Status: In Progress
Summary:
Created: November 13, 2013 | Updated: December 15, 2013
Genre : Adventure
Language : English
Reviews: 0 | Rating:
Favorites: 0
Reads: 1994
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| 1: | September | 2777 |
| 2: | Go Quiet | 3233 |
| 3: | Discovery | 2237 |
| 4: | Strange Figures | 1864 |
| 5: | Persuasion | 2084 |
| Total Wordcount: | 12195 |
Reviews (0)
Comments / Critiques
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A very promising start. Can't say I'm not looking forward to seeing the rest of this! Lots of dialogue there in the first chapter, but I must say--you did a very good job with it. It explained the setting rather well. Though, I'm still a bit confused about the whole Colony-Earth situation... Not a bad thing. These dystopian novels always start out that way, revealing everything slowly. Anxious to see how your world unfolds!
Next, I saw a few careless mistakes here and there, though nothing too bad. There were some inconsistencies with the formatting and indentation that can be easily fixed. Also, there was this one small typo: "Suddenly a loud explosion pierced the air, making the him jump." I think you meant to leave out "the."
Otherwise, a great start. The flaws are very minor and do not distract from the overall story. Keep going!
November 15, 2013 | Liz uli
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Chapter: 1 Reply
A great start to what will be a very interesting story, I personally would change a lot of the 'said, replied, asked' in the last six lines,
“So ten o’clock sharp, okay? Does your clock still work? Or did you guys use up your monthly electricity ration already?” Gen quired.
“Still works,” Adin's chin lifted in pride. “Jackie and I built a sundial last week. That way, we can shut the clock off when the sun is up. You should try it.”“That’s genius,” Gen smiled from ear to ear at his friend.
Something like that you know? but this is just my opinion you know. I look forward to reading more! ^.^
November 13, 2013 | Talena Mae
