On a blistering July afternoon, after my freshman year at Eastern Illinois University, I invited three of my closest friends to my house to hang out.  Michael Mann and I were dueling, and Jake Rogers and Alex Portwood were playing NBA:  2k16.  Little did any of us know that July 10th, 2016 would change our lives forever.  I just barely managed to defeat Michael by summoning Number 40:  Gimmick Puppet of Strings with the effect of Monster Reborn, and Alex won against Jake’s Cavaliers by hitting a game-winner over LeBron James with Michael Jordan.  After I lost by five points with the modern Chicago Bulls against Alex’s 94-95 Knicks, we decided that it was time for lunch, as all of us were starving.  We ordered some pizzas from Pizza King, Michael’s favorite pizzeria, and bought two six-packs of Jones Soda from Donahue’s.  While we were eating, an explosion shook the house.

    We all rushed outside to get a look at the commotion, and found a charred hole in the ground where my car was.  “Oh come on!  I just got that car!”  I yelled furiously.  More explosions followed, and we looked up and saw a bunch of highly advanced fighter craft battling American planes.  One was shot down in my uncle’s yard, and I got a good enough look at it to confirm my hypothesis:  Star Wars was actually a thing, and it was happening all around us.  We turned around and saw nine men in white full-body armor, further cementing my idea’s legitimacy.  As they aimed their weapons at us, I threw my hands up in surrender, and they flew out of the men’s hands and landed on the ground in front of us.  Without thinking, I picked one up and gunned down every one of them.  “That’s not like any gun I’ve ever seen,” Alex said.  “This is an E-11 blaster rifle, I never thought I’d actually hold one,” I responded, “Those guys were Stormtroopers, soldiers enlisted to fight for the Galactic Empire, which doesn’t exist according to most people.  It just so happens that it does exist.”  We saw another squad of Stormtroopers coming our way and immediately killed them as well, and decided that it was up to us to free Sheldon from the Empire.  Block by block we killed Stormtroopers, took their weapons, and armed the civilians who were willing to fight for their freedom.  All of Sheldon was eventually free of Stormtroopers.

    We all checked Facebook, and found that the whole world was under attack from the Empire, except for Russia because Putin wanted to see the States suffer.  He allied Russia with the Empire and took over much of Europe and nearly all of Asia.  We also learned that an Imperial Commander ordered a large detachment of Stormtroopers to take Sheldon back from us.  We prepared a simple trap to catch them by surprise and crush them like grapes.  I was waiting by the Trudeau Repair Shop with Matt and Stevie Varela, Randy White, and Nate Hansen.  We saw the Imperials marching east on 24, so I reasoned they had to have come from Watseka, a small city about 10 miles west.  They turned our way, and we waited for the perfect chance.  When they were about half a football field away from our position, we fired a few shots at them, then immediately turned and ran.  We went east on Grove Street, where the rest of my division waited.  After they passed the school, I yelled, “Charge!”  We immediately gunned down the first row of troops, and the first part of the trap was a success.  Randy sent a text to Michael, Jake, and Alex that simply said, “Now,” and they approached and surrounded the Stormtroopers from the north, west, and south respectively.  Everything seemed to be going smoothly, and then I was shot.

    I woke up to shoulder pain and the smell of burnt flesh.  Part of my right shoulder was scarred by the energy bolt.  We did a quick head count, and nobody was dead, though many were injured.  We came to a unanimous decision to march along the country roads, arming more civilians, and then to free Milford, which had also been captured by the Empire, before going to Watseka.

We had the weapons and manpower to at least put up a fight against the forces in Watseka, but we voted to march in the morning and spend the rest of the day taking in what had happened.  When Jake, Alex, and Michael asked me what happened when we hastily chose to challenge the Empire, I was at a loss for words.  I couldn’t tell them that I used the Force power of telekinesis, lest they put too much faith in my abilities.  I merely told them that I didn’t know, and that set Alex off.  He started yelling incoherently and being very expressive with his arms and hands, and while he was raging, random debris was flying right at me.  I dodged rocks, stop signs, and was finally caught by an uprooted tree.  I felt a split second of excruciating pain as my legs were crushed, and blacked out.

    When I opened my eyes, I found that the tree was right next to me and that my legs were, in fact, perfectly fine.  Alex’s explanation was hilariously wrong.  He said he must have used some “psychic voodoo crap” without knowing it.  “Actually, you used the Force,” I informed him, “It appears that I have to explain now, considering this has happened twice.  Evidently, Alex and I can use the Force.”  “What exactly is the Force?” Jake asked.  After a very Obi-Wan Kenobi-like speech about how the Force is what gives a Jedi his or her power, they explained to me what happened after I passed out.  Jake appeared next to the tree almost instantaneously, and somehow lifted it off my legs.  Michael then instinctively put his hand close to my leg, as if he were inspecting my wounds, and my bones were gradually repaired.  “Well, that explains why my legs aren’t shattered, but absolutely nothing explains Jake’s speed and strength.  It’s unlike any Force power I’ve ever heard of.”  Three of us used the Force at one point or another within one day, and we agreed to disagree on whether Jake did.  The next day, we were ready to attack Watseka.

    We met a man near Walmart who claimed to have single-handedly wiped out the Imperial occupation force.  “Prove it,” I told him, and he most certainly did prove it.  He levitated what appeared to be the hilt of a sword with no blade into his hand, pressed a button, and a blade of pure energy appeared from it.  I knew immediately that he was a Jedi.  The Jedi, who told us to call him X2, told us that he had recently ordered that Republic reinforcements to be landed, but there wasn’t enough even ground where we were, so we left Watseka to find a clearing.  A minor flood had recently destroyed a small field nearby, and we decided that was large enough.  X2 transmitted our coordinates to the gunships, and we joined forces with a Republic attack force.

    We continued to free more towns and cities and arm more civilians until eventually the Empire abandoned its attacks in Illinois altogether.  Unfortunately, there was nothing we could do to stop the Empire from taking D.C. and destroying the White House with Obama in it.  When Biden took over, he surrendered to the Empire and was swiftly executed.  Left with no other options, X2 could only bring with him the Force-sensitive individuals, which were Jake, Alex, Michael, Nate, and I.  I left Matt in charge of the resistance.  My final order to them was to lay low and be more of an annoyance than a threat until the Republic came back to free the planet.  X2 intended to have us trained to assist his former master, Luke Skywalker, in defeating the most recent Emperor, who took the throne four years before the attack on Earth.  When I look back, I feel insulted by his expectations.

