Sparkatale

Hello. I've never read a zombie apocalypse story before, but this one seems very interesting. The Necrons don't sound like your average zombie. I only read up to the part when he finished talking about their encounter with the one in the stadium, because I can't read the whole thing at once. You might want to break it up into chapters of about 2,000 words each. I'll keep reading though because I like your story. As for your comment:

I think you had a really strong beginning. It started off with a nice quote and then some action, not boring at all. I also like the way he said the first several paragraphs like a story, where everything was fast-paced and the only quotes were from that one Necron. I can't speak for other people, but it makes me feel like I know a little background info. Not too much, not too little. This makes me expect good detail and a slower pace later on, with more quotes from the main characters, to distinguish his explanation for the first two quotes from the actual story. Hopefully his name gets mentioned. Peeking ahead I think it's Dominic. Lastly, another strength is how you did your "show, don't tell" by not directly saying that the evacuation was at the stadium or that his brother's name is Justin.

I can't really say many of the weaknesses because I haven't read past the intro (besides the huge chunk of words) but some more physical descriptions would be useful. You described what the Necrons look like and the streets littered with the slain, but there's also the main characters and the other senses: smell, taste, hearing, and touch.

Like I said, this is an interesting story and I'll read the rest when I get the chance.

Thank you very much, I really appreciate it.  I'll start looking for places to break it up into individual chapters. I had written this all as one big thing before I had made an account here so I kind of just slapped it all I had in one thing but I'll start making the chapters. I hope you enjoy the rest as well!

I like the way you split up the chapters. It has a strong beginning and end. I also like how you introduced the characters and described "Dom," it was very natural. He seems like a humble boy, someone who wouldn't be afraid to say that he was crying so it wasn't cheesy. It seems a little cliched at times (they need each other, have little hope but fight anyway in respect for those who are dead) and repetitive (saying how they were all alone, and were horrified by the fact that they were killing things that were once human) and there were some typos but it was well-written. They make an interesting group, and I wonder what adventures they'll have further on.

Like I said, I'll read the whole thing but if you don't want me to comment on it because of my perspective (someone who has never read a zombie apocalypse or horror story) that's fine, otherwise I would be happy to.