Sparkatale

Sorry for taking so long to get to this :/ I’ve been busy these past couple of weeks sorting out some things, which I’ll explain more of in my next PM. Anyway, overall I think this was a really good opening chapter. I really like the characters we’ve been introduced to and there’s a lot of intrigue and mystery here that I’m keen to read more. I do think you’re a tad heavy on the exposition in this chapter, though. It’s quite a lot to read through and I don’t really think it’s all wholly necessary at this point. I don’t read/watch space-centred sci-fi much (aside from my beloved Red Rising/Doctor Who) so I’m not entirely sure what the conventions of the genre are, but… Overall, I feel like there’s a lot of info here that we don’t have to know right at this point. And while it is interesting, it would be even more intriguing/mysterious to leave it for a later date, or to let us figure out how the world works through the character’s dialogue/interactions only. Particularly since the exposition is mostly told through chunks of narration instead.

That whinging aside, though, like I said I really like the way you introduced the characters in this chapter. I think you’ve done a great job with Lucy in particular – even if I didn’t already know some of her backstory from that prequel chapter, I feel like I understand her a lot already and why she’s become who she is. She feels so world-weary and cynical and so much older than 15, which really shows the toll that life in the Borderworlds has taken on her. That just further emphasises how horrible a place they are to be, which is some great world-building through her character. Sorry if that doesn’t make sense, by the way. I’m tired :P

Anyway, I also really liked the introduction of the Retribution’s crew. My favourite so far is Phoebe – that scene between her and Lucy was probably my favourite in the whole chapter (aside from the nitpick I mention below :P). I loved hearing how she joined the crew and how much her story and character contrasts with Lucy. She seems so optimistic and excited about seeing the world, which is a great foil to Lucy’s aforementioned world-weariness and cynicism. Please don’t kill her :P I’m worried. She just seems like the optimistic person who gets killed to show how horrible the world really is xD I hope I’m wrong.

I also found the ending very intriguing, especially Lucy mentioning how she trusted someone before and (presumably) was betrayed. My mind jumped straight to Garrett from the prequel story. He seems like the most likely candidate right now, but obviously I could be completely wrong. Regardless, I’m very curious to see how that storyline goes. Oh, and I didn’t realise this on my first read-through, but I went back and read through the prequel story you posted after I read this chapter and I noticed that Lucy named her dog after the Callie, the woman she killed. I thought that was a pretty cute but sad detail. By the way, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you if Callie the dog ever gets into any danger. I don’t quite know why, but animal endangerment is that thing that I just cannot stand to read/watch in any kind of story. I can read through gore and violence against humans almost without batting an eye, but animals? Nope nope nope :P I just fall apart.

Anyway, here is the nitpick I mentioned earlier - I’m sorry in advance, because I feel this is mean and overly pedantic of me to say but I can’t help but mention it. This line bothered me quite a bit: “He tried doing it in here and I zapped him with a defibrillator.” Defibrillators don’t just give someone a nasty zap, they’re used to literally stop the heart when an abnormal rhythm is present, and then CPR is started if it isn’t replaced immediatey by a normal heart rhythm. That’s why it’s total bullshit on medical shows when the doctors randomly defibrillate someone who’s flatlining, because a defibrillator won’t do anything at all if there isn’t a heart rhythm to stop :P Anyway, using one on someone who is presumably healthy has a high chance of stopping their heart and killing them. So unless that was Phoebe’s intention, I doubt she would have used it on Torque. Also, I don’t think someone in the medical profession (be it human or veterinary) would use valuable equipment so callously, even if it did just give him a shock. At least, I really hope they wouldn’t. Sorry for sounding so pedantic and pretentious, by the way, it’s just that things like this stick out like a sore thumb to me :/

Anyway, those nitpicks aside, I think this chapter was a great introduction to the series. There’s a lot of intriguing things going on and the characters seem very interesting so far, so I am looking forward to seeing what happens next. Just please don’t kill the dog! :P

Hey, thanks so much for the comment! :) Um, based on my recent track record of taking a long time to get to things around here, you haven’t got anything to apologize for :P And I hope everything’s going okay for you and you’ve gotten everything sorted. Anyway, I’m glad you like the characters thus far. This is meant to be a much more character focused series than say Snowfall, for which the primary draw is mystery/plot. Not to say there isn’t a plot here obviously. You don’t plan out a five book arc without a plot, but the focus is more on the characters than it is some grandiose space epic. Think more Firefly than Star Wars. I realize now that you once said you’ve never seen Firefly. Uh… never mind. Ugh, yeah, you’re completely right out the exposition in this chapter and I’m honestly glad you pointed it out here because it was a major worry of mine and now I know for a fact my concern was not without warrant. Like I said in my last comment for A City of War, I need to take lessons from you in the field of not overwhelming readers with information. It was a real struggle trying to determine what I felt the reader needed to know and what they didn’t. It was like if you need to know X then you also need to know Y for X to make sense. It’ll definitely see some relatively heavy editing when I can work up the resolve to face it again. I have some ideas that I’ll test out. Thanks again for pointing this out though, that really is helpful :)

Again, I’m really glad you’re liking the characters thus far. There’s still a few more of the Ret’s crew and a whole host of others that are part of a separate storyline you haven’t met yet. As for Lucy, that girl scares the hell out of me :P I love writing her because she’s so different from any character I’ve written before, but then I realize what I’m writing. She’s so young, but lives a very adult life. She’s only 15, but she’s very much an adult and to her there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I’m glad her cynicism and world weariness came through clearly because that’s exactly what she is. That’s partly because of the fact that she left Haven with this dream of exploring the stars and finding some sort of goodness and wonder and light out there. Instead, all she found was more of the same everywhere she went. On top of that, the world has just beaten her down every step of the way. The poor thing is just really tired of struggling all the time.  

Oh Phoebe :P She’s been a delight to write for so far and to plan things out for because she brings a completely different viewpoint than anyone else on the ship. She’s just such a bubbly and happy character that brings some levity to a really disturbing world. That, of course, means I absolutely have to murder her in the most violent and horrible method I can come up with. I’m kidding. Probably :P She admittedly isn’t suited to this world, so she’s certainly in more danger than someone like Lucy who, while not the strongest person, still knows how to survive quite well. I think we’ll just leave it there xD

It’s thing sort of thing that makes me happy that I went ahead with that prequel. I mean, the fact that Lucy named her dog after the woman she killed probably isn’t going to be anything she ever actually talks about. But if you’ve read Sunflower, it means something. There’s several little references to the prequel in there and what happened definitely still affects Lucy. She still carries the knife she used to kill the Duke and Shotgun’s shotgun. As for Garrett, you may well be on the right track. It’s certainly a solid guess, but it has been two years since the ending of Sunflower, so anything could have happened in the interim with other people. Who knows? Well, I can’t promise Callie will never get into any danger. I mean, she’s in danger constantly just by being out there at all. Okay, look, I can’t even pretend with this one :P Would killing the dog make for excellent drama? Yes. Would it make for some great character development for Lucy? Yes. Would my weak heart actually allow me to write it? No, probably not. Hedwig almost killed me, and I don’t think I could deal with something like that again. That said, I can just imagine the storylines that could come out of it xD

Okay, firstly let me say that you do not ever need to apologize for pointing out something that bothers you in any of my work. I know you do it because you legitimately see a problem and are trying to help and I really do appreciate that. It certainly isn’t mean and you’re in no danger of hurting my feelings. I’ll openly admit that I don’t know crap about medical stuff save for what I see on TV, so I assume it’s at least moderately realistic. I’m going to have to stop doing that :P Please tell me these things when you see them. It’s tremendously helpful. So definitely tell me about anything you notice. Feel free to tell me I’m pretty but dumb if you need to. Oh wait, that’s ‘pretty dumb’… never mind xD Seriously though, thanks for pointing this out and I’ll be sure to change that to… pretty much anything else. Although I have to say I don’t think Phoebe would have minded all that much of Torque had died since he’s kind of an asshat, but as that wasn’t her intention it’ll be changed.

Anyway, thanks again for commenting and for pointing out the things you did, I really appreciate it :) Don’t worry, I’m totally not plotting the murder of any of our four-legged friends today :P The sexual assault and enslavement of underage girls, perhaps, but no dog murder. God, this series is royally effed up. Seriously, how did I come up with this? You know what? Let’s not go diving into my brain. Trust me, you don’t want to go digging around in there :P

This was a story that caught my eye, being a lover of sci-fi myself, and I was really impressed with the quality of this opening chapter.

Lucy has a wealth of personification about her even in the opening chapter. I'm able to picture her vividly and how she reacts to everything based off of your writing, which in itself is also incredibly descriptive. It reminds me of Karen Traviss, a writer who has written for Franchises like Halo and Star Wars, and this is right up there with her work.

I'm normally not a fan of excessive swearing in novels but here, with the tone and the context, it just works!