2: Part One, Chapter One, Revelation

About half a year later

    Initially, the only sound was that of my own breathing, until my master stated over the speaker that it was time to begin my daily training.  I was blindfolded, but I did not need to see to know what was going on.  Using the Force, I detected and located the lightsaber droid.  I moved faster than any droid could comprehend, and with two quick slashes, followed by a lunge, the droid was dismembered and had a burning hole where the heart would be on a human.  Suddenly, the room filled with lightsaber droids.  They were all destroyed within a minute.  “Pause the training!” I yelled, “This is unbelievably dull.  I’ve done this flawlessly how many times?  Why must I continue playing a game I’ve beaten repeatedly?”  “This isn’t a game, it’s a crucial training exercise.  Besides, it’s almost over, just five more droids,” replied Master Jin Shinobu.  I resumed the training, frying the first two droids with lightning from my fingertips.  I threw my lightsaber at the third, and crushed the last two with Force grip.  “What the hell was that?” Shinobu asked.  I said to him, “I’m capable of using Force lightning now, deal with it.”

    It was because of my adaptability that I was trained by ten different masters.  I learned, mastered, and grew bored with many training exercises very quickly, so it was difficult to find a master who could handle me.  Shinobu was one of the more patient masters, along with Master Jax Pollard.  Additionally, the Jedi Council deemed me a “special case,” which meant that I was weird even by Jedi standards.  Each of my ten masters taught me incredibly useful skills, such as Shinobu’s Vaapad lightsaber style, which had been passed down to him, starting with Samuel L. Jackson, I mean Mace Windu.  I also learned many different tricks with the Force, such as lightning, mind-reading, mind-tricking, and that I had the incredibly rare ability to produce fire, as well as to melt and freeze water at will.

    The Jedi Council members typically keep to themselves, so I couldn’t get any answers from them as to why I was a special case.  I decided to search the Archives for information on all Jedi who had been considered special cases.  The most recent was Anakin Skywalker, to whom I had no connection.  The one before him was a Jedi over four thousand years ago, a man named Revan.  He fell to the dark side after participating in a war against the Mandalorians, and later led a massive fleet against the Old Republic.  He was betrayed by his apprentice, Darth Malak, who took the title of Dark Lord for himself.  The shock of his near-death experience wiped his memory clean, and the Council of the time took the chance to program his brain with a new identity.  They hoped that his memories would slowly come back to give them a way to stop Malak.  They gave him false memories and a new identity.  His fake name was James Light.  Coincidence?  I think not.  He was even stronger the second time he joined the order than the first, and he was capable of using powers that were considered light and dark.  Because he learned from his experiences what a true Jedi does, he was and still is the only Jedi deserving the title G.O.A.T. (greatest of all time).  Some, such as his best friend Carth Onasi and love interest Bastila Shan, believed that he was going down the dark path once again, but Revan was neither light nor dark.  A true Jedi sees beyond light and dark and does what is right.  Most of Revan’s teachings were lost to history because of the stubbornness of the Council and the Order in general, including the fact that true love does not hinder a Jedi’s ability to do what’s right.  However, love was strictly forbidden in the Order, which posed a problem for all of us, as some had girlfriends back on Earth, and all of us had families.  However, instead of triggering negative emotions, our feelings for those we left behind gave us something to fight for.  This, combined with the fact that we agreed to leave the Order and go home after the war, caused the Council to look the other way.

    I confronted the Council with this information, and they decided that there was no point in hiding the facts from me.  They told me that a group of Dark Jedi worked out a Force spell to revive a Sith Lord, but they didn’t exactly do that right, so Revan was instead revived on the planet most like his homeworld, Derelia, which just so happened to be Earth.  The spell was a partial success, however, as Darth Malak returned to the world of the living as a Force Ghost.  His spirit resided on the Imperial Capitol planet of Korriban.  Additionally, since Revan killed Malak under the identity of James Light, I inherited his false personality and overall awkward social skills.  Some of the medical staff, who were mind-tricked by the same group of Dark Jedi that revived me, took a blood sample not long after I was born and used it to make a clone for the previous Emperor so that he would have an heir to the throne.  Michael then interrupted the story the Council was telling me with a long rant.

“No way, that’s way too cliché!”

“Shut up, Michael, cliché or not, that’s what happened.”

“No, if that stays, I’m leaving, good luck getting your Emmy without a hilarious comic relief character about whom you can joke.”

“Fine then, leave.  I’ll get an Emmy for making this a serious show, then.”

“Nope, I won’t allow this show to become serious, I guess I’ll stay.”

My clone was raised as the Emperor’s son, but at the age of fifteen, he killed his “father” for control of the Empire.  He then declared war on the Republic.  The teenage Emperor’s tactics took the whole army and navy aback with their ferocity and effectiveness.  After four and a half years of a war that the Republic was clearly losing, the Empire committed villainous blunder number 34:  attempting to kill someone who isn’t a threat unless provoked.  The Emperor, known as James Dark, saw me as a potential threat and decided to have me removed before I could join the Jedi.  The reason attempting to kill me is considered a blunder is that I would not have even known about the Jedi Order or anything that went on during the war if he hadn’t tried to have me killed.

    I spent a sleepless night meditating on what the Council told me the night before, as it was a lot to take in.  I wasn’t just a Jedi, but I was the reincarnation of the greatest Jedi to ever live.  The next morning, our entire group met up for the first time since we arrived at the Temple.  Each of us had been trained for a particular specialty in the tactical team the Council constructed.  I had been trained in tactics and a decent amount of everything else.  Nate trained his muscles and learned how to use the various explosives the Republic Army used.  Jake learned to use whatever he had at his disposal to construct and repair vehicles and weapons and lead in my absence.  Michael improved as a healer and discovered that he was only the second Jedi to be able to turn invisible without the aid of a cloaking device.  Alex, as the one with the highest potential regarding the use of the Force, was trained to have a huge variety of Force powers.  We were set up perfectly to succeed from the start, and we could only get better if we kept training.

    We met with the Council to discuss our first mission as Jedi, which was to assist the invasion led by Grand Master and General Luke Skywalker in taking a planet very similar to Earth, which was called Kuat.  Our orders were to attack and capture a small base on the planet, then join with the rest of the invasion force.  We were scheduled to leave in a week, most of which we spent training together.  We spent the last two days meditating and just hanging out.  It seemed that I was the only one who didn’t feel bad about leaving people behind back on Earth.  Jake and Alex had girlfriends, and Michael, well, let’s not talk about that.  The way I saw it, the five of us did everyone back home a favor by leaving to help save the universe.

3: Part One, Chapter Two, The Debacle

The idea of our first mission was fairly simple:  take the supply base, join Master Skywalker, storm the capitol.  I’m going to be diplomatic here and say things didn’t exactly go as smoothly as planned.  Michael was set up with the snipers perfectly, Nate blew up the communications array to prevent them from requesting backup, and we took the supplies after we cleared the base.  The first part worked exactly as I drew it up, but it all turned to crap at the capitol.

    We met up with Luke just outside the wall around the capitol, and he told us the plan.  Our group was to attack from the east wall, then fight our way to the center, meet the rest of the group, then hunt down the stragglers.

Alex and I created a diversion with a small number of our troops by Force-pushing part of the wall down, and the rest snuck in through a door Jake and Nate broke down.  After mind-tricking the Stormtroopers into killing each other, we joined up with Jake, Michael, and Nate.  Resistance and casualties were both above the projected numbers, and even for five Jedi, getting to the center of the city was difficult.  When we finally did, Alex, Luke, and I patrolled the city, following the trace of a dark and mysterious power.  We were hoping for Alex or me to find one or two Dark Jedi, but instead we found ourselves face-to-face with the Dark Lord himself.

