I Watched it Burn, a General story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

I Watched it Burn

By: Sam Younon

Status: Completed

Summary:

The thoughts of somebody as they watch their city burn to ashes

Created: November 14, 2013 | Updated: November 14, 2013

Genre : General

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 3

Favorites: 1

Reads: 544


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1: And it Burned 438
Total Wordcount: 438

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    Comments / Critiques


    • Reply

      On first glance?

      I was like "Holy crap! That's a gigantic paragraph!"

      It was rather intimidating to read, but I got through it. I think you should definitely separate it into smaller paragraphs--a main idea or thought for each. The human eye just seems to read things better in chunks. 

      The content itself was good. Though it was short, it said a lot. I liked the way you finished especially; definitely suspenseful. If you expanded it, this plot would make a fantastic novel. It's a very original idea--to write in the perspective of a non-human fighting and later, seeking revenge. I love it!

      November 17, 2013 | Liz uli


    • Reply

      Wow, you are depressing aren't you. I think you write well but your subject matter is not my cup of tea.

       

      To improve your writing you should cut this down in smaller paragraphs so it is easier to process.

       

      Also a lot of your words are vague; you should add more specific details and colors, smells, noises to really bring this to life.

      November 17, 2013 | Heather O'toole /Davies


    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      The ending totally got me. Didn't expect the POV to be a non-human. Didn't expect the invaders to be human.

      May 31, 2015 | Angel Origins