Dawn Formation, a Adventure story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Dawn Formation

By: The Ghost Writer

Status: In Progress

Summary:

Adin Moralis is a simple boy just trying to provide for his family. But when a power struggle between nature's elements begins, coupled with a full-scale invasion of the ruined Earth by the Colonists, he finds that his is in far deeper than he could have ever hoped for, especially when water seems to stir whenever he walks by. Book 1 of the Forsaken series.

Created: November 13, 2013 | Updated: December 15, 2013

Genre : Adventure

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 2

Favorites: 0

Reads: 1700


Share this:

1: September 2777
2: Go Quiet 3233
3: Discovery 2237
4: Strange Figures 1864
5: Persuasion 2084
Total Wordcount: 12195

Reviews (0)


    Comments / Critiques


    • Reply

      very promising start. Can't say I'm not looking forward to seeing the rest of this! Lots of dialogue there in the first chapter, but I must say--you did a very good job with it. It explained the setting rather well. Though, I'm still a bit confused about the whole Colony-Earth situation... Not a bad thing. These dystopian novels always start out that way, revealing everything slowly. Anxious to see how your world unfolds!

      Next, I saw a few careless mistakes here and there, though nothing too bad. There were some inconsistencies with the formatting and indentation that can be easily fixed. Also, there was this one small typo: "Suddenly a loud explosion pierced the air, making the him jump." I think you meant to leave out "the."

      Otherwise, a great start. The flaws are very minor and do not distract from the overall story. Keep going!

      November 15, 2013 | Liz uli


    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      A great start to what will be a very interesting story, I personally would change a lot of the 'said, replied, asked' in the last six lines,

      “So ten o’clock sharp, okay? Does your clock still work? Or did you guys use up your monthly electricity ration already?” Gen quired.

      “Still works,” Adin's chin lifted in pride. “Jackie and I built a sundial last week. That way, we can shut the clock off when the sun is up. You should try it.”

        “That’s genius,” Gen smiled from ear to ear at his friend.

       

      Something like that you know? but this is just my opinion you know. I look forward to reading more! ^.^

      November 13, 2013 | Talena Mae