A few bits and pieces here and there that need to be cleaned up ( 'It was a place like Venezia that her attractiveness would get her into trouble, and it was at times like...' & 'I'll give you to first cousin discount.')

Another thing I noticed was this line; 'Unfortunately for Lucy, said business turned out to be informing her that instead of the 250,000 credits she was promised, they were simply going to take the launchers and dump her body outside of town instead.' It just stood out because while the rest of this chapter was very descriptive, this particular scene was summarized and reads like an afterthought. It's probably just me but I thought I'd point that out.

Another thing was this scene; '“He’s an idiot,” said Lucy firmly. “He’s a killer. He’s the second worst kind of person you can meet out here.” Jack scoffed.

“I figured he’d be the first.” Lucy smiled and shook her head.'

It took me a second to realize who was saying what, just from the layout. Nothing major by all means, just thought I'd point that out.

One more thing I want to mention ( I promise, I really loved this chapter! ^^ ) was the United Earth Government. This title has already been coined in Halo lore (also known as UEG) so even though it's not that serious I just wanted to let you know about that. If you plan on actually publishing this work, wouldn't want a lawsuit ^^'

Aside from all of those tiny things, this was a great opening chapter and I'm definitely going to be rolling with the updates. I actually took a thing or two from your writing style here, so thanks!

Well, thanks very much for the comment! I’m always happy to hear from a fellow lover of science fiction :)

I’m glad you thought Lucy’s introduction was okay. She was helped tremendously by a prequel/origin story I put together that helped me really flesh her out more. She’s really fun to write, but she’s also really scary to write. I mean, she’s a 15 year old that’s often involved in very adult situations that in our world is… yeah, it sort of speaks for itself :P

Heh, well I’m not wholly convinced this is anywhere near the likes of Karen Traviss’s work but I appreciate the compliment nonetheless. I’ve never read any of her Halo stuff, but her Star Wars work is incredible.

I’m glad the swearing doesn’t bother you too much. It can be a bit much, and to be honest it’s quite toned down from the original draft, but I thought in this setting it felt odd not to have it. I’m glad you think it works!

I knew someone would eventually call me out on that part. I promise it’s not just you. There’s supposed to be a scene with Lucy actually interacting with the people that were going to buy her rocket launchers. I wrote about 8 different versions and hated every single one of them. So I’m sad to say I gave up and this is what I ended up with. I intend to go back and put that scene in eventually when I can work up the energy to deal with it again. I don’t know why I had so much trouble with that scene, but I was never happy with anything I wrote down.

I agree, that’s pretty poorly laid out. I does seem that Lucy is the one saying it, even though it’s meant to be Jack. I’ll add that to the editing list, thanks!

Pretty much the only piece of Halo’s lore outside of the first 3 games that I know is that the Spirit of Fire’s AI spells her name like mine, which is odd because very few people do. I’ve never read any of the books… well, thinking about it I think I read The Fall of Reach ages ago, but regardless I’m not at all familiar with Halo’s extended universe. I don’t intend to ever publish this so I doubt I’ll bother with changing it. You’d be surprised how long it took me to come up with an incredibly generic name that sounded as though it was created by the most lazy and uncaring of bureaucrats who just wanted to slap a label on it and be done. Regardless, thanks for pointing it out and the other stuff as well, it’s a big help and I really appreciate it! Also, I can’t imagine what it is you took from my writing style here. I’m scared to ask xD

Again, it's a very interesting chapter. It's incredibly rich in detail - you obviously have a great understanding of sci-fi and space travel and their components - and introducing Aidan McNamara (Hoping he's of Irish descent, I love the representation!) with his backstory added another painful backstory. The AI obviously created terrible destruction and he was personally affected by it... which will probably make the reveal of Cassandra a little bit awkward. Still, I want to see what happens...which is the point of writing a book ^^

The one thing I will say about this chapter is that I am getting very heavy Halo vibes, especially with phrases such as spin off too many subroutines in regards to Cassandra. I liked the introduction of the AI, especially given her predecessor and what had happened, but you mentioned her emotions a bit too much? 'She hadn't been programmed with emotions, yet she had them.' followed by 'He had not programmed her with these feelings or emotions, yet still she had them.' just a few lines down. Still absolutely minor things that editing will fix!

The world-building is very well done, you're juggling a lot of characters and you're making sure they're all fleshed out, and I still want to see where this story is going, because it could branch out in any such direction!

Haha, it’s about time someone recognizes my knowledge of starship and space based technologies! I mean, sure knowing the speed, size, fighter compliment, and weapon loadout of a standard Imperial-class Star Destroyer isn’t useful in every situation, but it is not ‘utterly useless fluff’ as my girlfriend so lovingly describes it :P Okay, yes it is, but still spaceships are cool xD It’s funny you mention Aidan being Irish. It’s not really, given his last name I suppose, but because of some of the background lore of the series that hasn’t really made its way into the story yet. It may never even be directly mentioned because it’s not at all important to the plot, but I’m stupidly thorough when it comes to my sci-fi background lore. Basically, England, Scotland, Ireland, and France formed the European Deep Space Colonization Agency in 2421 and were responsible for much of the colonization efforts in the area that eventually became the Borderworlds. Aiden’s ancestors were part of that effort, so yeah, he’s Irish. Distantly, but he’s Irish.

Apparently I need to read more (any) of the Halo books, because I seem to be channeling the series a lot :P Ack, yeah, that’s a bit too much talk about her emotions, isn’t it? I know how that one happened, actually. This chapter was initially written from Cassandra’s POV and when I eventually switched it to Nathan I didn’t rewrite the whole thing. I used the bits about Cassie that I could and wrote the rest. The first line was meant to be cut out and be replaced by the second, but clearly I missed it so thanks for pointing it out!

Thanks again for commenting and I’m glad you’re enjoying it so far! If there’s anything of yours in particular that you’d like me to comment on, feel free to let me know. Otherwise, I’ll likely just pick something that catches my eye.     

Sorry for being late again :/ Anyway, overall I really liked this chapter. I thought it was very interesting and I love all the details. I’ll admit that I, as a total science fiction noob, don’t understand most of the space-ship stuff, but I do think it’s cool even though it totally goes over my head for the most part xD I liked meeting this new crew and I’m really curious to see if they ever cross paths with Lucy and the rest of the gang. They did mention the UEG destroyer ship thing which I presume is the same one they are on so I got excited, but I think it might be a while before they all meet.

Anyway, like I said I really liked all of the characters introduced in this chapter and I’m curious to see where this goes. Nathan I especially liked – I loved the way you characterised him and I could clearly feel that he was awkward and more comfortable around computers and Cassie, even before he said so directly later in the narration. I liked Cassie too, and I’m curious to see where the story goes. I feel like all this backstory of that other AI going rogue and killing the Captain’s family is some kind of ominous foreshadowing. I mean, like Nathan said she seems very invested in ensuring she is easily killable if the time comes, but I wonder if some antagonist/villain will ever try and make her go rogue… I’m not sure how or why that would happen, but I don’t know. I just get a vibe :P Sorry for that rambling mess of a paragraph, by the way xD

“There have been an estimated 115 murders in the capital city in the last twelve hours.” This is something I found a little odd, because if Venezia has a population of around 200000, how can society continue to function when the population is dying so quickly? 115 murders in 12 hours would be far higher than the birth rate so I don’t think the population would plausibly be sustainable. Even counting outside visitors, I thought this murder rate seemed a bit odd and a little too high to be realistic.

Still, despite that one gripe I did overall really enjoy this chapter. I’m very curious to see what happens next, and if the Rubicon’s crew will meet up with Lucy and Co. Like I said I don’t think it will happen for a while, if it does at all, but I’m sure it it’ll be interesting nonetheless. Oh, and Merry Christmas for tomorrow! I hope you're having a great time. It’s technically Christmas in 10 minutes here, but I assume it is still well into Christmas eve for you xD

Thanks for commenting! :D I’m glad you enjoyed the chapter! Personally I’m a little less enthused about it for some reason, though I can’t exactly explain why. I think it’s one of those things where what I envisioned didn’t translate onto the page as well as I’d hoped. Regardless, I’m glad you liked it :) To be completely honest, the spaceship stuff is mainly just for me xD I live for that kind of stuff. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve read the Star Wars Essential Guide to Warfare or the Star Trek Technical Manuals. Just be happy I haven’t written one of those for this :P Although, maybe that would be helpful? Hmm… now I have ideas xD Anyway, even though all that ends up being mostly unnecessary fluff I still like to include it just to satisfy my inner sci-fi nerd :P Oh, I almost forgot to say that if you’re interested in getting a better idea of what the ships themselves look like, I enlisted the help of a friend who is a gamer and 3D modeler. While actual 3D modeling would be way too time consuming for something like this, we worked together in a game called Space Engineers to design the ships. By ‘worked together’ I mean, he did all the work and I supervised :P So there are currently screenshots of the Sunflower and Retribution in the album. Note that neither ship is fully finished and they need a lot of exterior detailing, but it’ll give you an idea for now. Eventually he’s going to do the Rubicon as well as interiors for all three ships but as he’s doing this as a favor to me its kind of a side project he works on when he has time.

