Stranger of the Mercy-Dale (old ver.), a Fantasy story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Stranger of the Mercy-Dale (old ver.)

By: Denis Trebushnikov

Status: Completed

Summary:

When a farmer becomes a soldier, the world begin to hate him for his kills at a war, even if it is war is for their world and peace... And who have a mercy in his heart, who can forgive a farmer becoming a gunfighter?

Created: August 22, 2013 | Updated: August 31, 2013

Genre : Fantasy

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 3

Favorites: 0

Reads: 286


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1: the 1st and the end 2615
Total Wordcount: 2615

Reviews (0)


    Comments / Critiques


    • Reply

      This was a very action packed chapter. You kept it interesting and moving though I would suggest adding a little more detail to a few sections. The first is when he goes to the bar and the magic weaver mayor guy starts throwing stones. It didn't make complete sense to me and could use another sentence or two linking that to when he leaves his home after seeing his wife with another man. The same goes for when he confronts the man (sorry, the names are too hard to remember how to spell them for the sake of the comment). I assume you'll be putting more information on exactly what's going on in the world you've created in the next chapter, but it wouldn't be a bad idea to have a little more on that in this first chapter as well. It would just clarify what sort of situation the main character is in. Otherwise I enjoyed this story. It looks like a action-filled, bloody type of fantasy which is always a great break from the more romance-based fantasies. Nice work.

      August 27, 2013 | D.M. Gergen


    • Reply

      Thnx, I work on wide descriptions, I rewrite this txt but I must write in russian at first but I'll have in mind your advises. I don't know why this txt shows as "in progress" I put a mark... it's so strange.

      August 28, 2013 | Denis Trebushnikov


    • Reply

      So is this complete? If so, when you have it changed I'll review it too so you have a star rating. Yes, I know how hard writing in another language can be. I just moved to a different country and it's a struggle some days.

      August 28, 2013 | D.M. Gergen