Glitched, a Romance story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Glitched

By: Lucatri Vanche

Status: Completed

Summary:

I could only watch helplessly as the memory of your death repeated itself again and again before my eyes. Angst

Created: August 31, 2013 | Updated: August 31, 2013

Genre : Romance

Language : English

Reviews: 1 | Rating:

Comments: 1

Favorites: 0

Reads: 238


Share this:

1: Chapter 1 2309
Total Wordcount: 2309

Reviews (1)


  • D.M. Gergen

    This short piece clearly shows love during terrible loss. Lucatri Vanche really is able to break through the emotions of a suicide of a lover despite the short length. There were a few grammar points to edit and a part or two to smooth over, but overall it was a very good piece.

    Rating:
    August 31, 2013 Flag


Comments / Critiques


  • Reply

    The story itself was very good, but there were a few things that made it a little difficult to read. First, use " " when talking not ' '. It took me a minute to realize the main character wasn't thinking or reliving a memory but was in the here and now. Next, a few of those stand-alone sentences could be put into a paragraph. It would make some of the more important points stand out more when you have it alone in its own paragraph. Then, I never got a real sense who the characters are. Not necessarily this is Jack and Diane and they are twenty-nine, but more how to picture them when I was reading. At first I just made my own assumptions, but then at the end when the jumper ended up being female it really threw me off since I was picturing a man. I would maybe think about either giving them some descriptions or leave it completely vague through the end so it doesn't shock the reader out of whatever assumptions they made on who these characters are.

    August 31, 2013 | D.M. Gergen