A bolt of lightning flashed between the distant trees, vivid white and blinding. To 481’s surprise, the horses did not startle. Instead, they trotted steadily onwards through the thundering rain, barely making a sound. The Gifted man shivered, drawing his grey, fur-lined cloak closer to his body with his left hand, gripping the reins as tightly as he could with his right. With every step his mare took, he felt his grip slipping. His fingers had never been the same since an assignment three years ago, when his right hand and wrist had been shattered by the blow of a rebel’s club.
I can’t let them see my weakness. The Leader herself chose me for this mission. If I do well, she may even recommend me for the Council. I don’t want her to see me as just a damn cripple.
“Shouldn’t we stop and find cover?” 373 called. 481 glanced to the left where his companion rode beside him. The younger man was sitting tall in his saddle despite the droplets trickling down his face, his eyebrows raised and his lips curved into a bemused smile. His question was directed at the Leader, who rode in front of them on a large bay gelding.
“No,” she said, turning when she spoke. She wore a long cloak similar to 481’s but hers was deep black and edged with gold. Her stark grey eyes narrowed, shadowed by her hood. “We ride on until we reach the village.”
373 bowed his head and touched his fist to his chest. When the Leader was facing forward again, he glanced at 481 and rolled his eyes.
“She’s been Leader for what, two months?” he said under his breath. “I’ve been leading expeditions for fifteen years. It’s not like we’re chasing after rebels, we’re just going to arrest some old village woman. It can wait until tomorrow morning, surely. If we keep going the horses will tire. They’ll stumble and fall.”
481 shrugged, glancing nervously at the Leader. I can’t let her hear any doubts. “I’m sure the Leader has her reasons,” he said evenly. He shivered, resisting the urge to chatter his teeth. “Maybe this woman is a rebel, or something else, I don’t know. There are known rebel groups in the south.”
“If that were the case, she would’ve told me at the very least,” said 373. He sat up straighter, adjusting the reins. “I’m in the Council now. We are privy to such information.”
You’re an up-jumped pretender. You’ve never fought in a real battle in your life, but somehow you managed to convince the Head Councilman to promote you. 481 gritted his teeth, clenching his injured fist as tightly as he could. It was he who should have had that position, he who should be wearing a black uniform. Instead, he was stuck with grey while a younger, vainer man took his place. His only hope now was that the Leader took a shine to him and recommended he be promoted. She could not appoint Council members herself, but 481 assumed the Head Councilman took her advice into account.
“What do you think?” 373 continued, oblivious. He raised his eyebrows, glancing over his shoulder at the fourth member of their party, who rode steadily behind them on a dappled grey mare.
“It’s not our place to question the Leader,” the woman said quietly, her voice almost inaudible through the rain. They had set off from the fortress together at dawn, but in the twelve hours since 481 had yet to hear her speak. He knew her number, 571, from the mission briefing the Head Councilman had given him prior to their journey. She wore a grey uniform like him, but the dark green lining of her cloak and sleeves and the emerald encrusted timepiece hanging from her belt indicated she had the Gift of Earth.
“Fine,” said 373 shortly, rolling his eyes. He lowered his voice. “Don’t act like the two of you aren’t thinking the same thing.”
481 cleared his throat, shifting in his saddle. He glanced at the Leader, but she rode onward, with no change in her body language to suggest she had heard anything.
I’m not questioning her. She is our Leader now, and I must do as she asks. But… it is unusual, he’s right in that.
Leaders rarely travelled the Island, especially not for a mission that could be easily handled by even the most inexperienced of Gifted. The Head Councilman had read the mission briefing to 481 before he left the Fortress - they were to capture a certain village woman alive and bring her back for questioning. 481 had no idea what knowledge she had that could possibly be useful to the Leader and the Council. That information was classified, which he understood well enough. As an ordinary Gifted soldier, it wasn’t his place to question his orders. But the Head Councilman had shown him a sketch of their target too. She was a small, frail looking woman in her sixties with long white hair tied in a braid, barely indistinguishable from any other nonGifted villager. She would never be able to overpower a single fully trained Gifted, let alone four, so why the Leader felt she had to lead the mission herself was a mystery. Perhaps there was something else about this woman that made her capture vital. Or perhaps the Leader simply wanted to prove herself to the Gifted and her Council. Leaders served for life, but she was newly appointed and young. Her predecessor had been a strong, stable man, guiding both the Gifted and nonGifted for almost fifty years. Many in the Fortress, including 481 himself, had doubts over whether this young, unblooded woman could fill his shoes.
