Sparkatale

I must give you some high praise for how descriptive you are and how when I read this chapter, I could picture everything you described so beautifully and vividly. I enjoy reading this in a first persons perspective as there is usually more 'show instead of tell' going on and there's only any dialogue when it is needed. You have a good balance of that.

I am a little confused about one thing but it's not really a big deal and maybe I just missed it, but what nationality are they? The way they sound almost makes me think that they are Native Americans.

Wow, this was an interesting start to the story.  I like how perfect the wording is and how you described Shay. She seems like a regular goody-two shoes but also is feisty at the same time. I like the display of her. Katrina seems like a bitch, if that was what you were going for.

How they all managed to release an infection was really creative. I hope to read more. Good job on this story.

The story seems like it started off on the right foot. For some reason, I was picturing like a "Brother Bear'-esque type of story with the wise old woman named Runa. It seems like a very interesting story so far and I would love to know more about it.

Just some corrections:

"Runa!" the children yelled.
(The T in “the” should be capitalized)
 

Runa was not her name, thought
(thought should be changed to though)

And when Runa stood
(take out “And” and start off the new sentence with “When” instead)

to polite applause, and excited murmurs, and pleas for one more story from the little ones, the shadows would recede and become unremarkable again.
(try this: to polite applause and excited murmurs, along with pleas for one more story from the little ones, the shadows…) you get the idea.

At least that's all I got so far. Make sure to not start a sentance with the word 'and'.

Also, try to separate the dialogue from paragraphs to make it look a little more organized.

The story seems like it started off on the right foot. For some reason, I was picturing like a "Brother Bear'-esque type of story with the wise old woman named Runa. It seems like a very interesting story so far and I would love to know more about it.

Just some corrections:

"Runa!" the children yelled.
(The T in “the” should be capitalized)
 

Runa was not her name, thought
(thought should be changed to though)

And when Runa stood
(take out “And” and start off the new sentence with “When” instead)

to polite applause, and excited murmurs, and pleas for one more story from the little ones, the shadows would recede and become unremarkable again.
(try this: to polite applause and excited murmurs, along with pleas for one more story from the little ones, the shadows…) you get the idea.

At least that's all I got so far. Make sure to not start a sentance with the word 'and'.

Lizzie Striker

I felt a sort of Hunger Games like vibe come off of it when i read the summary but in more of a supernatural way, if that made any sense. The plot really intrigues me so I may just have to read further into this. Btw, this is my first comment on a story since I started using this account, so you're lucky. Anyways, i was really confused when you kept mentioning Lindsey as a he because I have always thought it was a girls name. Well that serves me right I guess >.<

Anyways, I really like it so far. I wish you luck on revamping