Once upon a time. A boy named Cole was in high school. He went there with his friend David. Their principal Jordan Ames always knew they were together on the bus. When they went home one day, Mr. Ames told them that they would soon be lucky. So David told Cole that he would ask around on the bus who was lucky. David asked four people on the bus and they didn't know what he meant. But Alyssa, who was fifth, told David that Mr. Ames had already told her the same. When Cole saw David sit down, he started to ask people too. He asked three other people then on fourth he asked Cleo and she knew too.
The bus driver had gone five miles when this was all done. He thanked Cole for sitting. Cleo told him that their names were anagrams. David heard and said to Cole that ballad for a clown was an anagram of call Dana for blow. Gross! Alyssa said to David. Well, David said, I read that in my book in English class. The book was called 'An Abundance of Katherines'. Soon the boys got off the bus, while the girls lived farther off from school. Cole said to David that he should be a little better because they were going to get girlfriends the next day. David told him that the day was Friday! Cole told him that the weekend would be a waste of time.
Cole got home and his parents asked him how school was. He said it was great and couldn't wait for Monday. They thought he was too excited. By the time Cole had finished eating dinner he went to sleep. Then on Saturday he woke up and ate again some breakfast. Then he listened to the rap. While he listened to rap, he drank some milk. By the time he had finished the milk the rap told him you drink till you feel young again. Cole felt young before that so he now felt like a baby! Next day he went to see a movie and right in the middle of the movie he heard a word that his sexist mind didn't approve of. It started with E and had eight letters. Cole yelled in the theater, this is PG13 you bitchy actors! Now I think it should be R. Wow, when he got home he was glad to turn on the TV and see news. Soon it was time for bed and he wanted to get back to school. It would be the best Monday of the year.
Go back to Friday. David got home and his parents were not home. He took a nap until they had come back. He found some pizza from a restaurant they bought. He played a gun game on the computer after dinner. Then after he beat it he slept. David woke up the nest day and got his drums out. He practiced a rap for the following week. Then after this he went to a video store to get a 'good' movie. It was new, so he didn't know it wouldn't really be up to his liking. He got back home and watched it. 30 minutes into the movie the police died because someone shot him with a gun, claiming it was a '8-letter M word' gun. He said the actual word, but as David counted out the letters, it was longer. David wondered what kind of bastard would have been hired by MPAA on this one. Sunday he played more drums while his parents watched the news. Then he thought it would be good to stop and study for Monday.2: Chapter 2
Now it was Monday. Everyone excitedly hurried to get ready for school. Cole and David met at the bus stop. They told each other about the movies they had watched over the weekend. Cole whispered to David, did you know that Ron Burgundy had a Massive Erection? David said no, and whispered to Cole, do you know what a Masturbate Gun is? Cole also said no. Someone else at the bus stop, who did not understand their whispers, told them that they were improving by keeping their usual bad language down to whispers. David said, sure thing, we want to improve today. Cole said, yeah right, we sure didn’t want others to hear that language! Within a minute, the bus arrived.
When they were on the bus, sure enough, the two girls Alyssa and Cleo were on already. They all had watched news on Sunday to find out that the city would be electing a new mayor soon. Cleo said that when she was at church she heard that Jesus had a mayor named Augustus, who his parents hated. Alyssa said she heard that they ran away because Augustus was a tyrant. David told them, whoa, it's not Christmas yet! Cole said, you'll get coal for Christmas if you mention that too early. They decided to talk about other things. The bus was getting close to the school. David decided to talk about math. Alyssa, he said, what is e? He had to hold back his thought of Cole's movie he had told him about the day before. Alyssa told him it was an irrational number. David said, it's all numbers added up to a certain extent. Cole wanted to talk about his English class. Cleo, said Cole, what's a fragment? Cleo said it is a sentence too short to be rational. Cole said, I see what you did there!
And speaking of coal for Christmas, that was always on Cole's mind because his name reminded him of coal. Speaking of a tyrant, if one gets coal for Christmas, one's parent's must be tyrants. The bus got to school and Cole said, speaking of coal and anagrams (from Friday), I want a cola. Cole's memory was truncated sometimes. He went to the vending machine by the lunch room with four dollars. While everyone followed him, he bought one bottle for everybody. They all had ten minutes before class started, so they sat in the hall and drank. David told Cole, I thought you liked milk. Cole told him milk was for babies. Cleo almost spilled her drink when she heard that. Alyssa said, you better slow down or you're going to blow it. David had to say, speaking of blow it, what's an it? Alyssa said, don't be a jerk.
Soon class started. David had math, Cole had English, Alyssa had history, and Cleo had science. Mr. Ames came into the English class of Mr. Zack Green and asked Cole how he was doing. Cole stepped out and said he was talking to Cleo. Mr. Ames said, come on man, now you're confusing me! Cole said, speaking of come on man, no com amen! Mr. Ames was confused again but told him to have a nice day. Then the principal went to the math class of Mr. Richard Combe. He called for David and then David left the room. David told him about Alyssa. The principal was excited for David. He said, good for you. Mr. Ames went to the science classroom of Mrs. Jessica Elwood. He called Cleo out and talked. He asked if she knew Cole. She told him she did know about him and he was an anagrammar. The principal said that he now knew why Cole talked that way to him. Lastly, he went to the history classroom of Mr. Kasey Tingey. He told Alyssa he needed to talk. She went over and told him about David. Mr. Ames said he was glad about passing his knowledge to students.
David was at lunch a few hours later and he thought he saw Mr. Burgundy at the front table. He was talking with Mrs. Corningstone. Cole said to him, that's the guy from that movie I told you about earlier. David said he had a massive erection! Cole said, oh my God, don't say that again David! Then Alyssa walked into the room. Good timing, Cole, said David. Alyssa said to David, where's your masturbate gun? Damn I didn't know you heard that, said David. Cleo walked into the lunch room and told Cole that she would buy the drinks this time for the four. She just happened to have some extra money. Everyone agreed. David volunteered to the Tuesday morning toast and left Alyssa with the Tuesday lunch toast. When they all had their lunches made, they ate their food and drank their seven up, which was Cleo's favorite.