- Profile
- Joined 09/06/13
- Last login 02/09/14
- Followers 0
- Books Authored 0
- Poems Authored 0
- Activity
- Reviews 0
- Comments 3
- Discussions Started 0
- Discussion Comments 0
I find 'the real world' rather boring and kind of depressing, so I spend the majority of my time trying to escape from it. So far signalling some other worldly beings like Faeries or even aliens hasn't been successful, but I remain optimistic. Although I have found some success: daydreaming, sleeping, doodling, writing and reading books are some of the more effective ways I have discovered of blocking out reality. Who needs 'the real world' when you can disappear into a better one?
With anything I write constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. :)
-
Very, very good! This reads fluidly and immediately gets you invested in the story. Between the book summary and this, I'm excited to read the rest. :)
Commented on: February 14, 2014
-
A very good start! Your descriptions are wonderfully detailed and really immerse the reader in the scene. One thing for improvement is possibly breaking up your first paragraph into two or three; at the moment it just feels a bit too much. Apart from that one incredibly little thing - awesome!
Commented on: February 9, 2014
-
Really, really good. The opening grabbed my attention and your descriptions are vivid. One teensy little problem I found was that when you say what happening to unicorns and their horns and about the disease it a little like an info dump. Not always bad and sometimes necessary, but I think it might make things more interesting if you only reveal little bits at a time about why the unicorn is being hunted. Then again, it's your story and I have absolutely no idea what you've got planned for the future, so maybe this was necessary. Don't let this tiny critique make you think I didn't like. I loved it. Overall, a very engaging and interesting first chapter. :)
Commented on: September 21, 2013