Ultimate Hero: Birth of a Legend, a Science Fiction story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

Ultimate Hero: Birth of a Legend

By: Eric Stevens

Status: In Progress

Summary:

The future is definitely a crazy place. The world has changed in unimaginable ways and human life has even extended beyond the stars. However, some things never change like crime, lies, and war. But one thing that's new is the arrival of real heroes. 5 soldiers known as the best under the sun, and 1 superhero who's one of the most powerful beings in existence. But even people with that much power have trials that they need to face... This is an original story by me. I'm always looking for comments so feel free!

Created: March 19, 2014 | Updated: August 28, 2014

Genre : Science Fiction

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 7

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Reads: 2206


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    Comments / Critiques


      • Chapter: 1 Reply

        So far from the first chapter I don't see a lot of grammatical errors and the pacing of the story seems smooth from the introduction of the asteroid buster crew to the protagonist I believe with super powers, and each character has a specific but different personality like the captains dutiful nature, the crew's obedience, and the hero's cocky but enjoyable attitude -  a wild car so to speak. 

         

        The only problem I would say is the lack of narratives, the dialogue are alright and I like how you bolded the narration to separate the two, but still, a little more description would be nice.

         

        Take this for an example, "as the crew's ship drew closer to their intended target, they can hear the sound of the their vessel's hull creaking all around them like footsteps walking over rotten wood floors, warning them of the dangers lying outside, with its sheer massive field of pressure, generated from its own momentum alone, enclosing them in further as seconds go by like minutes."

         

        Don't know if that was a good example but as you can see it has some meat in it. Either way, I'm going to read more and I"m pretty confident I'm going to enjoy them.

        July 20, 2014 | Just BI-You


      • Chapter: 2 Reply

        No new errors to state, but beside that, this chapter had a lot of good action sequences described between Ultiman and the planet-size asteroid - reading this reminded me of the beginning opening scene from a game called Asura's wrath, good story and action, boring gameplay though.

        July 20, 2014 | Just BI-You


      • Chapter: 3 Reply

        Nothing new to discuss, but I do feel that the dialogue in this chapter is a little too optimistic or unnatural in someways.I am interested in who the mysterious individual is at the end, so I'm going to continue reading the next chapter now! Lol

        July 21, 2014 | Just BI-You


      • Chapter: 9 Reply

        Well I've read everything from chapter 3 to 9, but I'm still troubled by the way the dialogue is written. Though, I believe the reason why is now obvious to me and I seriously can't believe I didn't notice it sooner, but you've written it in a script fashion - a play - and I really didn't like plays and I still don't.

        However I'm continuing to like where your going with the plot between Firo and Matt, and how the story shifts from present day to flashbacks and back to present and then flashbacks again. I'm still going to read it this story still until the end.

         

        P.S - I also noticed your chapters are pretty short and mine are REALLY long, so I've decided that - if you still interested in trade reviews - you comment one of my chapters and I will compensate by leaving one comment for every 3 to 4 chapters. PM me on what you think of it. 

        July 22, 2014 | Just BI-You


      • Reply

        Yeah, I've been told about how I write. I like to do it that way since its the easiest for me to read through and organize if need be. I noticed that too. So we can do it that way . Im working on one of your chapters now.

        July 23, 2014 | Eric Stevens


      • Chapter: 10 Reply

        I like the action so far, though you probably could have worded them better - it kind of felt like I was reading . Still it's good, no new issues either.

        August 3, 2014 | Just BI-You


      • Reply

        Sorry, I never got to finish my comment...what I meant to say was it felt like I was reading the action block by block instead of just continuous. Maybe its because of the style but still, I'm comfortable reading it. That's what I wanted to say.

        August 3, 2014 | Just BI-You