I N T R O D U C T I O N 

    Salutations.  I’m not a story teller by any means, and I probably shouldn’t be the one narrating this, but hey, I was chosen, let’s stick with it.  Question one, does this ‘story’ follow a plot line? Yes it does, for the most part.  I’m known to take things on tangents, but I promise I’ll do my best to focus.  Question two, who are you? Funny you ask really.  I am just another kid in the story, no one too important.  And finally, Question three, is this going to be funny?  Well, that’s funny.   I think If I type the word funny again I might die.  I think this is more of an subjective question, and I’ll let you answer that as you read.

    ALRIGHT! Where to begin.  Well, I guess I could introduce myself to you, who ever you are.  I’m David Nathaniel Greene, male, Caucasian, almost six foot, and around one hundred and fifty pounds.  I like red, I find it ravishing, sarcastic and creative, favorite beverage is water because it’s beautiful Intelligent and good before bed, and my favorite animal is the monkey because they have unlimited energy, make a loud noise when excited, and like to cuddle.  I also read somewhere in an article somewhere that describing your favorite color are attributes you like to consider about yourself, describing your favorite beverage are attributes you’d like in a women, and describing your favorite animal are attributes you’d like in your sex partner.  I may have altered descriptions to fit what I was saying, but I’m an intelligent fellah, and I know for a fact you’ve read through my list twice now, trying to correlate the two.  I’ll laugh with you at that last statement.  Hahahaha.  

    Anyway, I literally could go on and on about who I am, but clearly, that is not the point of an introduction.  I like to think an introduction could have some sort of really bad ass name like “FOREPLAY!” but we all know what that is describing.  What about something mysterious like “OPEN” that’s better, also reminds me of my current relationship.  Buh dum tss, kidding.  Well, Introduction is so bland.  Why introduction must you be such a bland word.  I can almost guarantee you caused half of my readers to skip this part.  Not that it’s quantity that really matters.  My daddy use to tell me.  “Brush your teeth three times a day.” but my mom use to tell me “Quality over Quantity, David.” I always thought she was talking about the pokémon cards I was collecting when I was nine, when I was thirteen I thought she was talking about sex, and now I kind think she’s talking about sentences for this introduction.  Thanks mom, scaring my readers off, but at least I’m writing a quality introduction.  

    So, nice to meet you again, Square one.  I clearly suck at this, anyone want to ask Any Crystal Method why she asked me to do this?  Oh -  you mean to say that my mind is -  Oh! Oh. I don’t know what to think about that yet, but apparently, ‘Methy’ doesn’t either. You like that nickname? I know you do.  AAAAAAAAAAND so, square one, again, let me tell you.

    I want pancakes. 

    This story takes place three days after graduation.  The ceremony was amazing.  But before I tell you about it.  I just want to tell you that Elsie Grey, our Valedictorian, won only because I got depressed sophomore year and got a worse grade than her in World History.  I will never forget it Grey.  Again I say, the ceremony was amazing.  My whole class dressed in black robes, walking across the stage, shaking sweaty hands, smiling for the massive camera that was shoved in our faces.  I could barely walk across the stage with the weight around my neck, chords from clubs, metals from sports and competitions.  I was well decorated.  (I am also a little prideful but that’s another introduction’s issue.) [thinking about using brackets when I want to go on some sort of tangent] {hopefully my laptop can create enough variety of brackets to deal with my ADHD} Nothing summed the school year up like the speech that I edited for Elsie.  Edited, more like re-wrote, for Elsie.  She had a presence when she spoke, accepted a few scholarships, was well decorated herself, and fell for the hug, where someone placed a sign on her back that read “I SIT IN THE SEAT OF DAVID GREENE” and at the bottom is a perfectly foraged signature.   Who put that there?  Clearly they know the ways of society.  (again with the pride David)

    So now that I’m kind of on a roll, pass the butter.  I want to dive into something I hope I don’t have to un-package, cross your fingers, too much.  Here goes.  

    Charles Bucanon, best friend, trusty side kick, partner in crime, invited ten (holy crap) of the crapiest looking people in the school to Hawaii where we’d wine about how crappy we looked.  Hah- as if.  I seriously started to believe in God for a second when I thought about this scenario a little more.  I can’t think of a single one of my friends that even looks remotely crappy.  Between Charles, we all know Marley is perfect (Well you will), Nathaniel, Alice, Ajax, Jeremy, October, yours truly, Gwen, Luke and Magen, with exception to Freckles (Elsie) we’re the hottest damn friends group you could imagine in your head.  GOD, DAVE, ANOTHER TANGENT! REALLY!?  Ten friends, one house, five bedrooms.  That sounds like a weird reality show, right?   Next thing we know and were all walking around the house, bitching to each other about how he slept with her and her, and now they’re in a fight, as the he in this situation, who, honestly, wouldn’t be me, sits back and most likely smokes a joint.  Yeah, I’m talking about you Jax.  Who could say no to the nice guy right?  But then again, you don’t really know my friends do you?  It’s rude of me to expect you to know who they are.  Well, that’s a story worth telling.

    Let me tell you one thing, and I’ll sum up this dumb Introduction right.  We might not have all the swag you have, or the status, or the money, but like it says in the bible, “In the Beginning God Created the Heavens and the Earth.” and as I like to say, “Swag brings Spoils, but Friends make Royals.” Hmm, I might actually start saying that.  I’m gonna write that one down.

NOTES FOR THE READER:

During the reading, tally the amount of times you:

- Laughed at a dumb joke - 

-Rolled your eyes -

-Peed -

-Picked your nose -

-Ate something delicious -

-Choked on something delicious -

                                                                                                       Anyway, David out.