Bloody Mess, a Fantasy story | SparkaTale


Bloody Mess

By: Emily Dearth

Status: In Progress


The year is 4021. Kayla wakes up one morning in a strange house, with strange people, and no memory whatsoever. She soon discovers the house is hers and she is the leader of a rebellion against a cruel king. Oh, and everyone thinks she's dead.

Created: September 2, 2013 | Updated: September 25, 2013

Genre : Fantasy

Language : English

Reviews: 1 | Rating:

Comments: 4

Favorites: 4

Reads: 471

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1: Waking Up 1630
Total Wordcount: 1630

Reviews (1)

  • debbie bisson

    i too stand alone! heart is cold and i am old.

    August 18, 2014 Flag

Comments / Critiques

  • Reply

    A good start and original enough. I'm very interested in knowing what sort of power this king has and what power your character has considering he can't destroy her.

    September 4, 2013 | D.M. Gergen

  • Reply

    Hello! I really enjoyed reading this! I love how Kayla is mentioned in the beginning because I was wondering about her and then we get to know more about as she has lost all her memories and now has to readjust to living.Very creative and original! The details are breath-taking. Great job! =D

    September 25, 2013 | Lissy Popolow

  • Chapter: 1 Reply

    My first comment on reading this chapter is get rid of the 3rd person POV. We know it's third person by reading it. There's no need to have that in there. Then, when you flip over to the first person point of view either make it a completely new chapter or use a break like a ~ before starting the new paragraph. It cleans up the look of your piece and makes it feel more professional.

    September 4, 2013 | D.M. Gergen

  • Chapter: 1 Reply

    Ooh, nice! I'm no critic, so I won't be able to give you any help there. XD But it's good so far. I especially (*cough* love) your opening scene with the king, especially your description of the execution. Please update soon!

    September 25, 2013 | DeaD VoRTeX