Status: Completed
Summary:
Created: August 28, 2013 | Updated: September 3, 2013
Genre : Thriller
Language : English
Reviews: 1 | Rating:
Favorites: 1
Reads: 547
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Reviews (1)
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A different twist on something like The Seventh Seal. The story could use a little more detail in areas and fixing of a few minor errors, but overall a decent short story.
Rating:
October 9, 2013 Flag
Comments / Critiques
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Watch for missing words and the things in the chapter comment. I also think if you ever go back to edit it would be worth while to slow down the whole "I read your mind thing" and let the main character notice things, describe some things, and make sense of the world. Is the "bad guy" truly trying to kill every Russian? Or was that sarcasm? That is one area where the above comment would really benefit the story.
October 9, 2013 | D.M. Gergen
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Chapter: 1 Reply
The flow of your story is disrupted by places that should have commas and others that have too many. If you reread this and see where there is natural pauses when you read put a comma there and take out the ones that don't fit. It would help this to flow better and read more smoothly.
October 9, 2013 | D.M. Gergen