed her.
"Where the hell have you been?" He meant it as a joke but it voice was broken, emotional.
She smiled with a thick crease in her brow. He pulled away, his smile disappearing as he focused on her tears. He brought his hand up, wiping them away. Sophia placed her hand against his, pressing her cold cheek to his warm hand.
"I'm sorry." She said softly.
He towered over her. He wrapped his arms around her, bringing her close to his chest. She cried softly. His warm tears fell atop her head.

Morning light shined into the library. Sophia propped herself up gently, not wanting to wake Samuel who looked exhausted. Sophia was sure he was wearing himself thin catering to their mother. She looked outside and it was still snowing, bringing a smile to her face.
She looked to the clock that hung above the bookshelves; 7:43. The fainted voices of her mother and Bradley came from downstairs. She could never forget voices. Another woman's voice came in and she assumed it was his fiancée. Her morning garb was not to one's standards of meeting a future Ludd so she brought herself into the shower. The hot water loosened her chilled bones. Her long brown hair lay thick, and wavy across her shoulders. Only running a round brush and hair dryer through it. She was fortunate to have her mother's good hair. After choosing a simple outfit, she stepped into a pair of black rain boots, checking her appearance once more in the mirror before heading downstairs.
She caught sight of Bradley's fiancée but before she could say anything she was lifted into the air. Everything whizzed around in circles along with her, the only thing she could concentrate on was her mother's laughter.

"Baby sister!" Bradley cheered, finally setting her down only to suffocate her into his embrace. Her eyes settled and looked to the woman's bright blue eyes. She was gorgeous and had a winning smile.
He kissed her cheeks, pushing her back and looking over her just as Andrew did. He brought his arm around her, walking towards their mom and his girl. She greeted Sophia with a smile, "Meg, it's a pleasure to finally meet you Sophia."
Sophia held her hand out, taking Meg's.
"Likewise, and congratulations." Sophia smiled. Bradley laughed in excitement, shaking his sister.
"Honey, be gentle." Meg said, looking embarrassed.
"Oh come on," He began, poking Sophia's side, "this is nothing like when we were kids."
Sophia laughed, rolling her eyes, giving a sure nod to Meg. The four, or rather the three, furthered in their conversation. Gregory, working outside with the horses, caught his daughter's attention. Like clockwork. Ever since Sophia was a baby, and she was sure he'd followed this routine since Andrew was born, their dad worked hard in maintaining the ranch alongside his best friend and long time family friend, Anthony. Tony for short. So close that Tony and his wife moved into the back house of the ranch, later having their now ten year old daughter, Sky. Tony never looked his age, only when you stood close to him could you see the wrinkles. Dad and Tony were strong, always healthy excluding their habit of tobacco. 
Gregory mounted his horse, Tony following. Both were bundled well and surely going for a ride. Out of the ordinary, at least for Sophia to see. She couldn't help but think it was because of her though.

"Can you believe it?' Bradley  broke her wonders, putting an arm around her. Sarah and Meg continued their talk, Meg helping Sarah finish her small breakfast. Sophia leaned into her brother.
"Dads' been riding every morning, sometimes alone."
"Cause of me?" She wanted to take it back. Bradley shifted uncomfortably. Sophia pat her brother's chest, grabbing her coat that was hung near the front door. Sarah took notice, stopping whatever Meg was saying. All three watched Sophia make her way to her father and Tony.
It was freezing, Sophia wasn't used to it anymore.

"Dad," She stopped herself, "Sir?" She called out.
Gregory looked to her, no trace of any smile. But Tony was elated, he laughed, jumping off his horse, greeting Sophia with a tight hug.
"Emily will be so happy to see you sweetheart, she's taken Sky to school." He sounded so happy. Sophia smiled. She looked to her dad who kept his stare in front of him, looking impatient to leave. Tony noticed, clearing his throat like he did every time something was uncomfortable.
"Wanna ride?" He asked.
Gregory scoffed, spitting tobacco. One black spot amidst the pure, white snow. Sophia stuffed her hands into her pockets, shifting to the back of her heels, looking between her dad and back to Tony.
"Macy?" She asked.
Tony smiled, "I'll get her ready."
Sophia wanted to follow Tony, but he left too soon. Leaving her in the dense quiet of the cold morning and her father's disapproval.

