The Rebellion of ZevlonBy: Rose Starre
Status: In Progress
Created: September 30, 2014 | Updated: October 15, 2014
Genre : Science Fiction
Language : English
Reviews: 1 | Rating:
It definitely has some potential, but there are a few things that need to be sorted out first. To start, I like the backdrop of the plot, an oppressive king taking over and limiting technology (the drones being one example of how far things have come, they remain the stuff of science fiction today.) and those dissatisfied with his rule joining together and overthrowing the oppressor. However, there's just so much that is missing that I could never seem to get a clear picture over what's going on. To start with, you never get a sense of just HOW deprived the towns and cities are. Aside from Richard, there doesn't seem to be much wrong. It would be better if you added details of the surrounding area your characters occupy, in the case of Chicago, you could say that the buildings had collapsed or look neglected, smog filling the sky from primitive fires ( considering people are reduced to the dark ages) hungry children and beggers clambering for money or food. Also, the way the 'Alliance' had formed was a bit...I don't know, but your characters never seem to be serious about what they're doing. You never get a sense of just how vile the king really is. In fact, you do not get a sense of him at all. Not one person in the crowd talks about him in a negative way, and though I can understand that he uses propaganda to come across as a rightful and powerful man, it's never explained as to how he took control, what he did to keep it, and why people hate him so much at the present day. Despite all of this, your story has some good points. Your main characters have certain traits among them that make them believable. Virtuous, argumentive, looking to change the world. As I said before, including overhead drones really gets a sense of how advanced technology has become ( though you should add a LOT more examples in your future chapters) and the sudden twist at the end of your last chapter so far was unexpected, and a genuine twist. My advice would be to write a prelude to show us how King Harrison came to power, add more to your existing chapters so people can see just HOW deprived the town and citypeople are, and more emphasis on futuristic technology, but don't give up!
October 16, 2014 Flag