Fortune Cookie Monday, a Comedy story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Fortune Cookie Monday

By: Kain Delo

Status: Completed

Summary:

A note. That was all it took to change our fate. And all I had to do was eat at Wong's.

Created: October 23, 2014 | Updated: June 14, 2015

Genre : Comedy

Language : English

Reviews: 1 | Rating:

Comments: 1

Favorites: 2

Reads: 171


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1: Fortune Cookie Monday 1280
Total Wordcount: 1280

Reviews (1)


  • Natalie S. Batey

    Oh goodness, that made for an interesting read. In the beginning I had been laughing at their antics. Their friendship is so adorable, I really loved the aspect of the story. Near the end though.. it took such a turn I hadn't seen coming. Even though those things do tend to happen in real life, the way you portrayed it was very dark. I'm not going to write what is was, as I don't want to spoil it for other readers, but it was really, really good! That said, I did notice a bit of waning in your tenses. In one line you would write the narrative in present tense, and the next would be past. As well as one mix up in homonyms. Just one though, so it's not a terrible thing. I believe the word you used was hall, what I think you were trying to write was haul. Besides that, I really did enjoy this. I'll add it to my favourites. :)

    Rating:
    November 14, 2014 Flag


Comments / Critiques


  • Reply

    Great story.

    I love how you give us lots of metaphors and descriptions which help bring out the personality of the main character, not an easy thing to do! Your experience in writing shows, especially with personal narration. I can tell just after a few paragraphs that this person is a generally nice and sociable young teen, shown in their perception and inner commentary of their world and how they interact with the people around them.

    It really took a turn for the weird at the end. I was a little confused at first, but you give consistent and decent description the story that had me smiling at the end. Even though you hinting at it in the titles, the roach surprise is still an incredible twist.

    Keep up the great work.

    May 6, 2015 | Monos D.O.A