Traveler, a Dystopian story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Traveler

By: Nicole Raine

Status: In Progress

Summary:

Five teens. Two isolated worlds, both covered in layer after layer of lies and deceits. If these five collide, they could bring their entire world to its knees. Some support Traveler. Some...don't. And those that like things the way they are have enough power to destroy everything Traveler works for, sentencing humanity to many more decades of being kept in the dark, oblivious to the dark secrets hidden just under their society's mask. The Writer. The Musician. The Artist. The Reader. The Speaker. Everything depends on them now, as they become the voice of their entire world.

Created: October 13, 2014 | Updated: December 5, 2014

Genre : Dystopian

Language : English

Reviews: 1 | Rating:

Comments: 8

Favorites: 7

Reads: 1349


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Reviews (1)


  • Danny Power

    Very interesting premise for a story, and even though you have many different points of view from different characters, each of them are interesting enough to keep it from being tedius. The Splitting Wars, huh? Even after fifty years the effects are still felt on society, that's strange yet it makes me wonder just what had happened to society in general, and I'm not sure if you meant to do that, but it works. You describe the surroundings, the major and minor characters, and the society very well. I liked 'The Musician' quite a bit, as well as 'The Reader', very nice chapters there. My only qualm is that, as a person who regularly reads/writes 3000+ word chapters, yours is perhaps just a little too short, especially in 'The Reader'. It just felt like things were about to get interesting, only for the chapter to be cut off prematurely. Of course, this is all objective, and 'The Musician' was actually the exception, I didn't feel like it was lacking in story, but that's just a little qualm of mine. Despite that, I find your story quite endearing, I'll be sure to follow it and the subsequent chapters!

    Rating:
    October 14, 2014 Flag


Comments / Critiques


    • Chapter: 6 Reply

      Another endearing chapter, and the first chapter where more than one character is seen (right?) 
      I might actually take back the qualm I had before about your chapters feeling too short, because this felt just right to me. You started, and ended, the chapter on interesting notes, leaving a suitable cliff-hanger at the end so that the reader will wait eagerly for the next chapter. I got a good sense of both 'writing' and 'musical' aspects of both characters, and I can't wait to see what the next chapter will be like, if it'll continue with these two, or if you will focus on different protagonists. 
      Well done!

      October 27, 2014 | Danny Power


    • Reply

      Yay! I'm so glad you liked it, and thank you again for the wonderful feedback! It really does help.

      That is correct; we finally see some collision among characters in this chapter.

      It's also awesome that you liked the length, because I actually didn't elongate this one due to the fact that it was already in its "final" stages of editing when I received your amazing review. Of course, as writers, we know that editing never ends.

      I'm glad you still like it enough to return, and I'll try to get some new material up soon!

      October 27, 2014 | Nicole Raine


    • Chapter: 7 Reply

      I loved it Lu!!!! Especially the names...; )jk. Awesome story, intriguing!

      November 16, 2014 | Alexandra Jacobs


    • Reply

      Ah, yes, the names...I promise that that was not purposeful. This was actually written a very, very long time ago, and I had absolutely idea that it was going to turn out like that. Just...ignore that and please don't tell Raven and Kaile, haha...

      Glad you liked it, and thanks for the review!

      November 16, 2014 | Nicole Raine


    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      Hello there. ^^

      First of all, don't worry about the number of POV's you have in your story; it may not be incredibly common, but it has been done before, and it didn't cause any problems for the readers of those particular series. As long as it's done well, that's all that matters.

      Anyway, this in an interesting premise. The Writer's POV was a bit short, but no less engaging. I get the feeling it sets the readers up for a more in-depth look at the character, later on.

       

       

      December 4, 2014 | Shannon Rohrer


    • Reply

      Thank you very much for the awesome comment!

      That is actually quite accurate, and yes, I do not know what it is, but long chapters do not come naturally to me...I'm working on that, though. I'm glad you liked the chapter as it is.

      Thanks again for the read and comment, and I hope you continue like the new chapters!

      December 4, 2014 | Nicole Raine


    • Chapter: 5 Reply

      Ooh.... cliffy! I want to read more, sooo... onto the next chapter.

      April 28, 2016 | Aaron Ledgers


    • Chapter: 10 Reply

      Eagerly awaiting an update.

       

      April 28, 2016 | Aaron Ledgers