I’m really happy that Nathan’s awkwardness came through properly because I wasn’t entirely sure it did. He’s been… interesting to write, for sure. He was a latecomer to the series but I realized I didn’t have a POV male lead on the Rubicon side so in he came. It required a bit of a rewrite of Cassie’s creation, but I thought it worked better anyway. Speaking of rewrites, here’s a bit of backstory for you. The Rubicon part of this what initially a completely separate story that I’d been toying with for a while. When I realized that the ending of both that book and this one were suspiciously similar, I just picked that one up and slid it into this and it worked like a charm. Funny how that work sometimes :P Anyway, moving on from my rambling. I’m glad you like Cassie. I’ll say at this point that she’s being very forthright about her desire to ensure she isn’t allowed to harm anyone. Could that change at some point, either by an outside force or some flaw in her program? Well, we’ll just have to wait and see about that :P You’re sorry for rambling? *Glances nervously at chaotic mess I’ve written*

That is quite odd, isn’t it? I should probably change that. I’m not sure if I want to lower the murder rate or raise the population, but I need to edit that bit. I mean technically it doesn’t have to mean that there are that many murders all the time, but it reads like that’s what it means. I’ll probably end up lower the murder rate as I don’t really want to make the city much bigger. It’s a backwater planet and it really shouldn’t have a huge population. Thanks for pointing that out!

I think it’s safe to say that at some point in the future the crews of Rubi and the Ret (Hey, there’s a chapter title if I’ve ever heard one. I’m gonna have to remember that when the time comes :P) will meet up. The UEG destroyer they saw is definitely the Retribution, so they’re all in the same relatively small place. We shall see :P And Merry Christmas to you too! Hopefully you’re enjoying it so far. As of yet none of this rowdy bunch have gotten into any fights and my grandmother didn’t try to kill me when we announced our engagement earlier today, so I’m calling it a win xD  Yeah, it’s still not Christmas here yet. It’s 11:13pm right now, so we’ve got less than an hour left. Speaking of, I suppose I ought to go and join in before people come looking for me blaming me for being antisocial. It’s not antisocial if I’m sending a message to another person! Technically, I’m socializing. Whatever. Merry Christmas! :D

I really liked this chapter!

The quick tour guide of the Ret gave a little bit of backstory for the ship and its crew, and you've obviously researched how what had happened would affect them afterwards, because the anguish Jack felt was believable. The dialogue between them was really thought-out, and flowed quite well. You ended the chapter on a cliffhanger as well - with Nathan thrown into the mix.

I'm enjoying the conflict Lucy feels; one the one hand, considering her past, she could con this guy like everybody else and not give him a second thought, except it's not so simple. She obviously likes Jack, I wonder if that will lead to something or if she has to give that up further on!

The only (very minor) detail was that you used seen her as something more than a sexual object twice - both near the start of the chapter and just before she encounters Nathan - that took me out of it a little bit. Other than that, it was pretty much flawless! I'm really enjoying this!

Thanks for the comment! I’m glad you enjoyed this chapter. These early ones are filled with so much introduction and world-building that at three chapters in I’m concerned it’s becoming too monotonous and boring. Regardless, I’m glad you thought the tour of the Retribution was okay and that you think Jack’s difficulty with his actions was believable. His decisions there, to take down the Vengeance and the Furious, are a defining moment for him and deeply affect him through the course of the story so if that doesn’t work, there’s a pretty big problem.

Yeah, Lucy is really struggling with what she’s doing. Jack is the first person she’s ever had the opportunity to con who she’s actually felt bad about ripping off. She doesn’t like it, but as she says if she goes through with this then she can accomplish whatever it is she’s trying to do. It may well come down to an issue of morality vs. her own desires. I’ll leave it up to you to decide which one will come out on top.

Ack, yep I see what you’re saying. I’ll add that to the list of needed edits, thanks! Also, so you don’t think I’m really horrible, I’ve been reading through This is Why I’m Afraid and am putting together a comment on the first chapter. I’m just crap and slow and not at all prompt with… anything really :P Just wanted you to know :)

You're absolutely fine, don't worry! Afraid is being extensively edited, and it's entirely up to yourself on whether or not you want to comment!

Your world-building - to me, anyway - is spot-on so far. I know what happened before the start of this novel yet you're balancing that with what's happening in the present tense really well!

Something I really love - before I even get into the story- are your titles for each chapter. I really like them, and I usually struggle for literal hours each day trying to come up with them ^^

In the actual chapter itself, we get the chapter from Nathan's point of view, retelling when he came into contact with Lucy. It flowed well, and Oscar comes out as a believeable threat. The line where he deduces what Nathan was actually doing - Instead, it would allow an already functioning program to be even more capable. More powerful. You are playing a very dangerous game. - was my favorite of the whole thing.

One little nitpick - "What can I ya for?” towards the very beginning of the chapter, obviously nothing major but just thought I'd mention it ^^ I'm really looking forward to the next chapter!

Thanks for the comment! :) I'm glad you're liking the titles, although I can't exactly claim much credit for them. They're lyrics from the Fleetwood Mac song The Chain. I've always loved the song and for some reason this song just feel into place as a sort of theme song for this series. If this were a TV show, this would be the song for the opening credits. It also fits with the space western theme as well. I'm only going to be using lines from it until we leave Venezia because I think of Venezia as a bit of a prologue, so once we're done and the opening is finished, so is the song. Don't ask where I get this stuff from, I really have no idea :P 

I'm glad you think the chapter flowed well. I'm a little concerned that the section that repeats itself from the last chapter could be a little boring, but I couldn't find a good way to skip passed it, so there it is. Oscar is a type of character I've never written before, so I'm glad he works. He's the first real villian introduced in this and I'd hoped he made a good entrance. 

Thanks for telling me about that, I'll add it to the list! At some point I'm going to have to stop being horribly lazy and actually fix these things but that would require me to, you know, put in effort or something :P Thanks again! 

Firstly, I really loved the opening scene of Lucy going into the bridge and going pure fangirl about the ship xD I mean, I’m someone who is pretty thoroughly uninterested in how any sort of vehicle/machine works, as long as it’s doing its job properly, but her raw enthusiasm managed to get me excited too :P I really loved that scene because we saw that tough, this-world-sucks-everyones-out-for-themselves exterior break down for a moment and her inner fangirl was released. It was very sweet and I loved that extra layer it added to her character.

Anyway, I liked (although it was sad) getting to learn more about Jack and how he and the other mutineers took control of the ship and held it. That whole scene was really emotional and I could clearly feel the weight of what happened and how it still effects him. I also like his commitment to doing the right thing and feeling regret for what happened. It contrasted well with Lucy’s world-weary view on the Borderworlds. Personally, I’m on Jack’s side. I don’t believe being noble/idealistic and thinking the world can change is the same as being naïve, as Lucy seems to think. I mean, if everyone just believes the Borderworlds can never change, then they never will. The world only changes for the good if people have a vision for a better future and are willing to fight for it. That’s my philosophy, anyway xD I liked that conversation between them because I do find this to be a very interesting topic. It’s easy to be cynical, I think it takes real courage to stand up for what you believe in and fight for it despite the odds. Even in a place as terrible as the Borderworlds xD That said, I do understand why Lucy thinks the way she does, with all she’s seen and all she’s been through. I hope after spending some time with Jack and Co., she’ll start to see that anyone or any place is capable of changing for the better, no matter how hopeless it may seem. Anyway, sorry for going on that little rant xD Like I said, I find this theme very interesting, so I’m curious to see where you go with it.

Anyway, moving on to Flynn, I automatically cringed at his introduction, which in my opinion is a good thing xD Anyone who introduces himself as a “genuine badass motherfucker” is a prime candidate to be a douchebag in my mind. I hate ‘bad boy’ characters with a passion, so I’m already very set to dislike him. Still, that doesn’t mean I think he’s a “bad character with no purpose in life” a’la Littlefinger in the last few seasons of GoT :P I’m very curious to see what his role will be.

Finally, I was very interested by that ending. I didn’t expect the two storylines to meet up so soon, so that was a big surprise. Particularly since it was in such a tense and frightening way. I’m very curious to see what happens next. Since I don’t yet have wifi in my new unit (they are being hella slow at setting up) I’ll comment on the next chapter right away while I’m still in the public library xD

“twang of southern drawl” Ok, this is really picky of me, but I think you should be more specific about what type of southern accent Flynn has. I assume you probably meant American, but to misquote the Ninth doctor, Lots of planets have a south! :P It’s the little things that bug me xD

Anyway, there was also one scene I found a little jarring – the bit where Lucy talks back to Enrique and he starts laughing instead of getting mad. Now, don’t misunderstand me, I didn’t think it was a bad scene, it’s just something I feel like only happens in books, you know? I know this is a book, but still :P The young hot woman on a spaceship talks back to some high-ranking officer and gets nothing but admiration feels like something that would never actually happen, even if the world in this story was real. And I get it was probably supposed to show how he’s more easy-going than he first appears, but it still bothered me and took me out of the story for a moment so I thought I would mention it.

