Uncertainty

            They had gone through everything together. No matter how low they were mired with trouble or how fast they flew through joy, they had always done it as a pair. Practically inseparable, everyone believed.

            Even they believed it to be true.

            But one day the unbelievable happened, and the pair that everyone thought was forever matched parted ways. Secret turmoil had boiled on for so long that it finally drove a wedge between two people who were so loyally paired to one another. Nobody was entirely sure what the true story behind their separation was—he was so silent most often considered him ignorant to the situation while she kept so busy with other endeavors that she had no time to reminisce on her lost partner. Yet even in their separation they were still bound together by one thing: When they were both alone behind doors locked tight, they would look out the window into the heavens and wonder if the other was doing the same. Though split by angry words and tense silence, they were still entwined at the hearts by unrelenting loyalty and undying memories of times both past and future.

            Life proceeded without a single ripple to be seen despite this unimaginable division of an alliance forged from the purest and strongest threads ever created—As though this travesty was completely insignificant and perhaps even overplayed.

            For the mute young man, life had dwindled to a painfully slow crawl. Seconds became centuries that aged him so severely that the vigor and strength that once emanated from him had withered away. The bright blue of his eyes seemed to fade into a muddled, dull grey that had no life to speak of; his heart that used exude optimism and never-ending enthusiasm had transformed into an organ consisting of nothing but cynicism and despair. Many began to suspect that his was a misery so strong he was slowly turning into stone—that one day they would find him calcified where he stood, entombed by his self-enforced isolation that allowed nobody else to save him. Such an energetic and promising soul disappeared, replaced with a doppelganger that was the antithesis of everything he stood for…

            His counterpart had also become a completely different individual. She was almost like a honeybee—buzzing here and there, never staying in one place for very long before moving on to her next big endeavor. Her hazel eyes, which for quite some time had seemed foggy, had suddenly come alight with hyperactive glitters of the multitude of thoughts and ideas she was brainstorming. Her lips had turned upward from their constantly downward disposition and were much more active—she would engage anyone who looked her way in conversation. The reticent and often pessimistic young lady seemed lately to withdraw from her shell, exposing a vibrant soul that made everyone around her feel uplifted.

            People began finding this phenomenon quite bizarre and even a bit frightening. Was it possible that two souls could be so bonded to one another that they would go so far as to switch personalities together, even though they went their separate ways? Had the melancholy soul traversed the paranormal tether between her and him, invading his body and turning him cold… and reversely, had his happy-go-lucky spirit wandered free and found home with her, making her outgoing? No matter where the two would go and no matter how great a distance was put between them, these two were destined to always remain attached. It seemed there was no way around this fact—except for one of them to die.

***

            One day the sullen young man found his interest piqued by a commotion that happened to flare up as he stalked a dark side alley. He squinted as he came out into the daylight and observed a crowd making a huge fuss around a building. As he looked towards the sun, towards the roof of the building, he saw a dull grey plume of smoke floating up into the afternoon sky. The smell of burning ash found its way into his lungs, and a slight injection of adrenaline into his system made him awaken slightly from his stoic ways and realize the building was on fire somewhere inside. In the depths of his mind, a voice whispered to him faintly—his intuition was speaking, making him feel as though something was wrong and he needed to act.

            He looked towards the building again, squinting through the sun at that billowing cloud of smoke as though searching it for an answer. The voice in the back of his mind spoke again, louder but still somewhat unclear, and all he could hear was you must get inside that building. He snuck down another dark alley—he’d memorized their paths as of late as to travel undetected—and found an entrance into the building. When his hand touched the doorknob he felt a flicker of a memory jolt his body hard, like a massive electric shock that made this building feel somewhat familiar… and made this situation feel a lot heavier than it was. As he entered the building, the daylight was blotted out by thick black smoke and the air felt hot and thin. With each breath the inferno was stealing his oxygen away—he used his shirt collar as some kind of makeshift face mask and found a stairwell.

            â€‹Surely this is what hell looks like, he thought to himself as he gingerly made his way up the staircase. It buckled beneath his weight and made horrid crackling, groaning sounds, sounding almost like a dying human. He now had to feel his way through the corridor, occasionally being bitten by unseen flames as he blindly walked along. Why was he doing this? What was so damn important that he’d risk such danger—burned alive, suffocated, falling to his death… So many frightening outcomes, and yet something pushed him to go on. He began to hear a voice again from somewhere in the chaos, unsure if it was that nagging voice in the back of his mind or if…

            “Is there anyone there?” His head snapped upright to attention at the sound of that sentence. He knew that voice and would’ve recognized it from anywhere. Though his breaths became strangled, he gasped and stumbled forward towards where he thought the sound came from. The voice echoed again through the flames, jarring him with another pulse of urgency and remembrance. He found a door and placed his hand on the searing hot knob. But rather than instinctively flinch and release it, he held it tight for a moment as the voice cried out once again and confirmed it was there. He shoved the door open and fell to the floor, finding suddenly that breathing was easier and visibility much improved. His eyes came up from the floor and met the source of the voice. His numb heart suddenly skipped a beat and then pounded so hard against his chest he lurched forward somewhat from discomfort.

