Legends, a Fantasy story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Legends

By: Nicole Raine

Status: In Progress

Summary:

Once stories were simply that. Myths, tales, legends. But then suddenly the world takes a turn for the worst, and an ancient prophecy is brought to life. Now good and evil must face each other in one final battle, and finish what was started long ago.

Created: October 5, 2014 | Updated: October 5, 2014

Genre : Fantasy

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 13

Favorites: 8

Reads: 913


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1: Beginnings 1703
2: Fila 1315
3: Magic 1239
4: Kamis 1534
5: Ghosts 801
Total Wordcount: 6592

Reviews (0)


    Comments / Critiques


    • Reply

      Read all five books of Legend; keep rocking, rolling and writing...

      September 1, 2016 | C. M. Brighid Bachleda


    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      First off, I have to say that I absolutely love wolves, and any story where wolves are the main characters is automatically one that I love!

      There is really nothing for me to complain about after reading this first chapter. It definitely has a hook, and I love the names and personalities that you gave to the wolves. The storyline is so far intriguing, and woah that cliffhanger at the end!

      I feel bad for not having much to say, but the truth is that there wasn't much to critique. I enjoyed the first chapter and didn't find any flaws worth mentioning, so I will continue reading in the future for sure!

      November 17, 2014 | The Tigress


    • Reply

      Yes, they are quite an awesome subject! I also love reading about wolves; that was basically my childhood.

      And thank you! I obviously have a lot of fun with the names, haha. And, aw, that encouragement is so very wonderful! It means a ton that you even bothered to read it. Thanks again! I hope you like further chapters!

      November 17, 2014 | Nicole Raine


    • Chapter: 2 Reply

      Wait, I thought Tamil had died?

      Aww poor Fila. I feel so bad for her. I can't believe her siblings just killed her like that. o.o

      I would do a quick proofread of this chapter also, because it wasn't bad but there were just a few little spelling mistakes here and there. I don't know where to find them if I go back to try and point them out- there weren't that many.

      Poor Kere. It's always the runt of the litter that has the greatest destiny. XD

      November 26, 2014 | The Tigress


    • Reply

      Ah, I've gotten this question twice now, haha. Tamil, the mother, did die, yes. But the pup who had been named after her is still alive. :) Hope that clears things up.

      Thanks! This has been a very hard story to write, for whatever reason, so I apologize for that... I'll try to fix it soon!

      Haha, yes! Always...

      Thanks for reading and for the awesome comments!

      November 28, 2014 | Nicole Raine


    • Reply

      Aaaah ok I was confused because I thought the pup's name was Tami without the "l" at the end.

      November 29, 2014 | The Tigress


    • Reply

      Sorry; that was a pup nickname. She kinda grew out of it.

      November 29, 2014 | Nicole Raine


    • Chapter: 3 Reply

       

      One thing that's really bothering (and confusing) me is the similarity between Kere's and Kirio's names. Not only do both names start with a K, they both also have the "r" as well and it seems like you're going to have a lot of scenes with them together. I'd think about changing one of the names to make it less confusing. Like Tami and Tamil... that should probably be explained too, because it's implied they're not the same wolf but never really said outright. - "Kere motioned with his tail that Kere should follow" - Look even YOU got confused here, lol.

      This is just me nitpicking, but when you say "lead weights" - wolves don't really know what those are. Maybe a different comparison could be used here? Maybe use a boulder. That's also heavy, but it comes from the world that the wolves live in.

      Where did Kirio take Kere? It reminds me of the Moonpool from the Warriors series, which I'm assuming you've read because it's pretty hard to get into writing stories like these if you don't know that series. :D

      Overall, I feel like this just needs to move slower that's all. It needs more vivid description, and more emotions. It needs more showing than telling as well.

      December 19, 2014 | The Tigress


    • Reply

      Thanks for the review!

      I probably will go back and explain Tami and Tamil, or change the original Tamil's name. That'll be someday when I go back and edit all of this, haha. There's just so much to do...I'll get to it, though! Thanks for the tips!

      As for the Kere and Kirio deal, I have wondered occasionally if they were a bit too close, but you're the first person to complain of that. I could go back and change it, but I almost think that might be more confusing than leaving it be, because suddenly Kirio isn't Kirio anymore; haha. I think I might leave a few readers in the dust, though I'll definitely consider fixing this in some way! I'm surprised I missed that little sentence there; I read over my chapters and do a tiny bit of editing before posting, so thanks for catching that!

      Ah, lead weights. Stories like this are hard, because half of the comparisons we use as humans and authors are meaningless to wolves. Plus, this is in the third person, narrative point of view, so it's an easier mistake to let slip. Thanks for pointing it out, and good suggestion!

      You'll have to read on for more of this place ;). That's actually quite a good comparison, though it's not entirely accurate. (Yes, I have read the Warriors series. Nice guess, haha. I always have loved stories like those...)

      This story has been quite hard to write, though I'm not entirely sure why. I can tell you that the chances of it being a full-blown book are very, very slim. Sorry if it moves too fast; that's actually what I'm working on with the next chapter right now. For most of this one, though, Kere is mostly either numb or in shock. That's why we don't get much here, but I definitely see your point. It's a lot harder for me to convey things like that in the third person.

      I know I've said "thank you" about ten million times in this response, but THANK YOU for the read and review!

      December 19, 2014 | Nicole Raine


    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      Wow! I liked this a lot so far. Each character has their own unique voice, and descriptions were clear, beautiful, and still concise. It's a little hard to keep track of so many characters, and their relations, but that's probably my lack of processing speed, not your story. Either way, it's still very nice. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors, so good work on that as well.

      April 23, 2015 | Magia Lilly


    • Reply

      Thank you so much for the review and the praise! I'm glad you liked the characters and descriptions, and honestly the first chapter is a bit difficult - through no fault of your own :). There are a lot of characters introduced very quickly, though I promise that will calm down in later chapters. Again, thank you for the encouragement and wonderful review, and I hope you enjoy further chapters!

      April 25, 2015 | Nicole Raine


    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      Okay, three things about this chapter: One, it was incredibly well written, and I absolutely ADORE wolves, so I know for a fact I'm going to love this story. Two, your layout with the text was easy to read, for which I thank you: I can read giant blocks of text all at once, but singular one-liner sentences slow me down, so thank you for the pristine grammar. And third, I'm going to be binge reading because this.

      Another fav.

       

      April 28, 2016 | Aaron Ledgers


    • Chapter: 5 Reply

      I'm actually kind of mad how quickly I burn through stories. -_-

      I hope you update sometime soon. I know it's not likely since you've left it alone for two years now, according to the date, but here's hoping.

      April 28, 2016 | Aaron Ledgers