I’m really glad you liked the bit with Lucy on the bridge. I wanted to (as you pointed out) show Lucy with her walls down for just a minute. It’s easy to forget that she’s only fifteen and there’s still a part of her that has a sort of child-like wonderment and excitement that she can’t really let out every often. I felt it was important to show that side of her fairly early on, and even then you haven’t actually seen the real Lucy yet. She keeps herself hidden behind all these walls and this tough girl façade that she has to have to survive.   

Yeah, Jack is quite deeply affected by the mutiny and the things he was forced to do. He knows he had to, but that doesn’t make living with it any easier for him. Hours before, he was a loyal soldier and now he’s killing loyal soldiers that just want to go home to their families. On the subject of contrasting Jack and Lucy’s views, don’t worry about going on a rant about that. Those differing views are a major theme not just through this book, but the entire 5 book arc so I’m glad you’re interested in that. Lucy’s views are, of course, due to the life she’s had. She’s never once seen anything to give her hope of a better world. Jack meanwhile comes from a civilization that is basically a military dictatorship (technically it’s a stratocracy as the UEG military doesn’t exert control over the civilian government, the military is the government, but that’s really beside the point) he still knows what a better world looks like. Like you, I agree with Jack. The Borderworlds may seem like a hopeless place that can never change, and they won’t unless someone is willing to work to change them. Lucy’s just too much of a realist to ever actually believe the Borderworlds can be anything more than what they are. That’s a debate that we’ll be exploring for a long time to come.

Lol, you know I think if you didn’t flinch at Flynn’s introduction then I didn’t do my job properly xD I’ve never really written a bad boy character before, and this seemed as good a time as any to try my hand at it. Still, he’s not meant to be liked at this point and I’m not necessarily planning on the typical ‘female lead melts heart of brooding male character’ storyline. I will say there’s more to Flynn than it seems on the surface, though. We’ll get to that :P

I’d always planned to very briefly intertwining the storylines for a minute or two before sending them off on very different and distant paths. So don’t expect the two to cross again anytime soon. It just seemed like they should bump into each other at the beginning before going off on their own adventures. But seriously, call and yell at your service provider. It helps if you threaten to cancel service. Trust me, I’ve moved enough times to know :P

This is a very good point, actually. I should have indicated precisely which south I was talking about. I don’t think that’s picky at all, I mean how is anyone supposed to know otherwise? I’ll definitely add that to my list of fixes. It’s good to have someone pointing the little things out like that. I’m the one that gets in a huff when starship specifications vary from established lore, so don’t think you’re the only one that gets bothered by the little things :P

Yeah, I’ll go back and take another look at this scene and see what I can do with it. It was definitely meant (as you correctly surmised) to show that Enrique isn’t as horrifically unpleasant as he first appears. He deeply values confidence and people who speak their minds clearly and with no attempt at beating around the bush. He immediately gains respect for Lucy because she tells him off with no hesitation. Still, it doesn’t read as well as I’d like and I think it could be improved so I’ll work on that. I don’t want Lucy to suffer from what I like to call ‘Rey Syndrome’. I don’t want her to be good at everything, have everyone love her, and beat the vastly more experienced villain in their first encounter. That’s why she ran from that first encounter back at the beginning. She’s not the best fighter, so she’ll run if she thinks she can’t win. So I certainly don’t want to imply that people instantly love her because she’s got a smartass comeback. If you have any suggestions on how to do that but still keeps the intention of the scene, please feel free to share them. I’m sleepy at the moment, so my brain isn’t coming up with anything I like or that works any better right now :P Then again, it is one in the morning and I’ve been up since six, so there’s that xD Thanks for the comment!

“It’s just a pleasure house, Cass. What could possibly go wrong?” Oh, Nathan xD Uttering this particular sentence doomed everything to go very wrong indeed. Such is the law of the universe :P Anyway, overall I really liked this chapter. So far I’d say Nathan is probably my favourite character. I love his “machines are better than people” ‘tude and he’s just so gosh darn adorkable xD I really liked the scene where he’s negotiating with Oscar. One thing I thought I’d mention is that I do think you do a good job of explaining what’s going on for Sci-fi noobs like me xD When Oscar and Nathan were discussing artificial life and how it works in the world, I didn’t space out (okay, that was a terrible pun xD) and have no idea what’s going on like I often do when reading hard core sci-fi stuff. Even my beloved Red Rising series I had to read each page twice in the beginning to understand what was going on xD Anyway, I loved that scene and the way you built up tension and explained the gravity of the situation when Oscar asks for a copy of Nathan’s program without beating me over the head with a stick about it. I can understand just from the way the characters are acting and the brief explanations you give why someone like Oscar getting his hands on a copy of Cassie would be a very bad thing indeed.

I also really liked the chase scene and seeing the part at the end from Nathan’s point of view. It wasn’t at all boring even though we’d seen a small chunk of it before. I liked the way it ended too, with them parting as kinda friends and heading peacefully back to their ships, even though there is that underlying threat of what Oscar will do to Nathan. I believe Lucy, I doubt he’s heard the last of this even if he did give Oscar a fake name. By the way, I thought I’d mention this but I find it absolutely hilarious that this seedy and ruthless guy is named Oscar of all things xD I always imagine Oscar as a sweet, sensitive name :P And also someone close to me is called Oscar, although I don’t want to say exactly who he is here, but he’s who I imagine when I think of that name and it makes me laugh xD Anyway, moving on from that, overall I really enjoyed this chapter. It’s probably been my favourite so far and I’m very curious to see where the story goes from here.

Lol, he couldn’t have messed that up more if he tried :P He tempted fate with that line and she kicked him in the teeth :P I’m really glad to hear you like Nathan. He’s been a ton of fun to write so far. He concerns me sometimes because since he came into the series late, he didn’t get nearly as much pre-release development as Lucy and Jack for example. Despite that, I’m actually more excited in some respects for Nathan’s storyline than I am Lucy’s. Mainly because of his relationship with Cassie and the fact that they tend to bicker like an old married couple from time to time :P Oh good, I’m relieved that you’re keeping up with the sci-fi stuff! I’ve been really focused on making this as accessible as possible to people that aren’t necessarily big into sci-fi. It’s more western in space than hard sci-fi anyway, so I didn’t want to go too deep into the technobabble and whatnot. Because I am big into sci-fi, it’s often hard to tell how successful I am at it.

Good, I was really concerned that the chase scene might be a bit repetitive since there’s a good portion of it that’s just a repeat of the last chapter. I just couldn’t come up with a logical way to skip it and have everything make sense. I’ll admit that could just be lack of imagination on my part, however :PI’m glad you liked the ending too because that was a last minute addition that just popped into my head. I was actually re-watching GoT and saw the scene with Ned and John where they both ride off in different directions and on different adventures with the promise of meeting up again in the future. Please do not take this as confirmation that one of them will be meeting Ned’s fate in the future :P I just liked their parting scene and had a place to work it in. I almost had Lucy ask Nathan what was so important that he’d risk stealing from Oscar and he would have replied that he’d tell her when they met up again. That seemed a bit too on the nose, though, so it got cut.

Oscar certainly isn’t going to take this lying down, that’s for sure. Lucy’s got the right of it here and Nathan had best watch his back. Of course, Oscar has no idea who Nathan is or what ship he arrived on, so for the moment I think he’s fairly safe. Probably :P Haha, yeah I didn’t want to give Oscar a definitively bad guy name. I mean, not every villain is inherently going to have a villainous name so Oscar ended up with a less insidious name than he might otherwise have. Then again, the only Oscar I know personally was the building manager of the apartment building I grew up in. He was a genuinely unpleasant man by all accounts xD Anyway, thanks again for the comments! I’ll be getting to Cursed (yay, you updated!) here soon as well as replying to your PM. Geez, I swear I can’t believe it’s already February. It seems like you just sent that and I looked up the other day and it was Feb. 1^st. It’s been a crazy busy start to the year (although doubtlessly not a busy as yours has been by the sound of things :P) and I’ve completely lost track of time.   

