Haunted, a Drama story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Haunted

By: MissKatrina Lynne

Status: Completed

Summary:

A Short Story

Created: January 31, 2015 | Updated: January 31, 2015

Genre : Drama

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 1

Favorites: 1

Reads: 616


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    Comments / Critiques


      • Chapter: 1 Reply

        Well, this is not really my sort of story:  I don't do angst.  I can only comment on the writing.  There is a frequent misunderstanding of the object/subject pronouns.  Here are two examples:  Friends with my brother and I –  A useful tool for evaluating the compound pronoun is to simplify it.  Drop the brother.  What you have left is:  Friends with I.  This should make your writer's nerves cringe.  The sentence  should go something on this order:  He was friends with me.  You could also completely rephrase it and write:  He was our friend –or something on that order.

         

        Here is the same problem, but with the third person pronoun:  We seemed frozen in time, him and I –  If you put the subject pronoun 'we' and 'him and I' closer together, you should be able to see that it must be:  We, he and I, seemed frozen in time….etc. 

        September 9, 2015 | Lynn Hollander