Obedience to the Father, a Historical story | SparkaTale


Obedience to the Father

By: Vera (Persevera) Burris

Status: In Progress


A worthy son is obedient, respectful and discreet. Ham doesn't always agree with his father, but strives to be like him in preserving his family

Created: October 1, 2013 | Updated: February 12, 2014

Genre : Historical

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 3

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    Comments / Critiques

      • Chapter: 1 Reply

        It took me about three paragraphs for me to figure out this was a retelling of Noah's Ark... that's kind of shameful. I think the piece is good, but I can't make any judgements on character just yet as it was a mere 510 word introduction, and unless this is one of those retellings-with-a-twist I already know where this is going. However, that's not a bad thing, as you're a good writer and you've proven you have the capability through the introduction, so keep it up there. One question I must ask, is Yahweh God? I can't ever remember him being referred to that.

        October 3, 2013 | A . Nonymous

      • Reply

        Thanks for the critique. I thought that the names Noah and Ham in the second sentence was enough indication of the subject matter. Yes, Yahweh is historically the name that Old Testament people had for their god and I've always thought it was cool. The biblical story is so vague and thin, I'm excited about putting some meat on its bones.

        October 3, 2013 | Vera (Persevera) Burris

      • Chapter: 2 Reply

        This chapter was longer and did a fairly good job with fleshing out the characters a little more, but the time jump threw me off at first. I can understand why you did this to help move the story along quicker, so I won't really even nag about that. ""My father is a righteous man," Ham growled to himself, as salty rivers of sweat ran over his skin, tenderizing and priming it for the sun's daily roasting." I loved this line- excellent choice of words and usage of imagery. I like your writing style- it's short, yet elegant and descriptive. Keep it up.

        October 7, 2013 | A . Nonymous