Special Agent Ezra Standish squinted against the fluorescent lights in the ATF office, and gently brought his hands to his head trying to subdue the massive headache that was forming behind his eyes. A cacophony [RO1] of hoots and hollers broke the stillness of the Thursday afternoon as the other six members of team seven talked about their plans for the upcoming three day holiday weekend. Buck was the first to speak up. The ladies’ man had a date, naturally, with a woman he had met at the coffee shop. JD was planning to attend a local three day comic-con event being held in Denver. Chris and Vin were planning a relaxing weekend of hunting and fishing in the Colorado Mountains, and Nathan had made plans with his girlfriend Rain to go to a medical seminar. Josiah was planning to fly to Los Vegas and assist the FBI with a particularly unique profile on a serial killer.

“Hey Ez, what are your plans for the weekend” JD asked, apparently he had realized that Ezra was not participating in the conversation.

“My plans Mr. Dunne are to retire to my residence, and enjoy a much needed respite. I may choose not to abandon the comforts of my bed except to acquire sustenance for the entire weekend.” Ezra replied.

 JD absorbed this quietly then after a moment, apparently spend translating in his head, he cried, “You mean you’re just gonna stay in bed all weekend?”

“I believe that is what I just said, yes. I am currently suffering from a migraine, and experience tells me that the only way to get rid of it is rest and quiet.” Nathan perked up at that.

“Ez, you sure you don’t want anything for that headache?” he asked.

“Quite sure. I already took Excedrin, and I believe the best thing for me would be to sleep it off.” Ezra replied calmly.

“Alright, whatever you think is best.”

Ezra tried to focus on the report he had been typing. As soon as it was finished he could hand it in to Chris and be done for the day, starting his weekend a bit early.

~              ~              ~              ~              ~              ~

Soon enough he had finished, and handed the report in. Ezra headed to the parking garage where his jag waited. Soon he would be home. Truthfully he had made plans to spend the weekend with Maude, but she had called earlier that morning to tell him that she was held up, and would not be able to make it. He didn’t know why he felt disappointed, he had known there was a very good chance she would cancel on him, and it wasn’t like it had never happened before.

 Still maybe the disappointment he felt was due to the fact that even though he had told the other six that he wasn’t doing anything, none had offered to allow him to accompany them on their plans. True Buck couldn’t be expected to take him with on his date, or Nathan to the medical conference, he probably would have turned down Chris and Vin had they asked him to come with them camping, but he could have accompanied JD to Comic-Con though that wasn’t exactly his thing, and he could think of plenty of things he could do in Vegas while Josiah assisted the FBI. Granted he had told them he wasn’t feeling well, but by morning he should be fine. He didn’t actually expect them to offer, but it would have been a nice gesture.

Arriving at his apartment, Ezra unlocked the door and went inside, and after carefully hanging up his suit, he collapsed on the bed, giving in to the arms of Morpheus.

~              ~              ~              ~              ~              ~             

Ezra was awakened several hours later by the ringing of his cell phone. “Agent Standish” he answered groggily. The voice on the other end of the phone said something that made him sit up, all traces of sleep vanishing as he hurriedly dressed still cradling the phone between ear and shoulder. As he hung up the phone Ezra’s mind was racing. Team 7 had been tracking a known felon named Michael Danielson who they suspicioned was running a gun smuggling ring through Denver. And Ezra had just gotten a tip that Danielson was going to be boarding a train headed to Canada in one hour planning to take guns across the loosely protected border. Quickly Ezra called Chris to let him know he was going to need backup. Chris said that since half of team seven was out of town he would call AD Travis and arrange for team six to be Ezra’s back up. Ezra agreed to meet them at the train station.  Five minutes later Ezra was in his Jag on the way to the rendezvous

Ezra sat in the parking lot of the train station waiting for the other team to get to the train station. He was debating with himself whether or not to scout inside while he waited when he recognized Danielson getting out of a car and go inside. Quietly Ezra got out of his own car and followed his target.  Danielson checked in at the ticket counter, then headed down a side corridor. Ezra followed discreetly, and watched as Danielson entered the menus bathroom. Ezra paused for a moment then followed. As soon as Ezra entered the bathroom he saw a movement out of the corner of his eye, and turned just in time to see Danielson swinging a large pipe at his head.  Ezra tried to move out of the way but the pipe caught his left shoulder, sending a streak of fire down his arm. The pipe swung again, but Ezra’s reflexes were dulled by the pain and it he caught a glancing blow to the head. Ezra felt the target kicking him in the stomach and ribs as he blacked out his last thought was to wonder how he had been made.

 

 [RO1]

2: Assaulted

Chapter Warning: Male Rape

Slowly Ezra started to come out of the fog clouding his brain, his head still throbbed maybe I should call in today he thought to himself as he began to gain consciousness apparently sleep hadn’t helped his migraine. Slowly he began to realize something was wrong, a spike of pain shot through his shoulder bringing him back to full consciousness and he moaned. Opening his eyes he realized that he was lying bent over a table his stomach and chest resting on the table top his arms stretched out above his head and tied. Apparently to the far table legs. His ankles to the closer table legs. He appeared to be in a storage room of sorts. Ezra tried to pull at the cord binding him, but all he managed to do was send more pain shooting down his left shoulder. He almost passed out again from the pain, but a voice brought him around again. “I see you’re awake, good now we can have some fun.” It was Danielson standing there looking at Ezra as he struggled.

“What do you want?” Ezra asked.

