The Moon's Tongues, a Fantasy story | SparkaTale

Sparkatale

The Moon's Tongues

By: Poh Euy

Status: In Progress

Summary:

A compilation of short stories pertaining to whatever I choose to write about. Come inside for pretentious symbolism that not even the writer can figure out! Taken from my fictionpress acount, Leetlemen.

Created: February 14, 2014 | Updated: February 14, 2014

Genre : Fantasy

Language : English

Reviews: 0 | Rating:

Comments: 1

Favorites: 0

Reads: 712


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1: Fisher 2214
2: The Woman who Fed the Birds 2180
Total Wordcount: 4394

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    Comments / Critiques


      • Chapter: 2 Reply

        I quite enjoyed the second story, more than I had truthfully anticipated. Although the first story failed to grab an earnest sense of interest (due large, I believe, just from personal taste as the writing didn't seem especially flawed in any way) I found the story of crows, and the woman who fed them, was quite engaging.

        It recalls to mind two stories in particular: Ishmael by Quinn, and The Stranger by Camus. While I loathed Ishmael and only read it out of obligation for some college course of some kind or another, the idea of a protagonist finding themselves a teacher as it is used in your story is quire brilliantly delightful. And as for The Stranger, a book I immensely enjoy, it has that same removal of self and the existential reality to it even with the mystic styling of the finale.

        Speaking of the ending, I presume you created it to be ambiguous for the creative writing communal dissection aspect? Or, at the very least, that's what I gather from book summary. Either way, interestingly done. Again to invoke a pet favorite author, maybe a touch of Lovecraft slithered into the end with the sudden jaunt into the inexplicable and maddening truth never spoken and only understood by the protagonist. While I don't want to drown you with personal observations of interest, I do feel comfortable saying I enjoy this style on a personal level.

        As for critique, as what is input worth if without a burdening weight wont for improvement, in your favoring of the every interesting Woman you may have accidentally left your protagonist a little too flat. While I understand the desire to create  a character that's easy for a wide audience to relate to, as well as create a significant analog for disparity of intrigue, I suggest perhaps adding more of what I like to call "superficial fluff". For instance, have them not only coming from home to the park and back and forth, have them spotting them on their way home from work or school in the begining with a built in hiatus (holiday, bereavement leave, retirement, etc) to give them more depth as well as making the ending more meaningful. Giving them something worth staying for makes leaving that much more significant.

        February 15, 2014 | L. W.