Lost in thought, 481 and his companions spent the rest of the journey in silence. They rode for an hour more, following the winding forest road south until it met the Great River. From there, it was only a short journey along the riverbank to Town 13, the farming village where their target was supposedly hiding. When they finally arrived it was well past sunset, and the rain had slowed to a steady drizzle.
“At last,” 373 said, yawning loudly as they followed a dirt path between two large, grassy fields. They were heading for a cluster of redbrick buildings visible at the bottom of the hill, where the river met the sea. “What are the headquarters like in these farming villages? I haven’t stayed in one for years. Are there decent beds? They have thralls, right –“
“We won’t be stopping yet,” the Leader interrupted from up ahead. “We will find the target and capture her, exchange our horses, then make our way back to the Fortress.”
“But that’ll take all night,” 373 protested, sitting up straighter in his saddle and puffing out his chest. “Sir, I know this mission is crucial to you, but if we ride all through the night we will only be tired and might make mistakes. She may overpower and escape us. We should stop and rest now, then in the morning –“
“If we stop to rest, she may hear of our arrival and run,” the Leader said. She turned to face her subordinates, her eyebrows narrowing. “I’m surprised you’re causing so much fuss. If you are truly Gifted, one sleepless night should be no trouble.”
373’s neck reddened and his dark brown eyes narrowed into slits. After a few seconds he placed a hand over his heart and bowed his head.
“Of course, sir,” he muttered through gritted teeth. 481 smirked, turning his head away so the Councilman couldn’t see. He tried catching 571’s eye, but her gaze was fixed on the Leader.
When they reached the bottom of the hill, the dirt track turned into a cobblestone road that led into town. They followed the street until its end, where it widened into the central village square. The Gifted headquarters was located on the side of the square closest to the sea, facing inwards towards the town. It was a large, two-storey building with a tall, white stone fence surrounding the property. A large stable was located on the grounds, and to 481’s surprise the Leader took them straight there rather than greet the local Gifted. They left the horses behind with a fresh bale of hay and continued on foot, making their way back along the cobblestone road to the large communal buildings that made up most of the town. The Leader had them stick to the shadows, hurrying along in single file until they reached a red-brick dwelling that overlooked the river. It was one of the larger buildings in the village. From the size of it, 481 guessed there would be at least twenty rooms of varying sizes that each housed a nonGifted family inside.The Leader took her three followers to the nearest staircase, a large stone construct stuck onto the side of the building which led to the upstairs rooms.
“Our target is hiding in here,” said the Leader, standing at the bottom of the stairs. “Room 14. It’s on the top floor. 571, you stay here and keep watch for anything suspicious. 373, you hurry to the second exit on the other side of this building. If she knows we are coming, she may try to escape that way. 481, you search around the other buildings. Make sure she isn’t hiding anywhere else. I will check Room 14.”
481 bowed deeply and turned around, making his way to the central courtyard that effaced the four largest communal buildings. When he was out of sight of his comrades, he let his lips break into a grin. It seemed to him that his job was the most crucial, after the Leader’s. If the target had tried to made an escape, it was he who would likely find her.
If I do I’ll capture her all by myself. It’s my chance to show the Leader what I can do. If I find and subdue this villager, she’ll recommend me to the Council for sure.
He moved swiftly through the streets, checking down every alley and corner he could find. The clouds shifted above him and for the first time that night, the full moon was visible in the sky. It shone brightly and aided his search, illuminating the cracked and scuffed brick walls, highlighting every nook and cranny. After ten minutes of searching, he finally reached the far side of the village, where the red brick buildings melted into vast farmlands. Gazing out at the silver dappled grass fields, 481 sighed and closed his eyes.
I suppose this is far enough. If she’s fled any further, we’re unlikely to find her tonight.
He turned around and was about to start back towards Room 14 when he a gust of wind blew past him and the rustling of leaves filled the air. Glancing towards the gentle sound, he noticed a small herb garden nestled between the paddock fence and the redbrick wall of the nearest communal building. Resting his ruined right hand on the hilt of his sword, he crept slowly towards the garden, coming to a stop outside the picket fence.