    Had I known what was about to happen, I would have been terrified.  James Dark threw his lightsaber, impaling Luke’s stomach, used the Force to bring it back, then ran away.  Overcome with rage, Alex and I chased him through the streets.  He used the Force to collapse a building, under which I slid, but Alex was on the other side, forcing me to face the Emperor alone.  My evil doppelgänger had his whole life to hone his style and powers, while I had only been training for six months, so I should have known I would be unable to kill him, but I clung to the belief that the greatest Jedi of his time could be avenged.  I threw everything I had at him:  fire, debris, lightning, and every lightsaber style I knew.  Nothing even fazed him.  The battle was over before it even began, but the true ending involved him blasting me with lightning so hard that I flew into a wall.  Struggling to maintain consciousness, I saw Alex burst through the toppled building with a Force push.  He then charged Dark with all his might.  James didn’t react until the last possible moment, stabbing Alex with unbelievable speed and ferocity.  As he clutched his abdomen and fell back, I finally lost consciousness.  During my “sleep,” all I heard was his voice, which was in fact my own.  He had implanted a telepathic message in my brain with the Force, which was just him saying, rather condescendingly, “I bet you wish you were dead, but you’re not allowed to die, not yet.  Only when your precious planet Earth is in ashes, when everyone you hold dear is dead at my feet, and when I’ve had as much fun as I can have torturing you, will you have my permission to die.”  I still don’t know how he knew about any references to shows and movies back on Earth, but he found a way to butcher the “Permission to Die” speech.  He could have easily killed me as well as Luke and Alex, but he spared me, and even allowed the Republic to take over Kuat.

    As we headed to the landing zone, a blinding light flashed in front of us, and when it dissipated, Alex stood in front of us once again.  He explained to us how he cheated death with surprising detail.  Alex found out that he had the ability to travel to and from the Netherworld of the Force and bring others with him.  His body was transported there before he could actually die.  Luke Skywalker’s Force ghost appeared to him, healed his stab wound, and told him about the Netherworld.  Due to the massive amount of Force energy present there, any Jedi who is exposed to the atmosphere will experience an increase in the power of his or her Force abilities.  The problem is that there is something in the air that kills living organisms if they stay too long.  The toxin is removed while breathing outside of the Netherworld, so one would have to spend a large amount of time there without leaving to even suffer from the negative effects.

My defeat at the hands of my clone was the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me.  I was expected to lose to my masters, though I occasionally won, but never before had I been spared death because I was weak and there were more ways to torture me.  I swore I would never forget that embarrassment, and to this day I still haven’t.  Did I ever get my revenge?  Now what kind of question is that?  You’ll have to find out later.

 

4: Part One, Chapter Three, Blast From The Past

About a month later

    After my crushing defeat followed by a Republic victory on Kuat, we returned to the Temple to continue our training.  We found that the main skill we lacked was fighting together and covering each others’ weaknesses.  So what did the Council do?  They assigned another special Jedi to our group.  Her name was Sam McHale, and though the Council wasn’t entirely sure what she could do, her ability to react almost instantly to just about anything was seen as abnormal.  They assumed I knew her since she was also from Earth, but her name meant nothing to me.  Every Jedi, us included, had at least heard of her because she was a genius on the battlefield and her troops regarded her with the utmost respect.  We had neither met her nor seen a picture of her, so it came as quite a shock when I sought her out for evaluation.  Little did I know that Sam McHale was just an alias.  I knocked on her door, it slid open, and I saw Lexi Fosnaugh for the first time since high school.

    “You have got to be kidding me!” I ranted, “First you disappear, then you’re presumed dead, and not one damn year after I accept that you’re gone forever, here the **** you are, standing right in front of me!”

    Judging by the burst of laughter from her, a random passerby could be forgiven for assuming that I had just told the funniest joke ever.

    Here’s a little backstory regarding me and Lexi.  We started hanging out my freshman year in high school, and one way or another, one specific word came back to haunt me repeatedly:  friendzone.  She disappeared after I graduated, and for about half a year people speculated about her location and what happened to her, but the rumors died down and she was pronounced dead.  The six months after that were not easy, but I had begun to pick myself back up about three months before the attack on Earth.  Seeing her again stirred up some old emotions I believed I had surrendered upon joining the Order, but I quickly regained my composure.  After we caught up, I returned to business:  determining her value to the team.

    We started by engaging in multiple lightsaber duels, and though we both used Shinobu’s Vaapad style, she had more time to refine her style.  Due to her greater experience, she consistently came out on top.  Next was a series of battles using only the Force.  Though I could use a greater arsenal of powers, hers were stronger than mine, and there was no clear-cut winner.  Finally, I measured her tactical prowess by serving as her opponent in a strategy simulation similar to the video game Star Wars:  Empire at War.  I had the edge in space battles due to my vast knowledge of the available ships, but Lexi knew what she was doing in a land battle due to her experience leading ground missions.  It wasn’t my abilities that won the day, but my strategy.  I conquered several planets early on, playing very aggressively, but also strategically.  Not only did I gain planets and resources, but I also cut her planets off from each other.  She came to the realization all too late.  The battles were long and gruelling for both sides, but she couldn’t stem the flow of attackers, and her forces surrendered her planets one by one.  I tracked her fleet to the one place I couldn’t have cared less about:  the Vergesso Asteroid Field.  She used what remained of her resources to fortify the area, and her massive and powerful fleet even turned mine away once.  I returned later with a huge fleet of bombers that wrecked her shield generators, opening a window for the rest of my fleet to finish hers off.

    I invited her to attend the first dinner at which the whole team was present for her final evaluation.  Everyone was as shocked as I was that Lexi was still alive.  We agreed on three things:  team dinner should become a regular thing, Lexi was an extremely valuable team member, and we needed another mission.  The Council promised to find us one, and that we had a week to prepare.  For the entire week, we pushed our absolute limits, working well past the point of exhaustion every day.  Lexi taught me some cool tricks Shinobu didn’t, and I in turn taught her how to use Force Lightning.  On day seven, the Council told us what we would be doing after a light training session.

    “Your mission, if you choose to accept it,” they began, then were immediately interrupted by Michael, who asked, “Where are all these references coming from?”

“What references?” Master Shinobu asked, then continued, “As I was saying, your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to liberate Fondor.  The Empire has teamed up with the Black Sun Pirates to overwhelm our defenses, so expect heavy resistance.  You’re a capable tactician, James, so we’ll leave the specifics to you.”

I was absolutely elated to have my first mission over which I had complete tactical control.  The Council recommended that I attempt to receive updates and assistance from Master Jax Pollard, who was on the planet and hiding from the enemy at the time.  I managed to persuade him to start an underground resistance movement with the local militia to buy my team time to make progress in the invasion.

