Emotions

Present tense:

In this world, I have a dream. It's a small one, but to me, it means everything. I am one of a billion humans, no one special, and no one to notice. I walk around, barely knowing who I am. I reach out for someone. Someone I have yet to meet. Someone I can never dream to know. And yet…I still strive for this light. I know it's unreachable. I know I don't deserve it. But what can I do? I'm human, and we strive for happiness. Several times, several days, I'm at the edge of giving in…To a darker side. A side where everything is nothing and nothing is everything. I close my eyes, still unable to reach this desirable light. I live in a world where nothing is real, and no one can enter. I am always alone. But that way, no one will hurt me…Like they used to.

I wonder how I became like this. I can do nothing but blame myself. Yet, others tell me that I'm not the one at fault. But how am I supposed to believe that, when I have been living to take the blame. When I have been forced to act grown up at the age of 5? People watch me, people pity me…But is that a way to help? I don't need their pity. I need them to realize what's happening. Why aren't these people helping? Won't they open their eyes? No…They only do that when it's too late.

Past tense:

Without realizing it, my heart became cold and distant. I was in a completely different world. I would walk around like a corpse, remembering nothing the next day. It became routine, an everyday life. I was young and naïve, knowing nothing better than that. Yes…That life was my happiness. It was my happiness without a light. I had no one to trust. I only had the empty darkness in my heart. Darkness my loved ones were supposed to fill with happiness.

Being born into this world, I knew nothing better. Yet my heart still hungered for something else. I knew a fake happiness, but it was still happiness.

Having no friends, never talking, also a victim of bullying, and…Abused by the ones you love the most…I knew it all.  Being a small child, I did what anyone would do. I shut myself away from life, from reality. The only thing I could do was waiting for the unknown to come. Waiting, waiting and waiting. Hoping and dreaming that one day…One day, I too, would have a light.

Someone finally decided to give me their hand. I took it, thinking nothing could hurt me anymore. But it was something else. Something I didn't know about. And that thing was…Life. I had finally found my light. I needed no longer reach out. It came to me. And that someone became my most important person.

Present tense:

I have a dream. It's a small one, but to me, it means everything.