Unwelcome Visitors, a Mystery story | SparkaTale


Unwelcome Visitors

By: Genevieve Middleton

Status: Completed


Francis is just trying to live peacefully in his old age, but for some reason people keep breaking into his house. What is it about his house that fascinates people, and why do they barge in without permission? A little story I wrote for school a few years ago.

Created: October 9, 2013 | Updated: October 10, 2013

Genre : Mystery

Language : English

Reviews: 2 | Rating:

Comments: 5

Favorites: 9

Reads: 486

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1: Unwelcome Visitors 880
Total Wordcount: 880

Reviews (2)

  • Michael Wilbur

    Very nice. Perfect length for a nice spook, especially with the approach of Spooktober. For some reason, I couldn't help but read this in CreepyMcPasta's voice.

    September 15, 2015 Flag

  • Chardonnay Boyd

    It was really mind process till the end of it. Very well done

    November 17, 2013 Flag

Comments / Critiques

    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      Wow, I never really expected that ending, I really thought he was just a old man. Well written and very interesting. I kinda feel bad for him though

      November 17, 2013 | Chardonnay Boyd

    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      I had the idea Francis was a ghost. I don't think anyone would just bust into an old man's home like that, haha. The description was great! I imagined the inside of the house and how it all turned to play. I'm amused Francis still acts human - or does he not know he's dead now? There are no errors I spotted. Great job!

      February 25, 2014 | Esca Skye

    • Reply

      Thanks for the comment! Heh, he hasn't realised he's dead yet, which is why he acts to humanish... :P

      February 26, 2014 | Genevieve Middleton

    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      Well that was quite exhilarating! The foreshadow of calling Francis "it" was nicely done and it added great suspense to the story. :)

      May 25, 2014 | Kain Delo

    • Reply

      Thanks for the comment! I'm glad the suspense worked haha :)

      May 26, 2014 | Genevieve Middleton