Sparkatale

I read the first two chapters. I'm usually pretty picky about what I read, but your story is really cool. While it took me a while to understand, I really like the idea and your writing style. I will keep reading. Don't feel as though you have to read mine though, it's definitely more...informal =)

David Boyce | December 21, 2013

Thanks, I'm glad you like it. Do let me know if I can make anything clearer.

Michael Carteron | December 21, 2013

I just finished the next three chapters. A few things I don't quite understand: the difference between a spirit and a soul, whether the living shadows and the Boys' Home are good or bad, and the characterization of the characters (it might help to include more of their internal dialogue). Besides that, I appreciate all the thought you put into your story, thinking of all the different places, people and spells.

David Boyce | December 23, 2013

I'm glad you liked it. The spirit is the life force, basically, and the soul is the essence of a person. I haven't gone into it yet, but people reincarnate in this universe, so the spirit is unique to each life, while the soul remains. Living shadows are viewed poorly, because they feed on people, but they can still do good, they're individuals. The Boy's Home is good, though sad too as it's for the displaced. Is there anyone I can make all that clearer?

Michael Carteron | December 23, 2013

Ohhh, that makes sense. Thanks =) I thought that the Boy's Home was bad because the guy who runs it, Murin Taneral, sounds like Lord Nurin Sadal, Felisa's buyer. Which reminds me, I forgot to ask which man was Nurin and which was the auctioneer near the end of chapter five. My guess was the fat human, but I'm not sure. As for the characters, I was just thinking of how Samar doesn't talk much (at least the way I see it). That leads me to assume that he would be more pensive, and have more thoughts. You could show this by including what he is literally saying to himself, like in italics, as opposed to general thoughts. That way we find it easier to connect with him. The way he is portrayed, he seems like just another character-his mom sounds more important, because she interacts more with other characters, where Samar mostly (mostly) just answers questions and acts scared. Of course, that's just the way I see it. Naturally I am relating to my own novel (even though I'm new to writing as well, and not nearly as good as you are) and in mine things go the other way around-it's less about how things work and what's going on, but more about the characters and who they really are. And that is only because I wrote it in the first person, and what they think/say to each other is important to my plot. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you might want to have more dialogue on Samar's part, either talking or thinking, or both, but I am just recommending it because that's what I'm used to. You could also use flashback, or maybe do nothing at all if you want the reader to use their imagination and decide his personality for themselves. Or maybe it's obvious and I'm just too stupid to understand what kind of person he is =) In such case, I'm sorry.

David Boyce | December 23, 2013

Ah yes, some of those names are similar. If you mean Nil Yeral, he may be the auctioneers, but it's not important. Samar's a pretty quiet person, and hopefully that comes across well. We see more of his inner life as things go on. I wanted to make his reactions seem realistic, with the kind of trauma he's facing. Thanks for the feedback, I'll definitely keep that in mind, and I'm working on more.

Michael Carteron | December 23, 2013