    The first order of business was discussing the details of our new flagships, five Mk IV Assault Frigates.  Though I was personally defeated and humiliated by the Battle of Kuat, the Republic victory was enough to get us promoted to Jedi Captains.  Our flagships were commissioned, along with more of the lesser ships we already had, to celebrate our promotions.  The first detail was the name of each ship.  I called mine the Crasher in honor of my nickname that I earned in junior high.  Alex’s ship was called the Big Bull because he was a Chicago Bulls fan.  Jake’s was called the Rocket in honor of his old nickname.  Nate called his the Dynamite Runner because he loved to blow things up.  Michael named his the Psychotic Mandible Dentist of Love for no reason whatsoever, but we just call it the Mandible Dentist.  Lexi was a captain before any of us joined, and her ship was called the Benevolence as a humorous nod to the ship used by the Confederacy of Independent Systems, which was called the Malevolence.  Each ship had a specific strength as well.  The Dynamite Runner had the strongest shields and armor.  The Rocket sported the best engines, the most ion cannons, and two tractor beams.  The Big Bull had the strongest weapons.  The Mandible Dentist had radar jammers, a cloaking device, and one tractor beam.  The Crasher had the second-best engines, shields, armor, and weapons, as well as a more efficient power distribution system, allowing my crew to re-direct power from one system of my ship to another, such as power from weapons to engines or shields.  Its efficiency also allowed the Crasher to maintain maximum performance for an extended period of time.  The Benevolence traded some of its weapons for a larger hangar bay, allowing it to hold more fighters, bombers, and transports.

    We had a plan and the means to carry it out, so all we needed to do was attack Fondor.  We boarded our ships, and set out for one of the most important missions we ever executed.

5: Part One, Chapter Four, The Fondorian Alliance

Neither before, nor after the Battle of Fondor had I felt so nervous, but at the same time so determined as I felt that day.  The battle would either pave my road to greatness or earn me an early death.  There was only one thing for which I was not prepared:  an Imperial-Class Star Destroyer.  The only chance we had was to use the Rocket’s ion cannons to disable its shields and board it.  Luckily, the blasts from the cannons disabled the Destroyer’s turrets as well as the shields, so our shuttles didn’t encounter much difficulty.  Alex, Nate, and I were in the lead shuttle, ready to spring out as soon as the doors opened.  After we cleared the hangar, the emergency alarms went off, alerting the whole crew to our presence.  “Damn,” Nate muttered, “Now the whole ship’s gonna be on our asses.”

    “Don’t worry,” I assured him and Alex, “We’re all wearing a thick layer of plot armor.  We’ll be fine.”  Just as I said that, three Dark Jedi entered the hangar.

    “Plot armor my ass,” Alex complained, “Now we’re screwed.”

    “Not if I have anything to say about it,” I said just before charging one of them head-on.  He blocked my stab, and my second life-or-death lightsaber duel began.

    My opponent was faster than me, but I kept a cool head and stuck to my skills.  Eventually, I grabbed the hilt of his lightsaber and heated it up until it burned his hand and he released it.  Then I rammed two lightsabers through his stomach.

Meanwhile, Nate was winning his duel with just his fists, and Alex was alternating between electrocution and strangulation of his opponent.  After the other two Dark Jedi died, we moved on to the engine room, cutting down resistance as we went.

    “Nate, about how long will it take for you and your team to place the charges?” I asked.

    “Shouldn’t take much longer than five minutes,” he replied.

    Two Dark Jedi and several squads of Stormtroopers swarmed us, but I incinerated one Dark Jedi and electrocuted many of the Stormtroopers.  The other Dark Jedi lunged at Alex, and his armor turned gold, and in green letters, the word “Plot” appeared on his chestplate.  The stab was deflected, and Alex chopped his opponent’s head right off the body.

    “Holy crap!” he exclaimed, “I didn’t think you were referring to the armor itself, I just thought you meant the fact that we are critical to the story would keep us alive.”

    “Actually, it was a little bit of both.” I replied.

    “I kinda feel bad, we’re really taking a sledgehammer to the fourth wall.” Nate said.

    “Screw the fourth wall!” I yelled, “What has it ever done for us?”

    Nate then indicated the explosives, “The charges are set, are we gonna move or talk?”

    We ran to the hangar, encountering and defeating still more Stormtroopers.  We found that our plot armor didn’t make us entirely invincible, as a Stormtrooper dislocated my knee with the butt of his rifle.  I managed to get out a grunt of pain before collapsing.  Without breaking a stride, Alex and Nate picked me up and helped me to the shuttle.

    When we got back to the Mandible Dentist, Michael fixed my knee, and we prepared for the battle on the planet’s surface.  We found a group of the freedom fighters engaged in a firefight with the Imperial occupiers.  We landed right in the middle of the conflict, forming a wall behind which the rebels took shelter.  All six of us, followed by our troops and the fighters, emerged from behind our transports and charged the occupiers.  One by one, the Imperials fell to the ground.

    “We’ve got freedom fighters rising against the Empire all over the planet,” one of them told me, “They don’t stand a chance.”

    “Don’t get too cocky kid,” I told him, finally making a reference that actually made sense, “It’s too early to tell whether we’ll actually win yet.  Can you take us to Master Pollard?”

    “About that…” he began, “He’s been captured by the Empire.”

    “Does a rescue operation sound realistic?” asked a woman.

    “Hmmmm,” I mused, “Though Master Pollard could probably rescue himself in due time, time is a luxury we don’t have.  If we can disable their power generator, we may be able to accelerate the process.”

    Another man spoke up, “We did some recon, and I doubt that you have the military power to take out the men, women, and vehicles guarding the generator.  They’ve got AT-ATs, AT-AAs, AT-STs, TIE Maulers, and 2-M repulsor tanks, along with several soldiers.”

    “The way I see it, the only real problem is the AT-AAs, they could take out our bombers in an instant, but if we were to take them out, I could call in a bombing run and take out the power generator, along with all the other vehicles and troops,” I said.

    I finally came up with a plan:  we would call in some T-4 B tanks to use as a wall between our infantry and the Imperials, then fire missiles at the anti-aircraft walkers.  Their ammunition was highly combustible, making it deadly to both infantry and aircraft, but the detonation of a missile close enough would cause it to explode in the walker, which would, of course, destroy the walker.  Just when the Imperials began firing at us, I issued the command for a bombing run, which was promised to happen in a few minutes.  There were way more AT-AAs than we had expected, however, so we had to think quickly.  I asked Jake and Alex to cover me, and they protected me from blaster fire and the like, allowing me to concentrate long enough to heat the ammunition in one of the walkers, and, sure enough, it exploded, and my new plan was a success.

