World's End, a Fantasy story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

World's End

By: Thomas Boyle

Status: In Progress

Summary:

In a world where Magic rules over the world, there's a girl that defies power. She possesses a weapon known as 1 of the 1,000 World's End. A girl named Ashley Aston is 1 of the 1,000 members that defy the Magic Council which was made in the year 4159. But she isn't a normal owner of a World's End. She also hears voices. What will happen to her during the All-out Warfare?

Created: May 24, 2015 | Updated: August 9, 2015

Genre : Fantasy

Language : English

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      • Chapter: 1 Reply

        It's important to fix the readers interest in the story.  When you waste the reader's time by needless back story and too much scene setting, the reader's interest may fail. Try starting the story with something like this:  A girl appeared next to Ashley's table and asked, "May I sit here?" --this is ACTION.  Action is almost always more interesting than back story.  Right away the reader wonders what's happening, who is the girl, why is she here.  This is showing, not telling and is a basic writing tool. 

        This allows the minimal necessary back story to be revealed in dialogue.  Go straight into it:  "What are you doing here?"  "I'm going on a journey."  "Where?"  "Destination X(or wherever)."  "Sounds dangerous.  Can I come?  Who else is coming?"  --and so forth.    The waitress, the food order and other extraneous details can be omitted. 

        This is too abrupt:  She started drinking her soda and a battle was going on outside and explosions appeared everywhere and Ashley said, "So it begun."  Try:  Ashley heard an explosion, then several others.  Looking out the restaurant window, she noticed an armoured personnel carrier (APC) stop on the street outside the restaurant.  Armed men jumped out onto the street ...and so forth.  This is still quick, but the action flows more believably than 'explosions appeared everywhere'(Explosions are usually heard first, then seen.)    Note:  Verb tense.  It's either 'It has begun' or "It begins." --

        Note:  It is unnecessary to say:  Ashley heard.....  The reader will assume all people in a conversation can hear all the other participants. 

        You might try reading this aloud.  That is often helpful in noting awkward constructions or wrong word choices. 

        Good luck with this. 

        May 30, 2015 | Lynn Hollander