Just twenty feet away from him kneeled a small village woman with a long, messy white braid. Even from the back, her resemblance to the sketch was too great to be a coincidence. She was dressed in simple village garb; a dirty brown woollen dress with a grey shawl draped over her shoulders. Her hands were covered by thick black gloves and she held a cluster of grey-green weeds in both of them. Even from a distance, 481 could see her wrinkled, thin neck and wrists as she tended to the garden.
It’s her… This frail old woman is the person the Leader needed three experienced Gifted to hunt down.
“What are you doing here?” the woman said, looking up from the ground.
481 stifled a gasp and grabbed at his sword. His ruined fingers fumbled around the hilt and it slipped out of his grip. Cursing under his breath, he switched quickly to his left hand. He tensed, ready to rush forward, but the woman did not turn around or stand up. Instead, she stayed hunched over the ground, tending to the plants while a gentle breeze blew through the garden, tousling her hair. Only then did she look up at the sky, as though someone tall was standing directly before her.
“Why won’t you tell me who you are?” the village woman said. She spoke with a quiet, silvery voice. “I’d love to know more about you.”
What is she doing? Talking to herself like that… Is she mad?
481 frowned and pursed his lips together. Gingerly, he took a step forward, but before he could approach the target someone placed a hand on his shoulder. He glanced to his right and saw the Leader standing behind him, a finger held to her lips. 481 bowed his head and let her go on ahead without him.
“Stand up,” the Leader said, drawing her sword. Her eyes were fixed on the village woman, and her normally grey irises glowed an eerie white as the air around them drew still. “Your time is up, traitor. We’re taking you back to the Council.”
The village woman stood up, glancing at the moon before she turned to face the Leader. Her pale blue eyes remained impassive as a steely wind current wound its way over her body, immobilising her.
“I wondered how long it would take,” the villager said quietly. “Everywhere I go, he always seems to find me. Two years is a long time, though. Longer than I thought, but…. Never mind. We both know you won’t hold me for long.”
The Leader beckoned at 481. He hurried forward. “I know why you came to this village, traitor,” she said, her eyebrows narrowing. “I know you came back to be with your son, your grandchildren. We found them first.”
The woman’s expression changed instantly. Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth for a moment, swallowing and closing it quickly.
“Any sign of resistance, and they all die,” The Leader continued in a low voice. “Do I make myself clear?”
The woman nodded, all colour draining from her cheeks. The Leader smiled, glancing at 481 and jerking her head in the traitor’s direction.
“481, bind her please. Quickly.”
481 bowed, hurrying as fast as he could to the villager’s side. He pushed against the air like he was wading through a wall of mud, gritting his teeth. When he reached her, 481 took a thick metal chain from his belt and wound it around the woman’s bony wrists. He tightened them until the steel rings cut into her skin and she let out a gasp. Once she was chained, the air settled and the Leader’s eyes faded back into grey. She strode forward and grabbed the woman by the left elbow, while 481 held onto her right.
“Back to headquarters now,” she said shortly, jerking the woman forward so violently she and 481 almost lost their balance. “We will take a carriage back to the Fortress. Her family will be taken for questioning also, but they will not be killed unless she resists.”
481 nodded, gripping their captive’s arm tightly as they made their way back through the village. When he glanced up at the nearby buildings, he saw candles burning in the windows and the faces of many nonGifted peering down at them, their eyes wide and fearful. A few had even taken in to the streets, watching from the alleyways as the two Gifted marched the traitor through the village streets. When they reached the town square, 373 and 571 were standing beside a large carriage with two draft horses attached and a thrall siting in the driver’s seat. Another three horses were tied to a nearby fence post, saddled and ready to go. Two new Gifted women, who 481 presumed were the current supervisors of the village, stood beside a dark-haired, middle-aged man and two young children. The man’s brow was sweaty and his shoulders shook with every breath. The children cried silently, their arms wrapped around each other.
“Mother!” the man called as they approached, his voice cracking. Murmurs swept through the growing crowd as more nonGifted left their homes to watch the scene unfolding before them. “I – I’m sorry... They were holding a knife to Josie and I couldn’t –“
“It’s alright, Eddie,” the woman said quickly. “This is my fault. I shouldn’t have come back. Just – do as they say, and you’ll all be fine.”