    After rinsing and repeating with a few more anti-aircraft walkers, we got close enough to begin firing missiles, which were much more effective than my awesome powers.  About half a minute after the final AT-AA went down, the bombers showed up, and their proton bombs devastated the Imperial forces, destroying the power generator and heavily damaging the AT-ATs.  Immediately, I felt a tremor in the Force.  I saw Master Pollard, along with five Dark Jedi, battling me and my team.  I did feel another presence during the vision, but I didn’t know who.  I didn’t know whether to dismiss it as a battlefield hallucination or warn my comrades, but Lexi was one step ahead of me on that.  We must have had the same vision, because she was telling Jake and Alex about it in surprising detail.  Jake and Alex then told Nate and Michael, who then told me.  I contemplated destroying the prison, but that would involve much blood unnecessarily spilled on my hands, because it was an Imperial prison facility, despite the fact that a possible traitor was there.

    When we got to the prison, there were indeed five Dark Jedi, but Master Pollard was nowhere to be found.  Suddenly, I saw another vision, this time I was the only one who saw it, however.  I saw Lexi getting stabbed in the back by a man in a black cloak.  As soon as I came to, I looked in her direction, and sure enough, I saw Pollard walking towards her.  My rage snapped, and I ignited my blade and charged at him.  He parried my strike and counter-attacked, almost slicing my head open, but instead burning part of my face.  He then did the same thing in a different direction, sending searing pain into what felt like an “X” on my face.  Michael did his best to heal me, but he could only stop the pain, as the marks quickly scarred.  I managed to collect myself, remembering the secret of the Vaapad style.  I channeled my rage, striking quickly and powerfully, slowly wearing him down.

    “Why did you turn to the dark side Jax?” I asked him.

    “Your clone is quite persuasive, he told me how Captain McHale killed my parents and brothers in the bombing of Abregado-rae.”

    “They were enlisted Stormtroopers, they knew there was a chance that they would die,” I told him, “Did James Dark tell you that?”

    “You lie!” he yelled, not knowing that he was being tricked.

    “Search your feelings, you know it to be true,” I said.

    “Did you seriously just quote Darth Vader?” Jake asked, “These references are getting out of hand, no matter how relevant some of them may be.”

    “Regardless, you have betrayed the Jedi Order, and thus have sealed your fate,” I told him.

    “I’ll not be your prisoner, you’ll have to kill me, though I doubt you can manage that,” he challenged.

    “I refuse to kill you, that would be merciful.  I have no mercy for traitorous pieces of crap like you,” I said, “I intend to capture you, and after you are found guilty by the Jedi Council, you’ll rot in your jail cell.”

    “I think I committed villainous blunder number 42,” he admitted, “I trained my own captor.”

    “Yeah, you’re basically screwed,” I told him, and we continued fighting.  The rage stemming from my accusations made him more powerful, but it also made him fight less intelligently.  He left wider openings in his stance than he normally would, allowing me to land a well-placed kick to his stomach, followed by a punch to his jaw.  He retaliated with Force lightning, but I blocked it with my blade and walked toward him, the occasional bolt being reflected back at him.  I got close enough that many bolts were reflected, causing him immense pain, and I punched him in the face again, then sliced his left arm off, just above the elbow.  He knelt before me, at my mercy.  I deactivated my lightsaber and prepared to arrest him, but, using some unexpected willpower, he used the force to fling me back a few feet, got up, and ran away.  I attempted to pursue him, but Michael was having trouble against his opponent, so I turned back and yelled, “Just kick him in the shin!”

    “I’m just gonna kick him in the shin!”  Yelled Michael as he kicked the Dark Jedi in the shin.

“That’s what I just said!  You know what, do whatever you want.”  The Dark Jedi immediately grabbed his leg and fell down, and I remembered that Michael, the winter of his senior year, started wearing steel-toe boots, and I would be willing to bet that he asked for steel-toe combat boots, as evidenced by the fracture I sensed in his opponent’s leg.  Michael then cut the Dark Jedi’s head off, and because lightsabers cauterize the wounds they create, there was very little blood.  Jake was also having minor difficulties, but he drew a second lightsaber I didn’t know he had and just hacked away at the Dark Jedi.  I looked down and saw that the lightsaber I took from the first Dark Jedi was missing, and I figured that Jake took it at some point.  I heard Lexi yell “Timeout!” and something incredibly weird happened.  In an instant, all of the remaining Dark Jedi were impaled by rocks jutting from the ground.  It was then that I realized what her powers were.  She could temporarily stop time.

    “Well, that solves that mystery,” I said.

    “What are you talking about?” Lexi asked.

    “You can stop time, can’t you?” I responded.

    “That’s what gives me my incredible reaction time,” she admitted.

    We continued to track down and take out more Imperials, but we were unable to locate Jax Pollard.  There was no doubt that he turned to the dark side, but Jedi, especially those who had been in the Order as long as Pollard, were emotionally detached from their families, due to being separated from their parents at a very young age, often no older than five standard years.  There was no way he should have even attempted to contact his parents back on Abregado-rae.  Even I hadn’t attempted to contact my friends and family back home, because I knew that I had to make sacrifices for the sake of the universe.

    When we finally re-captured Fondor, the Jedi Council was most surprised and pleased.  They didn’t think we would have to battle against Pollard, but then again, they didn’t know he had turned to the dark side.  When I told them, it was terrible news for the Order, Pollard was a member of the Jedi Council, for so long a wise and respected man, and the Council knew they would have difficulty finding a Jedi to replace him on the Council, so they left his seat empty.  That decision would prove beneficial to the Council’s decision-making, as they finally had an odd number of Masters.  The Council believed I had killed Pollard, but I didn’t tell them they were wrong, which was just as bad as lying to them, but claiming I hadn’t killed him would have been questionable as well.  One thing was certain:  I hadn’t seen the last of Jax Pollard.

6: Part One, Chapter Five, Lights Out.

Three weeks later

    “No, you can’t do this!” I yelled as the Jedi-turned-Sith Jax Pollard slaughtered my family, one by one.  “NOOOOOOO!” I yelled.

    “Hahahahahaha,” Pollard laughed, “It’s pointless, your struggles are in vain, you’re too late young Jedi.”

    When I woke up, I was covered in cold sweat and breathing rapidly.  There were books and clothes strewn about the living quarters, and Michael’s bed was on fire.  “I did that, didn’t I?” I asked.  Michael, Jake, Alex, and Nate all nodded.  Lexi appeared out of nowhere again, using her time powers, and explained that she had the exact same dream.  That made it twice that we shared a dream or vision, and we decided to talk to the Council about it at some point.  We all had breakfast and began our daily training.  I was completely out of it because the violent nightmare had drained my Force energy.

During our lunch break, Master Shinobu paid us a visit to inform us of our next mission:  sneaking into the Imperial strategy base on Wayland.  We had no army, only our super awesome Delta-11 Jedi Starfighters.  The Empire, due to a lack of resources, had not installed a security system around the planet, which would allow us to land there fairly easily, but we had to avoid detection, as the men running the base were paranoid.  They would pack up and leave as soon as they heard about attackers, which would prevent us from getting our hands on precious information.  We were to set out in three days.  We trained the first two days, and on the third, we discussed strategy.  We decided to pair off to cover more ground and decrease our chances of being detected.  I would go with Nate, Jake would go with Alex, and Michael would go with Lexi.  We headed out, and quite possibly my most important mission began.  Upon our arrival in the system, I commented on the simple beauty of Wayland.