"Think she'll remember me?" She never thought there'd be a day it would be so hard for her to say words to her dad. But she met that day and wished to only have the ease of his company back.
He stayed quiet, his horse stepping a few inches away from her. 
"Dad, if you don't want me to come..." She wasn't sure how to continue, she wanted to be mad and offended and show that to him, but she couldn't, she had no right.
"Did I say I didn't want you to come?" He sounded annoyed.
Tony came up behind them forcing her to not answer. "Here she is." 
Sophia gleamed at the sight of her horse. Her baby. Her pride and joy. A beautiful chestnut brown body; black mane and tail. Her eyes the deepest and most soulful brown that Sophia could just stare at. Macy was the only one that understood Sophia. She swore by that. 
"Hey sugar." Sophia called lightly, her gait confident but careful. She treaded lightly towards Macy, reaching her hand out softly. Sophia worried she lost Macy's trust, her hand shook ever so slightly.
"Don't hesitate, she'll remember you." Tony said confidently. Sophia smiled, stepping closer.
"Hi." She cooed, placing her hands softly on Macy's snout. Macy whinnied, taking a few steps back. Sophia felt hurt but didn't give up.
"It's me," She whispered, bringing her face close to Macy's, "it's Sophie." Macy snorted, nuzzling her nose into Sophia's hair. Sophia laughed gently, pressing her lips against Macy.
"That-a-girl," She soothed, running her hand along Macy's neck, "ready to ride?"
 

Once back from their ride it was near ten in the morning. Gregory asked Tony to put up his horse, requesting Sophia to help him although she mentally decided already to do so. Sophia lead Macy to the stable, Tony leading both horses behind her. He noticed her demeanor shift. Gregory hardly acknowledged his daughter except to demand her of things. 
"He'll come around honey, give him time, he's hurtin'."
She watched him free her dad's horse of his reigns, shaking his head, heading straight for his trough of water. Sophia loved watching her dad with the horses. If he didn't have kids of his own he would devote much of his life to those horses, after his wife of course. 

"Lemme help you." Tony, like everyone else, broke her thoughts. He walked Macy in, unsaddling her, closing the gate behind him. Sophia leaned against the barrier, Macy's hooves clapping against the stone floor to meet Sophia's caress.
"I love you." Sophia whispered.
Tony brought an arm to her shoulder, walking out of the opposite end of the barn. It stopped snowing just before they went on their ride. Everything was covered in snow. It all looked so pristine.
Sophia remained wordless to Tony. They walked to the cliff's edge.
"What could you have done?" Sophia finally asked.
Tony didn't have to ask what she meant, he knew right away. And unbeknown to Sophia, he often pondered what he would do if his daughter decided Montana was theoretically, not her home. 
"I don't think there is anything I could do kiddo."
Sophia groaned. "What would you have done then?"
Sophia looked up at the man that was practically her uncle. He rubbed his temples, his softly wrinkled, blue eyes looked down at hers. 
"Am I looking for an answer that only dad can give me?" She finally broke his stillness. He offered her an apologetic smile.
"Come on, let's have breakfast."
Sophia felt a little closer to having a father again as she walked hand in hand with Tony. She appreciated how much he and Emily looked after her and her siblings, but as confused and angry as she was, she wanted it to be her dad holding her hand right now. 

