Sparkatale

The idea for your story is quite good, I enjoyed reading it, but there are a few minor details that take the shine off your story: - It reads like a wall of text, it's much easier on the eye of the reader if you start a new line whenever someone speaks or thinks. -A few grammer errors, for example, 'it's' means 'it is' so when you write, for example, 'it's paw', it should be 'its paw' But these are small niggles, the story itself is good, keep it up!

I really like the plot line of this story! The idea of being sucked into the gaming world is something that would intregue anyone, even if you're not a gamer. Keep on writing!