“I could see myself getting married here,” I mused.

“Captain, marriage is highly improper for a Jedi such as yourself, or any of us, for that matter,” Lexi commented.

“Don’t pretend you have never thought about getting married, or love in general, during your time as a Jedi,” I said.

“I’d be lying if I said I never have, but I haven’t recently,” she sternly replied.

“Enough you two,” Jake interrupted, “We’ve got work to do.”

He was right, we landed and got our supplies from our ships:  our lightsabers, blasters, food, water, and first-aid kits.  Nate and I went in through the rear entrance of the compound, Michael and Lexi snuck in through the front, and Jake and Alex made their own entrance on the east side of the building.  We managed to mind-trick one of the patrols into falling asleep on the job, and we stole a map of the compound.  We knew that Michael and Lexi would inevitably reach the computer before we did, so we decided to help them however we could.  Nate blew up the main air conditioner, causing the compound to become unpleasantly hot.  Several engineers fixed the a/c, but we had done our job:  multiple guards and workers took breaks because of the heat.  Next, we shut down the running water.  How did that help?  Because the plot, that’s why.

A few minutes later, Michael buzzed in over the communicator, “James, there’s something you should see.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked him.

“It’s something you need to see to believe,” he said.

We made our way to the computer room, and checked out some of the files.

“Operation Nightfall, terminated, Operation Forged Anew, in progress,” I hesitated upon seeing the name of the next operation, then, hardly audible, I read, “Operation Lights Out.”

Just the name was enough to make me dizzy.  I didn’t want to read the rest, but I knew I had to.  “Planet Earth has been firmly under our grasp for about eight months, but we have yet to kill the young Jedi James Light,” I read, “The best way to flush him out would be to kill his family and friends, but we have yet to find them as well.  General Jax Pollard has recently been put in charge of the effort and left yesterday to take control of the mission.  Oh crap,” I said, “They’re going to make my vision come true.”

“We can’t let that happen,” Lexi said, “After you woke up, the vision continued, you helplessly watched as your friends and family were slaughtered, and after that, the six of us were killed as well.”

My hands were tied:  if I went home to save them, there was a chance that they would still die, and I would die too, but if I did nothing, their deaths were guaranteed.  “We don’t have time to wait, but if we can put in a request for our fleet to attack Earth, we might have a chance.”

“That’s the best possible plan in this scenario,” Lexi said.

“I agree,” said Jake.

“Why don’t we just kick them in the shins?” Michael wondered.  We all just looked at him, as if to say, “Time and place, Michael.”  Before we left the compound, Nate set some charges that would explode when we left the blast radius.

“Alex, why aren’t you saying anything?” I asked.

“While you were reading the file and going over the plan, I had my own vision,” he said.

“What happened?”

“Allison, Andrew Allen, Andrew Rice, Andrew Mussard, all of our friends, dead.”

“Do you have any idea when this happens?” I asked, “A few days, weeks, a month?”

“Today would be the first week of February, if I’m correct, I remember balloons at the main base of the resistance.”

“No, it can’t be,” I started, “I think it happens on my birthday.”

“That would be the worst birthday gift ever,” Michael chimed in.

“Shut up,” Jake said.

“Shutting up.”

“Keep it that way,” Nate ordered, “There’s a squad of stormies moving in our direction.”

We hid in the bathroom of all places, and after we stopped hearing the footsteps, we emerged and continued walking.  Just before we exited the compound, Nate told us all to run, and we sprinted out, Nate way ahead of four of us and Jake ahead of Nate.  The compound blew up in a large, fiery explosion, and we were safe.

“Let’s get to our fighters, we’ve got to go to Earth ASAP,” Alex suggested.

“Right,” I agreed.

7: Part One, Chapter Six, Pollard's Revenge

A few days later

The Council approved our request for our fleet to join up with us near Jupiter so we could begin the assault.  We agreed to fight alongside our fleet for a while, and then head to the surface to meet with the resistance, now known as the Iroquois Boys, even though there were girls in it too, but they didn’t complain.  Since Earth wasn’t exactly an important planet to the Empire, it was not very well-defended.  There were four Victory-class Star Destroyers, but those were fairly easy to take down, as were the ten Venator-class Star Destroyers and seventeen Tartan-class patrol cruisers.  My strategy for the space battle was perfect.

“Jake, Michael, take the A-Wings and intercept those bombers, Alex, lead the B-Wings through those fighters, Lexi and I will cover you with our X-Wing squadrons, Nate, take the Y-Wings and bomb the crap out of those frigates, let’s go!”

We executed it perfectly, and after the fleet was destroyed, I ordered our guys to head for the space station on the other side of the planet and prepare the transports to launch.  We landed near the area of the last sighting of the Iroquois Boys:  LA.  There were no Stormtroopers in the city, but everywhere we went, we felt like we were being watched.

“Do you think celebrities are watching us, just waiting to get our autographs?” Michael asked.

“Now why would they do that?” Nate responded.

“Because we’re famous actors now, too,” Michael answered.

“Until there’s an Emmy in my hands, I don’t think we’re that famous,” I said.

“Maybe we’d have an Emmy by now if you two didn’t shamelessly nuke the fourth wall every time you get the chance,” Jake barked.

We kept moving, and eventually we came to a large brick wall.  “What do we do?” Michael asked, “We’re stuck between nothing and a hard place.”

“That’s it, now’s my time,” Alex said, “I’m going to break the fourth wall!”  We were all horrified.

“What?  The fourth wall?!  But he never breaks the fourth wall!” the rest of us panicked.

“HEY, THAT’S MY JOB!”  Said Michael.

“Shut up Michael.”  Said Alex.

Then, he summoned all of his willpower into one Force push, and knocked down the wall, which, incidentally, had the number 4 spraypainted on it.  Behind the wreckage, we found the base of the Iroquois Boys.  “Well, that was convenient,” I said.  After a little meet-and-greet with some of the newer, more important members, we held a war council.  The leader, Matt, managed to get as far west as California, obviously, but he was unable to make much headway towards D.C.  “Well, no need to fear, Jimbles is here,” I said, and everybody cracked up.

With six Jedi, the Iroquois Boys had very little difficulty taking the southern states, and we eventually liberated all of the United States except for New England.  We landed reinforcements every time we took a new city, and our forces grew in size and strength.  While we practically ran over the Imperials everywhere except D.C., we surrounded and cut it off from aid, until we finally bombarded the Imperial base with our cannons and missiles.  I sensed a powerful energy that could only be Jax Pollard, and again acted without caution, charging into the fray alone, cutting down Stormtroopers as I ran, and there he was, and he looked like he had aged a couple years, even though it had only been about a month since I last saw him.  I guess the dark side does that to a man.

“We meet again, my foolish former student,” Pollard said rather condescendingly, though it’s pretty hard to call someone foolish and not sound condescending.