Everyone filled up the living room. Tony and Emily, all of Sophia's siblings minus Andrew, her parents. If it wasn't for the fact that Gregory remained silent through out breakfast, it felt like it was back to normal. Everything Sophia remembered. So much so it made her wonder if it was only a phase she was going through when she so badly needed to leave Montana. Her mom caught her daughter's zoned out attention, that wandering eye that often got Sophia scolded because she wasn't paying attention. Sarah smiled. Everything around this moment seemed to go in fast forward except for the two of them. They looked at each other as if it was mother meeting newborn daughter for the first time again. Sophia felt herself build up with tears, turning her cheek and leaving the room speedily. She dropped her plate into the sink, clasping her hand over mouth as a cry forced its way out of her throat.

"I don't care much for eggs either." A man's voice rang in.
Sophia gasped, turned, pressing her back into the counter. In the corner breakfast nook sat a tall man. If it weren't for his distinguished icy, blue eyes and light brown hair Sophia could have thought it was a long lost brother of hers. His legs stretched far in front of him. His short hair was coiffed neatly in a sort of messy way. His eyes were piercing. Light, light blue. His beard was scruffy. He wore a khaki button down over light jeans and work boots. His smile was cocky.
"Privacy?" Sophia retorted, wiping her eyes.
He stood up, carrying his plate to the sink, leaving only an inch of space between himself and Sophia. She pushed herself away, noticeably. He put his hands up.
"I could ask you the same," he began, leaning his hand against the counter, " after all, I was in here first." His smirk made Sophia's skin tingle with annoyance. 
"Are you even allowed to be here, I mean, who are you?" She poked. He smiled, showing his amusement to her obvious irritation.
"Christopher!" Gregory yelled, he went over bringing a welcomed arm around the man. Sophia frowned.
Christopher. Christopher. Christo-... Her eyes widened. He was practically family like all the rest unrelated to the Ludd's bloodline. Always teasing poor Sophia, he and Andrew were attached at the hip. Always at the house. Always over for dinner. Annoying Christopher. It was that way until he moved away to college at 17, Sophia was 10.
Sophia excused herself as the pair spoke, her dad not at all jolted by the fact that Christopher was alone in the kitchen this whole time. Not very surprising as she remembered how intrusive he was back then. Not much seemed to change. Christopher listened to Gregory all the while keeping a watchful on Sophia. 

Helena was lush. Managed to stay green until the real cold blew in. But whatever deadened trees (which was the whole forest) came about, it was soon covered in the wonderful snow. Until the sun came in and out some days, melting away the sparkle. Even then, the fields remained green. Not spring green, but nevertheless, it was nothing California could ever imagine or have the pleasure to see. Not where Sophia lived anyway. Just outside of Los Angeles. The snow was not yet too thick to make Sophia's stroll a strenuous one. There were too many people in the house, not that she minded because her mother needed the company. But it was too much for her. 
"You should be spendin' time with your mom, she doesn't have much time."
Sophia sighed, her dad's voice was becoming a burden.
"There's too many people."
"These people used to be your family." He shot back, standing next to her.
Sophia laughed, "Used to be, huh?"
"It was your choice."
"Yes it was and I don't damn near regret it, you're making that easier for me to say every second I'm here, SIR." She gritted her teeth, leaning her strained neck back. Quiet settled around them, if they tried hard enough they could hear laughter from the house.

"Samuel's firm is puttin' on a dinner for your mom, she can't go, you can have time with her then." Gregory finally said.
"What if I want to go? What, are you too embarrassed to show Helena that Ludd's rebel daughter is back in town?" Sophia wanted to eat every word up, swallow them back, and digest them so they never came out in the first place.
Gregory laughed.
"You keep that up girl." Girl. He'd yet call her by her name let alone a term of endearment. Sophia knew her dad was old school. But she never imagined this. Girl.
He walked back up the hill, leaving her alone to her own thoughts and feelings of grave guilt. 
She spent the remainder of the day in her room, much like she did as a teenager, refusing lunch because jet lag was finally catching up to her. That was a lie and she was sure everyone knew that. Finally around five in the evening, her brothers went in to check on her, dressed in their best suits.
"Sure you don't want to come?" Andrew asked.
Sophia shook her head, smiling. "I need time with mom." All three embraced her. Bradley hung on a little longer, "he's just hurtin'." He said. Sophia nodded.