“They should just let us go,” her son said hotly, his shoulders heaving as a tear ran down his cheek. “Gifted, please listen… My mother is harmless, truly. She – she just wanted to see her family again. Please, let her stay with us. She’s not hurting anyone. Please, just -”
“Don’t say anything,” the traitor interrupted, shaking her head as they reached the other Gifted. 373 stepped forward and yanked her arm away from 481’s grasp, and pushed her forcefully up the steps into the carriage. She craned her neck towards her son, gasping with pain as the Gifted man twisted her elbow. “Please Eddie, don’t fight them. I –“
Her words became muffled as 373 forced a cloth gag into her mouth, tying it so tightly behind her head that she groaned. The Leader stepped forward, her eyes narrowed into slits as she regarded the crowd. Fearful faces stared back at her. One girl in particular caught 481’s eye. A tall, thin, dark-haired teenager stood on top of the stone well’s wall, craning her neck for a better look. Her bright blue eyes shone through the dim moonlight, a wisp of tangled hair caught in her lip. 481 frowned. The longer he stared at her, the more he had a sense that they had met before.
“This woman is a traitor,” the Leader said, her voice cutting through the night air and distracting 481 from his musings. He blinked, clearing his throat, focusing his attention back on the Gifted woman.
“She deserted her duties in this village long ago for a different life,” the Leader continued, “a life of crime and treason. She ran from Gifted rule, but now that she’s decided she’d be more comfortable in one of our towns, she has returned and put every one of you in danger. She’s been stealing your hard-earned rations without lifting a finger to help. So we will be taking her and the traitors who harboured her, but the rest of you need not be harmed. Go back to your homes or I will arrest the whole village.”
The crowd went quiet. Pursing her lips, the Leader turned back to the carriage and climbed onto her bay gelding as rain started to fall again. A distant crack of thunder sounded as 481 hurried towards the traitor’s family, shivering and drawing his cloak closer to his body. 571 arrived first and placed her hands around the children’s shoulders. Gently, she started leading them towards the carriage. Their sobs intensified and the girl looked back and reached towards her father. The Gifted woman continued to lead them away, her face remaining impassive.
The man stared at his children, his jaw tense and his eyebrows knotted. He glanced at the woman holding him and raised his foot, kicking backwards into her shin. She swore and let him go, wincing and grabbing for her sword, her eyes flashing red. The man ran forward, yelling words that 481 thought must be his children’s names. The Gifted man acted quickly, running forward and raising his left hand to the sky. Rain drops settled against his palm hardened into an icy dagger. 481 grabbed for the man’s collar clumsily with his right hand and pressed the point firmly against the villager’s throat. The nonGifted man’s breath shuddered and the blade steamed where small beads of blood spilled over the edge.
“One wrong move…” 481 warned.
The man’s eyes were wide and shaking as he watched 373 and 571 loading his mother and children into the carriage. 481 pulled the man towards the door, wincing as stabbing pains shot up his arm the longer he clenched his crippled fingers.
I can do it. I can’t let them see me struggle.
Beads of sweat formed on his forehead as the man continued to struggle against him. He reached up and grabbed 481’s hands, twisting his wrists. 481 swore under his breath as his grip on the man’s collar loosened. Finally free, the nonGifted man slipped under 481’s right arm and wrestled the icy dagger from his grip. The man ran clumsily towards the carriage as gasps escaped from the crowd. 481 swore out loud and dashed towards his prisoner, his eyes flashing an icy blue.
My hand might be crippled, but I still have my Gift.
Water burst from the palms of his hand, snaking through the air and slipping under the nonGifted man’s feet as he ran. He slipped and stumbled while the wave grew more intense, pushing him back until he was pressed against the stone fence. The water hardened into a thick wall of ice. The man struggled against his bindings, yelling curses. 481 raised his sword with his left hand and shoved the steel blade into the man’s throat. Multiple villagers screamed as the traitor coughed, spraying blood all over 481’s face. Frowning, the Gifted man blinked and wiped the droplets away with the back of his sleeve and withdrew the sword, sheathing it without wiping away the blood.
“Dad, no… ” The male child’s voice through the night air, cracking on every syllable. 481 looked up and saw him and his sister staring at their father’s bleeding body, their cheeks white. The traitor woman was crying too, her sobs choking against the gag. She fell to her knees, her shoulders shaking. 373 forced her to her feet and pushed her and the children back into the carriage, slamming the door behind them.