“Oh plenty. “  Danielson replied. “But first you and I are going to get to know one another very well my pretty little federal agent.” Ezra furrowed his brow in confusion. “First we need to get rid of some of these clothes.” The criminal stated rather matter of fact as he ran a hand over Ezra’s dress shirt. Ezra realized his jacket was missing, then he spotted it on the floor beside the table.

Suddenly a buzzing noise broke the silence. Ezra felt the phone in his back pants pocket vibrate. “Now we don’t want any interruptions.”  Danielson purred as he slowly slid his hand over Ezra’s backside as he reached for the phone. Ezra jerked his hips forward into the table at the unwanted, and unexpected touch. “Now, now don’t be shy” Danielson scolded. He removed the phone from Ezra’s pocket and looked at it. “Who is ‘Bad Element’? He asked. If the situation had not been so desperate Ezra would have grinned. “The man who is going to find you and destroy you and your whole operation.” Ezra informed his kidnapper.  Danielson threw the phone on the floor and crushed it under his heel. “You’re awfully mouthy, maybe we should fix that.” He brought out a dirty handkerchief from somewhere, and stuffed it in Ezra’s mouth. “Too bad he won’t be here in time to save you.” At those words Ezra broke into a cold sweat.

“Now” Danielson whispered next to Ezra’s ear “where were we?” suddenly Danielson wrapped his arms around Ezra’s waist from behind and started to undo Ezra’s belt buckle. “NO!” Ezra’s yell was muffled, he shook his head vigorously and tried to get away only to find himself still held fast by the ropes. “Oh yes” Danielson breathed and placed a kiss on Ezra’s neck. Danielson grabbed the back of Ezra’s collar and tore the shirt down the back. “Tell me, have you ever taken a man before?”  He pulled down Ezra’s pants and underwear leaving them around Ezra’s ankles. Ezra bucked and fought but the restraints remained firmly in place with very little give. 

Danielson placed a finger in Ezra’s tight little hole and Ezra yelped at the intrusion. “Apparently not” Danielson answered his own question. “I am going to enjoy this, you’re so tight.”  Danielson smacked Ezra’s bare backside causing Ezra to jerk again. Tears streaming down his cheeks Ezra tried to prevent the intrusion but because of the placement of his legs he couldn’t. He kept hoping that any second the door was going to burst open and his team would be there to rescue him. But logically he knew it wasn’t going to happen, they didn’t know where he was because he had gone in alone before his backup had arrived. Danielson produced a cheroot cigar and lit it, puffing on the end, blowing a ring of smoke into Ezra’s face he smiled menacingly.

 “I think I need to mark that sweet little butt of yours.” he whispered. Ezra wasn’t sure what the man meant but a sense of foreboding swept over him. Kneeling behind Ezra so he was at eye level with his intended canvas Danielson took the lit cigar out of his mouth and pressed it into the flesh in front of him. Ezra felt the searing burn on his already hypersensitive skin, and screamed. Danielson didn’t stop just smiled and pressed the lit end of the cigar into the tender flesh of Ezra’s backside over, and over until the burns had formed a capital letter ‘D’. Darkness crowded the edge of Ezra’s vision.

 Suddenly Danielson stood up. Grabbing Ezra’s hips he positioned himself. Quickly he undid his own belt and unzipped his pants. Then with no lubrication, and basically no preparation, he thrust himself all the way inside Ezra, holding tight as the man screamed into the gag. Ezra’s eyes dilated, and fireworks exploded behind his eyes. He felt himself tearing, and blood dripped down his legs as Danielson forced his way past the tight ring of muscle. And suddenly the last thing Ezra wanted was for the team to walk in and see him like this. Shame burned his face.

Danielson continued to assault him, kissing and biting his way down Ezra’s back. All the while whispering filthy things in Ezra’s ear.  Danielson bit down hard on the space between Ezra’s neck and shoulder drawing blood as he came with white hot fire inside Ezra’s already battered body. When Danielson finally finished Ezra sobbed with relief. “Well unfortunately that’s all we have time for today, I need to catch a train after all.”  Danielson spoke as though nothing had happened. “By the way you were magnificent just like they said.” With that he cut the ropes on Ezra’s wrists leaving the agent to remove the gag and untie his own ankles which gave Danielson time to get away.

~              ~              ~              ~              ~              ~

Ezra was unsure how long he sat shivering in the dark little storage room after freeing himself, eventually the thought that he should get to a phone and check in settled in his mind and he slowly pulled himself up off the floor, his body screaming at him as he did. Adjusting his clothing, he put his jacket on to cover the ripped shirt, Ezra cautiously walked toward the door. As soon as he exited the room he knew where he had been, it was apparently a small little used storage room at the back of the train station. Down the hall from the bathrooms, and far enough away from everything else that no one would have noticed the muffled screams from inside.

 Walking toward the main entrance of the building Ezra was noticed and approached by a member of Team Six. “Standish, where were you. When we got here we saw your Jag but no sign of you or Danielson.” Ezra winced at Danielson’s name but quickly smoothed his poker face in place. “I followed Danielson inside, but he was on to me and he attacked me.” Ezra motioned toward the large cut he could feel on the side of his head. “He got away.” The other agent looked disgusted “I can’t believe you just let him get away. So much for the ‘Magnificent Seven’.” The man said scornfully. Ezra paled at the anger radiating off the other man, but didn’t defend himself. The team six agent lifted his com to his mouth “I have the agent, target is gone, repeat target is gone.” Then he turned and exited the building and Ezra followed slowly behind him.