"Hey mama." Sophia sighed, sitting at her side, grasping her hand.
"You need anything?" She asked, Sarah shook her head. "How you feeling today?"
Sarah closed her eyes, letting out a long, dragged out breath. "Painful."
"Anything I can do?"
"You already asked me that." Sarah giggled. Sophia didn't approve. "I have you. I don't need anything else." 
That was supposed to make her feel better, but it only chided at her. 
"When did you find out?" Sophia asked.
Sarah went into the long story that started a year ago. She had a pain that stayed in one area of her back, it never seemed to completely disappear, only subsided with painkillers. Eventually it ached its way back. Finally after a month of discomfort Gregory took her into town to see their doctor. He recommended them to an oncologist in the city, two hours from them. After a full day of tests, x-rays, and so forth they diagnosed her with stage three bone cancer. Her mom said a long word but it didn't matter to Sophia. All she heard was cancer.
"Why didn't you tell me when it happened?' She finally asked after an hour of briefing. Sarah held her daughter's hand tightly. 
"The doctors gave me hope."
"Even then mom, I could have had more time-" Sophia couldn't keep going on with her sentence. But her mom knew well what she was going to say. It was awkward to say that. To face the real facts, if Sophia had never left she would have had more time with her mom. Before any of this cancer came about.
"I wish I never left mama." Sophia always felt like child when she cried in front her mom. Like seven year Sophia who fell or was pushed to the limits by her brothers' incessant jokes. 

Sarah cupped her face, forcing Sophia to open her eyes and look back at hers. "Would you be sayin' that if I wasn't sick? Be honest."
Sophia dropped her head into her mom's hands, shaking her head. 
"Then don't have regrets now my love." "Come on," Sarah pulled Sophia towards her, giving room for her to lay next to her, "I don't want you crying every time we're alone together." Her mom tried to laugh, but she too wanted to cry. She wanted to break down and be angry that she had so little of Sophia's life to share now. Young Sophia. Not even half way to 30. 
"Tell me about your life, how's it been since graduation?" Sarah asked, wiping away her daughter's tears. They spent the next two hours talking about Sophia from California. Boys she dated. Friends she made. Everything down to the color of the carpet in her small studio apartment.

"How's Nina?" Sophia asked, bringing two bowls of soup over to the lunch tray. She pressed the button which raised her mom to a sitting position, wheeling the tray in front of her mom.
"She and her husband moved to Washington."
"She's married?" Sophia asked surprised, Nina was only a year older than herself.
Sarah nodded, taking a full spoon of soup to her mouth. "To a politician." Adding a certain flip to her words. "He was the only one that could get her up and livin' again it seems." Yet another statement Sophia needed no explanation to. Much like Andrew and Christopher, Nina and Sophia were two of the same kind. Weird, extravagant, giggly pair. 
"She came around all the time after you left but after maybe a year we never saw her, it was like she dropped off the face of the earth. Not until Samuel came home and told us he saw her in town with a much older fellow. Almost 40 now if I'm not mistaken."
"What?" Sophia coughed, pressing her napkin against her mouth to avoid regurgitating her soup. Sarah laughed.
"I know, but like I said, she was glowing with happiness on her wedding day. Blissful."

