A Flame In Darkness, a Fantasy story | SparkaTale


A Flame In Darkness

By: Navara-Desen Ikakkunatsa

Status: Completed


A young girl with no choice to be alone...why could that be?

Sorry in advance for spelling and grammor errors.

Created: August 14, 2013 | Updated: September 3, 2013

Genre : Fantasy

Language : English

Reviews: 5 | Rating:

Comments: 3

Favorites: 1

Reads: 451

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1: Burning End 856
Total Wordcount: 856

Reviews (5)

  • Sam Bridge

    I love this story. Your writing was captivating and drew me in from the start. However, you don't make it clear as to what she is. Was that your intention? It seems as if this story needs a little bit more, just to tie up the loose ends. Is she just the fire personified as a girl? As I said, you don't make it clear. But other than that this story has amazing potential. You are a talented writer. Keep it up :)

    August 17, 2014 Flag

  • S.D Stevens

    You have a good short story there. Its a shame the small grammar mistakes and repetition of words spoils it a little. I'm sure it wouldn't take long to edit them out. Your descriptive work is great. However, to the end of the story there is a little confusion as to what was being conveyed. Well done though. I hope you write some more about this character, how did she get like that? And what happens to her after this story? xXSXx

    October 16, 2013 Flag

  • Conor Leddy

    Story: Short and sweet, It was good, and the first paragraph had a definite hook to it that kept me reading. But by the end I was a little confused. What exactly had happened? I'm still not too sure. Grammar and Punctuation: Minor spelling mistakes, but nothing major. Writing good for most of it, but a noticeable dip in quality near the end. The sentences just didn't flow well, and repetition of the word fire was apparent. Still enjoyable though. Verdict: 3/5. Good idea and enjoyable, but a bit confusion and repetitive near the end.

    September 14, 2013 Flag

  • D.M. Gergen

    I agree with the other review. The writing was compelling and the mystery kept me reading. It would be nice for this to be a short story series or maybe a collection of stories surrounding the character. The typos were few and far between, but still a little distracting at times.

    August 25, 2013 Flag

  • Tyrell Weinmann

    I liked your opening paragraph very much. It grabbed my attention right off the bat. I saw some minor typos but nothing too bad. It was nice how you kept the mysterious aspect of the story intact. Kind of letting the readers fill in all the gaps. Overall a pretty good story but I would have liked to know a little more about her. Does she live forever? How old is she? What does she look like? These are just suggestions but I did like your story. I'll have to ponder about the truth that the first paragraph holds. It's a very good example of what life is like

    August 19, 2013 Flag

Comments / Critiques

  • Reply

    @Tyrell Weinmann Thank you for your comments and the review. I'll take that advice into consideration when working on a story again. Also happy to hear you got out of it what I wanted the reader to get out of it. Thanks again for reading ^.^

    August 20, 2013 | Navara-Desen Ikakkunatsa

  • Reply

    I didn't realize this was completed when I reviewed - Oops. However, I still really like the story. Your grammar was a little off in some places, and there was a bit of repetition, but it's a very alluring idea that's sure to attract more readers, and is well deserved of it.

    July 29, 2014 | words-with-dragons you-are-awesome

  • Chapter: 1 Reply

    This was a very intriguing start. Your description is well done, and your character is interesting, and mysterious. I can't wait to see where this is headed, fore I have no idea about what will be coming next. The idea of death, not only as a person, but having a child is one that seems very original, and I really like it. I am very excited to see which direction you take this story in. 

    July 29, 2014 | words-with-dragons you-are-awesome