“He was innocent!” a man’s voice cried, unidentifiable among the crowd. “You – you killed him. Eddie never hurt anyone!”
Multiple voices yelled in agreement. The rain intensified and 481 lifted his sword threateningly towards the crowd.
“Stay back!” 481 commanded, but the villagers continued to inch forward, many clenching their fists as though ready to jump forward and fight. 481’s eyes fell on the same girl he had spotted before. Her hair was wet and stringy, sticking to her cheeks, her shoulders shaking. She was staring at the man 481 had killed with wide eyes. Multiple men and women rushed past the teenager and threw themselves at the Gifted. 481 pushed them back with a wave of water, gritting his teeth and slashing his sword forward.
“Stop!”
The air around them swirled and roared, rain drops splattering in all directions. The dark-haired girl jumped behind the well to avoid the gust, but the rest of the villagers stumbled backwards. A wave of wind spiralled around the crowd, trapping them in a circle in the middle of the village square. The Leader jumped down from her horse and walked slowly towards the nonGifted villagers, her brow furrowed in concentration. Her eyes flashed and slowly, the villagers started to cough, falling to the ground and clutching at their throats.
“Stop now,” the Leader said, her eyes narrowing as the villagers gasped for air. “You have no chance against us.”
She turned away and climbed back onto her horse. She lifted her hood and kicked her horse’s sides. He trotted forward, whinnying nervously while the air grew still again in his mistress’ wake. Breathing in deeply, the villagers slowly started to pick themselves up from the ground, their faces flushed. The dark-haired girl peeked her head over the top of the well, her face pale. She caught 481’s eye briefly before she turned and ran away, her boots slipping against the slick wet cobblestones. 481 glanced at 373, who was staring at the Leader’s retreating figure, his dark eyes wide.
“I…” he began, his voice hoarse. “I – I’ve never seen a Gift of Air with that kind of power. She… she truly is our Leader.”
481 nodded wordlessly, his throat too tight to speak. 373 opened the carriage door and stepped inside while 571 mounted her horse. 481 bowed his head towards the village Gifted, who were covering the traitor’s son with a woven sheet, and turned back towards his own mare. As he did so, a gust of wind blew around his head, even though the rain was falling in the opposite direction.
What was that? Is someone singing?
He frowned, straining his ears against the heavy rain. A gentle, mournful tune seemed to follow the wind, fading out as quickly as it appeared. He glanced up, wondering if 571 had heard it too, but she and the carriage had already left. Shaking his head, 481 mounted his horse and set off at a fast trot.
It was nothing. I’m just tired, clearly.
481 lifted his hood and urged his horse forward through the thundering rain. He closed his eyes, trying to picture the warm bed and fire waiting for him at the Fortress, but all he could see was a face in the wind.
Comments must contain at least 3 words
Chapter: 0
Now that was intriguing.
Firstly, the scene with Carey was nicely emotion-evoking. The descriptions of the aftermath of the fire and the struggle with the Gifted were well-written and detailed. 440 earned a bit of my compassion when he pleaded for 256's forgiveness - that slightly redeemed the character in my eyes. It was also merciful of Carey that she helped him meet swift end instead of watching him die while suffering. What she did, was the right thing, even though killing someone is worth praise. I also liked that she actually wanted to save him (she mentioned that he was beyond patching him up, there was no way he could have survived). It seems to me that Carey is growing up as a character in the same brutal way as Janelle.
The brief part with Janelle spiked my suspicions about Raegan. I think it served that purpose.
As for 256's adventure, I'm curious who the murder's victim will be. The obvious targets would be Carey's family, but it would be easy to wipe them out - as much as I feel sorry for them, they are not worth calling the best of Gifted to do the job.
805 is constantly under suspicion. I have the impression that he'll do something totally unexpected in the future. I don't like him at all at this point - a person who is ready to cast his ideals away when the situation requires it, is a foul, conceited being. Anyway, I'm curious about him.
February 6, 2014 | Malgorzata Wyrwas
Good, your thoughts on Carey’s part of the chapter are exactly what I want people to think :) I wanted to redeem 440 a little, but I didn’t want to excuse what he’s done, because no matter what happened to him it doesn't make what he did okay :P
As you’ll see in 256’s next POV, they’re not actually committing a murder. They’re investigating one :P
February 7, 2014 | Genevieve Middleton
No! You gave me a spoiler! Hm, I wonder who's dead then (don't tell me!).