Ten P.M. came around and Sophia tucked her mom in, kissing her softly so as not to wake her. Sarah couldn't keep dinner down, much less a glass of water. Sophia sat in the darkened living room, the only light came from the full moon outside. It baffled her. Her mom could carry on hours of conversation but it seemed when life paused, the cancer took president and controlled her mother's every move. Sophia wished she could pause time. Make things last longer. But she remembered her mother's illness would only stay. There was no taking it back. Headlights shined through the window, she looked outside just as her family stepped out of one car while Tony got out of their own, Emily handed sleeping Sky over to him. They waved goodnight before the boys parted ways from Bradley and Meg. Andrew walked behind Samuel and Gregory. Sophia wasn't sure if she should run upstairs, pretend to be asleep but it seemed making decisions was a chore these days. As the front door, Sophia laid her head gently on her mother's stomach, breathing heavily as to evoke a deep sleep. All three walked in quietly. 
Andrew left a few minutes later, Samuel said good night leaving Gregory to his sleeping wife and his not really sleeping daughter. Sophia heard her dad's footsteps approach, she heard him lean down and kiss his Sarah followed by a few seconds of silence.
"I love you." He whispered. Sarah turned slightly in her sleep. 
Quiet. She wasn't sure if he left or if he was standing there. Her back started to ache and she regretted not "staying awake." She began slowly peeling her eyes open but quickly shut them when she heard her dad move to her side. She waited for him to shake her gently, tell her to go on up. Criticize her somehow before she made it all the way up the stairs.
But he didn't. Seconds went by and Sophia almost shook with stupor as she felt her dad graze her cheek with his calloused hand. Sophia was always a heavy sleeper. Gregory knew that. It would take an entire army to wake her. Her breath caught in her throat as she felt him lean his face down to her head. He kissed the space just above her ear, "My sweet baby girl."
It took everything in Sophia to not break down. Forcing the urge away to fall into daddy's arms and tell him how sorry she was. All at the same time to try and get him to understand why she needed to go. He kissed her once more before walking up the steps. Sophia planted her face into an empty space of her mother's blanket and let out a long sob.
 

Sophia may have underestimated her family's love. But when she left, things were so tense, despite her mother repeatedly telling her she loved her no matter what. Andrew hiding his disapproval with jokes, Samuel, sweet sweet Samuel just being the best brave faced person he could be. Bradley was loyal to their dad. He was stone-faced but Sophia remembers looking back and seeing him wink at her. Dad was the only one who let her leave without confirming how he loved her. That he would love her no matter what decision she made. He was daddy and dads should always be there for their kids. An extra exception for daughters. At least that's what her mind made up. But no matter how much of a guilt trip she mentally put her father through he had just as much of a right to do so with her. He was doing a good job at it. Intentional or not.
It was day seven since Sophia arrived and four days since her dad finally welcomed her although not to his own knowledge. As far as he was concerned, he had yet to forgive her. But with each day, Sarah's health declined. Sophia hoped for a moment that her mother was gaining strength, but the cancer proved victor. She slept more, and everyone surrounding Sarah worried it would be her last.
"I need another week." Sophia implored to her new boss. She knew she was pushing it but she couldn't leave, not now. 
Her boss threatened her job despite how bad she felt. She had to follow company policy. If you aren't back in one week, I will be forced to let you go, I'm sorry.
Sophia couldn't fight it. She also, God forbid, couldn't speed up her mother's death bed nor did she have any desire.
"I understand, thank you for the opportunity." With that both wished each other well and ended the conversation. Sophia threw her phone on the bed in frustration. She pressed her hand against her forehead; what was she going to do?

