It was sunny that day, nothing like I would have expected it to be but it was. A bit of a disappointment really, I always imagined it to be dark and stormy but I can’t control the weather. No one can.

I didn’t see the car coming; it was on a bend so there was no way I could have. It all happened so fast as well, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t do anything. I was a deer in the headlights, accepting my fate. They say that you can see your life flash before your eyes when you know death is coming, or have a near death experience. I wish I could say those rumors were false, but I won’t lie, they are true. Everything you have done, all your mistakes, your proudest moments, your first kiss, first love, first time, first everything, things you had forgotten and those you never wanted to forget. I saw it all. My whole life flashed through my mind.

I saw my best friend, the girl who was once like a sister to me, “Friends forever?” I asked as we sat under a tree, watching the others in our class skip around together, “Always!”

The car still couldn’t see me, but I was trapped and unable to move.

I saw the day that my mother left us, arriving home from school, aged 12, to see your mother standing in the hallway arguing with your dad was always going to make you worry. “I’ve had it with you! You’re always nagging and you spend more time shopping with your friends than looking after our daughter!” my father screamed as I walked through the door, I knew that he hadn’t seen me, and that it wasn’t aimed at my but the tone of his voice made me freeze. “Oh I’m always out am I? Well what about you? Huh? You are never here at the weekends leaving me to look after the kid!” They fell silent as the floor creaked under my foot, looking over at me and then at each other. No one spoke for what felt like hours until: “That’s it, I’m leaving”. That night, my mother left.

Headlights flashed.

I saw the day my father remarried, I was standing in the church with my soon-to-be mother, watching in awe as she put on her veil. “You look so beautiful” I said to her, standing in my Baby Blue bridesmaid dress, along with her daughter; my best friend and soon-to-be sister. She smiled at me and moved to stand before me, kneeling down to my height she said “I just want you to understand that I, in no way, want to take the place of you real mother-“before she could say anything more I hugged her “you ARE my real mother in everything except blood”. That night, my family became complete.

My heart beat faster, adrenalin pumping through my veins. I was frozen.

I saw the day I met HIM, I was late for my bus and running to make it on time because I didn’t really want to wait an hour for the next. I willingly admit that I wasn’t paying the best attention but it was his fault that we collided, sending my bags to the floor and spilling his hot coffee all over me. “Watch it mate!” I shouted as I bent down to pick up my belongings that had spilled out of my bag. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going” I heard a husky voice say, panicking slightly. I scoffed, not really wanting to get into a conversation but the moment my eyes landed on his, all the anger I felt disappeared and was replaced with shock, shock at the perfect specimen of a man who stood in front of me. Dazed I offered my hand “no worries, I’m Clara” and grinning he accepted my outstretched hand. “Hello Love, my name’s Aaron”. With that I was hooked.

I couldn’t think

I saw the day I let him walk away, to be with my sister, “But I love you” I cried as Aaron walked towards the door. “I know, I know but I love her” he sighed, his back to me and irritation clear in his voice. “She’s my SISTER you complete arse! You don’t do that, to anyone!” I screamed as he stood there, completely comfortable with letting me cry on the floor. “I’m sorry” was all he said as I let the love of my life walk out my door, and towards my sister sat in the car.

I couldn’t breath

I saw my University graduation; all of my friends were here. It was finally the day that I finish for good; I finish my education and make something of my life, like my parents never thought I would. “Congratulations Clara!” my friends all screamed in unison, crowding around me in a group hug, each pulling me closer until I couldn’t breathe. But I didn’t care, because I never wanted this to change. ‘I couldn’t lose anyone else’ I thought as I looked towards my sister and my ex, his arms warped around her and her swollen stomach. I felt sick; physically and emotionally. I looked at my father and step-mother, happy as anything with my three year old sister sitting on my father’s shoulders, smiling and clapping despite not knowing why. I wondered where my real mother was, if he knew that I was even here but then I remembered all those missed birthdays, unanswered letters and all the time she let me down and decided; I didn’t care.

I heard a horn, somewhere it registered that the car had seen me. But I couldn’t do anything

I saw the day I finally moved on from my sister’s now-husband, sitting in the cafe I honestly remember thinking that I would never move on from him. I had just received the invitation to their wedding in the post, written on the back were please, from them both, for me to come. Though it had been years, the pain was still there every day. I have no idea what possessed me to look up when I did, but I will be eternally grateful that I did because I saw what I had been waiting for; a chance to move on. He noticed me looking and smiled, walking over with his drink. Taking the seat in front of me without saying a word, just smiling, but from there we became friends. His name was Eddie. From friends we became more. From that we became a family and I had never been so glad that Aaron had walked out.

The car could see me now, but it was too late. They couldn’t stop. The road was too wet.

I saw the day Eddie passed away, they wouldn’t let me see him, and they wouldn’t tell me anything. I was alone and afraid. I wondered what was going to happen now, whether he would be okay. With hope filling me, I began to tap a rhythm on my knee, giving my hands something to do out of nerves. A nurse came out, sympathy in her eyes and I jumped up “Is he alright?” I said frantically, walking towards her. One glance at the look in her eyes told me all I needed to know: Eddie, the man I loved more than life itself, was dead. It was my entire fault, if only I hadn’t distracted him. If only.

Closer and closer, the car couldn’t stop, but by now I didn’t want it to. I didn’t want to continue to live with this guilt anymore. I just wanted him, to see him again and be happy, free from the pain.

As the lights flashed and the horn blared in my ears, I smiled. I could be with Eddie again and be happy. With the lights blinding me I closed my eyes, in those last few moments I could have sworn I saw him standing there, ready to welcome me to the afterlife.

Time stopped still and all noise vanished; it was only me. I was content at last.

Then, in a jolt of excruciating pain, it all went black.