Egyptian Mummy, a Supernatural story | SparkaTale


Egyptian Mummy

By: Ryan Funk

Status: In Progress


In this slice of supernatural historical fiction set in 1985, archaeologist Dr. Arthur Wilford and his team have just unearthed the lost tomb of Pharaoh Rakhenemetkhan in the Egyptian Valley of the Kings. Untouched by grave robbers, this excavation yields a grandiose collection of treasure. The story drifts back to the time of this supreme king, a powerful and merciless ruler during the ancient Egyptian age of the New Kingdom, chronicling the accomplishments of his rule, his connection with the Great Sphinx and Pyramids of Giza, shedding light on their construction and secrets, his murder, and the elaborate mummification process and subsequent funeral procession. The spirit of such a vengeful ruler hardly rests easy, and as the seal to his tomb is broken a horrible curse is unleashed back in 1985...

Created: April 1, 2015 | Updated: June 29, 2017

Genre : Supernatural

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 2

Favorites: 16

Reads: 776

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      It is a very interesting read. The history of Egypt is very neat to read about.

      February 26, 2016 | Anna Rivers

    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      The beginning was pretty dialog heavy. Despite that, I found it really didn't bother me all too much. In fact I couldn't get enough of Arthur. He seemed a very learned man.

      There were a few mistakes I found:

      ["Having devoted my life to the study and always be digging up this or dusting off that"] It might be just me, but having the word "be" seems to create an awkwardness to the sentence. If anything I'd just remove the word.

      ["I'm surprised that tour guide had no idea who you were," explained Haley.] You've switched from present tense to past here.

      ["..there is more to those pyramids that what meets the eye.."] I think I'm just being picky, but "than what meets the eye" also comes across a bit awkward. I'd just say "than meets the eye" to make the sentence flow smoother. 

      [as the two have made their way up towards the Great Sphinx.] Another switch in tenses.

      [..the amount of intrigue, fascination, and amazement as does ancient Egypt.] "As ancient Egypt does" ? I think that sounds better.

      The narrative, I found, was brilliant. To be honest, It felt as though I was reading an excerpt of a documentary. Keep in mind that I enjoy documentaries very much. You seem well versed in Egyptian history, meaning you've done your research. The premise is interesting, as I haven't really found many stories focusing on ancient Egypt. It's all mostly fantasy, not that there's anything wrong with that. It just tends to get stale after some time. That said, this story comes a breath of fresh air.

      Your use of vernacular is astounding, I dare say you're up to par with any great novelist. You seem quite learned yourself.

      The transition of past and present tense make the story a bit rocky at times, however, and might take away from some of the immersion created. Perhaps you could go back and see if there's a way to make the transition smoother?

      Despite the minor errors, this story is definitely amongst the better I've read on this sire. 

      Job well done, Ryan.

      April 2, 2015 | Chris C. Gladsom