"We've got to stop meeting like this, I mean, you're kind of startin' to depress me." 
Christopher.
"You've got to stop coming into this house unannounced." She pushed pass him, trailing down the stairs.
"Good morning mom." She kissed her cheek. Sarah's eyes were tired but she wore a smile nonetheless. "Ma'am." Christopher greeted, doing the same.
"And since when were you more welcomed in this house than I am?" Sophia filled one side of the sink with hot water and soap, starting on the mound of dirty dishes. 
"I've been back for three years, I earned my stay and rights to enter this home. It's like my second home anyway." He said with a cheeky smile. Sophia rolled her eyes. 
"How nice for you." She grumbled. Sarah listened to their back and forth, using what energy her body allowed to laugh under her breath.
"What do you want?" Sophia vexed.
"Just the warmth of your company." 
"I'm busy."
"That's okay, I'll just watch."
Sophia shot him a look, his eyes averting from her rear back up to her eyes. 
"Yeah?" She seethed under her breath. She turned the water to cold, grabbing the hose and directing it to him. "Fine. Watch." Cold water spewed from the hose and onto his gray, long sleeve shirt. He put his arms up, yelling, yet laughing for her to stop.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Tony walked in with a less than pleased Gregory behind him.
Sophia stopped immediately. Sarah who was too weak to even blink laughed until her whole face turned red, she gasping for air.
"Damn it girl." Gregory grunted, pulling the hose out of Sophia's hand and slamming it back into it's proper place. He looked down at her, breathing heavily. "Your mom needs rest, stop makin' such a scene." He scolded her.
In the distance Sarah regained her composure. Tony looked on while Christopher wiped himself with a dish towel. Sophia could feel her face burn with embarrassment.
"You want me to treat you like my daughter, start actin' like her!" He said roughly. Tony slumped back. Christopher moved his attention to the wood flooring.
"Gregory, enough." Sarah called to him weakly but firmly. His frown stared deep into his daughter's eyes until he finally broke away to tend to his wife, giving her a glass of water. Tony walked up to Sophia but she rejected his comforting hand, pushing Christopher roughly to the side as she escaped this hell that was her home for the time being.

She stomped in the billowy whiteness, only wearing house slippers, sweat pants, and a thing long sleeve.
"Hey!" Christopher yelled after her.
She clenched her hands into fists, throwing them in the air and then to her side. "Leave. Me. ALONE." She turned around, yelling only to find him inches away from her face. He didn't wear his sarcastic smile like she was used to. He handed her a jacket, Sophia smacking it out of his hands.
"I don't need your help, can't you just leave, please, leave." She repeated, stumbling over her words. He could almost see her anger fume from the top of her head. They stared at each other for a few seconds, his sorry look to her angered one, she finally raised her hand to him in a dismissive way, walking down the small hill. He watched her walk in a fury of anger and sadness all wrapped into one. Sophia wiped tears, becoming angrier the more tears that wet her cheeks. She breathed heavy, the cold air catching her breath, sending it far into the sky. Reaching the bottom of the hill was a small graveyard made for deceased pets. She plopped herself amidst the three headstones. Billy. Sunflower. Moose.
Reading Moose's name brought her cries to a heightened level of mourning. She'd yet to notice their loving, aged family dog whom she also said goodbye to was now buried with two of their cats. If she could grieve so deeply for an animal, how would she grieve for her ailing mother? Far deeper than Sophia wanted to imagine.
The cold snow seeped through Sophia's jeans and made her skin numb. But she was, in a sense, already numb. Too numb from all that was falling around her. She heard footsteps shuffle carefully through the snow. Stopping maybe 4 feet behind her. She dropped her head into her lap. "What do you want?"
Christopher took a seat next her, the warmth from his body immediately giving her chilled skin solace. He brought his knees to his chest, propping his arms on top, his fingers were red from the cold as he twisted them around, searching for what right thing he could say.
"I'm sorry." It felt like hours to him before she answered, he removed his coat placing it over her shoulders.
Sophia matched his position only wrapping her arms around her legs, breathing out.

