Zjjan Master, a Fantasy story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Zjjan Master

By: Hearm jan

Status: In Progress

Summary:

I've retired for my freedom and to find peace. I was born a knight with no inheritance. What could they expect from me? —Jaino. I've tried to purge the catalyst. Is my strength not enough? —Jesifer. Author's note: This would be my first Novel, revisable by some time. I hope anyone can enjoy. Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy, Horror, Mystery, Novel, Romance Sub-genre: Crime, Dark, Magic, Sci-Fi, ScienceFiction, MartialArt, Mature, SwordPlay, Role-Playing, Tournament, War

Created: May 2, 2015 | Updated: August 9, 2017

Genre : Fantasy

Language : English

Reviews: 1 | Rating:

Comments: 4

Favorites: 4

Reads: 6297


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1: sp00 01, Prologue 210
2: sp00 02, Glimpse to Prelude 207
3: sp01 00, Chapter One 14
4: sp01 01 Jaino 514
5: sp01 02, Jesifer 251
6: sp01 03, Help 423
7: sp01 04, I'm in Hell 438
8: sp01 05, Failed Advice 804
9: sp01 06, Coward 279
10: sp01 07, Who is She 529
11: sp02 00, Chapter Two 23
12: sp02 01, His Entities 1318
13: sp02 02, Sky's Rejection 1151
14: sp02 03, His Background 1235
15: sp02 04, Bye Kilie 899
16: sp02 05, Abrupt yet Severed Start 975
17: [s03-00] Chapter Three 22
18: [s03-01] He meets her very weird 1440
19: [s03-02] Altrass and Lladamak 532
20: [s03-03] Raume and Sai Mea 584
21: [s03-04] His Might 787
22: [s03-05] Introduction of the Story 912
23: [s03-06] Invitation 1029
24: [s03-07] Prelude to a Fight 810
25: [s03-08] Altrass Brief Identity 464
26: [s03-09] Princess Vilyarin 587
27: [s03-10] Yaume Mea 655
28: [s03-11] At the Throne 996
29: [s03-12] The Severed Duel 730
30: [s03-13] Twisted Outcome 631
31: [s03-14] Jesifer's Proposal 782
32: sp04 00, Chapter Four 20
33: [s04-01-01] A New Day 644
34: [s04-01-02] To His Faith 684
35: [s04-01-03] Pursuant 646
36: [s04-01-04] First Taste 586
37: [s04-01-05] She Offers 673
38: 04 02 01 Her Past's Length 460
39: 04 02 02 Rescue Operation 742
40: 04 02 03 A Piece of Her Past, Part I 1398
41: 04 02 04 A Piece of Her Past, Part II 829
42: 04 02 05 A Wrong Choice 1683
43: 04 02 06 Analyze 1157
44: 04 scene 02 07 JSA's cruelty 01 1312
45: 04 scene 02 07 JSA's Cruelty 02 932
46: 04 scene02 08 Fate of the Karagana Tribe 437
47: 04 scene02 09 01 Criselia and Jaino 982
48: 04 scene02 09 02 Jaino's Party and the Caravan 667
49: 04 scene02 09 03 Brief, King's opponent 857
50: 04 scene02 09 04 Criselia vs Jaino 1129
51: 04 02 10 01 They Finally Meet 1046
52: 04 scene02 10 02 Let it out 530
53: 04 02 10 03 Criselia's Understanding 789
54: 04 03 01 Jesifer's Breakdown 894
55: 04 03 02 01 Jelfyr Shadow Army Vs The Bandits 644
56: 04S030202 Maritis Perseverance 747
57: 04S030203 A Failure Approach 611
58: 04S030204 Maritis to report 457
59: 04S030301 Hell of his daily life 908
60: 04S030302 Zahamara's Request 439
61: 04S030303 Twisted Interrogation 1319
62: 04S030304 Hello My Mentor 1093
63: 04 03 04 01 Chapter's Prelude 207
64: 04 03 04 02 Cally Haulicrity 755
65: [s04-03-12] The New Father 920
66: [s04-03-13] The Mournful Sorrow 2036
67: [s04-03-14] Aminette's Fear 1044
68: [s04-03-15] Deduction 1446
69: [s04-03-16] The Proving Ground 1821
70: [s04-03-17] Instant Replacement 1319
71: [s04-03-18] Jaino vs Judith 1639
72: [s04-03-19] A Guild Request 2892
73: [s04-03-20] The Light, Dark, and Void 1868
74: [s04-03-21] A Favour 1929
75: [s04-03-22] Maakin's Bold Intention and the Second Princess 2733
76: [s04-03-23] Brief, Life of Jesifer in Jelfyr 2064
77: sp04 04 01, Apodeictic Intention, Threat to Raume 2733
78: sp04 04 02, The Curse Black Swords 3333
79: sp04 04 03, The Unspoken Decision 3172
80: sp04 04 04, A Battle and The Dominant Subduer 3043
81: 200 001 Is Sorse Useless? 154
82: 200 002 Just a Crewl Farmer Boy 117
83: 200 003 The New Guy and the Hunter 218
84: Settings, Dandia 308
85: Skills, Fire Emode 212
86: Skills, Gaile 171
87: Skills, Ice Emode 251
88: Skills, Line 'n Arc 201
89: Skills, Saiyk 282
90: Skills, Swords Basic 744
91: Skills, Water Emode 263
92: Skills, Wind Emode 343
93: Species, Norim 394
Total Wordcount: 84158

Reviews (1)


  • Hearm jan

    Hello, I have read someone's review here. If you want to mention about readers, I'm sorry that this work is written if I can't find a book that I can read. I'm a reader of stories that contains 100k+200k+ words. And good books that related to what I like is very few. It means, I'm not looking for works that have plenty of reads or likes. I read what I like. By the way thanks for the review.