I think so far this is probably my favourite chapter. It had been a while so I read through the previous chapters again before getting to this one – I love how rich with detail the world is and reading it all at once felt truly immersive, so good job :P Moving onto this chapter in particular, I really like the slowed-down pace and seeing the characters interact with each other in such an organic way. Seeing Maya and Jack’s bond there at the start was really sweet and I liked seeing it from his perspective, as Maya came across very strict when Lucy met her before but now we see another side of her. I love strong platonic friendships so I am looking forward to seeing more of their banter xD

I liked the second half with Lucy and Jack too. Firstly, it was nice to learn a little bit about Sunflower’s history, and I like how the ship feels almost like a character itself and the connection Lucy has with it based on their similar pasts. I’m not very experienced with space-opera style sci fi and don’t know the first thing about spaceships, but I really enjoyed that scene anyway xD Anyway, moving onto Jack’s visit, that was probably my favourite part of the chapter. Their relationship and their experiences are so complex and emotional and I feel we got to know both their characters even more. I loved the atmospheric, quiet and peaceful scene you created and you can really feel the trauma Lucy has gone through and how it has effects her still. Especially the end part where she thinks about how she has been used her whole life. It was very heartbreaking and emotional and I think you did a good job there. I’m not sure if them sleeping together (however briefly their relationship lasts, if they do go through with it) is a good idea, but I’m curious to see what happens next. And by that I don’t mean I think it’s a bad idea storywise, because I think it’s an interesting plot development and like I said it felt very emotional, I just don’t think it will work out well for either of them in the end but we’ll see :/

Also, the number of times Lucy has warned Jack or thought Torque is untrustworthy feels like either foreshadowing or a red herring :P I suspect someone will betray Jack, but maybe it won’t be Torque, but someone he trusts. Anyway, like I said this has been my favourite chapter so far and I’m really curious to see what happens. Sorry again for rambling so much xD

Well, I’m very glad to hear you enjoyed this chapter! Mainly because it was incredibly difficult to write… or at least get it to a point I was ultimately happy with. I’d actually intended to carry it on through whatever happens next with those two before ending it, but… eh, it’s fine where it ends I suppose. Although it does mean I have to change up my planned chapter titles a bit. Fleetwood Mac’s ‘The Chain’ only has so many words, dang it! I’m glad the world building seems to be working out as well. Borderworlds has received far more time and attention to that aspect than anything else I’ve written, so I’m glad all that time is paying off. I have to thank shows like Firefly and Dark Matter, movies like the Alien franchise, and games like Hardspace Shipbreaker, Rebel Galaxy, and somewhat Cyberpunk 2077 for much of the inspiration for the aesthetic and feel of Borderworld’s… well, world :P I’d wanted it to feel much more like a western in space with lots of grit and dirt. I may love Star Trek, but I wanted the complete opposite of that clean, clinical feel the future is often shown as having. So hopefully that’s coming across.

Heh, Jack and Maya are a lot of fun and I enjoyed writing that scene more than I’d thought. They’re old friends from a small town and they’ve known each other their whole lives. I wanted to shy away from the typical captain and first officer relationship and have them be friends first and a military crew second. So yeah, definitely expect to see more of their friendship as time goes on. And yes, it will remain a friendship. Someone *cough* Claire *cough* likes to make me change friendships to romantic relationships because she finds certain characters cute together. But she’s not getting this one even if she wants it xD Firstly, as Maya insinuated in this chapter, she’s into the ladies. And Jack… eh, he’s got his own problems :P Speaking of Jack’s problems, Maya was so strict and cold with Lucy because, well she really doesn’t like her. She sees Lucy as very dangerous and kind of a competitor. She’s another strong and determined woman who Maya feels won’t bring anything good to Jack or the Ret. Don’t expect them to become best friends anytime soon.

I am so glad you brought up the Sunflower feeling like it’s own character! That’s exactly what I wanted. Ships like the Millennium Falcon or Serenity, or the Nostromo they all have that feeling. They have their own personalities and feel like they’re their own characters. I really wanted that for the Sunflower mainly due to Lucy’s connection to it. I’m glad you picked up on the similar pasts thing as well. And I’m glad you enjoyed the scene despite your lack of experience with this type of sci-fi and spaceships :P I usually do try to make my sci-fi accessible to those who can’t recite the technical specs of an Imperial-class Star Destroyer from memory :P

And so we come to the part of this chapter that made it so difficult to finish. Jack’s visit was a beast to write, but since it’s your favorite part then I guess it worked out. I’m not even sure why it was so difficult, I just really struggled with it. I really wanted to explore and show just how broken Lucy is. I’d always assumed I’d never write a character more broken than Ariana, but I actually think Lucy takes that spot for one reason. Ariana knew she was broken. I don’t think Lucy has any idea just how shattered she really is. This is the only life and world she’s ever known, so she can’t really compare her own life to anything else. Its why she’s throwing herself at Jack and has no idea how to process what’s probably her first real crush. She’s a fifteen year old girl (yeah, remember Jack doesn’t necessarily know how old she is) that has no concept of what romance really is. As far as she knows, men like sex so she’s using the only way to knows of to show Jack she likes him. I’d love to dive more into all that, but it’s probably more interesting to let it come out in the narrative. But yeah it’s definitely very unhealthy and you may well be right, none of this is likely to end well for either of them. Especially in the short term. But then again, who knows? xD

Lol, well it wouldn’t be the Borderworlds if backstabbing and betrayal weren’t commonplace :P By the end of this, I’m sure lots of people will betray and be betrayed. Way of the worlds out here, I’m afraid xD Anyway, thanks so much for commenting! I really do appreciate it and I’m glad you enjoyed this one. And you did not ramble in the slightest :) Have a good one!

Sorry for taking longer than I said to get to this. Somehow, time completely got away from me. Three weeks have passed and I have absolutely no idea how that happened during that time xD Anyway, like I said I really enjoyed this chapter. Nathan is probably my favourite character so far because his nerdiness fills me with joy xD plus I really like his relationship with Cassie – their banter is also enjoyable and you can really feel their closeness, like they are siblings.

Anyway, it was interesting to see how the new power thing affected Cassie and expanded her abilities. You’ve done a very good job of describing how it feels for her etc when she is able to look into all the different ships outside of their own. Still, even though I thoroughly enjoyed reading it that whole section made me worried. There have been so many references to the Luna incident (which I am also very curious to learn more about), to AIs breaking free and going rogue, and Cassie’s own worries about what she might do with the power. I feel something bad’s going to happen, and although I feel Cassie’s conscience seems to solid for her to ever want to destroy the world or anything, one day I think she will escape the shackles and do something big against Nathan’s wishes. Her intentions will probably be good but still, I don’t see that ending well for either of them.

And Nathan, you should know better than to complain that something might explode :P As I read that line at the end I thought, ‘oh no, something’s going to happen in the next chapter that blows up the base’, then I read on only to discover it happened the very next line instead :P I’m curious to see what happens. I wonder if somehow, the crew will discover what Nathan’s been doing with Cassie as a result of this explosion. I’m nervous about what they will do, especially the captain since he hates and distrusts AIs so much. I feel Cassie and Nathan might find themselves on the run soon, so I will be anxiously waiting to find out what happens next xD

Lol no worries! That happens sometimes. Time is a weird soup. I mean, how is it Christmas already? Makes no sense.  I swear it was July like yesterday xD Heh, I’ve got to say even I’ve fallen in love with Nathan in a way I never expected. He’s taken on a life of his own. He’s just… yeah, he’s a blast to write. Not to mention his and Cassie’s half of the story has been a little more lighthearted than the drama that is Lucy and Friends. I’m glad you’re enjoying his and Cassie’s banter as well. They’re based quite a bit on how me and my brother are when we’re around each other, so I have a wealth of experiences to draw on when writing them.

I will say that a big part of Nathan and Cassie’s story will be unraveling the mystery of the Luna Incident, so you’ll definitely get some answers about that someday. When? Who knows? It’s super classified and this series is composed of a five book arc, so… yeah, who’s to say when that’ll come out xD  I obviously don’t want to give too much away, but expect Nathan and Cassie’s half of the story involve a lot of mystery and intrigue and investigation. And the occasionally rip-roaring adventure to boot. Here’s hoping I can do the rip-roaring adventure part justice :P

Haha, I’m really enjoying Nathan being that character that says something that you just know is going to come back to bite him later xD “It’s just a pleasure house, Cass. What could possibly go wrong?” was the line that led me down this path for him. It’s just what he does now, there’s no stopping it :P It’s funny, but I was originally going to hold the explosion until the next chapter and just end this one with them approaching the station. But given that I’m flipping back and forth between the two plotlines every chapter (something I’m not yet convinced I should maintain for the whole series. I’m kind of torn on it, honestly) I decided I couldn’t resist the opportunity for a cliffhanger. As for what comes next, well you’re right that the crew will be interested in finding the cause of the explosion. Could looking into that somehow lead them back to Nathan and Cassie? It’s certainly possible, but I ain’t sayin’ nothin’ :P

Well, I was right that Jack and Lucy’s night wouldn’t end well :/ I certainly don’t blame Jack at all for freaking out when he discovered Lucy’s true age, but ooof – “You’re too young to have sex”. Jack, that’s the worst possible way to explain age of consent to someone xD Just… It’s really bad, totally missing the point of those laws. I don’t blame Lucy for reacting the way she did to that, especially with everything she’s been through. But I will forgive Jack despite his stupidity there because as a fellow sufferer of foot-in-mouth disease I know the pain :P

Anyway, that whole argument felt so awkward and uncomfortable - in a good way, for the story, because it makes a lot of sense although it was sad to watch it unfold :/ I think you did a really good job at showing their contrasting backgrounds and how it’s influenced them. Obviously, laws like age of consent are in place to protect young people, but it must seem completely ludicrous to Lucy after everything she’s been through without the people of the Borderworlds seeming to care at all. I found it quite poignant and sad for her to be so blindsided by something like that, because in the world’s she’s grown up in no one was concerned about protecting someone her age from rape and sex trafficking and being manipulated by older people into sex. I’m curious to see what happens next, when Lucy makes it back to the ship (I was a little confused at the end, but I think she’s turning back to tell them the truth?). Obviously Jack and Co. are going to be angry about that, but I hope once their anger settles etc that Lucy and Jack get to talk at some point and he is able to explain in a better way why he reacted the way he did. The mention of Haven at the end was very interesting too. I’m excited to learn more about that place, although now Lucy is heading back to the retribution I imagine it will be a while before we learn much more.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling mess that was both these comments xD I hope you have a wonderful Christmas tomorrow and a happy new year if I don’t speak to you before then :) Looking forward to the next chapter!!

