Control Z , a General story | SparkaTale


Control Z

By: David Boyce

Status: In Progress


Es el año 2035 y nuestra nación sólo tiene cinco años, pero es la más poderosa en el mundo. Gracias a un poder secreto, el potencial de la Presidenta Behrend parece sin límites. Sin embargo un día su poder la traiciona cuando, inesperadamente, ella desaparece. Por eso partimos para averiguar lo que pasó a la presidenta y quién es responsible. The year is 2035, and their nation only five years old but the strongest in the world. Thanks to a a hidden power kept secret from the rest of the country, President Behrend's potential seems limitless. However this power proves to be unreliable when she suddenly disappears. Four youth try to find out what happened to Behrend and who is responsible.

Created: March 9, 2015 | Updated: May 11, 2015

Genre : General

Language : Spanish

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 5

Favorites: 2

Reads: 174

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1: Capítulo 1 1270
2: Chapter 1 1284
Total Wordcount: 2554

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    Comments / Critiques

      • Chapter: 2 Reply

        Sorry for taking a while. I really liked this chapter. I think it’s a really interesting concept, what with the US and Canada getting married or whatever ;) One does have to wonder what England thought of Canada being conquered, since it’s part of the Commonwealth and stuff :P Still, in a way I kind of wish there was less info included at the beginning. I’m not sure, perhaps it’s part of the satire, but I usually like it better when the exposition and stuff is integrated into the actual story. That might just be me though.

        “It became the largest country in the world at 19,613,761 km², 2,515,519 km² more than Russia”.  I think this would be better if the comma after km was a dash. It looks rather confusing at the moment :P

        “In an attempt at satisfying them she tried increasing rights, such as the right to bear arms, use drugs, and have an abortion.” I might be wrong about this, since I don’t know much about American/Canadian law, but don’t women already have the right to have an abortion? I mean, it might not be approved by a lot of people, but they have the legal right don’t they?

        “we had gone to the old U.S. capitol,” *capital

        “But it were as if these actions” *was

        “We almost got there when the car broke down and the worst of places."

        “Though the sky was blue it was a chilly and windy day, but maybe just because I always get cold.”

        Anyway, I found Seth’s uncle very interesting… Why is he taking Seth all the way to Nevada (wherever that is :P). I wonder what he’s hiding. He reminds me a lot of Uncle Narol from Red Rising. Especially if… Actually, I probably shouldn’t say that in case you haven’t read that series and were ever planning to xD Seth himself was an cool character too. I’m very impressed at him knowing all those languages xD He seems a bit quiet, like Alan from your other story, and I’m curious to see how he develops, as well as meeting the other characters mentioned in the summary.

        May 21, 2015 | Genevieve Middleton

      • Reply

        Thanks for the comment! Honestly I never thought about how England would react, so thanks for the idea. I'm not sure how I'll integrate the exposition into the rest of the story and any suggestions would be appreciated, but I'll certainly get that done.

        Sorry about all those errors. I'll also try to keep better track of my documents and not be lazy. It was written in Spanish first, then English, then back to Spanish, then to English again, so... yeah. I used the comma in "19,613,761 km², 2,515,519 km² more than Russia" because in Spanish they use periods so it didn't look weird. Putting in a dash would make it look like a minus sign, so I was thinking of using the word "or."

        I don't know much about American law either. I think it depends on the state, and I automatically assumed that it'll be outlawed in the near future. Both houses have a Republican majority, and the next president will likely be Republican. Sorry about all the confusion :P Do you think I should say where Nevada is?

        I haven't seen Red Rising, so thanks for the warning. It's always funny when people think learning a language and speaking it are the same thing :) The other day one of my friends was like, "What? So you don't speak seven languages??" I'll make sure to clarify that as well, at some point.

        Thanks again for reading, and I hope you have a great rest of your day.

        May 21, 2015 | David Boyce

      • Reply

        I don’t think you need to say where Nevada is. It wasn’t super confusing that I didn’t know where it was, I just said that as a joke :P I figured it was probably a state/city. Anyway, it’s a real place and most people who read this would probably know what it is, so adding an explanation might seem a little forced. I mean, if I was going to write a story set in Fremantle, for example, I probably wouldn’t say where it is even though I’d expect few people outside of Australia (or WA, really) would know where that is.

        Fine, I’m impressed that he learns all those languages :P The only language I learn is anatomy (it’s totes a language, according to my professor). Wow, they’re really going to outlaw abortion? I hate to think of all the women who’ll die using back-alley methods because of that :/                                                                                                

        May 22, 2015 | Genevieve Middleton

      • Reply

        That definitely makes sense now, thanks. I've never written with a real-world setting before.

        Anatomy is probably a better language to learn, since science is part of the STEM (high-paying) careers. I'm not sure if they'll outlaw abortion. On the other side a lot of Americans are becoming Atheist, so maybe not.

        May 22, 2015 | David Boyce

      • Chapter: 2 Reply

        TIB! I know this is extremely informal and stupid but I have no other way of contacting you since you disabled your email. Shoot me up if you ever read this. I have stuff to share with you.

        February 4, 2017 | Kain Delo