“An ordinary day!?… Never!” Frankie said rather dramatically; mimicking his favorite video game hero.

“Oh be quiet. Nothing ever happens in this god damn town and you know it. Stop pretending like that stupid game will ever come in handy!” Frankie’s senile grandmother scolded. He bowed his head.

“Yes grandma…” He replied, ducking out the back door, his green ‘Space Chickens with Lasers’ backpack slung over one shoulder.

 

It was around 7:00 am on a Saturday morning, sadly enough Frankie had to go in to work. At least, he thought, I won’t run into anyone from school this early on a Saturday. Being a thin, lanky, pale and rather weird sixteen year old boy was never a good thing. Getting picked on was considered ‘normal‘ for poor Frankie at this point. He’s never had the muscle that the jocks do to fight back when they pushed him around so he‘s never had much of a choice.

 

One day, he’ll do something amazing and prove everyone wrong, he couldn’t be just another nobody! His grey eyes scanned the sky, it was cloudy and looked like it was gonna rain. For a moment though, through his glasses, he could have sworn he saw-

“YOU’RE LATE CAT!” the booming familiar voice bellowed from the center of the store, the man behind it was truly terrifying. Frankie stepped inside dismissing what he thought he saw in the sky a moment ago. He glanced at the clock and it was only 7:05...

 

“Only by five minutes Mr. G. I’ll stay five minutes passed my shift to make up for it if you’d like.” Frankie walked to the back of the store where the door with the ‘Employees Only’ sign hung. He put his backpack down on the dirty lunch table and slid on his ‘Things You Might Need!’ work T-shirt; sneakily slipping his old Gameboy into the pocket of his jeans. He heard the door swing open, slamming into the wall behind it and knew he was in trouble…

 

“I DON’T PAY YOU TO BE LATE CAT! DON’T TEST MY LENIANCY! ONE MORE TRUANCY AND YOU. ARE. GONE!” Mr. G, Frankie’s boss, ran his store with an iron fist… being an ex-marine core or… something like that… it was to be expected, right?

“Yes sir, I promise sir!” Frankie stood at attention, saluting the ex-soldier. Also trying not to tremble from the sheer sight of him, being three, maybe four times bigger than Frankie, he wasn’t about to disrespect this guy.

 

Even though the lowly teenager couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out why Mr. Giglamesh was so angry all the time…

“YOU WILL BE RELIEVED AT 18:00! NO SOONER! NO LATER! DO YOU HEAR ME PRIVATE CAT!” A fourteen hour shift… is that even legal? Frankie thought.

“Sir yes sir!”

“GOOD! NOW YOU ARE RELIEVED TO YOUR DUTIES!” Mr. G stomped away… Frankie could swear he felt the ground shake as he walked… either way he sighed heavily, went to the front of the store and lopped into an old chair behind the cash register.

 

The store cat, a big orange tabby named Knorr, jumped up on the counter and started purring when Frankie petted him. “The stuff he sells in this stupid store is ridiculous.” He looked around the dimly lit shelves and scratched behind the fat cats ear.

“Who needs that many different kinds of bear traps? And what the hell are ‘anal spikes’? This guy is a complete nut job!” After Knorr fell asleep on Frankies lap he pulled out his Gameboy, the one thing that gets him through his less than mediocre life.

 

The moment the screen started flashing colors he was completely absorbed in the battle for the world. Space Chickens with Lasers was his favorite game, simply because it was completely and utterly ridiculous. What kind of alien species would look anything like a chicken? After losing the final battle in the game for the fourth time he ran a boney hand through his hair. That’s when he heard a girl clear her throat from over the counter; he looked up and his cheeks instantly flushed.

 

“Oh! I’m sorry! Can I help you with something?” Frankie stammered, the girl smiled at him sweetly, making his palms go sweaty.

“Uh yeah, I just wanted to know if you sold any sewing needles here?” Her voice was really strange to hear considering no one ever actually came in the store to buy anything. I mean the odd hobo but she was CLEARLY not a hobo…

 

“Umm yeah isle four, on your uh… left I think… beside the leather gloves… if you reach the electric dog collars, you passed them.” Frankie stuttered out.

“Okay thanks!” She turned, and as she walked away her leather boots clicked against the tile floor… her dark brown hair flowing down her back. Her tight, acid washed, skinny jeans hugging her legs in all the right places… Frankie shook himself and rubbed his face.

 

He sat back down in the chair, waiting for her to come back. When she did she had a package of silver sewing needles in her hand, she looked to be around Frankies age, but he could have sworn he had never seen her at school before… she put the package down on the counter and picked up a magazine from one of the racks. She read it leaning over the counter as Frankie rung up the needles.