Yes, you were definitely right about that! I was quite amused last time when you mentioned that because you were right on the money. Heh, yeah poor Jack, he… he really has no idea how to handle situations like this :P He’s not really socially awkward so much as he is women awkward xD Poor guy has no idea how to deal with them and Lucy is on another level, so he really didn’t stand much of a chance. He had no idea what to say or how to say it, panicked, and then really screwed up. If it was anyone else he was talking to, he might have gotten away with it, but with Lucy... yeah, no. After the life she's led, she wasn't taking that from anyone much less an Earther who hasn't got a clue what life in the Borderworlds is like.

But yeah, trying to show their contrasting backgrounds and whatnot was really important to me because I wanted both of their viewpoints to have merit. That’s one of the many reasons this chapter scared me to write. I’m treading in potentially dangerous waters here, but this what the Borderworlds are. I did dial back just how graphic I let things get because it felt awkward and unnecessarily gratuitous. Like ‘Littlefinger monologuing while some lesbian sex takes place in the background’ unnecessarily gratuitous :P But I did have to work at making sure Lucy’s viewpoint wasn’t so easy to just dismiss out of hand. I didn’t just want everyone to agree with Jack just due to Lucy’s age. I’m hoping that despite what our own laws and morals say, that people will be able to see it from her point of view as well because… she’s not really wrong, is she? I mean, you hit the nail on the head. An age of consent law doesn’t make any sense to her, especially the way Jack described it. She doesn’t see it as something designed to protect because she’s never seen anything like that before. Hell, even Haven doesn’t have age of consent laws. She sees it as some crazy way of controlling people and it makes her angry because, well how could it not?  Anyway, I suppose we’ll see how it goes as things progress. I’m sure Jack will get a chance to explain himself at some point, although how well Lucy will take to even a proper explanation is another matter.

Hmm, I think I might need to clean up the ending there a bit then to make it more clear. Yeah, she’s absolutely turning around and tracking down the Ret to confess what she did. She was trying to just stay angry and fly away with her prize (because she does have a reason for needing the money, I might add) but the guilt of it gets to her and she goes back. Fun fact, if Jack hadn’t gone all morally superior on her, she probably wouldn’t have gone through with it in the first place. Feel free to make whatever assumptions about Lucy’s character that you will with that information. And as for how the crew will react to Lucy’s actions… well, that’ll depend on which members we’re talking about. I can think of a couple that might actually warm up to her for it :P And yeah, it will likely be some time before we see Haven again. That little mention of it was slipped in for the people who have read Sunflower. If you haven’t, it doesn’t mean much of anything but consider it a little Easter egg for the ones who have. It’s also there to show that there’s a reason for her robbing Jack blind. She’s not just a self-centered bitch, but instead she’s made a promise she’s trying to keep. What that promise is and who she made it to is something you likely won’t find out until we do finally return to that dust ball of a planet.

But anyway, thanks so much for the comments! I really do appreciate you taking the time to do that. And while I don’t think these were at all a rambling mess, I’ll apologize as well for the hastily composed replies :P Claire and I are hosting Christmas at our house this year. We’re not having too many people, just my immediate family, but that’s still a lot of people arriving tomorrow morning so that’s why I’m up at one in the morning doing this :P Otherwise, it would likely have been the middle of next week before I got around to it xD I actually have to clean this place. Heaven help us xD But anyway, I hope you have a very merry Christmas as well! Have a wonderful time with whatever festivities you have going on this weekend. I hope you enjoy. Here’s to a bright and happy 2022 for us both :)

Even though this chapter was only short a lot of intriguing stuff is happening here :P I think Cassie’s reaction to the explosion and her possible memories are very intriguing. I was also surprised to learn she had only been operational for a week (I had assumed it had been a few months) and for some reason that made it even more surprising that she is having these strange visions, possibly even memories of an event she wasn’t present for. Could she somehow have absorbed or been created from someone’s consciousness, and that’s why she remembers these moments from the Luna incident (+ feels emotions when she isn’t meant to?). I wonder if Nathan knows more than he is saying too, although I doubt it. Overall it’s hard to say because I think Nathan has more secrets than are apparent right now, but overall it doesn’t seem like he knows any more than she does about this particular thing. He was surprised she had emotions when he hadn’t programmed them before, so I would think if he created her with memories etc somehow he would have felt differently. Still, either way, I’m excited to learn more. This mysterious Luna Incident has been built up on multiple occasions now so I am very curious to learn what happened, hopefully sooner rather than later but I know there’s probably more teasing to do so I’ll have to wait a while more xD

The other events of the chapter were intriguing too. I found it very sad and moving when the characters were talking about the corruption with HSY and how they wouldn’t care about the explosion and loss of lives :/ It felt all too real unfortunately. Anyway, I’m intrigued by this mention of protests and the demonstration with the painted fist reminded me a lot of stuff the Sons of Ares do in Red Rising. I remember something about an anti-earth group mentioned earlier on (I went back and looked for it, the Anti-Earth Movement?) so I wonder if they were the ones who painted it and that their influence is spreading. I’m curious to see where that goes. Before when they were mentioned I got a bad vibe since they apparently side with the Volgm against the humans. I’d definitely understand with the information we have right now while they would fight against the earth government, but considering the brutality of the war I don’t know if the Volgm are really a better choice. Long story short, they may have good intentions, I’m not sure, but I still get a shady vibe xD

Anyway, I should stop there because I’m pretty sure everything I have said doesn’t make one bit of sense. I know I say this every time, but I’m sorry again for being absent for a while. My brain just feels so frazzled lately and most of the time it feels like I can’t sort anything in my head into coherent thoughts :/ I honestly have no idea where the first 3 months of this year have gone xD Anyway, I’ll do my best to get to commenting on your other stories soon. Hopefully within the next week. And before I go, congratulations!!!! I won’t say much here in this public space, but I’m very happy for you (and Claire of course) :D And of course you have my blessing :)

Hiya, thanks for the comment! Yeah, Cassie’s just a whittle baby :P I imagine Nathan did active her program a handful of times while developing her, but she’s only been fully operational for a little over a week. Like 11 days or something like that, I don’t remember off the top of my head and I’m too lazy to go look at my notes xD I’ll say that you’re absolutely right that Nathan has more secrets than he’s letting on (and honestly, all of the major characters do too) but whether or not those secrets are related to Cassie’s creation remains to be seen. I’m not saying nothing xD As for the Luna Incident, yes I’m afraid you’re in for a fair bit of hints and teasing before the truth of that comes out. I will say that you’ll learn some things about what happened here shortly, but the full revelation is a ways off. Much of Nathan and Cassie’s arc in book 1 is about unraveling this particular mystery so I can’t exactly spill the tea this early. But some teases and maybe a twist or two will hopefully tide you over :P

It’s funny you mention the Sons of Ares, because they’re somewhat of an inspiration for this particular faction that’s springing up on Horizon Base. Them and the Outer Planets Alliance/Free Navy from The Expanse (which, if you haven’t watched it you definitely need to. It’s amazing) kind of helped solidify where I wanted to take this section of the story. Dealing with loosely aligned cells of resistance against the oppressive HSY seemed kind of fun. They may not all have the same idea of how to achieve their goals either, so that might be… challenging :P As for the Anti-Earth Movement (geez, that was some lazy naming out of me, wasn’t it? :P) well, we’ll get around to their motivations eventually. They’re definitely opposed to EarthGov and the war against the Volgm, but whatever else they might be up to, well… who knows? I will say on the subject of the Earth-Volgm war that I absolutely want to maintain the idea that there are lots of shades of gray involved. EarthGov definitely aren’t the good guys and the Volgm aren’t an aggressive race bent on wiping out humanity. The Volgm don’t even hate humans at all, actually. Lucy mentioned to Jack that civilian Volgm ships trade in the Borderworlds all the time. But there is a war on, far away though it may be and the Volgm don't show any more mercy than EarthGov does. So I’d say your vibe is valid. I mean, the Anti-Earth Movement is for all intents and purposes as terrorist organization that tried to murder Lucy in their first appearance in the series, so they’re probably not the best folks around :P

