A Long Time Coming, a Supernatural story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

A Long Time Coming

By: Faith Hathor

Status: In Progress

Summary:

What would you do if you suddenly awoke from a thousand year sleep? That is the question princess Sheeta is now asking herself. Her kingdom and everything she ever knew, gone. With the help of some new friends and a few old ones, Sheeta tries to find her place in this new world. Will she find a place to call home or will she fall to the fate that her kingdom suffered?

Created: July 31, 2014 | Updated: August 11, 2014

Genre : Supernatural

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 1

Favorites: 2

Reads: 891


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      It's a nice idea for a story, and I enjoyed reading it, but it could do with some finesse:

      - The chapters are a little short, you could have easily combined both chapters together. It just felt like things were about to get interesting, and then each chapter ends long before it should. Of course, this is just a matter of opinion, but that was just what I noticed. 

      - Your chapters could benefit from more spacing, just to make it more appealing to the reader. Try starting  a new line whenever someone speaks. That was one suggestion someone gave me when I started writing, and it was great advice now when I look back at it. 

      - The most important thing about fantasy novels is that you have to create the world and make it memorable. The truth of the matter is that I got no real sense of the environment, or the war that was raging. You could easily add a few hundred words ( and flesh out your chapters) by giving more description of the world your characters inhabit. 

      These are only small matters though, your story was still interesting, the character dialog was nicely-paced and believable, and the second chapter was particularly good. Just keep at it!

      August 1, 2014 | Danny Power Hallihan (Dormant)