 

The top button of her blouse was undone and speaking of racks… yup, definitely never seen her at school before. When he put the sewing stuff and receipt in the bag and handed it to her she smiled at him again.

“Are you new around here?” He asked a little shakily. She gave him an odd look. Why would I ask that? Now I sound like a creep! He mentally scolded himself.

 

“Yeah, actually. Just moved here a day or two ago.” Her eyes didn’t squint and glare like he expected, instead they kindly looked at him. They were an odd neon color green…

“I’m Annita.” She reached over the counter for a handshake; Frankie wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans first and shook hands.

“I’m Frankie. It’s nice to meet you.” She giggled quietly and smiled.

 

“It’s nice to meet you too. I’ll see you around!” She walked out the door, her high heeled boots clicking all the way to the street. Frankie stared after her, and then flopped back into the chair. Knorr jumped up on the counter and looked at him letting out a loud meow.

“Oh be quiet. She’s way out of my league.” Frankie pulled out his Gameboy again.

 

Knorr rolled around on the counter. “You’d have to be crazy to hit on me. There’s gotta be something weird about her.” Frankie pressed the A button rapidly firing missiles at the Space chickens. Knorr meowed again. “Yeah, she IS a nice piece of ass though…”

“WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO CAT!” Frankie jumped and dropped his Gameboy on the ground, standing in saluting position instantly.

“Sir just Knorr Sir!” Mr. Giglamesh stomped up to the counter, army boots and all. Pecks the size of water melons he started yelling, throwing spit everywhere.

 

“I DO NOT PAY YOU TO TALK TO ANIMALS! I PAY YOU TO SELL MY SUPPLIES! YOU CAN TALK TO ANIMALS ON YOUR. OWN. TIME DR. DOO LITTLE!” Veins in Mr. G’s thick neck started to protrude…

“Sir yes Sir!”

“DO I NEED TO REMIND YOU WHY YOUR NAME IS CAT!?”

“N-”

“IT IS BECAUSE I AM GIGLAMESH! THE INFERNAL PUSSY DESTROYER! AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SON?”

“A Pussy Sir.”

“AND IF YOU DARE DISOBEY ME I. WILL. DESTROY. YOU. UNDERSTAND?”

“Sir yes Sir!”

“RETURN TO YOUR DUTIES!” he stomped away… spit everywhere and Frankie could swear he felt the store shaking… 

2: This Isn't a Game Anymore

Hours later, after being bored and selling a creepy hobo a pair of chocolate handcuffs Frankie finally got to go home. The walk to his house was nice because of the cool breeze and it was a full moon, Frankie could even see the stars… and then he saw it again.

 

Weird circular lights flashing, teleporting… what is that? His brain made the instant ‘Aliens!!’ connection but he shook his head and walked the rest of the way home without looking back up. He had clearly been playing WAY too much Space Chickens. His grandmother was waiting up for him in the living room.

“How was work today?” She asked him.

“Good I guess…”

“How’s that hunky boss of yours doing?” She winked at him.

“Grandma!”

 

“What? Your old granny can still have the hot’s for a good looking man like him. He’s so… dark and twisted!” Frankie wanted to throw up…

“PTSD is NOT ‘dark and twisted’.”

“Close enough my dear!”

“He’s psychopathic and bloodthirsty!” He sputtered.

“That’s just how I like ‘em!” His Grandma threw herself into a fit of laughter and Frankie bolted upstairs.

 

He didn’t talk to his grandma for the rest of the night for sheer fear that she would talk about things grandmothers SHOULD NEVER talk about. Once Frankie got ready for bed he laid down and looked out his window… he could have sworn he saw more of the lights but he fell asleep before he could really pay attention.

 

He woke up to screaming and chaos, lots of gun sounds too.

“What the hell!?” He put on his glasses and looked out the window; the town had been almost turned into rubble. There were these strange floating ships traveling down the streets shooting red lazars. He jumped out of bed and got dressed as fast as he could, panicking he ran around the house looking for his grandma. He couldn’t find her so he dashed to the one other place he could have possibly thought would be safe: Mr. G’s store.

 

He ran as fast as he could, once he made it there he noticed the store sign ‘Things You Might Need!’ was broken and on its side, dangling dangerously above the front door. Which was surprisingly open, once inside he locked it and turned around to find a machine gun pointed at his face.

“Mr. G! It’s me! Frankie I-I mean Cat! I swear!” Mr. G looked at him a moment and lowered his weapon.

“WE’RE AT WAR SOLDIER!” He yelled and handed Frankie a pistol… which Frankie had no idea how to use.