“When you left the Order, I was but a learner, now I am a much stronger learner,” I said, absolutely butchering another Darth Vader quote.

“At least the references are starting to make sense,” I heard Michael yell as he approached us.

“It’s over, Pollard, you and I are destined to fight here, and I know your plan, you won’t stop me.”

“The arrogant ignorance of youth, so amusing,” Pollard retorted, and he ran at me.  I dodged his initial strike and attempted to punch him in the face, but he reacted much more quickly than I expected, slamming into my chest shoulder first.  I was knocked to the ground by the force of his attack, and I immediately deduced that he had been modified.  He beat me around for a little while, and I was nearly tapped out when I heard a voice in my head.  It told me, in my own voice, “James, you can’t give up, I can help you.”

“Who are you and why do you sound like me?” I asked.

“I am you before your near-death experience, I am Revan.”

“Revan, the greatest Jedi to ever live?”

“I don’t know about that, but I am the Revan who defeated Darth Malak.”

“That’s the one.  So do you have any advice on how to defeat this guy?”

“You have all of my power, James.  Why are you not using it?”

“Because your power is damn near impossible for me to access.”

“Perhaps our friend can help with that.”

“You mean Alex?  That might help.  Yo Alex!  I need help here, this guy’s handing me my ass!”

“Well don’t accept a gift if it’s your ass!”

“Just do that thing you do.”

He understood me perfectly.  All six of us appeared in the Netherworld of the Force, and my battle wounds were healed by Luke, and I felt much stronger.  “This boost is what I need to access Revan’s power, I can feel it.” I said.  When I returned to the battlefield, I saw Pollard charging our front lines, and I caught up to him and blasted him with Force lightning.  He went flying and stumbled while getting up.  I remembered every move and style Revan ever used, but of all moves, I employed Vornskr’s Ferocity, which, combined with my improved strength, speed, and reflexes, brought Jax to his knees.  The attack was a massive flurry of slashes, which normally confused and weakened the victim.

“It’s over Jax, you’ve lost.”

“No, you’ve lost, you worthless imbecile!”

I looked back and saw Alex struggling against two Dark Jedi.  One of them punched him in the face, and the other stabbed him in the stomach.

“Noooooooo!” I turned, and as though I had nothing left to lose, I snapped Pollard’s neck, and then Force-choked the two Dark Jedi, crushing their windpipes.  I then rushed over to Alex, hoping that Michael would be able to heal him, but it was too late.

“James…” Alex said, “Grab my arm.”  I touched his arm, and I had another vision:  Earth was destroyed by what looked like a Death Star.

“How did James Dark manage to build a Death Star without anybody noticing?”

“Beats me, but I don’t have much more time, so I need to change the subject.” Alex said, “Screw the Jedi morals, I want you to find that guy and kill him savagely.”

“I’m against killing for the sake of killing, but I’ll do it, this guy deserves no mercy.”

One of my closest friends was dead, which meant my vision of death came true in a small sense.  The Death Star would get to Earth in about a month and a half, which would make the date of arrival about halfway through April of 2017, close to a year since I left Earth.  We freed the rest of Earth in about a month’s time, allowing us to contact the Jedi Council and tell them about the third Death Star.  They gave us emergency promotions, making us all Jedi Admirals, allowing us to request Mon Calamari Cruisers, the strongest ships the Republic had.  We wanted as many as Grand Master Shinobu could spare, because we were going up against one of the most powerful weapons ever built.  He sent seven, along with many other corvettes, frigates, and fighters.

Like any good girlfriend would be, Allison was devastated to learn about Alex’s death at the hands of the traitor Jax Pollard.  She basically told me the same thing Alex told me.

“I don’t care what dark path the Jedi think you’ll start on if you kill this guy in cold blood, I want you to honor his dying wish.”

“I plan to,” I told her, “Also, would you like the honor of burning the body?  Normally it’s done by a Jedi, but I’ll make an exception.”

“Of course, burning that bastard is the only thing that will give me satisfaction.”

“I feel like we’re not on the same page.  I was talking about Alex, the Jedi basically give up their right to any funeral other than cremation, but since Pollard was a Jedi once, I’ll let you burn him too.”

“Let’s make the preparations, what do we need?”

“We basically just need two fire pits large enough to hold a body, some gas, and maybe a bit of wood.”

We went out to get some wood first, I chopped a few branches down with my lightsaber and carried them with the Force.  Then I mind-tricked a millionare into buying us two body-sized fire pits, and finally, we filled a container with as much gas as Allison could afford at the time, which wasn’t much, but it was enough to start two fires.  I doused the bodies after putting the wood down under them, and the preparations were complete.

“Hey, Allison, pull my finger.”

“If you fart, I’ll throw you into the fires.”

“That’s not what’s going to happen.”

She pulled my finger, and I spewed flames from my mouth, igniting the corpses.

“Okay, that was pretty awesome, it’s not every day I meet a… um, whatever you are.”

“I’m a Jedi, one who just so happens to have the ability to make fire out of nothing.”

“So that’s not a normal thing?”

“I’m the only one.”

“What exactly was it that Alex did?  Like his role in the group?”

“Unlike the rest of us, he didn’t have any unusual ability, but he was incredibly gifted with the Force, the best of our group in that aspect.  He never beat me in a duel, but he never gave up, and he came pretty close a couple times, the last two times we faced off especially.”

For the first week of waiting for our battle with destiny, we all took it fairly easy, Nate practiced the drums, Michael practiced the piano, Jake the electric guitar, and I resumed training the golden pipes, and picked up an acoustic guitar and taught myself a little bit about playing it.  We only learned one song, which we decided we would play if we won.  We spent the last week training for combat, preparing to battle my twisted clone.

8: Part One, Chapter Seven, Jimbles Vs Destiny

April 16th, 2017

We made the final preparations the day before and got a good rest that night.  We got in our fighters and prepared for the single most important battle of our lives.  The battles with Pollard, stopping Operation Lights Out, everything I had ever done led up to that exact mission.  I was ready to avenge Grand Master Skywalker and Alex, and everybody else was ready to help.  The Mon Calamari Cruisers were already engaged with the vanguard of Star Destroyers, and the rest of the fleet was attempting to break through their ranks to get some fighters in the Death Star.  The machine was almost perfectly designed, it didn’t have the trench that proved to be the downfall of the first one, and it was complete, unlike the second one.  The only way to get in would be to fly through one of the six lasers that powered the super laser.  As much as we hated the idea, we had to wait until after it fired to make sure we wouldn’t be disintegrated.  With our help, the fighters and bombers broke through the Imperial fleet and proceeded to the Death Star.  We stayed out of its line of fire, anticipating a blast at any time.  When it finally fired, the Mandible Dentist was destroyed instantly.

“NOOOOOOOO!” Michael yelled.

“Michael, there’s no need to turn on the communications for that, you would’ve blown out our damn eardrums even across the vacuum of space,” Nate complained.

We immediately flew into the firing tube.  We were tailed by a huge number of TIE Fighters, forcing some of the fighters to pull back and engage them.