The leader of team six raked Ezra over the coals for going in without backup, and Ezra quietly agreed that it had not been a wise move. Then the Team Two leader had called Chris Larabee whom he had contacted previously when they couldn’t find Ezra. When Ezra hadn’t picked up the phone for him either Larabee had headed back toward Denver from his camp site, but after receiving assurances that his missing agent had been found, and was not in mortal peril he had demanded to talk to Ezra, who he had again raked over the coals, then told that they would talk about it Monday. He had heard something in Ezra’s voice but he pushed it aside chalking it up to stress bout losing the target.

Ezra quietly excused himself after the phone call, and climbed into his car. He sat there for a bit trying to decide what to do next. He knew that as a law enforcement officer, he had a duty to report the rape, but just because he knew that didn’t mean he wanted to. Ezra debated with himself for a while before he relented, knowing that his shoulder was probably broken, and would need to be treated. He sighed, and started the car.

3: Treatment

A/N: detail given of treatment of sexual assault in this chapter are fictional, i do not know details of procedure in colorado.

When Ezra arrived at the hospital a few of the nurses looked at him strangely, and he realized it was probably because he was by himself. “Agent Standish what can we do for you today?” The nurse at the reception desk of the ER asked him. Sighing Ezra answered “I had a case.” The nurse nodded as though that explained perfectly why he was dripping blood from a head wound, favoring his left shoulder and limping. “Let me get you onto an exam room, and we can worry about the paper work later.” She said sympathetically. “Will Agent Larabee and the others be following?” she asked, probably wondering whether to warn the other nurses or not. “No ma’am the rest of the team is on vacation for the weekend.” She just nodded and then led the bleeding agent to a small room to wait for the doctor. Before she could leave Ezra took a deep breath and said quietly “I will be requiring a rape kit.” He looked away at her sharp intake of breath not wanting to see her reaction. He felt her eyes on him, and heard her nod. “I understand, I will notify the doctor.” Then she left, and Ezra was left alone to wait.

 Gingerly he sat down on the edge of the examination table. He took in the posters around the room reading each one, anything to keep his mind off of what was going to happen next. After what seemed like an eternity a man dressed in white scrubs walked into the room. “Hello my name is Ryan and I am a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner. I am sorry but I’m am the only SANE nurse on duty tonight so I will be performing your exam if that is alright with you. However if you would prefer a female examiner I’m sure that we can call one in.” the man offered.  Ezra stiffened but then decided that he just wanted to get this over with. “Your performing it will be fine.” He told the nurse. The nurse smiled acceptingly “I will go slow, and tell you what is going on each step of the way.” He informed Ezra. “I understand that you are a federal agent, but you still have a choice whether you want to talk to law enforcement or not. Do you want me to call the police to come and take a statement or is there someone else I need to call about this?” Ezra let out a breath “The local SVU will be fine, but before we start I want to be clear, no one from my team or the ATF is to know about this.” His green eyes hardened, and the nurse nodded. “The only people who will know are those you choose to tell. It is illegal for anyone at this hospital to divulge your medical information to anyone else. Now, the first step is we need to collect your clothing for evidence.” Ezra nodded grimly logically he knew that since he was filing a police report on the attack, and would need to file an after action report on the mission that he would have to tell the others, or at the very least Chris, eventually. He just wanted to do it in person, not let them hear second hand.

Determinedly he stepped onto the two large pieces of paper the nurse had laid down on the floor. Slowly he undressed, the nurse assisted him when he asked with getting his shirt off over his injured shoulder, causing Ezra to break out in a cold sweat as he bit back a scream. The nurse carefully collected all the clothing and even his shoes, clearly labeling them in bags, even collecting the paper on which Ezra had stood. The nurse took pictures of the bruising and wounds on Ezra’s body. Then he asked Ezra to lay on his side on the exam table. Ezra did so, only a thin hospital gown covering his body. He felt his face flame with shame as the nurse assisted him in positioning himself for the exam. He concentrated on Ryan’s soothing voice as he walked Ezra through each step of the procedure. Carefully collecting evidence, and taking more pictures as he went. Finally Ryan paused and said, “I’m going to examine you for internal injuries now, do you understand?” Ezra nodded but as the exam progressed he had to bite back a whimper as the emotions he had been trying to hold back flooded through him and tears streamed down his cheeks. The rest of the exam was finished quickly, and then Ezra was wheeled down to x-ray. 

After the x-ray was finished Ezra was placed back in the small exam room and the doctor finally entered. He cleaned and stitched the cut on Ezra’s head, wrapped his bruised ribs, treated the burn, and bandaged the bite mark on his neck, then he placed Ezra’s left arm in a shoulder immobilize that strapped the upper arm and wrist to Ezra’s body in a special sling, other internal injuries were sewn up also. Finally the doctor wrote out several prescriptions for various things. The doctor explained to Ezra that his shoulder was badly broken, and he was going to need surgery to replace the shoulder, he told Ezra he wanted to admit him to the hospital for the rest of the night and observe him due to the concussion, and if all was well they could do surgery in the morning. He assured Ezra that he would be released in a day or two after surgery, as long as he promised to follow up as directed. He also told Ezra that the local LEO’s were waiting to talk to him. Ezra nodded wearily and was escorted to a conference room where he could talk to the police in private.

 He gave the officers a thorough statement, and again begged them not to tell his team. They agreed that since the team had not been involved they could be left out of the investigation. Since Ezra had named his attacker, but also told them that he was most likely in Canada by now. There was not really a lot they could do about it other than place him on a list that they were to be notified in the event he tried to return to the USA. Ezra understood this, and hadn’t really expected anything more, he had simply decided to report it because he was already seeking treatment for his injuries, and of it did come to a court case, and he didn’t want Danielson to get off because he hadn’t said anything. After the police had finished with him, Ezra wearily allowed himself to be led to a hospital room.

