Saint Calum, a Adventure story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Saint Calum

By: Nat Taha

Status: In Progress

Summary:

After the brutal assassination of her family, June also has to fear for her own life. She flees from Saint Calum. Not knowing, that her family's death, was just the first step of a merciless plan to kill the King and his family. With her friend Shin, June returns home , eager to avenge her family. But soon finds herself in a conflict of love and conspiracies.

Created: September 13, 2014 | Updated: January 25, 2016

Genre : Adventure

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 3

Favorites: 0

Reads: 4750


Share this:

1: Prologe 5649
2: Chapter 1 6844
3: Chapter 2 4494
4: Chapter 3 5861
5: Chapter 4 6046
6: chapter 5 8447
7: Chapter 6 7504
8: Chapter 7 7143
9: Chapter 8 5709
10: Chapter 9 4421
11: Chapter 10 3279
12: chapter eleven 7620
13: chapter 12 6343
14: Chapter 13 5780
15: chapter 14 5445
16: chapter 15 5782
17: Chapter 16 4575
18: Chapter 17 6437
19: Chapter 18 6448
20: Chapter 19 8160
21: Chapter 20 6646
22: Chapter 21 8991
Total Wordcount: 137624

Reviews (0)


    Comments / Critiques


    • Reply

      107,000 words, most impressive Nat! The plot drew me in with the promise of excitement and adventure, and I can safely say that you delivered on that promise through the first several chapters that I read. The setting is most unique and different from any other story that I've read on this site, and the geography of your background has certainly provided you with the experience to compose a very good story. My favorite part thus far was the nightmare scenes with the dragons, but it was a difficult choice choosing one. Great job Nat, and I look forward to reading the rest of Saint Calum!

      April 20, 2015 | Ryan Funk


    • Chapter: 1 Reply

      Hello, I'm not particularly good at reviewing but since I read your story (at least this part) I thought it only polite to write my thoughts about it. So here goes:

      The very fact that I read through to the end of the chapter is indication enough to me that your story shows promise; I'm not saying I'm a super-picky reader, but dull plots and uninteresting storylines don't get my attention, and I'm glad that you have neither ;)

      That being said, however, I'm afraid the story tends to drag out, sometimes with unnecessary detail and other times with redundant detail (the constant reference to the MC's "cold eyes/stare/glare do get a bit tiring after awhile). The first part of the prologue starts off with a lot of information, for instance. People these days generally favor chapters that start with some sort of action sequence, but being bogged down with history or current event details right off tends to make the reader lose interest. Perhaps you can spread all the details out as situations involving them arise?

      The issue with Antonious' plans for Marco is a bit confusing. In early paragraphs Antonious inwardly says that neither his son nor his wife has any idea Antonious has a plan for Marco, but this is later contradicted when Marco mentions Antonious is always alluding to a "secret mission" Marco should be focusing on. (that part is also confusing; how is Marco to focus on something he has no information on? If Antonious hasn't told his son about it why mention "the mission" at all?)

      I noticed that you describe Andres AFTER Antonious dismisses him. Once a character leaves the scene it really isn't traditional to continue writing about him, because a character that is out of sight isn't supposed to be focused on any longer, at least not directly after he leaves. I recommend switching the paragraphs to have Andres' description and THEN dismiss him.

      The dream sequence is interesting, but Marco's realization that he is supposed to be Kazan seems pretty abrupt and out of the blue, since there is no indication to the reader that Marco should be anyone but himself. Maybe when Tameel speaks to him you can have him call him the name Kazan? Or perhaps have Marco look down at his own arms and legs to notice the difference in body and dress style? I feel incorporating these elements will make the transition of the idea of a switched identify smoother and more natural, since there are clues left around.

      The only other thing I have to suggest is to focus a little more on imagery and visual appeal. Most of the time you restrict the use of descriptive imagery to characters (although the beginning was decent enough) and leave little else for us to immerse ourselves in to the story with. When I read your story I can "see" the main two characters, Antonious and Marco, but almost nothing else, which is a shame because I think a little rich detail to the setting here and there can really add to your story.

       

      That's all I have to say. Sorry if it's too long, just remember these are only my thoughts and suggestions. If you are comfortable with how your story is that's the most important thing. :)

      October 28, 2014 | Changing Winds


    • Reply

      I really appreciate you telling me your thoughts about Saint Calum, I knew that there are some things that need an edit, though I didn't know what exactly I could change. Thank you so much for your comment, I'll make sure to work on the points you named but I am happy that Saint Calum captured your attention. Anyways, thank you so much, I really appreciate it :)

      October 29, 2014 | Nat Taha