"If I could choose a favorite sibling do you know who it would be?" She asked, giving him some kind of relief that she didn't in fact hate his very soul. He dug his heels into the snow. "Me." He said.
Sophia laughed with an obnoxious tone.
"You would never have the honor of having me as your kid sister." She teased. He nodded, poking his bottom lip out, smiling. They sat in silence for a moment, not because they were inept of what to say, it was just nice to be able to sit with someone without having to explain something. Decisions that Sophia made. Why? Why? Why?
"Moose." Sophia said. She felt Christopher look at her, arching an eyebrow looking somewhat amused.
"I know, it's weird. But alas, I am the girl who chose everything but Montana. Shouldn't surprise you." She began with a light tone but it slowly dissipated to doubt and wonder. "Anyways, Moose is my favorite. That also sounds horrible, don't get me wrong, I adore and love my brothers. I would take a bullet for them. But Moose understood. Something even my then best friend couldn't get. And maybe 18 year old me had no idea what I was doing but hell, for a 25 year old I'm mature. I don't doubt my decision," Sophia stopped, was that a lie? 
She kicked her boot into the snow sending the white fluff a few feet into the air and back onto the tops of the headstones. "Or maybe I do."
Sophia looked back at Chris who's eyes were so intently on her. She blushed. 
"Are you judging me or..." Sophia asked. He laughed looking down at his hands. "I probably sound like a child to you." She continued. He laughed again.
"Your laughing is not making me feel any better." She said, unsure if she should smile or feel offended.

"You're nothin' like I imagined you growing up to be." He said. "That's a good thing." He added not wanting her to think otherwise. Sophia felt flattered though unsure of how to respond.
"You're a lot more handsome than I could have ever imagined." Sophia said. He looked at her following her statement with a loud laugh. Sophia blushed, trying to hide her grin. She wasn't sure how their conversation could continue after that. Could he tell she was being serious? Or did it come off as snarky and bratty as she hoped it would?
"Sorry." She finally when he stopped laughing. Like so many times, silence befell them, both kept their eyes towards the forest just in front of them. How did life get away from her so quickly? She'd heard of people moving from their hometowns yet able to keep in contact with their loved ones. She didn't love Helena but she didn't despite the town that badly. What could have motivated her to keep regular visits to her family. They deserved that. After all, California wouldn't have been possible without her parents' financial aide. Again, much to the demise of her dad. How different would life have been for Sophia had she stayed in Helena? Yet, that was the very reason that motivated her to get away. Life in Helena never changed. It could work positively or negatively for a young person like Sophia. She chose new.
"Is it so wrong to choose differently? To crave for something new?" Sophia asked blindly. Chris turned his attention back to her. Sophia looked to him, resting her chin against her knee. "I mean sure, difference could have gone all wrong for me, but it didn't." Sophia sighed. 
"Of all of this change, the only wrong thing I did was not visit my family, this place that to everyone else is home. Not for me though. California is my home. I love it there, it's everything I ever needed. Not even wanted. I needed that and I told that to my mom."
"You don't need to explain." Christopher cut her off. "I know I don't need to explain to you-" He stopped her again, "Not just to me, you don't need to explain to anyone." He assured her. Sophia looked up from the snow into his eyes. Those damn blue eyes that made her skin tingle. But not with annoyance. He stared back to her brown eyes. She wanted to deny the gut feeling her heart gave her. The same feeling she thought since their first re-encounter. She was re-meeting annoying Christopher. But he wasn't so annoying once she got passed the preliminary stuff. He was wise all the while childish. Handsome. There was no other way to explain his physical attraction. He was handsome. But get to the inside. He listened without interrupting unless it was valid to do so. He said things Sophia wasn't expecting. Things that didn't offend her. 
Christopher filled whatever space was left between them and reached his hand to her cheek, holding it gently. Sophia didn't budge, her breathing increasing the closer he came to her. It all happened in one blink of her eyes. They fluttered closed and he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. A long press. She felt her face warm and she pulled away. She pressed the sleeve of her sweater to her lips, gasping lightly for air.
"Sorry." They both said in unison.
Sophia shook her head. "I'm sorry." She stood up placing his jacket back on his shoulders.
"Thank you for listening." Her sentence was broken with amateurish doubt. He raised his hand as to say, 'no problem.' He listened to her footsteps fade in the snow farther away from him.