The Keeper Chronicles: Hunt for the Blood Queen, a Fantasy story | SparkaTale

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The Keeper Chronicles: Hunt for the Blood Queen

By: Niek Morenta

Status: In Progress

Summary:

Everything hangs in the balance when a six hundred year old spirit makes it her mission to possess Emperor Cyne. All Velry wanted was to go home and forget the tortures of the last year, but with Niek, a Keeper born with necromantic powers, the two must fight their way through a crazed religious order and a horde of undead pawns in order to stop the Blood Queen's mad plan. Will they succeed before the Goddess of Death herself intervenes?

NOTE: To new readers, I hope you enjoy this fantastically dark and exciting tale I am in the process of writing. To returning readers, you may notice a change in chapter numbering. I broke Chapter One into two separate parts, so make sure you don't accidentally skip ahead a chapter because now each chapter is a different number. Hope you enjoy!

Created: August 28, 2013 | Updated: October 18, 2013

Genre : Fantasy

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 13

Favorites: 8

Reads: 2579


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1: Prologue 5652
2: Chapter One 3564
3: Chapter Two 5179
4: Chapter Three 4046
5: Chapter Four 2925
6: Chapter Five 2586
7: Chapter Six 2228
8: Chapter Seven 4107
9: Chapter Eight 715
10: Chapter Nine 3739
11: Chapter Ten 1469
12: Chapter Eleven 4476
13: Chapter Twelve 3416
14: Chapter Thirteen 1002
15: Chapter Fourteen 2881
16: Chapter Fifteen 2155
Total Wordcount: 50140

Reviews (0)


    Comments / Critiques


    • Reply

      My word, that was wonderful. I counted four little errors in the entire piece...and those were just minor ones where a word felt slightly awkward in the sentence. This had just the right amount of action, background, and a gloriously perfect amount of detail. My word, I'm gushing. This was very, very good. I am very much looking forward to updates.

      August 29, 2013 | D.M. Gergen


    • Reply

      The second chapter is as good as the first. I really have nothing to critique in this other than maybe...just maybe...two sentences that felt a little off (one of them was about her brothers being snake bit). This is seriously wonderful and like my last comment, I can't wait for another update.

      August 31, 2013 | D.M. Gergen


    • Reply

      Thanks! It means a lot that you're enjoying the story. I'll definitely go back in and reexamine the brother section. To be quite honest, I'm thinking about removing all mention just for the fact it's not vital to the story. I was just trying to provide more background to Velry, but I feel like the entire mention feels out of place, not just the phrasing. What do you think?

      August 31, 2013 | Niek Morenta


    • Reply

      I agree that it's not vital to the story but I liked it there. It felt natural to have it there and it helped me to connect to Velry's character. So I would leave it for now. Especially since my first reaction was "my word, her poor parents have now lost everyone..." it makes what happened to her even more tragic if she ends up returning home.

      August 31, 2013 | D.M. Gergen


    • Reply

      Alright, I just got done with chapter one of your story. I have to say that I'm impressed. You have put a lot of thought into your world and what goes into it. Rarely do I find unpublished authors who have fully worked out the lore to their story before writing it, which is an impressive foresight on your part. That being said I have mixed feelings on one part, which is the transitions between how she arrived there and her time spent there. That doesn't mean it's bad, but I'm not used to that kind of transition. It was implemented well enough though and I like that you kept it focused on one character the entire chapter, too often do I see three character transitions in one chapter. I have one or two things to nitpick about, one of which being just a few typos that I spotted, but that's forgivable. I mean c'mon, we're still human. Though the other one I would nitpick is swearing. Now I'm not the kind of guy who goes "No swearing is the devil and you should never do it!" That's just not me. Though there was a point, I believe it was "You piece of shit bastard" was the exact quote. In a fantasy setting swearing is fine if you understand the swears that were used during the period it is supposedly set in. To me that quote is probably about as far away as you could get before it gets into something that would break the immersion of the reader. So my suggestion for chapter one so far is to be careful when you drop a swear word because that might give the reader pause. Now then, about the writing itself. I quite enjoyed it, you have a way with setting up tension in a scene. I had a bit of a flashback moment with your demon-type monsters when you revealed them at first, haha. It almost felt like I had spotted my vampire again, but great minds think alike I suppose. Overall I had fun reading chapter one and I look forward to the other chapters.

      September 3, 2013 | Christopher Morgan


    • Reply

      Thanks for critique. Honestly, the swearing bit was added to give contrast between Niek and Velry, one prim and proper, the other a lit firecracker. I suppose there could be better ways to approach the juxtaposition, but it's also part of Niek's character. I'll mull over some options to make it the flow continue and not bog down on words not fitting for the period.

      September 3, 2013 | Niek Morenta


    • Reply

      So far, as it stands, the swearing is fine in all honesty. But it's something to be aware about because a lot of swear words as we know them today -didn't exist-. So if someone drops some modern slang it'll break the immersion. Just something to be wary about, nothing really needing too much changing.

      September 3, 2013 | Christopher Morgan


    • Reply

      Alright. Thanks for the insight!

      September 6, 2013 | Niek Morenta


    • Reply

      Alright sorry for the wait. I just got done with chapter two, read it, liked it. So far this is looking to be really interesting, I enjoyed the part where Niek got angry when her supposed "heresy" was called into question. If I have one suggestion it might be, so far, to try and keep Niek's emotions a little less...fickle I believe the word is? So far she's a good character but I might work to try and keep her emotions a little less up and down, unless of course that is something that is going to be called into question later. In which case I would say keep it up and really focus on a lack of control of her emotions. Otherwise this was a good chapter and I'm looking forward to more.

      September 9, 2013 | Christopher Morgan


    • Chapter: 8 Reply

      I read all six chapters and I LOVE this story; I want to read more... I wish there was a way ine could Favorite and Follow updating stories...

      September 18, 2013 | C. M. Brighid Bachleda


    • Reply

      I believe that there is. There's a little heart button underneath my book cover that you can use to favorite it .

      September 18, 2013 | Niek Morenta


    • Reply

      Thank you for the help... Um... Would you honor me with a comment to my story too?

      September 18, 2013 | C. M. Brighid Bachleda


    • Reply

      Also, thanks a lot for reading! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! :)

      September 18, 2013 | Niek Morenta