February 7, 2014 | Malgorzata Wyrwas
Oh, sorry XD I don't think it's that much of a spoiler, is it? :3 I mean, you don't know who's dead :P
February 7, 2014 | Genevieve Middleton
Chapter: 0
Once again this lovely site has logged me out just as soon as I hit post comment.
So what I basically said before was that:
I find 256 and Carey to be the most intriguing characters because although I don't think they are a perfect fit for each other they somehow end up completing each other, and I can't wait to see them get together. If they don't I can seem them just being friends as well.
Well 805 has been drinking I don't really believe in the whole "drunken words are sober thoughts", but I do find it interesting that he does not hate the nongifted as I previously thought. He really does have his heart in the right place, but the only things about his character that bothers me is that he is a hypocrite. I get that we can't like every character though.
February 8, 2014 | S S Desai
Lol, that saying is utter rubbish. When someone’s drunk they say stupid things, not reveal their true thoughts XD As a teetotal girl with non-teetotal friends, trust me when I say I know this XD 805 is not drunk in this chapter (I mean, he’s been drinking but he’s obviously not drunk, he’d be a lot more clumsy and out of it if he was). It’s more that his inhibitions have been lowered slightly, so he’s more relaxed and not as uptight as usual :P And also, the idea of him drinking shows how hypocritical he is, because he’s obviously not supposed to drink when he’s working, and thus he’s breaking the rules XD
February 8, 2014 | Genevieve Middleton
Chapter: 0
Wow, I'm only about halfway and so much has happened. There was just that one repetitive chapter, besides that you haven't really put in any fluff, if you get what I mean. Every chapter has its purpose. 805 keeps demonstrating his contradiction but in different, curious ways. In this chapter I learned that they were going to/went to a farming village, to invest a murder or something. Was there a rebellion there and a Gifted got killed? Well, I also learned that Janelle got to the new sanctuary safely, and that Reagan has a past with his mom and the new sanctuary owner. 440 was sorry for his actions, and Carey made her first kill.
My favorite part though was probably the part with the girl, near the end. Ha ha, “It’s – it’s okay Mister Gifted. I can carry it myself, I’m strong.” I think you do a really good job at making people talk realistically based on the age, gender, position, etc. Something I really need to work on, as you'll find out.
All the things I'm going to nag about for this chapter are about being consistent and stuff. The first one is how Carey told Thomas that she'd seen his hands before. That Carey would say that out loud seemed a little awkward to me, or maybe random, I don't know why.
The second one is how Carey looked away from 440, but their eyes met. Also, how did their eyes meet twice without someone looking away after the first time? Also, I'm not sure, but I think you're describing people looking at each other the same way every time: His/her (color/dark/light) eyes met his/hers.
Speaking of 440's eyes, did Samantha close them? It said Carey was "watching her close his glassy eyes."
In Janelle's perspective, correct me if I'm wrong, but it seemed as though you were showing Theresa's thoughts. Up until then you were consistent with only showing the thoughts of the main character that was being focused on, which was at that time Janelle. Also, it seemed strange when Janelle stuttered in her mind, at the end of her part.
Okay, two more negative things, then I'll stop niggling* and continue with the comment. The part when 805 was careless enough to lose the map was surprising and slightly amusing, though one little thing is that he could show his not being bothered by in in ways other than having him shrug.
The last one is parenthesis (do Ctrl+F). Somebody once told me that writing them is a story is informal, and that in a more serious story writing it as a separate sentence is preferred.
Carey killing 440 was a nice element to the story. I wonder if it will make her hesitant in the future, or maybe broaden her beliefs of Gifted humanity. Maybe she'll "accidentally" loose her sword, kind of how 805 lost his map, so that she won't be able to kill others.
This might sound stupid, but can Carey attack while she's visible, or can she not concentrate on both at the same time? It's hard to tell whether she's getting stronger, but if she is, being able to fight while invisible will make her a powerful opponent.
I like your transitions. The down inn to Janelle wondering about the others is a great way of pulling off dramatic irony. We know what happens, but see the characters who don't.
The characters and their personalities are undeviating (looking for a synonym of consistent), their actions seem natural and they stick with their given personalities. For example, Carey might want to appear tough, but is caring on the inside, and wants people to like her. This was shown in various ways, such as being upset how children don't like her, refusing to see 256 as an enemy, and being upset when non-Gifted are untrusting near her.