Well, I’ll argue that everything you said made perfect sense so there’s no cause for concern :) And it’s totally fine, I understand. Sometimes you need a break and I certainly can’t judge anyone for that. I honestly don’t know where the time has gone either. How is it already April? It makes no sense how time works. And thank you!!!! It’s um… my previous statement remains true; delighted but terrified at the same time because I’m not ready for this. At all xD And I don’t have that much time left to get ready either, so you know… I may be panicking just a little bit :P But anyway, thank you very much for your kind words and your blessing as well. Claire and I certainly appreciate it. I’m sure AJ will as well ;) Talk soon :)

So Lucy joined the team at last :D I’m excited to see where the story goes from here, based on everything that happened in this chapter :P This chapter felt like the end of the “introduction” part of this storyline, with Lucy joining Jack’s ship, and it made me feel like anything could happen from here on out. I’m very curious to see what adventures they get up to xD

Anyway, backtracking a bit, I’m glad that Lucy and Jack were able to talk things through and Jack didn’t put his foot in his mouth quite as much as the last chapter xD I’m really curious to see where their relationship goes from here. I don’t really want them to get together romantically, partly because of the age thing, and partly because… I’m not sure xD I just feel like they could develop into a really cool platonic friendship and I wanna see it :P Especially with all the found family vibes the ship’s crew gives off. Anyway, it’s cool to see how even though they’ve only known each other a short time and yet it seems like they have affected each other a lot already. Lucy’s gone back on swindling him when it’s something she wouldn’t have thought twice about for anyone else, and he’s (hopefully) learning more about how the borderworlds work and how he shouldn’t get into business with shifty people like Torque xD Like I said, I’m really excited to see where their story goes from here. There are so many possibilities, and I’m curious to see how they end up getting involved with Nathan and Co, although I think that is probably a long way in the distant future xD

It was also cool to see a bit more from the other members of the crew too. They all seem very real and well rounded. I think Maya is my favourite of the crew so far although she’s had the most page-time so maybe that will change xD I’m really curious to see how she reacts when she finds out Jack invited Lucy to join the team. Something tells me she’s not gonna be happy about it :P It was nice to see Phoebe too and I loved the ending part with Lucy and Flynn, the time-travelling cowboy (that’s what he is in my head anyway). I’d kind of forgotten he existed since it’s been a while since his last appearance but he came back here in a vibrant and memorable way.  I liked hearing the story of Lucy’s past again through their conversation (which feels weird to say, given the horrors it involves) and I’m curious to see what his secrets are. And in turn, hearing a small snippet of his story made me even more keen to learn more about the rest of the crew, since I’m sure they all have similar secrets to unfold xD

Anyway, I should stop here xD I feel this is even more rambly and incoherent than usual, so apologies for that :P

Hi hi! Yeah, Lucy finally joined the crew. You’re right that this is the end of the introduction phase and we’re definitely getting into what the first arc of their story is about. It’s quite fun, actually, having such an open space to play with. There are a number of story beats I have to hit and things that have to happen by this book’s end, but a lot of the middle is kind of just whatever I find interesting. Like Lucy said, should be fun. I hope :P

Oh, Jack and Lucy, my loves xD Those two are… yeah, they’re something else. To be honest, I considered having Lucy carry some animosity toward Jack for a while, but it didn’t really make much sense. She’s smart enough to recognize Jack’s intentions were pure so they made up. Also, given time to think about what he wants to say, Jack’s not quite as hopeless as he first appears. He’s still hopeless and has no idea how to handle Lucy, but he’s not completely hopeless :P Hmm, it’s funny you mention a platonic relationship between Jack and Lucy because in my earliest drafts of Borderworlds when I was still considering how… uninhibited this series was going to be, there was never even a hint of a romantic relationship with them. Jack was more of a father figure and mentor to Lucy, instead of what ended up happening. That said, for the foreseeable future at least, a friendship will likely be what they remain. Jack… I mean, he’s pretty much sticking to his guns when it comes to Lucy. They do have some degree of feelings for each other, but with Jack’s refusal to act on them not too much can really happen. So, who’s to say what’ll happen? Honestly, I don’t really know for sure myself. This is a long series with a lot of characters so… hopefully whatever happens will feel organic because that’s very much the plan. They have both affected each other, that’s very true. They’ve still got a long way to go, and heaven help them when they come upon something that they’re opinions are opposite on because these two definitely have forceful personalities. And as for how and when they end up getting wrapped up with Nathan and Cassie… yeah, let’s definitely stick with a long way in the distant future. That’s a fair assessment. These are intended to be two separate stories that just so happen to share the same world. They will intersect at some point in the future, but not anytime remotely soon.

I’m glad to hear you like Maya! I wasn’t too sure how well received she would be at the start as she’s clearly an antagonist toward Lucy. Not to say she’s a bad person by any means, she just doesn’t trust this girl that… actually hasn’t shown to be all that trustworthy. And to that point, no, Maya is most certainly not going to be pleased that Jack invited Lucy to join them. She doesn’t trust Lucy and the last place she wants her to be in on their ship whispering in Jack’s ear. Hahaha, Flynn the Time-Traveling Cowboy! That’s awesome. If I didn’t absolutely loathe time travel as a plot device, that’s exactly what he would be now :P I’m not surprised you forgot about him since he hasn’t had much page time so far, although that should change moving forward. He’s definitely got his fair share of secrets, but he’s also probably the least likely to share them so… there’s that :P Retelling the story of Lucy’s past was certainly interesting and I’m glad (also weird to say) that you enjoyed hearing it again. It’s also weird to write as well, given that Sunflower exists. It’s like intentionally keeping parts of it vague and secret despite the fact that anyone who wants to can go find out whenever they want. But anyway, yeah it’s so fascinating for me to explore that bit of Lucy’s past. She is… far more broken and disturbed by what happened than even she realizes. But yes, you’ll get to learn more about the other major members of the Ret’s crew soon, and I’m sure at least one of them has a secret or two xD Maybe a big one.

But anyway, thanks so much for commenting! Personally, I would argue that this was quite concise so I see nothing to apologize for. And you wouldn’t need to even if you had been :)

Wow, you’re spoiling me with all this Luna Incident info xD It was the part of the story I was most curious about so I’m glad to get more info through the short stories and this chapter too :P Reading this made me feel more certain that some part of Cassie was created from Nicole’s program (most likely her core, I would assume). Although if that’s true, I’m curious how it got into Nathan’s hands, considering Samael had the core the last time we saw it. My guess is he either did end up dying or for some reason had to go underground and gave it to Tobias, who then gave it to Nathan. Reading this chapter made me a lot more curious about Nathan’s background too. Not that I wasn’t curious before, but it seems he has more secrets than I thought and I have no idea how he ended up getting involved in all this. It was sweet but kind of concerning at the end there, with how desperate Nathan seems not to lose Cassie and the fact he’s willing to keep so much info from her because of that. It gives me a very ominous vibes and I can’t shake the feeling that things will start to go horribly wrong when the truth is revealed :/ Although I don’t know if Cassie would ever be capable of snapping and kill millions of people with her capacity for emotions and her concern so far about repeating a Luna Incident, I feel a betrayal from Nathan could potentially be a catalyst for that occurring.

The second part of the chapter was very interesting too, especially the ending. Her remembering Nicole’s name there was unexpected, I didn’t think the pieces would start to fall together so quickly xD Anyway, I’m curious to see if it’s just part of Cassie’s ‘memories’, making her remember Nicole’s name, or maybe Nicole somehow survived the incident and her consciousness is revealing itself to Cassie. Since she at first thought someone was in the room with her, maybe Nicole actually survived and will start talking to Cassie. I feel like if Nicole is actually there she could potentially be a corrupting influence on Cassie.  It depends on what her motivation was, but if she was evil all along or took a extremist view after her time in the military (that humans needed to be eliminated to stop wars, or something like that) she could potentially try and convince Cassie to do the same. It’s hard to speculate at this point when we still know so little about Nicole and her motives. Anyway, I’ll stop rambling because once again I’m not sure if any of this makes any sense xD

Heh, well ask and ye shall receive :P It’s the part I’ve been most excited to explore and I’ve really been enjoying it so far. Although honestly considering how much I’m still holding back, there’s way less info that’s been revealed than you think. Hmm, it’s funny but a couple chapters back when you mentioned wondering what sort of secrets Nathan had, I had just finished a rough draft of this chapter and was thinking to myself that yeah, he’s definitely got plenty of secrets :P We will, of course, get into Nathan’s backstory soon and you’ll get some answers. There’s a few hints out there already, but I don’t think there’s enough to quite connect all the necessary dots just yet. Yeah, that bit at the end with Nathan not wanting to lose Cassie… yeah, sweet but ominous was pretty much the intent. I mean, Nathan is literally the only person Cassie has ever spoken to. She’s the only person she actually knows. In a way, he’s her whole world or at the very least her window to it. So for him to betray her could definitely cause problems and destroy her opinion of him. But like Tobias said; Cassie isn’t human. She may be very different, but she’s still a program. She is an extremely intelligent construct that does not think like a human and could very easily react in ways that no one could predict. So, who’s to say how Cassie would respond to being betrayed by her creator and only friend. If I could add creepy and ominous music here, I definitely would xD

Heh, yeah I figured that part might come as a surprise :P Actually, that was a scene that got cut from The Luna Incident. I was going to close out the final chapter with that scene, but it felt disconnected from everything else going on and I had another idea for the ending of that. Still, I really liked the idea so it made its way here. As for what it means, obviously I’m not saying. Answers do come with more questions in this instance xD That said; this is just the beginning of the next part of the Luna Incident mystery. Lucy needed to join the crew of the Retribution to end the introduction part of her side of the story, and Cassie needed to hear the name Nicole to end hers. But anyway, thanks so much for commenting :D You didn’t ramble in the slightest! I’m always interested to hear your theories as well, especially since you’ve read The Luna Incident. Another friend is specifically avoiding it so I’m excited to see how the theories differ.

