What Awakens: S.S, a Thriller story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

What Awakens: S.S

By: Kiato Hoshtno

Status: In Progress

Summary:

Sekai Lin is a 12 year old girl living in New York City. When her favorite band, Blossom, comes to perform, she goes to their concert. The band gets into some situations with her that reveals what she's been hiding all her life. What will she tell? What will she do? What will they learn?

Created: August 10, 2013 | Updated: February 11, 2014

Genre : Thriller

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 9

Favorites: 0

Reads: 2286


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    Comments / Critiques


    • Reply

      I love stories that aren't constantly blondes with blue eyes and brunettes with intense green eyes, etc. I think you did really well making this wholly your own and not falling into the normal cliches. One area of improvement is that there are spots where whatever is happening is written more like a list than a narrative story. Like when she was going through the line in the first chapter. Like I said in my chapter comment that's a place for a little more description. It would also help the story find a more consistent pacing. Otherwise I enjoyed this and love your characters. Chun is my favorite :)

      September 7, 2013 | D.M. Gergen


    • Reply

      Oh my, i truly enjoyed reading this comment. i think this is the only comment/review that i got that wasn't so....what's the word... like you must do this and make sure you do that. to tell you the truth, i wrote the first 10 chapters when i was 12 so like last year, and you may feel weirded out by this knowing i am 13 and writing this and some other stuff... this is the only time i have ever told anyone my age so please know that it is very private. And thank you for noticing that, i know there are some mistakes here and there, but that is only because i am so sick that i don't even want to edit this. i litereally thought about editing it, and then i just screwed up the entire story. Thank you so much for reading, i hope you continue to read on as i continue posting every friday or satruday depending on how this will go. And yeah... I like Chun too. Hehe, He's my fantasy boy. But Suna is also my like... Protective kind of guy, but also very distant you know what i mean? So yeah, those two and the rest i mean literally all of them are my fantasy boys. hehehe. thank you so much for reading..(again) you are probably tired of hearing my thoughts by now, so i'll shut up. Thank you again! Please continue to read as i go on!!! ~ Happy Kiato Hoshtno

      September 7, 2013 | Kiato Hoshtno


    • Reply

      Hehehe, this was the best comment reply I have ever gotten :) I'll definitely keep reading...and I see what you're saying about Suna. The quiet, protective types are always very...well very alluring I suppose would be a good way to say it. But still, I'm going to be a Chun fangirl!!!

      September 7, 2013 | D.M. Gergen


    • Reply

      Just know that, he IS MINE. hehehe, jk, i'm just messing with ya. But yeah, i forgot to thank you about telling me about my characters! I like what you said about blondes with blue eyes and brunettes with intense green eyes. I get what you’re saying completely. I read stories where the characters are contently like that too, and it gets tiring. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine, because I’ve never seen a real person with such intense green eyes. I like making mine realistic to me, and to others. Like they are real people. Sometimes I make them look like a real person. I HATE writing about cliques. It makes me think about MY life and how people (occasionally) tell me terrible things, so what I do is base most of the things in my life in the story. There are parts in this story where my writing gets really ‘mature’ like and violent. Knowing what I said earlier, yes, most of the stuff happening with the ‘mature’ and violent things has happened in real life. So please do know, that cliques are in this story no matter how much I hate writing about them. Most people out there will get a feel to this if I had a clique in it. I know half of the things I’m saying don’t make sense, but they will when you continue to read. Currently on my FictionPress account I have lost ALL my views so I’ll be rushing to post more and more chapters on this and deleting my account there. ^_^. I’m so glad to hear that you are continuing to read this story and maybe my others? :P Just know that my stories are mainly characters with dark hair and probably Asian. (Cuz I am, and I can relate…) You have no idea what it was like when I got your comment. Imagine a 4 year old crying, then someone gives her a lollipop and tells her it’s okay. She’s smiling, and then you take her to a carnival and she’s like WHOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!! That was me…. Again, I talk way too much and am WAY too open with myself. I should probably shut up…. Thank you again. You've made my life 1000000000x better ~Relieved Kiato Hoshtno

      September 8, 2013 | Kiato Hoshtno


    • Reply

      No worries! I'll read whatever you end up posting :) And I hope that the characters are Asian. There aren't enough stories with good Asian characters, or ninjas for that matter. In fact, what I really loved about this whole story is how much it reminded me of some of the good ninja animes. Seriously, there isn't enough stories like this to ever make me happy! And I suppose Chun is yours since you created him, but I'll still love him no matter what ;)

      September 8, 2013 | D.M. Gergen


    • Reply

      :P hahaha, you really made me laugh there. I'm glad you pointed out how mine is so different and that it reminded you of something great. Jeez! You are just SOOOOOOO nice!!!! (Hehe... I watch anime too...) ~ Elated Kiato Hoshtno

      September 8, 2013 | Kiato Hoshtno


    • Reply

      This was a sad chapter. I really liked the ending though. It makes me want to read more and learn about her past!!

      September 16, 2013 | D.M. Gergen


    • Reply

      Hehe, that's the point. ^_^ Next chapter coming soon!!! At least now I don't have to worry about posting because I have it all typed out...to the third book, but I don't know if I wanna do that...

      September 16, 2013 | Kiato Hoshtno


    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      This is a fun story but it got a little confusing at the concert right before they start to fight. I would maybe explain what's happening a little bit more in that spot and then also when the band first comes on stage. A little more description too would be wonderful.

      September 7, 2013 | D.M. Gergen