 Ezra slept fitfully that night. Nightmares haunting him as well as the nervousness he felt about facing the upcoming surgery alone. He berated himself for his weakness. Why should he desire to pull the others away from their weekend plans just so they could sit with him in the hospital? The next morning the nurses came in to prepare him for surgery, they started IV lines on his good arm, and put in a catheter. The nurses again asked if they should contact anyone, and he almost said yes, but he stopped himself and just shook his head instead. He was not allowed anything to eat because of the surgery but he didn’t mind as he didn’t think he could have kept anything down anyway. A short time later he was rolled into surgery and the anesthesia was injected into his IV.

~             ~             ~             ~             ~             ~            

The surgeon came to visit Ezra after he was out of recovery. He explained the recovery process Ezra would be in the hospital another two days, and need to stay in the immobilizer for about three weeks. After that he still would need a sling but would be allowed to do passive exercises, and he would have regular physical therapy. He was under no circumstances to do anything excessive with his new shoulder until he was cleared be the doctor. He had a follow up appointment scheduled the next Friday. Then the doctor left and Ezra was once again alone as he tried to figure out how to explain to Chris that his undercover agent would have an obvious injury for probably the next month or more.   

4: Company

It was early Sunday afternoon before Ezra was released from the hospital with a stern warning to take his medication and show up for the follow up visits. When Ezra reached his apartment he let himself in. He sighed so much had changed just since he had left his apartment. Barefoot and still dressed in the hospital scrubs Ezra made his way over to the couch. Gingerly he lay down wincing each injury made itself known. After a moment of trying to get comfortable he realized that however he lay he was aggravating one injury or another. Finally he settled on laying on his right side, where the only injuries were the bruising on his hip from being held down and rammed into the table, and the bite mark between shoulder and neck on that side. He had a little less than 24 hours to recuperate before he needed to be back at work and ready to go. Ezra fought sleep hating the images that danced before him every time he closed his eyes, but slowly exhaustion overtook him and he fell asleep on the couch.

A few hours later Ezra woke from a nightmare. At first he was confused, why was he laying on the couch, but a split second later everything came flooding back. And Ezra made a dash for the bathroom. He knelt in front of the toilet vomiting, he hadn’t eaten anything solid in over 72 hours so there was little in his stomach to come up. He stood up and walked to the sink rinsing his mouth to get rid of the taste of the acid in his mouth. Looking in the mirror he saw the black stitches on his forehead standing out in stark contrast to his pale skin. He winced and turned away.  He felt so dirty, he needed a shower. He turned the shower water on as hot as it could go. Stripping out of the borrowed clothing he stepped into the shower, careful of his arm he scrubbed everywhere he could reach, feeling Danielson’s touch all over his body. Finally when the hot water ran out he got out and dried himself off. Wrapping a towel around his waist he headed for the bedroom to find clothes. After a bit of indecision he decided on a loose pair jeans and a t-shirt. Still barefoot he padded back into the living room and resumed his position on the couch.

Knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep he picked up the TV remote and started flipping channels, landing on a crime drama about a con man who now worked with the FBI. Ezra watched the show only half interested. Finally he turned off the TV and went into the kitchen, the doctor had told him that he might be sore down there for a while and that soft foods would be best to help with that. With that in mind Ezra made himself an omelet from egg whites for supper. The smell of the food made him nauseous again, he was unsure whether this was due to stress, a leftover from the concussion he had suffered, or a side effect the medication he had been given in the hospital. He forced himself to eat a few bites before throwing the rest in the garbage can.

 Then he pulled out the little bag with the prescriptions that he had filled at the hospital pharmacy. As he looked them over it hit him prophylactic HIV medications meant he might have contracted HIV. He remembered Ryan, the nurse, explaining how the first blood test would not show up positive if he had contracted HIV during the rape, a positive result would mean he had already had HIV previously. The test had been negative, which was why they had prescribed the prophylactics against infection, but even that was no guarantee he would be safe. Naturally he knew what antibiotics and painkillers were for, he had taken them enough times when one of the missions went south, and he had ended up with a bullet in him. After struggling to open the child safety lids on the bottles he finally was able to hold the bottles between his knees and use his good hand to open the bottles.  He laid out the pills, including a pain pill, because his shoulder was starting to throb fiercely, and tossed back the whole handful at once, washing them down with the coffee from his failed attempt at a meal.

Ezra paced the floor restlessly. Usually he enjoyed having time alone to himself in his apartment but right now he felt a need to be around people.  Looking at the clock on the wall he saw that it was almost five o’clock he wondered if JD and Buck were home yet from their weekend activities. He picked up the phone and dialed the number from memory. JD picked up on the second ring. When Ezra identified himself JD teased him about being out of bed. When Ezra asked about their plans for the night JD had told him they were going to have a movie night, and invited him over. Ezra accepted and hung up the phone.

Half an hour later Ezra found himself knocking on the door of Buck and JD’s apartment. JD opened the door energetically, pausing when he saw Ezra’s arm and head.

“Hey Ez, what happened to you?”

Ezra suddenly remembered what he looked like and that JD probably didn’t even know about the case. “It’s rather a long story, if I could come in I will get you up to speed.”