 

One of the alien ships went by the store window and they both ducked. Frankie recognized it; it looked like the ones from the video game…

“They look like Space Chicken ships… Sir.” He said to his boss.

“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME CAT! YOU RECOGNIZE THEM!?” Frankie nodded.

“Yeah, they look exactly like the ones from the video game I play.”

“HOW DO WE BEAT THEM CAT! HOW DO WE TAKE. THEM. OUT!” Frankie was currently so overwhelmed it took him a minute to process.

 

“Pop…”

“EXCUSE ME!?” Frankie turned to the crazy man.

“Carbonated drinks sir. Chickens can’t burp therefore when soda gets into they’re systems they just… explode. And the acid erodes their machines. At least that’s what the main character in the game uses… sir.” Mr. Giglamesh nodded.

“COME WITH ME!” They snuck to the back of the store, listening to the destruction outside. Explosions and laser sounds, as well as screaming… lots of screaming.

 

Once in the back room Frankie screamed, a disgusting mutated creature sat strapped in a chair.

“I CAPTURED ON OF THEIR OWN WHEN IT TRIED TO COME IN HERE. NO PUTRID ALIEN VERMIN WILL TAKE DOWN THE GIGLAMESH!” Did he just refer to himself in third person? Frankie dismissed it.

 

He took a closer look at the Alien; strangely enough it did, in fact, resemble a chicken.

“Oh Franklin! You’re okay!” Frankies Grandma came out of the bathroom and hugged him.

“Yeah I’m glad you are too…”

“I WILL GET SOME CARBONATION AND BE BACK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! YOU HOLD DOWN THE FORT SOLDIER!” Mr. G handed Frankie a bigger gun… again, he had no idea how to use it. He also didn’t want to know how in the world he captured the alien chicken either…

 

Frankie waited a few minutes as his grandma somehow fell asleep in a plastic chair… the door flung open and Frankie pointed the gun there, ready to fire… he thought anyway. It was just Mr. G and he was holding various kinds of pop.

“OKAY CAT! SHOW US HOW IT’S DONE!” Frankie felt absolutely ridiculous, and scared, and overall nervous as he shook the pop bottle.

 

He then quickly shook the bottle and removed the cap, the brown foam shot all over the alien, it hissed and crowed and then-

“Get down!” Frankie fell to the ground just before green ooze spewed everywhere as the Space Chicken exploded. “It’s exactly like in the game…”

 

“HOLY SHIT!” Mr. G exclaimed. “WE NEED TO SPREAD THE NEWS! I WILL GET MY INTERNATIONAL RADIO! DO YOU KNOW MORSE CODE?!” Frankie shook his head. “YOU ARE A USELESS GENIUS CAT!” He ran out the door “A USELESS GENIUS!” Frankie stood up wide eyed.

“That guy is absolutely insane…”

“I think he’s a hunk!”

“Please grandma… stop…”

Frankie heard banging and screaming at the front door, he quickly ran through the store to see what it was.

 

He recognized her instantly, the hot girl from yesterday… Ally? Anna? What was her name again…?

“Please! Let me in please!” She cried and screamed, wide green eyes full of panic. Quickly Frankie opened the door for her, she ran inside and into his arms. He somehow managed to reach over her and lock the door again. “They are everywhere! Everyone’s being shot by lazars and dying and oh my god this is horrible!” She cried into his shoulder, having never had much experience with girls he awkwardly patted her back.

 

“Well follow me, we’re not safe here.” She promptly followed him to the back room which was now covered in green ooze and pop… his grandma had fallen asleep in the chair again.

“What happened here!?” She shrieked.

“We found out a way to kill them.” Frankie smiled at her. “It’s just like in that video game I play… Space Chickens With Lazars. They can’t handle the carbonation in pop.” She seemed to believe him, even though all of this sounded ridiculous.

 

“I see well thank goodness…” She said kind of oddly. “Where’s his laser?”

Frankie was too busy looking at her boobs to hear her question.

“Sorry what?”

“His laser? You said they were Space Chickens WITH LASERS. So where is it?” She looked at him kindly.

“Oh my boss captured it so I’m not sure.”

“Where is your boss?” She asked too quickly, inspecting the ooze.

 

“He went to get some special radio so we can inform everyone about how to kill them.”

“Oh… and it’ll be over just like that?” She asked a lot of questions… Frankie had to think a moment.

“Well no.. in the game there’s the final level where you have to beat the Queen who is actually in the form of a hot girl…”

“And how do you beat her?” She inched closer.

 

“I’m not sure. I have actually never beat that part…” She pushed Frankie against a wall, her lips inches from his.