I suppose 805 is in some ways similar, that ole gentle demon, because he wants to follow the Gifted but will do nice things as long as he can, until others stop him. His character must have been hard for you to characterize, because his thoughts are very complex. He's pretty original; not really a bad guy, not quite a good guy.
And you don't forget what they look like, shown when that Gifted lady thought 256 was 15 years old.
I found it funny when Carey thought that Samantha and Thomas were in love. Another bit of dramatic irony, as well as 256 thinking that 805 was never punished before though he clearly was. Right? He said in chapter one that the only person who could hurt him had done so a million times.
Was 805 drinking? Is that why he's so weird? I didn't get that part when 256 smelled his flask.
Lastly, I wonder what Carey's sleeves would look like if the Gift of stealth had a pattern, and what the other Gifts are. Will it be mentioned later on?
May 26, 2014 | David Boyce
Haha, this story really doesn’t have much filler in it at all :P I try and make each chapter have purpose, because I feel in a story like this filler is distracting. There’s one other chapter which is very repetitive, I’ll warn you now. It’s chapter 25.
I didn’t mean to show Theresa’s thoughts, but I might have accidently haha. I’ll check it out. As for Carey, at the moment she can only attack while visible. Her weapons turn invisible with her, but she’s not coordinated enough at the moment to attack when she can’t see herself. But as she trains, she’ll get better… There’s actually a little bit of info about the Gifts and the island in the chapter after the next. But overall, there isn’t much info about the history of the island and the other Gifts (in this book, anyway).
Oh, and 805’s never been punished (at least, not by the Leader). When he said that one person had hurt him a thousand times, he was referring to himself. The Council would never trust him if he had been punished. And yes, he was drinking. It’s his way of coping with the pressure he’s under. But, he’s not drunk or anything. He’d be a lot more out of it if he was :P It’s funny, you’re the second person to say that it must be hard to characterise 805. I actually find him really easy to characterise :P
May 26, 2014 | Genevieve Middleton
Chapter: 0
Although I didn't expect to feel this way, 440 was redeemed somewhat in this chapter. The way he begged for 256's forgiveness in his final moments really revealed so much of the boy he once was. It doesn't excuse the things he did, but I do feel a little bit of compassion for him now at the very least. Well done. As for Carey, she made the right decision in ending 440's suffering. She could have easily left him there to die, but instead took the merciful route and I liked that.
It's also interesting to note that Carey sees Samantha and Thomas as lovers...
805 continues to be a very interesting, albeit infuriatingly confusing character (that's a good thing in my opinion, by the way). For the life of me I cannot figure him out. He's drinking on the job, which I'm pretty sure the Gifted wouldn't approve of and he was positively sweet to the little nonGifted girl. (I was drinking orange juice when I got to the 'Mister Gifted' part. I laughed quite a lot and... let's just say complications arose :P) Then he goes on to say that he'll cast his ideals aside the second the Gifted give him orders. The guy is definitely a hypocrite, but hey, at least he admits it.
And to wrap up, naturally I must mention that cliffhanger. With 805 and 256 seemingly out to do murder, I'm suddenly very uncomfortable as to the safety of some of my favorite characters. It is odd though that 805 was afraid. He had no problem killing that woman in the forest, so why should he be worried now? Very curious indeed :D
June 24, 2014 | Serina Truscott-Duvall
Thanks for the comment! It’s good, your reaction to 440’s death is what I was aiming for. I didn’t want to excuse what he’d done, but at the same time I did want to redeem him a little. He’s quite a tragic character, really. I mean, he did get tortured and see his best friend be tortured in front of him, that’s enough to make most people go crazy. And while 256 made himself forget to cope with it, 440 took a… different route, shall we say.
As for 805, the Gifted would definitely not approve of him drinking :P Another example of how he’s a hypocrite, as he’s breaking the rules but at the same time he punishes rule-breakers.
Anyway, let’s just say that the murder they spoke of is not quite what you’re thinking… I’d say but last time I got in trouble for giving someone a spoiler (even though I don’t really think it’s spoiler). Anyway, it'll make more sense why 805 is afraid in chapter 24 ;)
June 24, 2014 | Genevieve Middleton