Looking sheepish JD moved aside to allow Ezra to enter. Ezra settled himself on the couch covering a wince as he sat down. Just then Buck entered from the kitchen. “JD where did you put the…” his voice trailed off as he noticed Ezra sitting on the couch. “Hey Ez, JD said you were coming’ over, what happened?” Ezra sighed

“If you will both sit down I will tell you, you will find out tomorrow anyway.” The two men did as Ezra had requested Buck taking an arm chair and JD on the opposite end of the couch with his legs pulled up under him so he could face Ezra. “You remember the Danielson case?” Ezra asked knowing that they would, they nodded and he continued. “Ah received a tip Thursday night, well Friday morning technically. Mah informant said that Danielson was planning to take guns out of the country from Canada via the train. Ah called Mr. Larabee and he arranged for me to meet Team Six at the train station as backup.” His accent was leaking through more than usual, the only sign that he was distressed. His poker face was firmly in place. He blew out a breath, how could he have been so stupid as to go in without backup? He looked at the two faces waiting expectantly. “Danielson was early.” He sighed. Buck looked at Ezra with sudden under understanding, “You went in alone.” It wasn’t really a question.

“Yes.”

“What happened?” JD prompted.

“He made me, ah am still unsure how, but nevertheless he did. He had gone into the restroom, and ah was following him when he attacked me.” Ezra decided he did not care to share the exact nature of the attack. Not yet. “He got away.” He whispered. Buck cursed. “I ’spose Chris already knows?”

“He knows ah was attacked, and that Danielson got away yes. As for the extent of mah injuries, ah drove mahself to the hospital after updating Team Six.”

“Why didn’t you ride in the ambulance? Why drive yourself?” JD questioned curiously picking up on that particular detail. Ezra just looked at him calmly.

“There was no ambulance.”

“You mean they saw you were injured and didn’t call an ambulance?” JD was incredulous. Ezra just shrugged. “They were a bit preoccupied with the fact that ah had lost Danielson.” The excuse sounded hollow even to his own ears. Buck interjected then “Ez, why didn’t you come over sooner?”

“Ah was rather busy recuperating in the hospital from surgery.” He said mildly.

“Surgery?! Did you get shot or somethin’?”

“No, but Danielson broke my shoulder, and it had to be replaced. I was only released a few hours ago.” The other two men studied him, no wonder he looked pale. “Why didn’t you call us earlier?” JD asked.

“Ah saw no need for the rest of you to interrupt your holiday plans for mahself.” He replied. Buck could tell that Ezra truly felt that way. Anytime Ezra got so much as a paper cut, he whined and moaned about it for the rest of the day, but if it was something serious, like when he had dislocated his shoulder, or been shot, he barely said a word. Somewhere along the way someone, and Buck had a pretty good idea who, had drilled it into Ezra’s head that he was not worth the effort, that no one truly cared how he felt. Joining team seven had gone a long way towards correcting that training, but old habits die hard. The thought of Ezra suffering alone in the hospital because he didn’t want to interrupt anyone’s plans saddened Buck. “Ez, we would have understood if you had called.” He reached a hand out and settled it on the undercover agent’s good shoulder. Ezra started and jerked away so fast that he fell off the couch and landed on the floor. He let out a hiss of pain as he landed on his burned hip. Flinching he rose to his feet avoiding the outstretched hands of the two men who were trying to help him up.

“Ez, are you ok?” JD’s concerned voice cut through Ezra’s humiliation. “Ah’m fine JD.” The southerner tried to reassure the younger agent. “Ah lost mah balance is all.” Fighting the instinct to flee he sat back down on the couch, shifting his weight to take the pressure off of the burned area. “So you have heard about mah weekend, now tell me about yours.” He forced a small smile. JD looked unsure at first, but then apparently deciding that Ezra was not going to say anything else, he shrugged and started to talk about his Comic-Con conference.

 Ezra found himself relaxing listening to the familiar voice, and gradually he let his eyes close. Buck remembering the extreme reaction Ezra had had to being touched earlier, decided not to attempt to move the undercover agent, simply covering him with a throw blanket, and leaving him to rest on the couch. Quietly Buck motioned to JD and they both slipped from the room. Frowning into the darkness Buck made a mental note to talk to Chris in the morning, someone was going to explain why their agent had been forced to drive himself to the hospital for the treatment of injuries that had hospitalized him for two days.

5: Telling Chris

Early the next morning, even before the sun had risen, Ezra woke gasping from another nightmare. Where am I? He thought confused. Oh yes, Buck and JD’s place, I must have fallen asleep. Looking around he noted the clock on the VCR telling him that it was only 4am. He needed to go home, he had to get ready for work, and given the mood Chris was likely to be in he had best be on time. Quietly, so as not to disturb his teammates, he slipped out of the apartment and headed for home. Once he arrived at home he showered, and dressed for work. Knowing that there was still a bit of bleeding, he chose a black suit to cover any leakage, he coupled it with an emerald green shirt, which made his eyes pop. Normally he would have added a tie, but he found it impossible to tie one with only one hand and he refused to use that tacky clipon one the guys had gotten him the last time he had dislocated his arm. Looking at the clock he noted that it was still very early, but he decided to get to work early, as he knew he needed to write that report and he was not looking forward to it. Sighing he grabbed the bag with his medication and headed for the door.

~              ~              ~              ~              ~              ~             

Stepping off the elevator onto the twelfth floor Ezra balanced the prescription bag, along with the cup of coffee and muffin he had gotten on the way in his good hand. Ezra made his way to his desk by the early morning light seeping through the office windows. Ezra didn’t think he had ever been the first one in the office before. Usually he was the last to arrive. Setting the coffee and muffin on the desk, he shoved the prescription bag in a drawer. He knew if he left the bag out Nathan’s curiosity would get the better of him and though the pain meds were easily explained, Ezra really didn’t need him finding the HIV meds before he could explain. The doctor had told him that he should take the meds two times a day, roughly twelve hours apart if possible. He knew he had taken the first one a bit early last night, but he did not plan on getting up at 5AM every day for the next four weeks just to take a pill, so he decided to push the time back a little today, so he could get on a regular schedule. Something more like eight and eight or nine and nine, made more sense with his habits. While he waited for his computer to power up Ezra forced himself to eat his muffin, so that he wasn’t taking pain pills on an empty stomach. His stomach rebelled after only a few bites, and he found himself kneeling on the bathroom floor emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet. His already sore abdominal muscles protested as he stood up and made his way to the sink. After rinsing the vile taste out of his mouth he slowly made his way back to his desk to start working on his report. An hour, and two more trips to the bathroom, later the excruciatingly detailed report was finished, and the man he had been dreading seeing all weekend had arrived.