    Rating:
    August 22, 2016 Flag


Comments / Critiques


    • Chapter: 52 Reply

      Hello. Before writing this review I would like to apologize if I say something you already know, or seem judging. Most of it is understandable, but would still be said differently by a native speaker. (I will be a bit picky at some parts.) I would be happy to leave comments on the story itself as well. Let me know if you have any questions.


      Description

      First, the description is harder to understand than the rest of the story, and I'm not sure what it says. Make sure to have the subject (who/what is doing something) and object (who/what the subject is doing it to/for/with,etc.) in every sentence. In many other languages word order isn't that important, but in English you'll have to be careful. Also, be clear in whether a word is a verb, noun, adjective, etc. to make it clearer, and write all verbs in the past or present tense (he did/he does).

      Chapter 1: Concepts (Origin of the Title)

      [Zjjan Master: Zjjan(za’(h)an) derived from the word sun.] I would put sun in quotes (...from the word "sun.").

      [Meaning life shine brightly to them, and it’s the name of their world. The Master is species ruling their world.] -> It's the name of their world, because life shines brightly on them like the sun. The Masters are the species ruling them.  | When possible try not to say something twice, like "their world."

      Chapter 1: Concepts (Concepts)

      [Why everything does exist? Superiors are really deserved to live? Or it’s only natural, devouring other creatures for food or fighting each other in order to live?] -> Why does anything exist? Do those who abuse their power really deserve to live, or is devouring other creatures for food or fighting each other in order to live natural? | Going back to word order, questions almost always start with an auxiliary verb (one that can't be used by itself but changes the meaning of another verb) in this case does, do, and is. Abusing your power means you're too powerful, in case you didn't know.

      [If two flesh-eaters with emotion left alive what will happen in times of starvation? Can knowledge give satisfying answer to this many question? What if senses intervene and contradict to the assumed conclusion?] -> "were left alive", "what would happen", "a satisfying answer to this question?" "intervened and contradicted it? | "it" being the answer. 

      [Does justice do suffice to maintain the current flow of life? Or it’s going to be another hindrance giving its unfair and discriminatory law.] -> take out the word "do", "Or is it", "...law?"

      [Who is really deserve to rule and to determines the equality of authority on each living things to live?] -> "Who really deserves to have control over the lives of others? | Nouns that go after "each" are always singular, so if you keep this it would be "each living thing." 

      [This, and those other many questions that are not written inside this concept, maybe or should be, and I hope that it can be express inside to this story.] -> "may be", "be expressed"

       

      Overall, I think that if you had waited maybe an hour then read what you had wrote, you would have found a lot of these mistakes. You do have great spelling and vocabulary though, and I like the way you organized this page to share your ideas and make us want to read more. 

      I hope you have found this comment to be useful. Again, let me know if you have questions or if I can help you more. With my schedule right now I hope to comment on one or two chapters every day from now on.

      May 8, 2015 | David Boyce


    • Reply

      First is redundant, second is over extended, and my biggest problem is to identify tenses, or maybe there still another.

      I'll try to clarify chapter one this night or later.

      Forgive me for not posting some of the chapter that I reviewed, I'm still looking for someone to read and grade every paragraph I written; a friend of mine I supposed if they will.

      Actually, I want to know about the humor if they can be the main highlight inside to this story before adding some scene. After then I'll emphasize, elaborate and will review any error to every text I written.

      Humor is the most critical that will shape some of my biggest character here. I'll really wanted them to be express well.

      I hope you can point me where it is less or not important and where it is need the most.

      Actual is the most easiest way for me to realizes fault and lack; I can't find any another ways.

      But of course thanks for making me realize some fault.

      I hope you can enjoy some chapter of it.

      May 9, 2015 | Hearm jan


    • Reply

      Hi, I apologize for not doing much lately. I'm having a hard time understanding. I'd be happy to analyze the humor, but did you still want me to look for typos? Also, what kind of humor are you talking about?

      May 10, 2015 | David Boyce


    • Reply

      I'm fine whenever you want, I don't want to be a pushy here since I'm just a beginner; I also tried to proofread my work -- and man I thought I fallen to a heatstroke, my head so hot.

      In addition I tried to meditated in order to site the plot where they live and where the event held. Also I try to draws their geographical area and man the back of my head is going to burn... and also I found out Kilie office name is "Pawn Star Shoppe" It should be related to debt collector work -- and I got laughed and feel like an Idiot.

      Arranging the work before going on is I found quite difficult in this literacy huh?

      Can you site what chapter and scene you've having a hard time, also where you feel like laughing, and where lots word of error.

      I also want to edit it myself. You already help me too much, I don't know how to payoff I quite ashamed to myself also. Thank you very much, I'm sincerely apologize for my clumsiness...

      My habit is let the body do the move... :(

      May 11, 2015 | Hearm jan