“You’re sure you don’t know? It would be really helpful if you knew…” She moved so she was grazing her lips up his neck. “It would REALLY help…” she whispered in his ear. Frankie swallowed. Her hands were playing around his belt, tracing his hip bones. “If you know, you should really tell me.” Frankie really wished he knew… she was pressed against him so firmly he could feel every inch of her… two layers of clothes separated them…

 

“I’VE GOT THE RADIO!” Mr. G barged through the door and Annita pulled away; leaving Frankie rather uncomfortable.

“That’s good.” His voice cracked while he tried to adjust himself better. “Let’s broadcast their weakness… and stuff.”

“Where’s the laser?” She asked Giglamesh.

“EXCUSE ME BUT WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!” He commanded.

“I’m Annita, and I hear you apprehended that … alien. But Frankie said that they have lasers. So what happened to that his?” She motioned to the mush on the floor.

 

“IT’S OVER THERE. NOW MOVE ASIDE!” Mr. G pointed to some shelving unit and slammed the radio on the table, and began to set it up. Frankie was still not thinking clearly enough so when he heard her charge the lazar gun to fire he wasn’t expecting it. Then it hit him.

3: Cat Got Your Tongue?

“Annita!” He gasped as the shot narrowly missed him. “That’s the name of the Space queen!”

“How DARE you destroy one of my children!” Annita fired the gun again.

“WHO THE HELL IS THAT CAT!? WHY WOULD YOU LET HER IN HERE!?” Frankie shook his head.

 

“I just thought she was hot! But she’s actually the queen. If we kill her then all the chickens will go away!”

“HOW DO WE KILL HER CAT!? HOW DO WE BEAT HER!?” Mr. G yelled, grabbing Frankies still sleeping grandmother off the plastic chair and rolling to hide behind a flipped table. Frankie started to panic.

“I don’t know! I’ve never been able to beat the last level!” He yelled back as he ducked behind a broken shelf.

 

“You will never defeat me!” Annita cackled manically. Frankie looked around frantically, thinking harder than he ever thought he had in his life. Annita shot the lazar again, destroying the shelf he was hiding behind, he had no other choice other than to dive into the front of the store. He raced to hide behind the front counter and just as he hid himself, Annita busted through the door too. Looking for him, Frankies heart raced in his chest, he’d always wanted a hot girl to chase after him, but not like this.

 

He could hear the clicking of her boots against the tiles of the floor,

“Where are you Frankie?” She called, her seductive voice echoing around the store. The war like noises still bouncing off the walls outside. Frankie tilted his head and noticed Knorr hiding under the counter too… it triggered a memory of his. From the game… there were always random cats running around, especially on the last level. They were always hiding where you were…

 

He reached out his hand and Knorr scooted over to him, rubbing his orange head against Frankies sweaty palm. It’s worth a shot… Frankie took a few deep breaths and gently pulled Knorr the rest of the way out, cradling the tabby in his arms, he knelt below the counter, ready to spring up. He looked down at Knorr and the cat seemed to return his the look with a knowing glare.

 

Anitta stepped close to the cash register, three, two… Frankie counted down in his head.

“One!” He shouted as he sprung up, Knorr pounced from his arms and claws out landed on Anittas head. The old tabby started clawing and hissing, scratching and growling as Annita let out a blood curdling scream. She grabbed Knorr by the fur on his neck and threw him off her, he landed on his feet a couple metres away. But by this point Anittas pretty face stated to smoke, where Knorr had scratched her started to leak green ooze.

 

The lazar gun dropped from her hand as she held her melting face, Frankie watched with his jaw dropped as she screamed and cried with fury.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” She shrieked at the ceiling as she dropped to her knees, “I’m allergic to cats!!!” With that her body started to bubble and shake, Frankie dropped down behind the counter just before she exploded in a gooey green mess all over the store.

 

After a couple seconds, everything quieted down outside, the silence was eerie, was it over? Frankie peeked up over the counter, the pile of steaming, slimy, sludge was all that was left of her, the queen of Space Chickens. Frankie took a few deep breaths and went into the back room again where he found Mr. G sending out broadcasts.

 

“PEOPLE OF THE WORLD!” He bellowed into the mic, “THE ALIEN SCUM HAS BEEN DEFEATED, I REPEAT! THE ALIEN SCUM HAS BEEN ABSOLUTELY TERMINATED!” There were excited replies and exasperated voices coming from the speakers. Frankies grandma, was still asleep… Knorr came into the back room and rubbed up against Frankies lanky legs, he knelt down and patted the cat on the head.

 

“I guess I finally beat the last level.” He said, sitting on the floor as Knorr curled up in his lap with a purr. Frankie smiled to himself and closed his eyes, feeling exhausted. “An ordinary day?… Never.”