~              ~              ~              ~              ~              ~

Special Agent Chris Larabee walked into the ATF Team Seven office, and looked around. He was surprised to spot his undercover agent, already at work. He watched as Ezra stood up and retrieved some papers from the printer. “Ezra, my office now.” He growled. The agent simply nodded. “Perfect timing Mr. Larabee. I just completed my report on Friday morning’s events.” How early did he get here if he already finished his report? Chris wondered.

Ezra made his way to the office and stood in front of Chris’ desk. “Want to tell me exactly what happened?”

“The short version is I went in without waiting for backup, Danielson made me, he attacked me,” he heard his voice hitch slightly at that and hated himself for it. “He tied me up and got away.”

“So basically you got what you deserved for going in without backup. Allowing a suspect to get away in the process.”

Ezra flinched at that, but calmly replied “Yes, I got what I deserved.”

“I’m assuming your report contains the long version?” Ezra nodded. “Well we can’t change what happened, but I don’t think IA is gonna be happy about it. I’m not too pleased myself.” Then suddenly switching topics he asked “Did you dislocate your shoulder again something?” he motioned toward the sling.

“Actually Danielson broke it when he attacked me.” Chris’ eyes narrowed, “So how long before it heals?”

“Roughly six weeks, in a sling.”

“That mean you’re on desk duty till then?”

“Unfortunately yes, I do have a note from my surgeon stating I am not to perform any strenuous physical activity for at least the next six weeks. And in our line of work, that means desk duty.” He said it so casually that Chris almost missed it.

“Surgeon?”

“Yes, it was a bad break and I ended up needing the shoulder replaced.”

Chris narrowed his eyes at this information, then seemed to push it aside.
“Go ahead and get back to work, I’ll holler if I have any questions after I read you report.” Ezra made a gesture as though he was tipping his hat, and then left to go back to his desk. He knew Chris would ‘holler’ soon enough, when he had read the report, but after that comment about ‘getting what he deserved’ Ezra had been unable to bring himself confess what had happened. It had been bad enough writing it down, and he knew he was going to have to repeat the story many more times today.

Twenty minutes later Buck and JD had arrived, but were oddly subdued. Ezra felt their eyes on him, but he ignored them. Due to having been unable to keep anything down, Ezra had not yet had a pain pill, and he was becoming painfully aware of his injured shoulder. Just as Nathan, Josiah and Vin arrived in the office Chris opened the door to his office.  “Ezra, could I have a word?” the barely restrained anger in his voice was evident. Ezra nodded, and hid a wince as he stood up and made his way to his Chris’ office. “Shut the door.” Chris commanded as Ezra entered. Ezra obliged, and turned to face him. “Ezra, are you alright?”

“I assume you read my report?”

“Yes, then I read it again thinking I had missed something. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? For that matter, why didn’t you say something on the phone Friday morning?” Chris’ asked quietly, using the voice he used on frightened horses. Ezra sighed, “At the time of our phone conversation, I was still in shock, and surrounded by agents from team six. I had not even decided whether to report the …incident…or not.” His voice choked slightly. “And if you remember both on the phone and a few minutes ago, you were rather busy reprimanding me for not catching Danielson.” A hard edge crept into his voice. “I got what I deserved, remember?”

Chris winced as his words were thrown back in his face. “Ezra, I didn’t mean it. I was just angry that Danielson got away.”  Ezra knew it was true, and the fight drained out of him.

“He hurt me Chris.” He whispered. The senior agent couldn’t find any words, he walked around the desk and slowly reached for the smaller man, and drew him into his arms. Ezra flinched, but then he leaned into the strong arms, silently tears streamed down his face, he buried his face in Chris’ and he allowed Chris to lead him to the couch. After several minutes he pulled back, and lifted his head. Wiping his eyes he said, “When he was done, he told me I was ‘magnificent just like they said’. Someone must have tipped him off, but almost no one knew. Add to that that only certain people refer to us as the ‘Magnificent Seven’.” He left the rest unspoken, but Chris was starting to put it together. Someone had leaked to Danielson that they were on to him, and that an undercover agent, specifically one of the Magnificent Seven was going to be at the train station. “We’ll catch the bastard Ezra don’t you worry.”

Ezra smiled weakly. “I told him you would, you know. Just before. You called my mobile phone trying to get ahold of me, I was already tied up, but he took the phone and smashed it, but not before he read the caller ID, and he asked who you were, I told him you were the man who was going to stop him.”

“So you told him Chris Larabee was gonna shut him down huh?” Ezra’s grin widened at this, and Chris caught a glimpse of gold. “Well not exactly, you’re not listed in my phone by your name, being undercover it could be dangerous if someone stole my phone and saw the names of ATF agents in my contacts.”

“So what did the caller ID say?” Chris was curious now.

“Bad Element.” Ezra grinned unrepentantly. Chris gave him a mock glare. Ezra sobered.

