Tears Of The Sky , a Fantasy story | SparkaTale


Tears Of The Sky

By: Mohannad ilkarbal@gmail.com

Status: In Progress


In a land where humans live under the claws of wars , death , and shadows of men that has nothing but greed to live on , a time where the weak , has nothing to do but find the safest place they can find , crawl under there and wait for their death to visit sooner or later , In a place name The "Athorra" Village there was no hope , everything turned to grey until one day the sun of hope started rising again with a new face of a hero that has come to change everything to the good . at least those were his intentions , but what the Destiny holds for him is fr different from what he hoped ,,,

Created: July 12, 2014 | Updated: January 2, 2018

Genre : Fantasy

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 6

Favorites: 2

Reads: 584

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    Comments / Critiques

    • Reply

      Punctuation is awkward.  Check out Eats Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss, or Woe is IThe Transitive Vampire is also an excellent book on grammar and punctuation.  The text needs a lot of work, but the story line is fine.  Good luck editing. 

      April 14, 2015 | Lynn Hollander

    • Reply

      Hello , thank you so much for commenting , i dont know what pronunciations you mean , can you be clearer please ?

      May 9, 2015 | Mohannad ilkarbal@gmail.com

    • Reply

      No, I wasn't commenting on the pronunciations.  I never studied phonics at school --I'm a Navy Brat and went to 8 different elementary schools and always missed phonics-- I do the word recognition method because that's all I know. I don't pronounce at all while I'm reading.  I may, however, rely more than other readers on punctuation to guide me through the text. 

      This text, as I said, has very erratic punctuation.  There are run-on sentences where two sentences are jammed together and commas inserted or omitted.  I suggest you stop putting quotation marks around non-dialogue words, like:  "Heit" and so forth.

      Do give The Transitive Vampire a look.  It offers excellent and amusing examples of correct grammar.  Eats Shoots and Leaves  is useful for intelligent punctuation. 

      May 10, 2015 | Lynn Hollander

    • Reply

      thank yo so much for the help ,i really appreciate it 

      May 10, 2015 | Mohannad ilkarbal@gmail.com

    • Reply

      Amazing imagination from an amazing writer <3 .
      What a great talent you have, keep going and keep writing. I'm sure that I'll read your name on TV one day ^.^ . 
      I am waiting for the rest of the book...


      June 9, 2015 | Rasha Blondy

    • Reply

      Thank you so much for aying that my dear ^_^ , it really means alot hearing it from you 

      June 11, 2015 | Mohannad ilkarbal@gmail.com