Status: In Progress
Summary:
Created: July 29, 2013 | Updated: February 9, 2016
Genre : Fantasy
Language : English
Reviews: 1 | Rating:
Favorites: 2
Reads: 913
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| 1: | The Beginning | 628 |
| Total Wordcount: | 628 |
Reviews (1)
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Dennis Thompson created a good character in his story, but unfortunately he didn't create much with them. The writing is good with only a few errors, but the story stopped before it ever got started, leaving readers wondering if there will be more posted in the future.
Rating:
September 30, 2013 Flag
Comments / Critiques
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The writing is good (beyond the comment in the chapter section), but I wonder if you meant to set this as complete? Without a summary I have no idea if this is all you meant to post from a larger story, if you got stuck, or if this is it. If the last, I would suggest giving this piece some sort of theme since there was really no decisive ending or sense of a message from it. I assume that is not the case since you have a second chapter that was never uploaded, but I would suggest putting something in the summary to tell readers that this is either only a sample from a bigger story that will someday be available or edit this to be a stand alone piece with some substance.September 30, 2013 | D.M. Gergen
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Chapter: 1 Reply
You're making a common mistake with your dialogue grammar. If you use a speaking verb don't end with a period, use a comma. If you are using other punctuation like an exclamation or question mark then you don't need a comma. Example? - It's like the gods send rain every time im out on patrol." said Drakar --> It's like the gods send rain every time im out on patrol,"said Drakar. - “Shall I remove the saddle as well?â€, asked Drakar --> “Shall I remove the saddle as well?†asked Drakar - See the difference? Also have your punctuation inside the quotes, not outside.September 30, 2013 | D.M. Gergen