“Chris? Can we not tell the others yet? I mean I know we have got to tell them something,” he gestured to the sling, “but could you not mention you know, the… rape… just yet?” green eyes met blue ones pleadingly.

Chris let out a sigh “Ok Ez, if that’s what you want.” Ezra just nodded, he was starting to feel sick again. Suddenly he dove for the trashcan beside Chris’ desk, and started retching. He had no food left in his stomach, and only bile came up.  Quickly Chris moved to kneel beside the agent. Slowly he rubbed small circles on the younger man’s back until he stopped heaving. Miserably Ezra looked up at Chris. “I apologize.”

“Ez, you don’t need to be apologizing for being human. Here, lay down on the couch, and I’ll take care of this.” Too worn out to argue Ezra did as he was told. “Do you need anything?” Chris asked solicitously.

“Would you mind terribly bringing me a bottle of water, and my pain medication? It’s in the bottom drawer of my desk.” Empty stomach or no he needed a pain pill badly.

“Sure thing Ez.” Chris picked up the trash can and left. Feeling secure in the knowledge of the six men in the other room Ezra allowed himself to close his eyes while he waited for Chris to return.

Chris made his way through the office to the small bathroom, where he disposed of the trash can liner, and rinsed the can. That accomplished, he headed to Ezra’s desk. Five pairs of eyes watched him, but he ignored them and opening the bottom drawer he found the prescription bag. Seeing the small white bag Nathan Jackson, the team’s medic, perked up. “Is Ezra okay Chris?”

“He got injured on a case Friday, and he needed a pain pill.” Chris tried to shut down the medic with that, but whenever one of the team was injured Nathan was like a dog with a bone, “What happened? What case? Maybe I should look at him.” Knowing Nathan was the last person Ezra was going to want to see right now Chris turned and looked straight at the medic. “He went to the hospital. He’ll be fine, he just needs a pain pill.” And a lot of time he thought to himself. Turning he went into the small kitchen, and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge. He turned and found Buck had followed him.

“Ezra came over to my and JD’s place last night.” Buck stated. “I don’t know exactly what’s up but something’s wrong, more than just losing Danielson.” The ladies man shook his head grimly “Did you know he had to drive himself to the hospital. He was obviously injured, he’s got the stitches to prove it, but no one called an ambulance, just left him to deal with getting to the hospital by himself. He spent the entire weekend in the hospital, he just got out yesterday afternoon. He probably isn’t even supposed to be here.” Ezra had failed to mention that he had needed to drive himself to the hospital, probably in extreme pain from being raped, and having a broken arm, and Chris’ anger reignited, only this time it was not at the undercover agent, but on his behalf. Shoving aside his anger, Chris just gave Buck a look telling him they were not finished with this conversation and stormed out of the break room and back to his office.

Hearing Chris enter the office Ezra stirred and started to sit up. Chris moved to his side, and put an arm under the smaller man’s shoulders to lift him into a half sitting position. Using his free hand Chris opened the small prescription bag. “Ezra there’s three different pill bottles in here, which one do you need?”

“One of each.” Ezra sighed at his helplessness but allowed the older agent to pull out the bottles. Ezra propped himself on his good arm so that Chris could use two hands to open the bottles. “How did you even get these open with one hand?” Chris wondered aloud.

“It did entail a bit of work.” Ezra replied dryly, remembering his struggles the night before.

Slowly Chris handed each pill to Ezra as he read the labels. “Pain pill. Antibiotic. What’s this one?” he held up the third pill. Ezra let out a breath, “It is a medication to help prevent HIV.” At Chris’ sudden intake of breath Ezra continued “It is standard procedure for all sexual assault victims because of the risk. The way they explained it at the hospital, if I take those regularly, for the next four weeks, it will decrease my risk of contracting HIV if Danielson was HIV positive.”

Chris nodded and handed the pill to Ezra wordlessly. The thought that that criminal might have given his undercover agent a disease angered him, but he pushed it down and concentrated on helping Ezra. Assisting the undercover agent sit up again, he handed him the bottle of water and Ezra swallowed the pills. Chris helped Ezra lay back down on the couch, then stood up. “You rest he told the agent. I’ll wake you when IA calls. Ezra nodded wearily, and closed his eyes. Chris walked to the door and turned off the lights. Gathering the papers he needed, Larabee headed out the door, into the bullpen. He looked at the five sets of eyes watching him. “Conference room now.” Was all he said. The agents quickly made their way to the conference room without the normal complaints and joking.  Chris took a breath and started to explain. Giving the basics, but leaving out the exact nature of the attack on Ezra he told them what had happened. “JD see if you can find out which checkpoint Danielson crossed into Canada. Buck get the leader of team six up here now! The rest of you see what else you can find on Danielson.” Chris barked the orders and the men quickly left to obey. They all knew that as much as Chris was hard on them, he would not stand for one of his agents to be mistreated.

 An hour later, Chris had just finished bawling out the leader of team six for forcing an agent to drive himself to the hospital with a head injury and broken arm, when he received the awaited phone call from Internal Affairs. Quietly Chris returned to his office to fetch Ezra. Standing in the doorway he watched the sleeping man wrestle with a nightmare. “No, no please stop!” the pleading tone in the agent’s voice clenched Chris’ heart. Slowly approaching Chris leaned over and laid a hand on Ezra’s shoulder, intending to wake him from the dream. In hindsight that was probably a very bad idea. The sleeping man reacted violently, coming awake swinging, Chris caught a hard right to the jaw, knocking him backward, as the smaller agent sat bolt upright panting and shaking. “Chris?” the voice seemed small and scared.

“Yeah Ez, it’s just me. Guess I shouldn’t have touched you.” Ezra looked around him confused for a moment, the Chris watched as it dawned on him what had happened.