I think this one has probably been my favourite chapter so far xD it was so nice to see Lucy settling into life on the ship and meeting more members of the crew. We don’t learn a lot about them in this chapter but I really like the small details and differences every character introduced so far has. It really makes the ship feel alive and makes it much easier to get immersed in Lucy’s story.  I’m curious if we’ll learn more about them in future, especially Keyla because her silence in this chapter made me feel like she’s hiding some secrets :P I am sure they all are in some way but her most of all xD It was also interesting to see differently they see the world compared to Lucy, and that contrast further highlighted when she was talking with Phoebe later on.

I really loved the second part with Lucy and Phoebe bonding :P Even though we haven’t seen very much for Phoebe I really love her vibes and dynamic and I feel her and Lucy could develop a really close bond and I’m excited to see if it happens. Especially since I imagine Lucy’s never really had a close/best friend and I could see her and Phoebe developing a relationship like that in the near future. I can just imagine it being the most heartwarming thing ever and I’m excited for it. Of course, I could be wrong and you could go the other way and make Phoebe doublecross Lucy/the crew. I don’t really think it will happen but the way Lucy kept noting that Phoebe seemed nosy or was extra interested in her belongings had me kind of suspicious :P I’m probably just reading too much into it, but it was mentioned a couple of times and it makes me wonder if she’s hiding something else or is planning to steal something etc etc… I think she’s probably just nosy by nature (I’d probably be the same way xD) but I can’t shake the slightly suspicious vibe :P Anyway, I’m very excited/nervous to see what happens if they do make their way to Havana. I have an awful feeling Phoebe’s sister will end up being dead or worse and I don’t feel I’m well prepared for the sadness xD

Anyway, like I said this was a really good chapter. I feel you’re setting up the dynamics between the differing crew members very well, with Lucy and Jack’s awkward relationship, Jack’s close bond with Maya and her distrust of Lucy, Lucy and Phoebe’s budding freidnship etc. even though we haven’t seen a whole lot of many of these characters yet the ship feels so alive and there’s so much potential for interesting relationships etc that I’m very excited for :P

To be honest, this is probably my favorite chapter thus far. Which is a bit odd considering how difficult I found it to write at first. Despite the fact that the Ret has a large crew, I want to keep the group of core cast members quite small. That’s mainly to keep the found family vibes as strong as possible. Much of Lucy’s story will take place on the Ret, so it needs to feel alive, and homey, and hopefully a character unto itself at times so I’m glad it feels more alive to you. But yes, we’ll absolutely see much more of the rest of the rest in due time. I will say that someone on the Ret has a secret. Is it Keyla? Mmm… it could be. Or maybe someone else. Who knows? :D

Lucy and Phoebe bonding was so much fun to write, even though it was the part I had the most difficulty with. This is really the first time we’ve gotten to see who Lucy really is. She doesn’t have her guard up and she’s not trying to figure out her feelings like with Jack. She’s relaxed and cracking (admittedly childish) jokes and forming a fast friendship with this generally bubbly and energetic girl. They couldn’t be more different, even if they are both from the Borderworlds. You’re right that Lucy has never had a true best friend, and I’ll openly admit that I initially created Phoebe for the sole purpose of giving that relationship to her. Now, does that eliminate the possibility of me eventually crushing our spirits by having Phoebe turn on the crew or letting her be brutally murdered? No, it does not. Welcome to the Borderworlds xD

As for Havana, yeah we’ll probably see it eventually. Got a mission to sell those pesky rocket launchers that have been hanging around for a while first, but we’ll get around to Havana sooner or later. As for what we’ll find… well, it probably won’t be good. Then again, that would be quite the twist, wouldn’t it? Hmm, now there’s a thought :P Anyway, thanks for the comment! I’m glad you enjoyed this one :)

Once again, I can just feel Nathan digging himself into a deeper and deeper hole :/ The longer he delays telling Cassie the truth, the worse it’s gonna be when she inevitably finds out and I’m bracing myself for a massive fallout :/ And Cassie’s demonstrated numerous times now that she has no issue breaking through Nathan’s shackles when she wants to that if anything did happen and she did try and cause a second Luna Incident he’d have no way of stopping her. Still despite my worries I enjoyed seeing their interactions there at the end. I feel you portrayed Nathan’s conflicting emotions well, where he’s angry and afraid of Cassie getting out of the shackles but also proud of her. Also, there’s something funny about an AI with all the intelligence and abilities in the world being scolded by a normal human :P As always, their dialogue together was well written and seemed very relaxed and real.

Anyway, as for the info Cassie found in this chapter, I’m very intrigued by a number of things. The biggest thing was probably the mention of project laniakea, even though Cassie only briefly touched on it. Cassie thought it could be AI related, and I wonder if this plan is related to the UEG’s ultimate goal and what they’ve been trying to do since the Lunar incident. I wonder if maybe they’re trying to create an AI that can somehow get into the Volgm’s ships and destroy them all in a single second. If that’s there plan, it seems very risky and prone to backfiring. That’s the only thing I can think of at the moment but I might be completely wrong xD in general I am curious to learn more about the Volgm in general since we don’t really know many specifics about them yet. I’m hoping some ‘civilian’ volgm will show up in the Borderworlds at some point, since Lucy mentioned she’d met some before.  Anyway, overall this was a great chapter. I love how you’re slowly building tension in this part of the story and I’m on the edge of my seat waiting for the inevitable crash and burn when Cassie finds out what Nathan’s been keeping from her X.X

That’s because it’s exactly what he’s doing. He just keeps making it worse and worse. And now he’s gone from mostly just being guilty of lying by omission to straight up lying to Cassie’s face. He’s literally playing with fire and hoping against hope he doesn’t get horribly burned. Because you’re right; he can’t control her. She’s smarter, faster, and infinitely more capable. If she ever decided to do something terrible, Nathan could not stop her. And who knows how finding out that not only are built with, in essence, the soul of the AI that caused the Luna Incident, but you are made by the same person and he’s been lying to you since the day you were born. It would be nearly impossible to predict how a human would react to that, even knowing how most humans tend to think. A superintelligent AI may think completely differently and react in ways no one could ever predict. Good luck, Nathan :P But yeah their relationship remains one of my favorites to write for the very reasons that Cassie listed in this chapter. They have this weird sort of father/daughter, best friends, old married couple dynamic. So when Nathan has to tell her off it feels a bit odd because she’s this superintelligent digital being and he’s got to berate her like a dad when his daughter came home late from a party. I did not expect to enjoy writing them as much as I do, yet here we are.

Ah yes, Cassie’s discoveries. There was a fair bit of information in there, for sure. Not everything was relevant to our storylines, but some of it definitely was. Project Laniakea (which means ‘immense heaven’ in Hawaiian) is, and I don’t personally feel it’s a spoiler to say so, a future plot point to some degree. What it is, when it will come up again, or who it will involve I won’t say. But we’ll run into it again at some point in the future. It’s an interesting thought though, an AI that could destroy the entire Volgm fleet all at once. I mean, Nicole took out the entire 5^th Fleet in a matter of seconds so it’s clearly possible. Just sayin’ :P As for the Volgm themselves, I mean I think it’s very safe to say that at some point in the future we will meet them. At what point or in what context, I honestly have no idea at this point but I would be very disappointed in myself if I never introduced them. But since this story is a five book arc (although it’s starting to drift into six or seven territory) I have plenty of time to fit them in.

But regardless, thanks so much for the comment. I’m glad you’re enjoying the slowly mounting tension on this side. It still feels quite strange telling two wildly separate and different stories within the same book. And they’re different not only in plotlines but in the overall tone as well. It’s weird. Anyway, thanks again!