Kobayashi Kyoko | SparkaTale


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  • Joined 01/30/14
  • Last login 04/23/15
  • Followers 1
  • Books Authored 2
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Kobayashi Kyoko's Bio

My name is Kobayashi Kyoko. Or, rather, it's my nom de plume. If you prefer an English name, Sugar Phelps will do. If this is your first time visiting my profile, warm greetings and welcome to my humble abode, the land of the hinoki cypress trees and the floating sakura blossoms and the land... where anything can happen, once my pen has touched it.

Think of my writing as a seed that I am attempting to grow and blossom. Phrases and paragraphs are the poetry of its petals, story lines the springs of life that well up inside the tender stalks. My plant thirsts for the water of knowledge, a resource vital to its nourishment, but one that I never seem to possess in full. My flower requires the blessing of fair weather, to be held to the test of the sun, and to be left to rest in the shade. Most of all, in order to blossom to its fullest, it requires an audience to watch it as it grows. Falling trees don’t make a sound unless you’re in range to hear it, as the expression goes. You, my readers, have the chance to join in my attempt at gardener.

So, take my hand as I begin my journey. We’re heading for the realm of the unknown.


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Sonnet No. 1
  • Kingdom of the Ravens

    The author has done a marvelous job of fleshing out the characters--especially James and Chris. The plot is well-planned out. There are a few sentences that could be improved during revision, but I will assume that the proofreading stage will come after the entire story has been finished. Keeping that in mind, I think this is a great story!

    Reviewed on: February 18, 2014

  • The Fairy Tale

    "Nobody took the prince seriously."

    Do you mean that nobody ever took the prince seriously? Or that nobody was taking the prince seriously in that scene? I was just plain curious.

    I don't know if it was intentional or overlooked, but I noticed that the prince never mentioned his title at all during this scene. If he hasn't stated that he is a prince, it might be out of place for him to "order" them to let the villagers be. If anything, the sentence might be a little tighter if he simply says, "Let the villagers be." To which the ruffians can reply, "Who do you think you are?" creating a bit of dramatic irony or simply "Let them be? Or what?" Simple suggestions, but it's fine either way.

    "It has a great value at most, but rumours say that when times are the worst, it can save your life."

    I'm not quite sure what the first part of this sentence is implying. Seems slightly contradictory. Besides 

    Commented on: January 23, 2015

  • Drax & Mag: UnFamiliars

    Overall, great job. I don't usually enjoy reading about the occult (personal taste), but the writing in this story so far is pretty spectacular. Mostly, I liked the theme of her being an actor on the stage. It helped hold the plot of the first chapter together.

    I was hoping for a better picture of the physical descriptions of Bridget Cleary, but a mysterious aura is not necessarily a bad thing.

    Here are some specific sentences that I would edit:

    Near the top: "Nothing in this hand; nothing in that hand." - To be honest, I don't get the significance of there being nothing in either hand. Maybe you can omit it or explain a little more?

    "like only using phones while standing on your head"  - I had to read this sentence several times before I kinda got it. I would suggest removing the word only, as it seems a little out of place. I might just not be understanding what you're trying to say, though.

    "Joshua still stood still as a tree trunk" near the end of Chapter 1 seems a bit of a mouthful, so I suggest rewording. If you wanted, you could even remove the first "still."

    Just because I'm not familiar with these sorts of practices, it didn't really make sense to me, Bridget's slumping and sitting straight up. So depending on what audience your book is geared towards, you may want explain more or not.

    Commented on: January 18, 2015

  • Every Hundred Words - A Drabble Collection

    Thank you for your comments; I really appreciate it! I'll take a look at those spots again. It's been a while since I revisited the first drabble.

    Commented on: January 18, 2015

  • Winterscape

    This is a great response for a great exercise! The biggest thing I would suggest is that you stated several times that the cold temperature is something you welcomed. Emphasis is great, but the similar structure each time made it seem somewhat redundant, as if you had nothing different to say. At the end of the third paragraph, I believe the "welcome" should be past tense, so just check that. I like the ending, but it can be a bit abrupt. Why is it bathed in darkness? I'm assuming the sun set. Overall, great job, though! I love the second paragraph!

    Commented on: December 27, 2014

  • 5 Minutes

    I love it! It also helps shut off your inner editor, doesn't it? I did a similar thing every day for a while, but instead of spending five minutes, I would just write until I filled a hundred words, and then upload it. Some of these "drabbles" have been posted to Sparkatale now, and I do them whenever I have time. Great job with these, though! I might come back later and visit them more closely, but for now, I'll just say that the dialogue flowed really well, which is something that's really important to me.

    Commented on: February 19, 2014

  • Collective Brevity

    Very deadly story, but I must say I enjoyed it. You tied everything together very nicely, and it really did come full circle by the end. Here are some suggestions for revisions:

    "This building was exactly the same as he remembered it." Consider using the word "the" instead of "this." As it is, it seems a break from a third-person point of view, sneaking into first-person for one sentence.

    "Her voice echoed unwanted in David’s mind, if you get blood on anything you might as well have just burnt it ‘cause that is one stain that won’t come out." Perhaps you would like to use quotations around the part that is said in Aunt Marie's voice?

    Finally, I didn't quite understand the second-to-last paragraph. I get the feeling that there are very good thoughts there, but they haven't been developed fully into a flowing paragraph. It seems so important, especially as it's nearly the end of the story. Maybe it would be worth while to make it a little more explicit, cause I'm simply guessing at the meaning right now. (Unless, of course, that is the intention)

    Overall, great job! I love this piece... it makes me want to actually work on expanding some of my drabbles. :)

    Commented on: February 17, 2014

  • Welcome to Aodel

    This is an amazing first chapter. I already feel like I have begun to understand the dwarves, particularly Donal. His care for his family is evident, and he's just the right type of grumpy father figure. I didn't quite understand the sentence about Feoi's night vision, though. Can he see in the dark? Overall, great job!

    Commented on: February 9, 2014

  • Ensis

    Thank you for your thoughts! I'll definitely come up with some descriptions for Ensis to help put the story in a little context. My thought right now is that there's a village that extends into a wharf along this beach, with a castle not far behind the main marketplace. It's probably not the largest castle ever, but I'll work more on these details, though.

    Commented on: February 9, 2014

  • The Fairy Tale

    I love the sentence structures/wordings that you employ. Great job drawing the reader in! I do have one question, though: Why does Antiochus want his son to bring him Elyanna? Maybe a short sentence explanation somewhere in this chapter would serve it well.

    Commented on: February 5, 2014

  • Fantasy World

    I was so surprised when the man turned out to be a maybe-overly romantic prince. It's such a great plot twist, and I hope you will write more so I can find out what happens next. Cecilia in and of herself is a great character--you've rounded out her image in my mind with only one chapter.

    One suggestion for a minor edit: "It wasn't that she enjoyed the money, or the fact that she could buy whatever she wanted, being that she had a pouch of gold that replenishes itself every twenty-four hours, so she wasn't quite interested in that part."

    I think the last clause sounded a bit redundant. If you read the sentence without it: "...being that she had a pouch of gold that replenished itself every twenty-four hours." I think that's a very good place to end it. It's not a necessary change, though.

    Good job with this; I hope you continue! :D

    Commented on: February 5, 2014

  • Gifted

    I just read everything you'd posted in one sitting... couldn't stop reading. The tensions between the different characters are perfect. As several people commented, I don't connect with Janelle as much as, say, 256. However, as the story progresses with Carey as part of Janelle's rebel group, you have the perfect opportunity to develop her character more. I can't wait to see what comes next!

    Commented on: February 1, 2014