“Oh no, are you alright?” Chris nodded tenderly working his jaw

“You got a solid right there Ez. I’ll get some ice and I’ll be fine. I came in here to get you, Internal Affairs called, they’re ready for you.”

Ezra took a shaky breath. “Alright I will present my person to them immediately.” Seeing the look on his agent’s face, just before he regained control of his emotions Chris asked softly

“Ez, do you want me to come with you? I know I can’t be in the room, but I can wait outside the door for you.” Ezra seemed to consider for a moment, then shookhis head. “No need to trouble yourself on my behalf Mr. Larabee, I am certain I can handle an Internal Affairs review without too much difficultly.” He grinned ironically “It is not as though I have never dealt with them before.” That said Ezra headed upstairs.

6: Unexpected news

A/N Thank you to everyone who reviewed and is following this story, you inspire me to keep writing. J

A note about male rape: Sexual assault can happen to anyone, no matter your age, your sexual orientation, or your gender identity. Men and boys who have been sexually assaulted or abused may have many of the same feelings and reactions as other survivors of sexual assault, but they may also face some additional challenges because of social attitudes and stereotypes about men and masculinity. If this has happened to you get help by calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline 800-656-HOPE(4673) or get more information at rainn (dot) org/get-information

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By the time Ezra left IA he was shaking with contained emotion. He felt as though he had been raped all over again. Truly it felt almost worse than the original assault because these people were supposed to be on his side. Instead they accused him of lying, and insinuated that he and Danielson had a previous undisclosed relationship. They acted as though he had wanted it, as part of some kinky fantasy. They accused him of being a dirty agent, and it felt like Atlanta all over again.

Ezra felt emotionally and physically drained as he headed toward Chris’ office. Poker face firmly in place, he knocked on Chris’ door. Chris looked up from his computer with a concerned expression, and motioned for Ezra to come in and close the door.

“How did things go with IA?”

“As expected. I stopped by to let you know that I am suspended during their investigation. They need to talk to team six, and probably you as well.”

“Ez, you know it’s not yer fault right?”

“Mr. Larabee, you may not have meant it when you said that got what I deserved, but others do mean it. They truly believe that I deserved everything that happened to me, and maybe I did. After all, I was foolish enough to follow a suspect into an unsecured building, and I was obviously not aware enough of my surroundings when doing so, since he was able to easily overpower me. So perhaps I truly did get what I deserved.” Talking over Chris’ protests he continued. “It is not important, I will take my leave now. You may call me at home if you have any more questions about the case.” Chris watched Ezra go with a feeling of hopelessness. Inwardly he cursed Danielson for what he had done to Ezra, but he also cursed the system for making Ezra feel worse, and Maude for causing these feeling of insecurity in the first place which were then preyed upon by Danielson and the system. Sighing heavily Chris wondered if the shattered pieces of Ezra’s fragile soul would be able to be put back together, or if this time it was finally too much.   

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                Over the next few weeks Ezra became even more withdrawn from the team. Due to his suspension and injuries he spent most of the time at home unless he was at the hospital for physical therapy. The other six dropped by to check on him often, bringing him updates on their cases. About two weeks into his suspension Ezra had developed a fever, and flu like symptoms, but they passed, and he had chalked it up to the stress of everything going on. The day before the four week anniversary of the attack, Internal Affairs officially closed their investigation into Ezra due to the lack of evidence for any of their theories. The next day Ezra went back to work.

Chris was still the only one of the other six who knew the full details of the assault. When Ezra arrived on the twelfth floor the others were waiting to welcome him back to work. Nathan hovered asking if he was still doing the exercises the therapist had recommended for his shoulder, while buck joked that the sling would be a good tool to use to attract women. JD regaled Ezra with his newest pranks, team six seemed to be taking the brunt of those. Josiah inquired about when he wanted to do his mandatory psych evaluation, Ezra told him that they had scheduled it for just before lunch. Vin asked about how soon Ezra would be able to requalify on the shooting range, and Ezra explained to the sharpshooter that it would be another two weeks before the sling even came off.

Chris watched as Ezra hid a flinch whenever someone would touch him. He saw the forced smile that Ezra kept plastered on his face throughout the welcome. Finally he stepped out into the main office.

“Ezra could you come here a minute?” he called breaking up the welcoming party. Ezra shot him a grateful look before heading over.

“How may I help you Mr. Larabee?” he inquired

“Let’s step into my office Ez.” Once they were both seated at the desk behind a closed door Chris continued. “How are ya really doing Ez?”

Ezra sighed “Honestly I am not at all certain how I am. I am looking forward to working again, it will help me not constantly think about what happened. I thought about it, but I still don’t want to tell the others what happened.”

“I understand Ez, it’s yer decision. I won’t tell anyone you don’t want me to. Just so you know, Judge Travis does already know because he sees a copy of your reports, and the IA investigation will have made sure that he actually read it. ”

“I rather assumed that he had seen it. I know I may not be able to keep this a secret forever, but at least for now, I need to. I cannot deal with the others knowing right now.”    

Chris agreed to keep the secret, and after going over Ezra’s restricted duty he allowed the agent to go back to his desk.

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Ezra checked his watch impatiently as he sat in the hospital waiting room. He had taken a long lunch in order to go to the hospital for the follow up tests that they needed to run, and was waiting on the results. Just then the nurse called him back to the private conference room. The doctor was already waiting for him. “Mr. Standish, I’m afraid I have some troubling news. As you are aware, one of our standard protocols for victims of sexual assault is to test for HIV. The results of your blood test today confirm that you are HIV positive.”