            Huddled up in a corner was his missing half, the floor around her crumbling away quickly and with no place where she could safely reach the other side. Her eyes met his and the color drained away from her face as her jaw fell slightly agape. The long-lost partners remained in a shocked silence for quite some time, as if neither could believe that they had been reunited. “What are you doing here?” She finally asked.

            “I don’t know,” he choked in response. “I just… had a feeling.” His eyes seemed to light up ever so as he smiled almost awkwardly at her.

            To his surprise, she smiled back despite the danger, her eyes soft and gentle as she chuckled and chided, “Since when did you ever act on a feeling?”

            It seemed as though everything had fallen away and it was just the two of them in a strange void where nothing else existed or mattered. His gaze never faltered as he replied with all sincerity, “The day I met you.”

            His words seemed to hit home with her for she visibly flinched, her eyes growing slightly misty. The last time she had seen him after they had parted ways he wouldn’t so much as look her in the eye and barely had a word to say to her. And though she had allowed him to walk away and never once told him that his silence had caused her to feel a deep, painful sorrow… She opened her mouth as though to speak, but her words became shy.

            He hesitated a moment and then blinked, deciding to continue speaking. “And really… did you think you’d get rid of me that easily?” Unknowingly, his eyes had spilled over with cold tears—for the first time in a while, he felt emotions again. For the first time in forever, he felt alive.

            She, too, found tears escaping as she shook her head and managed a shaky giggle. “You always did have a bad sense of timing, didn’t you,” she bantered in a quivering voice as the two of them shared the most awkward of laughs. But he realized that she was right again—he did have horrible timing. The whole time they had been apart he wanted nothing more than for her to press him to reveal his feelings and vent his emotions, and yet every time she tried to get him to do that he pushed her away with silence and resistance. And only now was he realizing how stupid that had been… They stared at each other in silence, and one could almost see their respective souls returning back to their original hosts.

            The floor beneath them suddenly groaned loudly and they felt it shift beneath them. She made a small yelp of distress and grabbed hold of the wall as though to keep herself from falling and he rose to his feet and frightfully stared at her. But from where he stood, there was absolutely nowhere she could go. He outstretched his arms as far as he could, but he wasn’t able to reach her. Feeling helpless and distraught he looked at the girl he had only just gotten back, unable to believe that he couldn’t do more to help her.

            “The floor’s going to give way at any moment,” she warned him. “You need to get out of here before you get hurt.”

            Her words filled him with a sickening sense of the gravity of the situation. He shook his head in the negative, feeling more tears when she smiled just as warmly as she always had when she was gently scolding him in the past.

            “You need to go. Please.” Her words showed no signs of fear or sorrow, only that incredible strength that had always given him such peace of mind before.

            “If I leave you, you’ll…” His voice trailed off. He was too cowardly to finish the sentence and too disturbed by the image it would bring.

            “It’s okay,” she replied. The ground crackled again and her balance began to falter. Suddenly her height seemed to decrease as the floor beneath her was starting to sag beneath her weight. “Please, go!”

            “I… I won’t leave you,” he refused. He reached out desperately, trying to get a hold of her in any way he could.

            “If you get hurt I will never forgive myself,” she cried out in alarm at how he ignored her instruction.

            “And I’ll never forgive myself if I lose you again.”

            The flames began to crowd in around them and the air began to grow hazy. He was rapidly losing sight of her and his mind grew hazy as he struggled again to breathe. He gasped from the effort it took for him to get any oxygen through all the smoke, but he refused to take his eyes off her. Her voice was growing distant as he was becoming consumed by his panicked thoughts.

            Go! You need to go! Don’t hurt yourself like this over me! Save yourself, please…

            In a whirlwind of memories, their entire life together flickered through his eyes like a distorted film in fast forward. The moment they met, the day he was brave enough to ask her to be his, all of their crazy escapades, every single fight and every single make up… He stepped back and closed his eyes tight, sobbing profusely and feeling the most conflicted he’d ever felt in his entire life. His survival instinct was nagging him to run and get to safety before he ended his life in some painful, terrible demise… His loyal heart insisted there was a way to get himself and her out alive together.

            You have to save yourself, you fool! Screamed his brain.

            You can’t leave her behind—you love her! Argued his heart.

            â€‹I love you… please just go! Her voice pleaded from somewhere in the distance.

            Over and over the voices quarreled in his head and his heart raced within his chest. He couldn’t make the voices quit, he didn’t know which one to listen to… Who was right and who was wrong? He couldn’t afford to make another decision he’d always regret—his last decision had led them both to here. His eyes stared, unblinking but leaking profusely with hot tears, as the last views of her disappeared in the smoke.  He found himself blinded in a haze of uncertainties.

            Uncertain he would leave. Uncertain he could leave. Uncertain he could leave her behind to die. Uncertain he could get himself to safety. Uncertain he would ever love again. Uncertain he would ever live again.

            But one thing was certain: He was about to make the biggest decision of his life—A decision that, once made, could never be undone.