“I’ll help them, you four can handle this alone, can’t you?” Lexi said.

“If not, we’re screwed, but we won’t know until we try,” Jake said, and we continued down the tube.  As soon as we made it to a hangar, we split off from the rest of the fighters, who were heading for a corridor that would lead to the reactor.  As soon as we exited our ships, we were assaulted by five Dark Jedi.

“Don’t worry, I can handle these guys, I’ll catch up to you,” Michael assured us before levitating five lightsabers from his belt.

“Where did you get all those?” Nate asked.

“I read the script, it said I have these.”

“There he goes again, nuking the fourth wall at every possible chance,”  Jake said.

“I read the script too, it said we don’t get an Emmy,” I chimed in.

“If any of you survive this, I’m killing you all,” Jake responded.

We continued running through the massive space station, cutting down Stormtroopers and Dark Jedi alike.  In another room, we stumbled upon four AT-ST walkers.

“This is gonna be fun,” Jake said, “I’ve got this.”

“Try not to have too much fun, or die.  Either way, bad for us,” I told him.

Just like the way it had been when I had problems in high school, it was just me and Nate.  We encountered two Dark Jedi and cut them down with ease, then ten more appeared, and we had no other options, we had to run.  We closed a door, and they tried to smash it down with the Force, but Nate used his ability to make himself over 50% stronger to hold the door in place.

“I’ll be fine, just go!” he yelled.

I rushed to the throne room, lightsaber ignited.

“Well well well, what have we here, is it by any chance the vastly inferior original?” James Dark taunted.

“Today you die, my loathsome copy,” I said.

“Overconfident, as expected.  Do you know why my abilities were light years beyond yours when we first met?”

“I figured it was because you had been training for nearly your entire life, while I had only trained about six months.”

“That tells part of the story, but not the entirety.  I was infused with the Force Ghost of Darth Malak the day I killed my ‘father’ and took the throne for myself.  He thought he would be able to control me, to limit my impulses.  He miscalculated just how evil Malak was, and paid dearly.  Before the long, painful process of merging two souls in one body, I was surprisingly similar to you when you grew up:  weight problems, not very social, but a gifted thinker.  I mastered the art of lightsaber combat and the use of the Force, but moral dilemmas began to surface.  I wondered if it was right to take lives because the Emperor commanded me to do so.  I continually questioned his orders, resulting in torture, which did nothing to influence me not to kill him when I finally gained the power of Darth Malak.”

“I have the power over both light and darkness, thanks to my genes.  Even if you kill me, there are other Jedi on this battle station, and even if they fall, my forces are making their way to the reactor core as we speak.  You’ve lost.  Be that as it may, I see no reason to spare your miserable life.”

“So no matter what happens, I’m f***ed”

“Bingo.”

He lunged at me, unleashing his full fury.  Along with my rage, I also used his own anger against him, exploiting every gap in his defense, while switching to a defensive style when he went on the offensive.  After a few minutes, during which I was in full control of the battle, I punched him in the face, and as he staggered back, he looked almost desperate, but then he took a deep breath, dramatically changing his fighting style from Darth Malak’s rage-fueled attack pattern to one that was entirely unique.  His style was much more controlled, but unpredictable at the same time.

“Finally, you’ve broken free of Malak’s corruptive influence,” I said.

“Yes, and now I’d like to let you know that I plan to make this a clean fight, not just for your life, but for your honor.  I have all of Malak’s powers and abilities, but my control has accelerated them to new heights.”

“Well put, leave it to us to make fighting for your life fun.”

We continued to fight, and neither one of us seemed to have the edge, the victory would go to the stronger will.  We both fought to our absolute breaking points.  We were battered, bruised, and bleeding, but alive.  He meant to end the battle with one final charge, but I anticipated his feint to my right and knocked his lightsaber out of his hand and broke his nose with one final punch to the face.

“I yield, *cough* you are victorious.  Now kill me so we can be done with this miserable war.”

While he was talking, Jake, Nate, and Michael came in.

“As much as I’d like to lock you up for the rest of your life, I made a promise to my friend that I would avenge him and Master Skywalker.  And I intend to fulfill that promise, or may the Christian God damn me eternally…”

As I was giving my speech, Michael walked over to James Dark and took a stance.

“Prepare to die, you clichéd piece of crap.”  He then stabbed my clone in the heart, killing him instantly.

“And now, you—Michael what the hell?!  I was supposed to do that!”

“I have more grievances against him than you and Allison do.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that it was my job to kill him!”  Michael then kicked me in the shin, breaking my tibia.

“Damn it Michael!  You wear steel-toe combat boots, and your first thought is to kick me in the shin?”

“My first thought was to steal your kill.”

“Hey dumbasses!  We gotta get outta here pronto, I just got word from the boys that they’re almost to the reactor.” Nate said.  Michael healed my injuries and we ran as fast as we could.  Through the windows, we could see Republic fighters flying through the firing tube at maximum speed.  We finally got to our fighters when we felt the station shake from a huge explosion, which we knew was the reactor.  We flew as quickly as we could, while Lexi, who had fired the missiles that destroyed the reactor, was only about a mile behind us.  She caught up to us fairly quickly, and we knew there was only one way to escape the beyond-nuclear explosion that was expanding just behind us.  Since it was a straight shot through the firing tube, if we angled ourselves properly, we would be able to enter hyperspace to escape the explosion.

“Making preparations for manual jump to lightspeed, everyone ready?” I asked.

“Let’s go.” Jake said

“Of all the things I hate about blowing things up, this is the part I hate the least.” Lexi commented.

“MY ASS IS ON FIRE!” Nate yelled

“Hey, you date a married woman you get hit by a bus, karma.” Michael said.

“Michael, are you seriously watching Dan Vs while we’re escaping an explosion that puts the Tzar Bomba to shame?” I asked.

“I don’t even know what that is.” Nate commented.

“It’s the best TV show ever in the world.” Michael said.

“Under normal circumstances, we’d be dead by now,” Lexi chimed in.

“Well, since this is fiction, and we’re the main characters, we can survive potentially fatal scenarios and the only explanation we need is because logic.” I responded, and we made the jump to lightspeed conveniently before the explosion reached us.  A few seconds later, I said to everyone, “Prepare to drop out of lightspeed.”

Jake counted down, “Three, two, one, now!” and we all dropped out.  We ended up somewhere near Pluto.  Our hyperdrives were damaged by the strain of a manual jump to lightspeed, so we had to fly at normal maximum speed.  We monitored Republic channels and learned that we had been presumed dead and that a celebration/funeral was to be held for us the next day.  We decided to show up uninvited.

We came into Milford, where the celebration was occurring, because all of us had ties to Milford, whether we lived there or went to school there.  We were lucky it was the day of the celebration, just as it was about to start.  We talked with our Jedi General, and he arranged for us to be the surprise guest performers.  When we were revealed on the stage in the middle of town, the crowd went wild, as most thought we hadn’t survived, while some maintained the hope that we had.  We played a rock rendition of the Star Wars credits song, which was awesome.